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Miss him

Daryll748 said:
Indeed, I'm going through a MISSING faze again too... I don't know maybe it's cause I NEED to find a job again and I was working when I felt we were going to lose Michael and the 'stupid' thing of all is... I can't TALK about it 'beyond' this HOME...
I just claim I'm okay :busted: Makes it 'easier' than to explain WHY I'm still MISSING him cause I'm tired of all the 'hurtful' comments...

NEVER thought I would MISS Michael that much... I ONLY wanted him to be HAPPY and SAVE...
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I feel the same way. I also didn't think I will miss him this much either. Despite the fact I was suicidal 3 times. Because of that stupid vow that I made to myself back in December of 1995 when I was 15 years old. Back when Michael was sick in that New York City hospital. I was so extremely upset back then over him being so sick. And then seeing the news where he was like 15 minutes away from d****. I had told myself if anything horrible should ever happen to Michael. I will kill myself because there is just no way am I going to be able to handle living in a world without him in it. Thankfully I am no longer suicidal. But I still find it real hard of living in a world without him in it. I wish more than ever before I didn't have these stupid learning disabilities and health problems. Because I will be working as an astronomer right now. Which has been my dream job ever since hearing about the return of Haley's Comet in 1986. Back when I was 6 years old. I know being an astronomer will definitely help not only cure my depression immensely. It will also take my most of if not all of my mind off of Michael during the day and maybe night as well. And help take away most of my almost constant sadness that I still tend to feel on some days. I have no other job because being an astronomer is all that I was ever really interest in doing. Well other besides of also wanting to be either an archeologist, paleontologist, Egyptologist, and a volcanologist. I so especially wanted to be a volcanologist. I just so totally L.O.V.E. the extreme excitement and dangers of going inside and studying live and active volcanoes. That could erupt at any minute. I just find that so extremely exciting at the thought of putting my own life at risk. Fortunately I have my puzzle games to drown most of my sadness in. Especially on the days when I am really missing Michael the most. I just pick up my Nintend 3ds and play one of my puzzle games that I have. Just something to really relax myself in. To help take at least some of my mind off of Michael.
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
I feel the same way. I also didn't think I will miss him this much either. Despite the fact I was suicidal 3 times. Because of that stupid vow that I made to myself back in December of 1995 when I was 15 years old. Back when Michael was sick in that New York City hospital. I was so extremely upset back then over him being so sick. And then seeing the news where he was like 15 minutes away from d****. I had told myself if anything horrible should ever happen to Michael. I will kill myself because there is just no way am I going to be able to handle living in a world without him in it. Thankfully I am no longer suicidal. But I still find it real hard of living in a world without him in it. I wish more than ever before I didn't have these stupid learning disabilities and health problems. Because I will be working as an astronomer right now. Which has been my dream job ever since hearing about the return of Haley's Comet in 1986. Back when I was 6 years old. I know being an astronomer will definitely help not only cure my depression immensely. It will also take my most of if not all of my mind off of Michael during the day and maybe night as well. And help take away most of my almost constant sadness that I still tend to feel on some days. I have no other job because being an astronomer is all that I was ever really interest in doing. Well other besides of also wanting to be either an archeologist, paleontologist, Egyptologist, and a volcanologist. I so especially wanted to be a volcanologist. I just so totally L.O.V.E. the extreme excitement and dangers of going inside and studying live and active volcanoes. That could erupt at any minute. I just find that so extremely exciting at the thought of putting my own life at risk. Fortunately I have my puzzle games to drown most of my sadness in. Especially on the days when I am really missing Michael the most. I just pick up my Nintend 3ds and play one of my puzzle games that I have. Just something to really relax myself in. To help take at least some of my mind off of Michael.
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WOW, See DREAMS still can come true, girl :clap:

I did have a BETTER day today... Well, I have to 'remind' myself to be BUSY all day... Stick to my 'schedule' so I don't have time to 'pollute' my mind with negative thoughts :smilerolleyes:

Well, pondering over what job I really want is a great 'distraction' and otherwise I clean while listening to Michael and I write... I finished my 3rd book today :punk:

Let's ROCK ON....
 
