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Man, i feel so decayed... cant believe next friday is June 25...

FedoraHatGirl2058

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i dont know what 's happening to me., i was pretty good about Michael, but now all this is like, i dont know, is so hard, me beeing a fan since 2001, why did he had to go so fast??, i mean i never got the chance to see him live, and i feel sooo damn bad, like my energy is so low these days, hope this will fade away, i know Michael would not want anyone unhappy, but he was so special to me, his persona, his artistry, i just cant seem to adjust to the fact that he no longer would be here and there, and i thought, back in March that it was Michael's comeback, i was soooo excited about what he could do musically with all the advances and his unique ear and particular sound... i feel like, i want him back... it feels so bad, why he had to die so soon???, its not what is was supposed to be, i never thought this would happen and is so heartbreaking, i just i want him back, i love him, with all my heart these days are being hard on me....cant seem to stop wondering why...why so soon?
I feel like crying now, and the worst part is that nothing will bring him back, nothing.

Sorry, but i had to write this, may be some people feel just like me.
 
oh hun I totally understand you and I'm sure everyone feels the same way.
I just miss him so much and time is not healing the pain..no yet. I think my pain is even bigger than it was last year. :(
I really don't know what to say to ease your pain and I don't think there is a way to make it better, Michael is gone and nothing will be the same again. but remember that his legacy will live forever. I just feel him everywhere I go and and he's with me in everything I do.. that what helps me a little bit. Michael lives through us (I don't know if I'm making any sense lol).
Stay strong! :flowers: :hug:
 
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I feel the same :( Just last month I thought I was getting better, I thought my trip to Forest Lawn helped me a bit. But now... I went to a music store today and burst into tears there, and I didn't even go to the section with Michael's cds. Just being there made me feel so bad. It's very hard to deal with it. Especially now that everyone is talking about the anniversary and there are a lot of events planned and lots of tributes... And it feels so wrong. It shouldn't be happening. :(
 
JMie said:
I feel the same :( Just last month I thought I was getting better, I thought my trip to Forest Lawn helped me a bit. But now... I went to a music store today and burst into tears there, and I didn't even go to the section with Michael's cds. Just being there made me feel so bad. It's very hard to deal with it. Especially now that everyone is talking about the anniversary and there are a lot of events planned and lots of tributes... And it feels so wrong. It shouldn't be happening. :(
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:hug: :(
 
I know just how you feel. But with me I have been a fan of Michael's since the early 80s. And it still hurts just so damn bad for me. I am on the very verge of really crying over him now again. That monster has forever taken away 2 things that I always consider very precious to me my beloved Michael who was the L.♥.V.E. of my life and my happiness. My happiness was forever torn out of me on June 25th 2009 at 6:30 pm. When I had heard the worst news ever. I haven't felt a single ounce of happiness or any other feelings like that since before that time. Mainly because Michael was my happiness I was always so happy when he was here. He always gave me a reason to be happy. Now that is something I am never going to be again. I am still adjusting to what the rest of my life is going to be now just being sad, miserable, sick, tired, and depressed. I miss being happy so much now. But the only way I can be happy again is if someone would kill me. That way I can be where my happiness is now. I just miss Michael so extremely bad now and I just want to be with him more and more. I just hate living in a world without him in it so much now. I really do feel like I am living in a parallel universe now. But I just so badly wish I was living in the universe that Michael is still alive in. :sad: :boohoo:
 
I know how you all feel. I have tried so hard to cope and not be as sad this last year but it hits me from time to time and i just feel so empty inside and so alone. Michael was the one person in my life that i loved so much and felt like i can truly count on and trust. He made me feel safe and loved all the time. now that he is gone ive never felt more alone and more heartbroken. i dont know how im going to handle the 1 year annivsary next week. I'll most likley spend it crying my eyes out and on here. i may or may not listen to his music but i dout that bc that will just make me cry even more. I miss him so much!! Oh Michael!! I love & miss you soo much!!!
 
