rik625
Proud Member
:lol:
Latest on MJJC
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
stupid little animals are flying on my laptop coz thats the only light they can go on
i wanna eat my dinner but its almost 2 AM ...i didnt have dinner coz i went over my mates place
i wanna eat my dinner but its almost 2 AM ...i didnt have dinner coz i went over my mates place
rik625
Proud Member
Random Thought: What is Nestle? :innocent:
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
^ isnt that a type of chocolate? :huh:
me and chcocolates dont get alone well
me and chcocolates dont get alone well
rik625
Proud Member
:huh: Is it a chocolate?...so........ what is it doing in quiz time thread?
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
^ why cant it? i dont know :huh:
im kind of lost *KILLS THAT STUPID LITTLE FLY* ewww arhg
im kind of lost *KILLS THAT STUPID LITTLE FLY* ewww arhg
michaelsgirlfrevr
Proud Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2011
- Messages
- 1,533
- Points
- 0
yea im ok my knees just hurt and i did laugh about it after. alot!
a chocolate maker brand
MJzBabyGirl
Proud Member
I feel like the world is off my shoulders now! Offfffff.......!
Strawberry
Proud Member
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A: Pouch potato.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy.
Q: What bird can lift the most?
A: A crane.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Steal its chair.
Q: What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?
A: Your breath.
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: At the bottom.
Q: What do you call 2 boys hanging from the ceiling?
A: Curt and Rod.
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why do oysters never give money to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.
Q: What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a dog?
A: An animal that buries itself.
Q: How do you kill a circus?
A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: Why do black widow spiders eat their males after mating?
A: To stop them from snoring.
Q: What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine.
Q: What did the hat say to the scarf?
A: You hang around while I go on a head.
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
Q: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
A: The poor didn't have anything worth stealing.
Q: Why do monks always wear brown?
A: It's just their habit.
Q: What do you get if you pull your pants up to your neck?
A: A chest of drawers.
Q: Why does an elephant never forget?
A: What has he got to remember?
Q: Did you hear about the two fat athletes?
A: One ran in short bursts and the other ran in burst shorts.
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: When everyone's eaten.
Q: Why did the cannibal policeman get the sack?
A: He was caught grilling his suspects.
Q: Why were the cannibals sick after eating the missionary?
A: You can't keep a good man down.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humour?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.
Q: Why didn't the millionaire report his stolen credit card?
A: The thief was spending less than his wife used to.
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a man who's been buried for 2000 years?
A: Pete.
Q: What's the definition of experience?
A: Something you don't get until just after you need it.
Q: What's covered in cellophane and climbs up and down a rope?
A: The lunchpack of Notre Dame.
Q: What happened when the policeman caught a boy drinking battery acid and another eating fireworks?
A: He charged one and let the other off.
Q: What do you give a man who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can't understand a word of it.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do politicians use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the best way to make sure you always remember your wife's birthday?
A: Forget it once.
Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
A: “You take me for grunted.”
Q: Why do psychiatrists give patients shock treatment?
A: To prepare them for the bill.
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: “Dam!”
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the TV remote control between his toes.
Q: What's the disadvantage of keeping an open mind?
A: Your ideas might fall out.
Q: Why does history keep repeating itself?
A: Because we weren't listening the first time.
Q: Why didn't the hen-pecked husband speak to his wife for a month?
A: He didn't want to interrupt her.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Someone has to stay around to clean up after them.
Q: When does a woman care deeply for her husband's company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: Why do men prefer electric lawn mowers?
A: So they can find their way back to the house.
Q: Why are men like mascara?
A: They run at the first sign of emotion.
Q: Why are men like placemats?
A: They only show up when there's food on the table.
Q: What do you say to a Medieval man when he goes to bed?
A: Knighty Knight.
Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.
Q: Why can't you tell joe-ks to an egg?
A: Because it will crack up!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is the difference between out-laws and in-laws?
A: Out-laws are wanted.
Q: What tree has the biggest bark?
A: Dogwood.
Q: How do you mend a broken heart?
A: With duct tape.