Just wanted to share my experience ;)

On saturday my friends & I threw an MJ party, with the music, t-shirts, cupcakes and everything.

The party was intense, emotionally! We had a time of our lives but when the song "Will you be there" was played (especially the last part with his speech) I couldn't contain myself, the tears came and I noticed others got really sad too. We realized that we miss him sooooooooo much and everyone just closed their eyes and embraced and we all felt like he was watching us from above.

It was sad, really, but in a way I felt good, I really felt the connection between us, fans. I hope you all feel it too.

By the way, here are the cupcakes I made ;) everything was edible, including the photos ;)

cupcu.jpg
 
zhelva said:
Just wanted to share my experience ;)

On saturday my friends & I threw an MJ party, with the music, t-shirts, cupcakes and everything.

The party was intense, emotionally! We had a time of our lives but when the song "Will you be there" was played (especially the last part with his speech) I couldn't contain myself, the tears came and I noticed others got really sad too. We realized that we miss him sooooooooo much and everyone just closed their eyes and embraced and we all felt like he was watching us from above.

It was sad, really, but in a way I felt good, I really felt the connection between us, fans. I hope you all feel it too.

By the way, here are the cupcakes I made ;) everything was edible, including the photos ;)

cupcu.jpg
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I feel you. I love Will You Be There!

I also love your cupcakes! Those are very cool! I want one! :)
 
I wish I was at the cupcake party! :)

MJsBollywoodGirl7, please don't give up on your dreams and don't let anything stand in your way. You will be amazing as MJ said "if you only try." :) Keep the faith!
 
Daryll748 said:
WOW, See DREAMS still can come true, girl :clap:

I did have a BETTER day today... Well, I have to 'remind' myself to be BUSY all day... Stick to my 'schedule' so I don't have time to 'pollute' my mind with negative thoughts :smilerolleyes:

Well, pondering over what job I really want is a great 'distraction' and otherwise I clean while listening to Michael and I write... I finished my 3rd book today :punk:

Let's ROCK ON....
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Well maybe for some people dreams do come true. But I only ever had 3 dreams in my life. And only 1 of them came partially true for me.


The first dream was to meet Michael. Or if I could not meet him. Just being in the exact same place with him would be more than enough for me. Of course only in my dreams that I had of him. Did that ever came true for me.:boohoo Well that and these little made up stories that I very often like to tell myself. Of my life with Michael. It still really hurts seeing people either on tv or in pictures of them with Michael. Or reading stories about people who once knew him. And know that I will never have that chance now. Well not until it is time for me to go to Heaven.:boohoo I just so envy people that got that chance of that happening to them. I was such an idiot of keeping that folder full of stories of people mainly MJ fans either meeting Michael. Or them telling what it is like of being in the exact same place with him. I had printed out those stories over 12 years ago. And I truly was such a total idiot for always believing that as long as I have these stories. That one day it will finally be my turn to see him in person. What a total moron I was to believe in such a fairytale as that.

My 2nd dream was seeing Neverland one day. That has been my dream place ever since I first saw it on the Oprah Interview. Back on February 10th 1993. When I was 13 years old. I was instantly in L.O.V.E. with the place. The very second I had laid my eyes on the place. Of course thanks to all of those horrible evil people that was in Michael's life. Especially the evil people that horribly lied about Michael being a child molester. That dream totally shattered for me.

The 3rd dream is the only dream that came partially true for me. Which is to become an astronomer. Astronomy is one of my 3 major passions. The other 2 is Michael Jackson and Bollywood. Any way I do see myself as an astronomer. Even if it is just being an amateur astronomer. But I do know just as much about astronomy as a real astronomer knows. But in order to become a real astronomer you have to be extremely good in both math and science. Science I was always excellent at. But math I wasn't because of my one learning disability that I have kept me from being really good in math. And being in special education classes didn't help either for me. And as far as I know. You can not become an astronomer if you were in special education when you were in school.


I'm glad you had a good day. Wish I could have said the same thing about my day.:(
 
WOW EML :ciao: Thanks for 'honouring' Michael that way and indeed, those cupcakes look 'delicious'...