It's times like this I wish scientist were able to invent something to defy death.

Everytime I hear the song 'This is it' in a store, I lose it. I have been crying a lot for the past year. :cry:
 
prettygirlmj said:
It's times like this I wish scientist were able to invent something to defy death.

Everytime I hear the song 'This is it' in a store, I lose it. I have been crying a lot for the past year. :cry:
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I have yet to hear that song This Is It. I want to hear that song but I really don't think I am going to be able to handle it. I am listening to the demo version of Who Is It now. And I am really ready to cry. But I just needed to hear him. Listening and watching him is something I can't seem to handle anymore. And it is such a big change back in December I was practically almost obsessed of wanting to watch and listen to him all of the time. Because I really did thought I was doing better. Because I didn't cry over him that much during that whole month. But ever since the new year had started my depression was slowly coming back now I am at a point where I can't listen to or watch my beloved Michael like I used to. And I just so miss that. All I did mostly this past year was cry over Michael. I remember a couple of days after what happen. There was a poem that I thought of almost right away was If Tears Could Build A Stairway. That poem was use by my mother in the memory of her mother and her one older sister who both died in 2001. And I like to use it for Michael too. Cause it is just so very true. For all the tears that I had cried over him it will be way more than enough to make a stairway for him to come back to us. I so wish that poem would come true for us. Just like I still so badly wish we had a time machine so we could go back when we still had Michael. :sad: :boohoo:
 
I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad, but like you I am feeling the same way. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past few days. I am drained and I am so emotional. I just feel like it is an end to an end with the anniversary of his death. And I keep thinking about the fact that a whole year of my life has passed without him. How is that possible? Who am I really without him? What direction is my life going without him? I am beginning to feel fearful and weaker wondering if I am, in fact, able to get through this on my own. I have been crying constantly, can barely get through the day and just want to curl up in a ball and die. I miss him so much that I swear if you listen close enough you can hear my heart breaking. I don't know how I am supposed to do this. I hate this! This so unfair. I am only 27 and I can't imagine dragging this pain around the rest of my life. I'll never be happy again...it will take a big miracle if I am ever again. Why does life have to be so hard? Why? I can't wait to meet my sweet prince again someday... In a world that makes perfect sense. In a world where forever means for all eternity. In a world where TRUE LOVE always wins. :weeping:
 
They say time heals all wounds.

Now, really- does it? Or do you just learn to ignore the hole in your chest? The feeling of unease, the feeling something essential in this world is pouf, gone from this world?

I will never forget the moment of the news. Mind racing in thousand directions at once, unable to think one clear thought. Watching Anne Curry dressed in black, saying "Good Night", something was so different that night, like something was shifting.
Sitting there all night watching "Ghosts" over and over and over until the laptop gives up. And that wasn't even the worst by far.

The first few months, I don't even remember exactly. Just having to go out in the world with this pain inside and pretend you're all good.

Now the pain is even worse than before. No, fu**ing time doesn't mend things. It's just time, what does time have to do with pain?
Sometimes I think I'm doing better, I dance through the house to his music and feel elated.
And than it just hits later, when you hurt so much that you can't even cry.
 
prettygirlmj said:
Everytime I hear the song 'This is it' in a store, I lose it. I have been crying a lot for the past year. :cry:
Click to expand...

This song is constantly on VH1 and every time I hear it, it breaks my heart all over again. But still I can never bring myself to switch the channel and end up watching the video and torture myself.

Modulation Alert said:
Now the pain is even worse than before. No, fu**ing time doesn't mend things. It's just time, what does time have to do with pain?
Sometimes I think I'm doing better, I dance through the house to his music and feel elated.
And than it just hits later, when you hurt so much that you can't even cry.
Click to expand...

I used to believe that time is a great healer, like they say... But that was BEFORE, that was in a totally different life. Now I know time doesn't heal anything. That empty space stays in your heart and it doesn't go anyway. And you feel it every second of every day.
 