Abel had 3 children.
Cain had no children.
Do you know why?
...
...
...
...
He was not Able.
Q: Where does a ship go when it gets sick?
A: To the dock.
Q: What happened to the 2 peanuts that crossed the road?
A: One was assaulted.
Q: What did mama tomato say to baby tomato when they were crossing the street?
A: Catch up!
Q: What do you call an empty jar of cheese whiz?
A: Cheeze was.
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Na cho cheese.
If you eat pasta and antipasta during dinner, are you still hungry?
Q: What do you get when you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A: A tongue twister.
Q: A unicorn has one horn and a bull has two. Does anything have more?
A: Yes – an orchestra.
Q: Did you hear about the absent-minded Siamese twins?
A: Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.
Did you hear about the athlete who was so dubm that when he earned his varsity letter, somebody had to read it to him?
Q: Did you hear about the baseball player who went to Church twice a day?
A: He kept hoping for a double pray.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde athlete who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
A: She was so proud of it she had it bronzed.
Q: Did you hear about the computer that died?
A: It had a terminal illness.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed prisoner?
A: He was down, but not out.
Q: Did you hear about the dubm-est bank robber in the world?
A: He put a paper bag on his head and told the teller to put all the money in the stocking.
Q: Did you hear about the duck who’s a plastic surgeon?
A: His motto is “Pay now, bill later.”
Did you hear about the goose that watched a horror movie and got people-bumps?
Did you hear about the groom who tried to kiss his bride in the fog and mist?
Q: Did you hear about the group of people who got stranded in the mall?
A: They were shopwrecked.
Q: A class has a top and a bottom. What is in the middle?
A: The student body.
Did you hear about the guy who’s so lazy, he hires other people to walk in his sleep?
Q: Did you hear about the letter T having an identity crisis?
A: It wants to be just like U.
Q: Did you hear about the lion that swallowed a computer?
A: Talk about a mane frame - he couldn’t eat another byte!
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine>
A: He’s fully recovered.
Q: Did you hear about the Moroff who drove his truck off the cliff?
A: He wanted to test his new air brakes.
Q: Did you hear about the moth that flew into the two-year-old’s birthday party?
A: He burned his end at both candles.
Q: Did you hear about the music lover who tried out for the Olympics?
A: He’s a compact disc thrower.
Q: Did you hear about the new TV series called “Flashback?”
A: It’s a half hour show and goes from 9:00 to 8:30.
Q: Did you hear about the second-string football player who flooded the stadium with water?
A: He was hoping the coach would send him in as a sub.
Did you hear about the student who got a D minor on his band report card?
Q: Did you hear about the trombone player who got kicked out of the school band?
A: He kept letting things slide.
Q: Did you hear about the world’s dubm-est lottery?
A: For the jackpot you win a dollar a year for a million years.
Q: Did you hear there’s a new movie about a dentist who goes back and forth in time?
A: It’s called “Plaque to the Future.”
Q: Do fish perspire?
A: How do you think the sea gets so salty?
Q: Do old school teachers ever marry?
A: No, they just get dated.
Q: Do you go to school stupid?
A: Yes, and I come out the same way.
A midget psychic robbed the First National Bank and made off with all the cash – the police say the small medium is still at large.
Q: During which school period do cars get put together?
A: Assembly.
Ewe are so smart!
Greetings Cards:
To circus seals: “Best Fishes!”
To ghosts on January 1st: “Happy Boo Year!”
To lonely snakes: “I Hiss You!”
To maple trees: “Sappy Birthday!”
To married bugs: “Happy Ant-iversary!”
To sick lemons: “Hope You’re Feeling Bitter!”
To sick skunks: “Get Smell Soon!”
To vacationing rabbits: “Bunny Voyage!”
Q: Have you ever traced your ancestors?
A: Are you kidding? I can’t draw worth a nickel.
Q: “Have you missed school lately?”
A: “Not a bit.”
He’s so dubm he once got stuck on an escalator and didn’t know how to get down.
Q: How can you leave a classroom with two legs and come back with six?