I know MJsBollywoodgirl7 :ciao: It's IMPORTANT not to 'drown' yourself or 'kick' yourself if NOT all your dreams come true, Hun...

I had to let go of some dreams too...
I wanted to be a nurse but with my 'disability' I can 'shelve' it :(
I wanted a son but that will never happen too :(

See, that's life... NOT every dream can come true but the one that does gives you strength...
My dream was to be an "Author" and I'm ONE :D cause though I have to write with a brace, I'm still PROUD that MJJC :wub: believed in this dream and it gave me the courage to pursue it...

Missing Michael is NOT all that BAD... It means he has a SPECIAL place in your :heart:
Indeed, Michael wouldn't want us to be so sad all the time...
So that's why I do stuff to make him PROUD :angel:

Much L.O.V.E to the MJ fam
 
Hello everyone, Michael came and grabbed your heart. We aren't meant to forget him. I also have been feeling a deep loss again. I go to Forest Lawn when I feel this way. I went this morning after going to Neverland this weekend. I feel very sad for what he went through. But he is no longer enduring the physical and emotional pain as his spirit is home. I truly believe this.

He touched our hearts because we are meant to carry forth his legacy of healing the world. We should not forget him and use our grief and pain to make the change that he has been asking us to. It really is all for L.O.V.E.

Sending a Major L.O.VE. to you all.
 
We will NEVER get over his passing. How can we? The only thing we can do is learn to continue on with life and remember the lessons & Michaels messeges with love.

I don't know how i will be tomorrow at Immortal at the o2. I've been there since 2009 but this is different :no:

We support each other here like a second family. Let's keep our lives going for Michael.
 
Spike Lee's Bad25 documentary was kind of a gift and a curse lol.

So I feel like Michael's been legit haunting me for the past three weeks lol. When I was at work, my co-woker that I share a cubicle wall with would stream music over the internet as she was working; some days an oldies station, another day it would be an r&b station. Literally EVERY 4 songs was an MJ song, like some random one like "Someone Put Your Hand Out" or "Blame It On the Boogie". I'd get into my car to go home and "PYT" would be on the radio, so I'd change the station, and a car would pull up next to mine in the middle of freeway traffic, blasting "Beat It" lol. I'd go into Quizno's to grab a sandwich, MJ playing over the speakers. I get home and turn on the TV, there's some commercial for the Bad25 boxset or some MJ video countdown....................... :wacko: lol

So last sunday, I go with two of my good friends who are also fans to see the Bad25 documentary in Hollywood, (I didn't know that they'd planned to air it on TV later this month) cuz it was only there at the theater for a limited engagement; as much as posthumous visuals of Michael are bittersweet for me, I wanted to go in case the chance wouldn't be around again. So we're standing in line for our tickets, and who's in line directly behind us? Timor, Michael's dancer from This Is It. Ooooooookay. So we get seated and watch the doc, which was actually very cool, and it felt good to reminisce about MJ with a smile on my face and not a half-smile or a half-grimace lol.

Until toward the end of the doc, people start getting emotional in the doc, then my friend sitting next to me does too, then I friggin' do lol. Which set the tone for my week.

Since I've seen the documentary, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. I'm scouring yt every night for rehearsal footage, clips of him dancing or in the studio. I LOVED to watch him work, cuz I know that's where he felt most natural and authentic, and seeing him during those moments made me feel like I was peeking behind the curtain a bit. Catching moments of him when he was most comfortable and himself.

So I guess I kind of sabotaged myself lol, but on thursday when I was at work, I had yt going on my phone, listening to music. So my genius behind decides to hear John Mayer's "Human Nature" instrumental, which musically I really really like. But then it allllllllll came flooding back; where John Mayer performed that song at, and why there were no main vocals in that rendition. I had a complete meltdown at my desk and had to run outside as to not make a fool of myself at work, should someone happen to see me and ask why I'm crying. I texted my friend that I saw the documentary with:

"The John Mayer cover of 'Human Nature' is my reality, an instrumental of my favorite song with no vocals. And I miss his voice so so so so much, literally & figuratively, and I can't stop bursting into tears randomly..."

