Mourners' Bill of Rights

[Autumn II]

I don't know if you all know this, but I was at Virginia Tech during the shootings and was very close to where it happened. Seventeen people in my building were killed. The shock and trauma for the survivors was terrible. They brought grief-counselors to campus, and we got mountains of paper material about how to cope. I just found this today, and think you will find it very useful. I did, and I hope it helps you, too? It's called:

Mourners' Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional
limitations.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts" -- sudden, powerful,
surges of grief.
6. You have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning in life and death.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

 

[xthunderx2]

Thank You Victoria....I am sorry you were at Virginia Tech that sad day....I hope that list helped you some......I also hope it helps others ...here on this board...:hug:

 

[CatherineNZ]

this is so kind Victoria, i remember you talked about it long time ago. i remember your story well. thank you again for finding it. it makes so much sense

 

[Mechi]

I don't know if you all know this, but I was at Virginia Tech during the shootings and was very close to where it happened. Seventeen people in my building were killed. The shock and trauma for the survivors was terrible. They brought grief-counselors to campus, and we got mountains of paper material about how to cope. I just found this today, and think you will find it very useful. I did, and I hope it helps you, too? It's called:

Mourners' Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional
limitations.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts" -- sudden, powerful,
surges of grief.
6. You have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning in life and death.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

wheeeeeeeeeew lol Vic I got exactly that from my therapist in our second meeting... which is now already some time ago. Good to be reminded. Yep and stupid me it can be so helpfull for ppl here also!!!
Thank you!!!!!!

 

[Mariajoaosilva]

I don't know if you all know this, but I was at Virginia Tech during the shootings and was very close to where it happened. Seventeen people in my building were killed. The shock and trauma for the survivors was terrible. They brought grief-counselors to campus, and we got mountains of paper material about how to cope. I just found this today, and think you will find it very useful. I did, and I hope it helps you, too? It's called:

Mourners' Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional
limitations.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts" -- sudden, powerful,
surges of grief.
6. You have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning in life and death.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

Victoria,thanks for sharing this.
How do we deal with grief when we have to hide what we feel,for the sake of others?

 

[Autumn II]

wheeeeeeeeeew lol Vic I got exactly that from my therapist in our second meeting... which is now already some time ago. Good to be reminded. Yep and stupid me it can be so helpfull for ppl here also!!!
Thank you!!!!!!

I think this is SO important. It helped me then. And.. ..you know. . . . now. . .

Look carefully at #10. "You have the right to move toward your grief and heal." Think about what that means? "Move TOWARD your grief?" I think at some point we have to FEEL it, really, really feel the enormity of grief, in order to heal. We need to let it all out. But then we cannot let the grief become permanent. We then have to look for the joy in each day? There IS some joy.

I'll tell you something else, that helped me a lot to get through that horrible time at Virginia Tech. This may seem strange. . but it was.. animals. The campus here was inundated with "mental health professionals." I eventually found their presence a burden. They had not been through what we had. They didn't really KNOW. But then, there was another group that came through. They had "helper dogs." The dogs were just THERE. They accepted hugs. They "smiled" and comforted. People could talk to the dogs as they could not talk to human-beings? The dogs simply listened. They heard the tone-of-voice, and they comforted us. The hardest hit here were probably the police, who saw such horror and had to remain strong. I have photos of them hugging the dogs, and crying quietly. The animals did not judge .I've kept in touch with some of these wonderful people who brought the dogs. So, turn to your fuzzy pets? Talk to them? Well? Hug them, and go on. . . . .

Thirty-three people died here. I'm not exactly sure why I survived it? I also have "survivors' grief" to deal with. I had been in that room, where the most were killed, two weeks before. I was not there on "that day." I'm not sure why not, but I resolved then to become a better person, in honor of my survival.

 

[Autumn II]

I'll bump this up so everyone has a chance to read it. I hope it's helpful?

 

[Tom]

It's very helpful, Vic. Thanks for posting it

 

[Just a Girl]

I don't know if you all know this, but I was at Virginia Tech during the shootings and was very close to where it happened. Seventeen people in my building were killed. The shock and trauma for the survivors was terrible. They brought grief-counselors to campus, and we got mountains of paper material about how to cope. I just found this today, and think you will find it very useful. I did, and I hope it helps you, too? It's called:

Mourners' Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional
limitations.
5. You have the right to experience "grief bursts" -- sudden, powerful,
surges of grief.
6. You have the right to make use of healing rituals, including the funeral.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
8. You have the right to search for meaning in life and death.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

thanks for this Vic, sometimes i really question why i get so sad and this will help for me to stay focused and realize its ok to feel that way sometimes..

soo sorry for what you went threw :huggy:

 

[Autumn II]

thanks for this Vic, sometimes i really question why i get so sad and this will help for me to stay focused and realize its ok to feel that way sometimes..

soo sorry for what you went threw :huggy:

I hope it helps, and thanks. One thing that was similar to what happened at VT, and Michael's death, was "trauma-by-media." If a family member or friend passes away, there is a more "normal" grieving process. But, in the case of VT and Michael, we were reminded ALL THE TIME by media. There was a huge media presence here, and the events were discussed a lot on tv. I had to avoid tv pretty much for several weeks. On tv, I saw my familiar buildings and campus on CNN, and it added to the trauma. Same type of thing with the reporting about Michael. There he WAS, on tv, and we were reminded again and again of his passing.

Hang in there, everyone.

Vic