A: Bring a chair back with you.
Q: How can you tell an Ivy League door?
A: It has a Yale lock.
Q: How can you tell when a swimming team is broke?
A: It can’t keep its head above water.
Q: How did Darth Vader’s parents get him to study?
A: By using the Force.
Q: How did the bumble bee get to school?
A: It took the school buzz.
Q: How did the card do on final exams?
A: It aced them.
Q: How did the corn do in the band?
A: It played by ear.
Q: How did the driver’s ed class celebrate getting new tires?
A: With a real blowout.
Q: How did the duck do on its report card?
A: All its grades were down.
Q: How did the hairstylist feel about school?
A: Shear delight.
Q: How did the mummy react to the dull class?
A: It was bored stiff.
Q: How did the school custodian make all his money?
A: He really cleaned up after work.
Q: How did the science teacher quiz her students?
A: With test tubes.
Q: How did the student do in fractions?
A: He wasn’t half bad.
Q: How did the teacher handle a class full of baby goats?
A: With kid gloves.
Q: How did the vampire student start a fire while studying?
A: By burning the midnight oil.
Q: How did the wrestler pin down the answers to the test?
A: He put a hold on them.
Q: How did they know the swimming team was inexperienced?
A: They were all wet behind the ears.
Q: How do babies cheat in nursery school?
A: They use their crib notes.
Q: How do blackboards start over?
A: With a clean slate.
Q: How do fleas get from one place to another?
A: They itch hike.
Q: How do law students date?
A: They court each other.
Q: How do we know that dolphins are intelligent?
A: Because it only takes them a few weeks to train a man to throw fish at them.
Q: How do you clear ice off the windows of tall buildings?
A: With a sky scraper.
Q: How do you define “buoyant”?
A: A male insect.
Q: How do you fire a math teacher?
A: Tell her she’s history.
Q: How do you grade libraries?
A: With bookmarks.
Q: “How do you like school?”
A: “Closed.”
Q: How do you know exercise keeps us healthy?
A: Did you ever see a germ on a rowing machine?
Q: How do you know school buses are afraid?
A: They’re yellow.
Q: How do you mail the alphabet?
A: In a letter box.
Q: How do you recognize math plants?
A: They have square roots.
Q: How do you say goodbye to the alphabet?
A: “A B C’ing you.”
Q: How do you stop an elephant from slipping through the eye of a needle?
A: Tie a knot in his tail.
Q: How does a blackboard handle bad times?
A: It chalks them up to bad experience.
Q: How does a dog answer the phone?
A: “Hello, this is the Lost and Hound.”
Q: How does a lobster remember the answers to a test?
A: By tying a string around his claw.
Q: How does a social science teacher break up with his girlfriend?
A: He tells her she’s history.
Q: How does a young ghost count?
A: One, boo, three.
Q: How far can you go in astronomy?
A: The sky’s the limit.
Q: “How far did you go in school?”
A: “About two miles.”
Q: How is a drama teacher like the Pony Express?
A: Because he is a stage coach.
Q: How is a hobo different from a non-smoking goat?
A: One smokes butts, the other butts smokers.
Q: How is a judge like an English teacher?
A: They both hand out long sentences.
Q: How is an empty classroom like a teacher with her eyes closed?
A: Because there are no pupils to be seen.
Q: How is my brother connected to the police department?
A: By a pair of handcuffs.
Q: How is the baseball slugger doing in school?
A: Batter.
Q: How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None if it turns itself in.
Q: How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to turn it and one to overturn it.
Q: How much fun can you have doing arithmetic?
A: Sum fun!
Q: How should you e-mail a student?
A: First class.
Q: How was the cooking class performance?
A: Well done.
Q: How was the driving teacher’s parking?
A: It was unparalleled.
Q: How was the rowing team punished?
A: They were paddled.
Q: I never move. I have no feet. But I wear shoes. What am I?
A: The sidewalk.
If astronauts are so smart, why are they always counting backwards?
Q: If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
A: His wife.
Q: If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for?
A: Old age.