I think the doc dug up some feelings that I'd laid to rest a while back, as well as others that I didn't even have an issue with before. I'd came to terms with "everything" as best I could, but the film made me crave him again, I was excited to see him. I wanted to see him smile, hear him laugh, hear him sing, watch him walk, watch him work; so I obsessed over him this entire week, wanting more. When the videos were playing and his music was in my headphones, I still had something tangible and physical of him to cling to, I could almost pretend, if only for a few moments, that I was just waiting for the next time I'd see him again. I knew and know it's just a coping mechanism, but it felt so good to get excited about him again, it's like I was drugging myself with his images. But every time I'd turn off the music, or shut down my comp, the starkness of these videos and mp3's being all I have left of him, was just too too sharp. And that gaping absence in my life is so agonizingly real, I have no words for it, and all I can do is sob.

I know it's feeling fresher cuz of all the MJ stuff going on lately, and I know I'll feel more at ease soon enough. This has not been my finest week, and I miss him TERRIBLY. :no:
 
They played speechless om the radio here today, I think that is amazing. One of my co-workers asked several times "Is this Michael Jackson?" I told her yes and she was like "wow, where can I find this song?It´s beautiful, I love it". I tear up while listening to it, specially now when it came on the radio.
 
Is this a coincidence or something. My alarm clock came on this morning at 5:25 am to 'Remember the time' on my local oldies R&B station.. I got in the car and on 107.3 (The Wave) 'You are not alone' was playing.. Mike must have been sending signs or something:wacko: I miss him terribly myself
 
it become more and more heavy...
when i miss him , my heart pain more and more....
why couldn't i forget all about him? each time when i drunk, the tear never stop....

i just can't stop loving him~
 
jaydom7 said:
Is this a coincidence or something. My alarm clock came on this morning at 5:25 am to 'Remember the time' on my local oldies R&B station.. I got in the car and on 107.3 (The Wave) 'You are not alone' was playing.. Mike must have been sending signs or something:wacko: I miss him terribly myself
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Seriously lol, like he chases you throughout your day lol.
 
I guess we have to learn to live with this pain :busted:

I tend to avoid a lot of things now... I know peeps say... That is NOT how it works but that 'exposure crap' :beee: to eventually heal is worthless... It's like you keep scratching a healed wound open cause you want it to bleed again :scratch:

Like, I'm NOT buying NEW books on Michael or even watching NEW 'tribute' vids on Michael for the mere fact that they always have to rub it in... :mat: I know Michael has gone to heaven OKAY... I don't NEED to read about it any more or see that 'heartbreaking' footage... Gee...
 
Daryll748 said:
I guess we have to learn to live with this pain :busted:

I tend to avoid a lot of things now... I know peeps say... That is NOT how it works but that 'exposure crap' :beee: to eventually heal is worthless... It's like you keep scratching a healed wound open cause you want it to bleed again :scratch:

Like, I'm NOT buying NEW books on Michael or even watching NEW 'tribute' vids on Michael for the mere fact that they always have to rub it in... :mat: I know Michael has gone to heaven OKAY... I don't NEED to read about it any more or see that 'heartbreaking' footage... Gee...
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I know EXACTLY what you mean. I had the opportunity to go to the funeral concert tribute thing at Staples center, I didn't want ANYTHING to do with that place. I still haven't watched it to this day. At least for me though, there are certain things that are unavoidable. He is so deeply a part of who I am, so engrained in me as a part of my life, even some of the things that I like that don't necessarily include him, are sometimes influenced by HIS influence lol. Music, dance, movies, some hobbies... so many things that I can't live without have him so intricately woven into their design, at least in how I relate to those things. For example, I love watching fireworks. I've caught myself a few times staring at the sky watching a fireworks display when out of the blue I'll say out loud "Michael would love this", just comes out of no where..... then I start crying lol. :: sigh :: Everything feels wrong with out him, but when there's a piece of him here, it hurts like hell. I'm screwed either way lol.

