MJsBollywoodGirl7
Proud Member
Indeed, I'm going through a MISSING faze again too... I don't know maybe it's cause I NEED to find a job again and I was working when I felt we were going to lose Michael and the 'stupid' thing of all is... I can't TALK about it 'beyond' this HOME...
I just claim I'm okay :busted: Makes it 'easier' than to explain WHY I'm still MISSING him cause I'm tired of all the 'hurtful' comments...
NEVER thought I would MISS Michael that much... I ONLY wanted him to be HAPPY and SAVE...
I feel the same way. I also didn't think I will miss him this much either. Despite the fact I was suicidal 3 times. Because of that stupid vow that I made to myself back in December of 1995 when I was 15 years old. Back when Michael was sick in that New York City hospital. I was so extremely upset back then over him being so sick. And then seeing the news where he was like 15 minutes away from d****. I had told myself if anything horrible should ever happen to Michael. I will kill myself because there is just no way am I going to be able to handle living in a world without him in it. Thankfully I am no longer suicidal. But I still find it real hard of living in a world without him in it. I wish more than ever before I didn't have these stupid learning disabilities and health problems. Because I will be working as an astronomer right now. Which has been my dream job ever since hearing about the return of Haley's Comet in 1986. Back when I was 6 years old. I know being an astronomer will definitely help not only cure my depression immensely. It will also take my most of if not all of my mind off of Michael during the day and maybe night as well. And help take away most of my almost constant sadness that I still tend to feel on some days. I have no other job because being an astronomer is all that I was ever really interest in doing. Well other besides of also wanting to be either an archeologist, paleontologist, Egyptologist, and a volcanologist. I so especially wanted to be a volcanologist. I just so totally L.O.V.E. the extreme excitement and dangers of going inside and studying live and active volcanoes. That could erupt at any minute. I just find that so extremely exciting at the thought of putting my own life at risk. Fortunately I have my puzzle games to drown most of my sadness in. Especially on the days when I am really missing Michael the most. I just pick up my Nintend 3ds and play one of my puzzle games that I have. Just something to really relax myself in. To help take at least some of my mind off of Michael.