Q: If the pilgrims got to America on the Mayflower, how do foreign students get here?
A: On scholarships.
Q: In what school do you have to drop out before you graduate?
A: Parachute school.
Q: In what subject do insects get their best grades?
A: A-gnat-omy.
Q: Is a hammer useful in math?
A: No, but multi-pliers are.
Q: Is it better to do your homework on a full or empty stomach?
A: It’s better to do it on paper.
Q: Is there a silent C n Connecticut?
A: No, but there’s a noisy ocean offshore.
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to vacuum it.
Q: Lori has it first. Phil has it last. Girls have it once. Boys never have it. What is it?
A: The letter “l.”
My doctor is so slow, his waiting room couch opens up into a sleeper.
Q: Name the constituents of quartz.
A: Pints.
There’s so much traffic in the gym the stationary bicycles have rear view mirrors.
Q: What animals help run computers?
A: Rams.
Q: What are the most confusing kind of books at the library?
A: Books of short tall stories.
Q: What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
A: Juve-niles.
Q: What assignment to Alaskans bring back from school?
A: Nome work.
Q: What ballet outfit do math teachers wear?
A: Two-twos.
Q: What can you never make with shaky penmanship?
A: Straight A’s.
Q: What class is full of wise guys?
A: The freshmen class.
Q: What class tells you about corridors?
A: Study hall.
Q: What club do fish like to join?
A: The debating team.
Q: What college courses do veterinarians take?
A: Baa-ology, Moo-sic, and Pig Latin.
Q: What college do lovers go to?
A: Embraceable U.
Q: What college do vines go to?
A: The Ivy League.
Q: What college is named for John Wayne?
A: Duke University.
Q: What comedy team eats carrots and tells joe-ks?
A: Rabbit and Costello.
Q: What comes after “G”?
A: Whiz.
Q: Then what comes after “O”?
A: Yeah.
Q: What course do golfers take?
A: Driver’s ed.
Q: What course do yodelers take?
A: Echo-nomics.
Q: What course talks about hamburgers?
A: Meat-eorology.
Q: What course teaches you about raw fish?
A: Sushi-ology.
Q: What course teaches you about soda?
A: Fizz-eology.
Q: What day does a fish hate the most?
A: Fryday.
Q: What day of school is the children’s favourite?
A: The last.
Q: What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
A: Toga-ther we can rule the world.
Q: What did Noah do for a job?
A: He was an ark-itecht.
Q: What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
A: He fished – but he didn’t’ catch much… he only had 2 worms.
Q: What did one blackboard say to the other?
A: “E-rase you to the corner.”
Q: What did the baker get at school?
A: He made the honour roll.
Q: What did the basketball player eat in the school cafeteria?
A: Hoop du jour.
Q: What did the billboard learn at school?
A: Sign language.
Q: What did the brilliant art student make with his brush?
A: A stroke of genius.
Q: What did the builder write his book report on?
A: Construction paper.
Q: What did the carpenter make for the textbook?
A: A table of contents.
Q: What did the chicken teach the typing class?
A: Hunt and peck.
Q: What did the chiropractor take at the end of his studies?
A: A spinal exam.
Q: What did the circle say to the square?
A: “I’ll be a round.”
Q: What did the Civil War book say when it left?
A: “I’m history.”
Q: What did the computer component call his son?
A: A chip off the old block.
Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte.
Q: What did the dancing teacher call her dancing sibling?
A: A stepsister.
Q: What did the detective say when he arrested the librarian?
A: “Book ‘em!”
Q: What did the fish do in music class?
A: Play the scales.
Q: What did the football coach take with him on his fishing trip?
A: His tackle.
Q: What did the goalpost say to the football?
A: “You’ll get a kick out of this.”
Q: What did the horse get on its report card?
A: Straight hays.
Q: What did the leopard say to his friends in the school cafeteria?
A: “Save me a spot.”
Q: What did the lobster give his teacher?
A: A crab apple.
Q: What did the lobster major in at the police academy?
A: Claw enforcement.
Q: What did the loser at the solar system competition receive?