I envy people that can see images of him and hear his music and just enjoy them for what they are. On the other side of that coin, I also envy the people that are able to shut him out and block all the memories so that they can get on with their lives. It's impossible for me to do either, I'm in purgatory lol. It's like the only way that I can stay alive is to hold on to a white-hot rod of iron, I don't want to face oblivion until it's my time lol, but the iron rod sears my hands down to the bone without the pain ever subsiding or lessening. Constant unbearable pain; I take that back. Some days are more bearable and the happy memories make me smile, other days it's a waking nightmare. There is no "happy place" for me to run to, there is no totally "getting over it", I just have to get used to it always..... hurting... Some days, even weeks are better than others, but the bad days are really really bad (no pun intended). :/
 
PurdyYungThang84 said:
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I had the opportunity to go to the funeral concert tribute thing at Staples center, I didn't want ANYTHING to do with that place. I still haven't watched it to this day. At least for me though, there are certain things that are unavoidable. He is so deeply a part of who I am, so engrained in me as a part of my life, even some of the things that I like that don't necessarily include him, are sometimes influenced by HIS influence lol. Music, dance, movies, some hobbies... so many things that I can't live without have him so intricately woven into their design, at least in how I relate to those things. For example, I love watching fireworks. I've caught myself a few times staring at the sky watching a fireworks display when out of the blue I'll say out loud "Michael would love this", just comes out of no where..... then I start crying lol. :: sigh :: Everything feels wrong with out him, but when there's a piece of him here, it hurts like hell. I'm screwed either way lol.

I envy people that can see images of him and hear his music and just enjoy them for what they are. On the other side of that coin, I also envy the people that are able to shut him out and block all the memories so that they can get on with their lives. It's impossible for me to do either, I'm in purgatory lol. It's like the only way that I can stay alive is to hold on to a white-hot rod of iron, I don't want to face oblivion until it's my time lol, but the iron rod sears my hands down to the bone without the pain ever subsiding or lessening. Constant unbearable pain; I take that back. Some days are more bearable and the happy memories make me smile, other days it's a waking nightmare. There is no "happy place" for me to run to, there is no totally "getting over it", I just have to get used to it always..... hurting... Some days, even weeks are better than others, but the bad days are really really bad (no pun intended). :/
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Well, I used to be like that too... Living in 'purgatory' till it gotten so worse to the point I couldn't eat any more and then I told myself... Enough of scratching open the same old wound...
So, I quit going to Tribute stuff and 'torturing' myself with the NOW :smilerolleyes:


So, I kind of BLOCK the fact Michael is NOT here any more... To me, he lives in HEAVEN and whenever I want to... I can 'visit' him :blush:

I do 'enjoy' watching his vids again but only for the mere fact that I can 'write' an essay about it then... I live with his 'energy' and :heart: stored into his music but the ONE thing that makes me :cry: is the fact that he's NO longer here and I :mat: that with EVERY book and EVERY new vid... There is always that STUPID fact that they just could help themselves 'bragging' about :beee:
End of rant... :cheeky:

 
I have been missing him a lot lately. Which explains why I haven't felt like listening to him at all lately. And I have been ever since getting Bad 25 in the mail back in September. And watch that Dirty Diana performance that night. I haven't gone back to watch the rest of that concert since. All because of that stupid panic attack I was getting as I was watching his Dirty Diana performance. But what is really bad for me is whenever I hear stories about these people near death experiences. And how they experience Heaven and then come back to tell other people about it. It really upsets me to no end to hear those stories. Because it is really not fair to me. Of why that couldn't have happen to Michael. And we would still have him now. If that had happen to him. I'm crying now just by thinking about that. Back when we still have him. I used to so totally L.O.V.E. to hear those kinds of stories. Not anymore I don't. Because it is a huge reminder of where Michael is now. And how I still so very badly want to be there with him. But other than that I am usually fine. Especially if I have my Nintendo 3ds and some games for it. Near me at all times. And I really don't know what I would have done without that thing. Because everything else I had tried in the past 3 years has not helped for me. Like I thought it will at the time.
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
I have been missing him a lot lately. Which explains why I haven't felt like listening to him at all lately. And I have been ever since getting Bad 25 in the mail back in September. And watch that Dirty Diana performance that night. I haven't gone back to watch the rest of that concert since. All because of that stupid panic attack I was getting as I was watching his Dirty Diana performance. But what is really bad for me is whenever I hear stories about these people near death experiences. And how they experience Heaven and then come back to tell other people about it. It really upsets me to no end to hear those stories. Because it is really not fair to me. Of why that couldn't have happen to Michael. And we would still have him now. If that had happen to him. I'm crying now just by thinking about that. Back when we still have him. I used to so totally L.O.V.E. to hear those kinds of stories. Not anymore I don't. Because it is a huge reminder of where Michael is now. And how I still so very badly want to be there with him. But other than that I am usually fine. Especially if I have my Nintendo 3ds and some games for it. Near me at all times. And I really don't know what I would have done without that thing. Because everything else I had tried in the past 3 years has not helped for me. Like I thought it will at the time.
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Hey Girl :ciao:

Well the BOLD part is a 'perfect' example of 'coping' with your grief or as I say Plan B so :clapping:for the 'life saving' Nintendo 3ds games :cheeky:

My Plan B is 'books'... I love browsing in a book store... so peaceful... I love reading of course and I love to create stories :wub:
 
Indra said:
I miss him still....
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So do I. Even way way more so on days when they show music award shows like the Grammys and the American Music Awards on tv. AMAs is being shown right now on tv. And I really no longer have any interest in seeing them. The same goes for the Grammys. Without Michael there. What is the point of really watching them? Even though he wasn't there every year for them. Thankfully I have on tape some of the music award shows where Michael was on them over the years.
 
*Little Suzie* said:
I just miss him.
Even after 3 years...

I really have a deeeeeeeeep connection to him, God, Universe, that no one would ever understand.
It isn't the same without him
I just ... miss him.
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Thanx so much for starting this thread. I was looking for a place to vent/share and this is the perfect place. Someone else may have already pointed this out...I don't know because I just was not emotionally strong enough to read all of the replies.

Let me start by saying, I FEEL your pain & I understand. :cry:

I've been missing him more than usual the past week or so and couldn't really put my finger on why it has persisted. Normally, I can cheer myself up fairly quickly by dancing to some of his upbeat music, then I'm good to go for a while.

Anyway, it just dawned on me tonight that it's been nine years this week since Number Ones was released and of course the nightmare that immediately followed (charges filed). That's what's been dragging my spirits down!

Whenever it happens this way, I always feel better once I realize what's going on.

So, I just thought I would share, in case someone else is feeling the same way, not knowing why. This could be the reason...

I feel like it was the beginning of the end, when it should have been the beginning of a new era. The era that Michael was never allowed to start, try as he might. I wish to God that he had been given just One More Chance to WOW us in life and then live in peace to a ripe old age, and see his children grow up and have his grandchildren.

I'm really missing him bad too tonight. Time to stop fighting back the tears and listen to One More Chance on REPEAT! :) btw, I prefer the faster single version


 
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Silouette said:
The holidays. It's this time of the year that makes it so hard too.
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Indeed, Holidays :puke:
I don't 'celebrate' them just for the :tease:reason that it makes me either :cry: or :mat: that we all have to spent it without Michael and if I think of his kids :no:...

Well, I'm really glad that I have this 'intern ship' right now... Keeps me occupied and I'm so glad they don't sell books on Michael there :busted: cause I don't know how I would take it...

I know, I'm in my 'flight' stage but I can't seem to 'process' his loss :sigh:

This is my current :2cents:to tell you guys that it 'seems' I'm happy and moving on going to work but I still MISS him so badly and the only way I show it is in 'fretting' about WHO could have 'saved' him :mat:

So, indeed... This is a thread where we can still 'vent' about it :sigh:
 
I miss him all the time. I saw a glimpse of the AMAs last night and it was the 40th anniversary show. I caught the part where they showed a few clips of when Michael had been at the show over the years. Then there is dancing with the stars and the documentary airing this week. It makes me smile but I still feel sad. He should still be here.
 
I feel exactly the same way. We will not have the privilege of having a human being as unique as it was michael jackson ever again and neither an artist of his height. I love his work and I will always do. For me he still the best artis we have had.
 
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