:boohoo:
They say time heals broken hearts... but they also say time makes the heart grow fonder...

:better: to everyone :(
god, this is so messed up :boohoo:
 
you're all breaking my heart with these lines :cry:
:hug: to everyone.

I don't want to remember the 25th. I want to remember Michael.
Always and forever.
 
FedoraHatGirl2058 said:
i dont know what 's happening to me., i was pretty good about Michael, but now all this is like, i dont know, is so hard, me beeing a fan since 2001, why did he had to go so fast??, i mean i never got the chance to see him live, and i feel sooo damn bad, like my energy is so low these days, hope this will fade away, i know Michael would not want anyone unhappy, but he was so special to me, his persona, his artistry, i just cant seem to adjust to the fact that he no longer would be here and there, and i thought, back in March that it was Michael's comeback, i was soooo excited about what he could do musically with all the advances and his unique ear and particular sound... i feel like, i want him back... it feels so bad, why he had to die so soon???, its not what is was supposed to be, i never thought this would happen and is so heartbreaking, i just i want him back, i love him, with all my heart these days are being hard on me....cant seem to stop wondering why...why so soon?
I feel like crying now, and the worst part is that nothing will bring him back, nothing.

Sorry, but i had to write this, may be some people feel just like me.
Click to expand...

I feel every bit of your pain.
 
Bed day with videos and audio of Michael playing all day.................
 
I really kown that this is really it for next firday june 25th of this year & I'll feel like there is going to be a hole in heart because we all lost micheal joseph jackson rip micheal jackson :(
 
A few days ago, I was thinking "Wow, we MJ fans were having such a great time on this date last year..." The TII show was just around the corner and everybody here was just getting hyped up all the way. Thinking back on that period cause me a lot of pain. We never knew what we would have to face til the news hit. I feel helpless and weak. They say "It's too good to be true" and we felt like that about his comeback. Unfortunately, it turned out exactly that way...:weeping:
 
helena22 said:
A few days ago, I was thinking "Wow, we MJ fans were having such a great time on this date last year..." The TII show was just around the corner and everybody here was just getting hyped up all the way. Thinking back on that period cause me a lot of pain. We never knew what we would have to face til the news hit. I feel helpless and weak. They say "It's too good to be true" and we felt like that about his comeback. Unfortunately, it turned out exactly that way...:weeping:
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. I am crying now as I write this message. Cause I was just thinking how happy and excited I was this time last year for Michael to be doing these concerts. And now it just really hurts to see any of my This Is It stuff. Mainly my framed This Is It poster I have on my one bedroom wall. It just really tends to make me think of what could have been. :sad: :boohoo:
 
I realise I'm not the only one. I think about you all every day, I think of his children, his closest friends and I wonder how they are coping and wishing they are happier than I am.
I'm so depressed every day and with 25th getting nearer I'm really nervy people can tell but nobody cares to know why - I can't even bring myself to tell them why.
 
How can we feel that happy, like before that tragical June 25, when he was alive with us preparing for the shows??, we expecting what he would do next and all the excitment only Michael Jackson was able to generate????
Michael coming and going to libraries buying books, or we wating on anything Michael, like when they said at awards shows "tonight we have a very special guest" and we're all thinking Michael would/may appear!!!!, now i dont even watch those shows ... the only reason i used to watch them was Michael..., or what about all that excitment of a brand new album!!, or just hearing him talk and his way of seeing the world so innocent and joyful, i miss that excitment he brought us....i miss his persona.

I feel happy at times, sometimes im really happy outside walking at night then i watch the moon and smile and immediately remember him, all i say is "Hi Michael" looking at the moon and stars just wishing, waiting one day he may answer...

He was soooo special.... never thought, never ever thought his passing was gonna be so soo soooo soon, im frustrated, he was ready, and someone took his life away and along his life the happines of thousands of us

Love you Michael, miss your presence...FOREVER
 
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