A: The constellation prize.
Q: What did the octopus hate most about being an octopus?
A: Washing his hands before dinner.
Q: What did the Parisian teacher make when she raised her glass?
A: A French toast.
Q: What did the pig put in the school computer?
A: Sloppy disks.
Q: What did the pile of leaves say to the gardener?
A: “Go ahead – rake my day.”
Q: What did the ruler say to the pencil?
A: “You have to draw the line somewhere.”
Q: What did the science teacher get when she cloned a piece of coal?
A: A carbon copy.
Q: What did the Sheriff Of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
A: “That was an arrow escape!”
Q: What did the skeleton play in the school band?
A: The trom-bone.
Q: What did the student say to the calculator?
A: “I’m counting on you.”
Q: What did the swimming coach do in the boxing match?
A: He took a dive.
Q: What did the teacher rabbit tell her bunnies?
A: Hare-raising stories.
Q: What did the teacher say to the naughty hornet?
A: “Beehive yourself.”
Q: What did the teacher say to the plumber taking classes?
A: “Pipe down.”
Q: What did the tennis team write for the school paper?
A: A love story.
Q: What did the turtles say to the teacher?
A: “You tortoise everything we know.”
Q: What did the weatherman say about his meteorology test?
A: “It was a breeze with only a few foggy patches.”
Q: What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
A: T-shirts.
Q: What did Tiger Woods study at school?
A: A golf course.
Q: “What did you learn your first day in school?”
A: “Not much. I have to go again tomorrow.”
Q: What do an army private and a waitress have in common?
A: They both take orders all day long .
Q: What do art teachers do on vacation?
A: They paint the town red.
Q: What do astronomy students scrub sinks with?
A: Comet.
Q: What do batteries study for?
A: The acid test.
Q: What do cows do best in driver’s ed?
A: Steer.
Q: What do earth science students weigh themselves on?
A: The Richter scale.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: What do fashionable biology students wear?
A: Designer genes.
Q: What do gangsters put on the front of their cars?
A: Hood ornaments.
Q: What do ghosts sing in the singing club?
A: Spirituals.
Q: What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
A: Dates.
Q: What do they talk about?
A: The good old days.
Q: What do history teachers talk to each other about?
A: Old times, of course.
Q: What do insects use to write reports?
A: Flypaper.
Q: What do lazy students do for the school play?
A: They understudy.
Q: What do mountain climbers’ kids like to play?
A: Height and Seek.
Q: What do pigs do after school?
A: Their hamwork.
Q: What do porcupines write their reports with?
A: Quill pens.
Q: What do skeletons call study periods?
A: Skull sessions.
Q: What do you call a cartoon that’s been thrown out of school?
A: Suspended animation.
Q: What do you call a computer superhero?
A: A screen saver.
Q: What do you call a great phys ed teacher?
A: A gym dandy.
Q: What do you call a mistake by the entire homeroom?
A: A class trip.
Q: What do you call a place where a law student lives?
A: A legal pad.
Q: What do you call a pupil who sneezes in class?
A: A wheeze kid.
Q: What do you call a red-headed lady on a blue and white plane travelling from New York to Los Angeles?
A: A passenger.
Q: What do you call a school where all the students are over six feet tall?
A: A high school.
Q: What do you call an ice skating goalie who skips school?
A: A hooky player.
Q: What do you call books read by Dallas students?
A: Tex books.
Q: What do you call it when a student can’t answer the questions on another student’s computer test?
A: Hard copy.
Q: What do you call it when a teacher promotes a male deer?
A: Passing the buck.
Q: What do you call it when your father has to take a test?
A: A pop quiz.
Q: What do you call Oreos that skip class?
A: Cookie cutters.
Q: What do you call someone who sleeps in class?
A: ‘Bored’ Of education.
Q: What do you call the front page of a geography book?
A: The table of continents.
Q: What do you call the study of seaweed?
A: Algae-bra.
Q: What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a Boy Scout?
A: I don’t know, but it sure could pitch a tent.
Q: What do you get when you cross a class clown with Mr. Spock?
A: A funny Vulcan.
Q: What do you get when you cross a clock with a cigarette?
A: Second-hand smoke.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer, a slob and an Olympic athlete?
A: A sloppy discus thrower.
Q: What do you get when you cross a famous cartoon team with a star?
A: Rocky and Bulltwinkle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a goat with a kangaroo?
A: A kid with a built-in school bag.
Q: What do you get when you cross a karate instructor with a wheelbarrow?
A: A chopping cart.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A: A tongue twister.
Q: What do you get when you cross a swimming pool with a movie house?
A: A dive-in theatre.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A: Lots of blood tests.
Q: What do you get when you cross an English teacher with a track team?
A: A run-on sentence.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with a shackle?
A: A chain letter.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with a top?
A: Dizzy spells.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with the tennis team?
A: Love letters.
Q: What do you get when you cross the English department with the school cafeteria?
A: Alphabet soup.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Greatest Show on Earth with the Ice Capades?
A: A three-rink circus.
Q: What do you get when you cross the tennis team with geometric figures?
A: A love triangle.
Q: What do you get when you graduate from the police academy?
A: The third degree.
Q: What do construction workers play with in kindergarten?
A: Building blocks.
Q: What do you call a bird who tattles to the lifeguard?
A: A pool pigeon.
Q: What do you call a boy who can subtract, multiply, and divide, but can’t add?
A: A total failure.
Q: What does a banana need to become President?
A: A peel.
Q: What does a dog get when it graduates from obedience school?
A: A pedigree.
Q: What does a hungry math teacher like to eat best?
A: A square meal.
Q: What does a sick teacher take?
A: Pu-pils.
Q: What does a sick preacher take?
A: Pew-pills.
Q: What education is geared to helping students get jobs?
A: Hire education.
Q: What English King invented the fireplace?
A: Alfred the Grate.
Q: What exercise makes you miss school?
A: Skipping.
Q: What famous chiropodist ruled England?
A: William the Corn-cutter.
Q: What famous nurse rarely got dressed in the morning?
A: Florence Nightingown.
Q: What goes “ring, ring” every morning at the wrong time?
A: A false alarm clock.
Q: What golf equipment was out when attendance was taken?
A: Absent-tees.
Q: What grades did the pirate get in school?
A: High seas.
Q: What group do happy students join?
A: The glee club.
Q: What happened to the student who swallowed a dictionary?
A: The nurse couldn’t get a word out of him.
Q: What happened to the vegetables misbehaving in the cafeteria?
A: They found themselves in hot water.
Q: What happened when the basketball team brought razors to the game?
A: They were accused of shaving points.
Q: What happened when the chemistry students met?
A: It was lab at first sight.
Q: What happened when the dog went to school?
A: It had a ruff time.
Q: What happened when the English teacher’s dictionary was stolen?
A: She was at a loss for words.
Q: What happened when the investor put all his money into erasers?
A: He was wiped out.
Q: What happened when the lion tamer put his head into the lion’s mouth to count how many teeth he had?
A: The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the lion tamer had.
Q: What happened when the lollipops played against the school team?
A: They got licked.
Q: What happened when the sailor saw his report card?
A: He got “C” sick.
Q: What happened when the school custodian ran for election?
A: He was swept into office.
Q: What happened when the steam hammer was invented?
A: It made a big hit.
Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It started a revolution.
Q: What happened when the writing class got hungry?
A: They ate their words.
Q: What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to?
A: She draws a smack.
Q: What happens when a lion goes to school?
A: Enrollment drops.
Q: What happens when vowels lend money?
A: They end with an IOU.
Q: What happens when you fail geometry?
A: It’s back to square one.
Q: What invincible warrior has a dome-shaped head?
A: Conehead the Barbarian.
Q: What is a forum?
A: Two-um plus two-um.
Q: What is an octopus?
A: An eight-sided cat.
Q: What is grey, has a trunk but no tags, and keeps circling the airport?
A: An unclaimed elephant on the baggage carousel.
Q: What is it called when two students are admitted to college for the price of one?
A: Two-ition.
Q: What is it that we find so easy to get into and so hard to get out of?
A: Bed.
Q: What is lighter than a feather, but can’t be held for five minutes?
A: Your breath.
Q: What is raised in Brazil during the rainy season?
A: Umbrellas.
Q: What is the difference between electricity and lightning?
A: You don’t have to pay for lightning.
Q: What is the leading cause of dry skin?
A: Towels.
Q: What is the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day with no Eve.
Q: What job did the skull apply for in science?
A: Department head.
Q: What kind of bee drops its honey?
A: A spilling bee.
Q: What kind of boats are designed for students?
A: Scholarships.
Q: What kind of candy do kids eat at the school playground?
A: Recess pieces.
Q: What kind of dial casts a shadow but should never be asked the time?
A: A crock-a-dial.
Q: What kind of geometric shape keeps falling apart?
A: A wreck-tangle.
Q: What kind of homework do trolls bring home from school?
A: Gnomework.
Q: What kind of invention was the clock?
A: A timely one.
Q: What kind of joe-ks did Einstein like?
A: Wisecracks.
Q: What kind of reviews did the cooking class get?
A: They were panned.
Q: What kind of school book does a tree have?
A: Looseleaf.
Q: What kind of school does Sherlock Holmes attend?
A: Elementary, my dear Watson.
Q: What kind of suit would you wear to a mermaid’s wedding?
A: A wet suit, silly!
Q: What kinds of tests do they give witches?
A: Hex-aminations.
Q: What kind of wood is used to build universities?
A: College boards.
Q: What letter comes after “A”?
A: All the others.
Q: What made ten passengers hurry off the Greyhound?
A: A flea collar.
Q: What math tool do baseball players use?
A: A slide rule.
Q: What mouthwash do bio teachers use?
A: Micro-scope.
Q: What must you pay to get to school?
A: Attention.
Q: What piece of underwear did the law student carry in his attache case?
A: His briefs.
Q: What place in New York do math teachers like?
A: Times Square.
Q: What punctuation mark is the longest?
A: The hundred-yard dash.
Q: What punctuation mark is used in writing dance music?
A: The polka dot.
Q: What school event do labour leaders like?
A: Re-unions.
Q: What sickness do you get when you’re tired of school?
A: Class-trophobia.
Q: What side of a killer shark should you stay away from?
A: The inside.
Q: What snack did the computer laptop have?
A: Computer chips.
Q: What soccer player is never promoted?
A: The left back.
Q: What state has no capital?
A: A state of mind.
Q: What tables don’t you have to learn?
A: Dinner tables.
Q: What team cries when it loses?
A: The bawl team.
Q: What three R’s do cheerleaders have to learn?
A: Rah! Rah! Rah!
Q: What type of math do pilots study?
A: Plane geometry.
Q: What type of math do sharpshooters study?
A: Trigger-nometry.
Q: What is the favourite sermon of the painter-turned-pastor?
A: “Repaint and thin no more.”
Q: What is the Joe-kster’s pen name?
A: He doesn’t have a name for his pen.
Q: What type of vehicle is useful for people with tired feet?
A: A toe truck.
Q: What was Camelot famous for?
A: It’s knight life.
Q: What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
A: Speaking Latin.
Q: What was the highest mountain before Mt. Everest was discovered?
A: Mt. Everest, of course.
Q: What was the twins’ specialty in baseball?
A: The double play.
Q: What do you get when you cross a canary with a carrier pigeon?
A: A singing telegram.
Q: What has four heads, runs forward and backwards very fast and loves to play?
A: A VCR.
Q: What has three feet, three eyes and two bills?
A: A duck with spare parts.
Q: What vehicle doesn’t burn gas, but is the most expensive to operate?
A: A supermarket cart.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a banker with a kangaroo?
A: Vault-zing Matilda.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a duck with an alligator?
A: A quack-a-dile.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a germ with a comedian?
A: Sick joe-ks.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a hot-air balloon with a ghost?
A: High spirits.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the geology department with the school band?
A: Rock music.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the music department with the school nurse?
A: A band aid.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the school library with a genius?
A: A novel idea.
Q: What’s a bird’s favourite software?
A: A seedy ROM.
Q: What’s a cat’s best subject?
A: Meow-sic.
Q: What’s a frankfurter’s favourite car?
A: A Rolls.
Q: What’s a geology teacher’s favourite movie?
A: Rocky.
Q: What’s a history teacher’s favourite quiz show?
A: The Dating Game.
Q: What’s a hockey team’s motto?
A: “The puck stops here.”
Q: What’s a magician’s favourite subject?
A: Trick-enometry.
Q: What’s a mushroom?
A: The place where they store school food.
Q: What’s a parrot’s best subject?
A: Polly-tics.
Q: What’s a pig’s skin used for?
A: To keep the pig together.
Q: What’s a pronoun?
A: A noun that gets paid.
Q: What’s a report card?
A: A poison pen letter written by a teacher.
Q: What’s a spendthrift’s favourite subject?
A: Shop.
Q: What’s a synonym?
A: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.
Q: What’s a teacher?
A: One who uses marking pens for penning marks.
Q: What’s an American president’s occupation?
A: Cabinetmaker.
Q: What’s an astronaut’s favourite place on a computer?
A: The space bar.
Q: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother’s day?
A: The school bus.
Q: What’s more accurate than a digital watch and able to tell time with a single bound?
A: Clock Kent.
Q: What’s orange, good for your eyes, and jumps out of airplanes?
A: Carrot-troopers.
Q: What’s the best looking geometric figure?
A: Acute triangle.
Q: What’s the best part of the school year?
A: Summer vacation.
Q: What’s the best way to cut down on air pollution in schools?
A: Use unleaded pencils.
Q: What’s the best way to pass a geometry test?
A: Know all the angles.
Q: What’s the capital of Arkansas?
A: A.
Q: What’s the connecting link between the animal and vegetable kingdoms?
A: Stew.
Q: What’s the difference between a baker and an overweight sleeper?
A: One bakes the bread, the other breaks the bed.
Q: What’s the difference between a baseball announcer and an abusive dog owner?
A: One spots the hit, the other hits the Spot.
Q: What’s the difference between a bird watcher and a bad speller?
A: One watches birds and the other botches words.
Q: What’s the difference between a clumsy acrobat on ice and a gutsy acrobat at Niagara Falls?
A: One falls over the barrels, the other barrels over the falls.
Q: What’s the difference between a computer and a prison warden?
A: One executes a program, the other programs an execution.
Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit bill and a rabbit with mental problems?
A: One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny.
Q: What’s the difference between a failing math student and a rabbit?
A: The rabbit can multiply.
Q: What’s the difference between a gambler and a person who contributes to charities?
A: One cashes in his chips, the other chips in his cash.
Q: What’s the difference between a garbage truck and an army cafeteria?
A: One hauls a mess, the other’s a mess hall.
Q: What’s the difference between a glacier and a snow cone?
A: You can eat a snow cone in one afternoon.
Q: What’s the difference between a pen and a pencil?
A: You push a pen but a pencil must be lead.
Q: What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a cold?
A: One knows the stops and the other stops the nose.
Q: What’s the difference between a stool pigeon and an earthquake?
A: One cracks under pressure, the other pressures under cracks.
Q: What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
A: One minds the train and other trains the mind.
Q: What’s the difference between an active verb and a passive verb?
A: An active verb shows action and a passive verb shows passion.
Q: What’s the difference between Cinderella’s shoe and a kid who plays hooky?
A: One’s a glass slipper, the other’s a class skipper.
Q: What’s the difference between teachers and trains?
A: Trains say “Choo Choo!” and teachers say “Spit that gum out!”
Q: What’s the first thing to do with a barrel of crude oil?
A: Teach it some manners.
Q: What’s the hardest part of grammar for criminals?
A: The prison sentence.
Q: What’s the highest quality school class?
A: First grade.
Q: What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
A: You can’t keep a good man down.
Q: What’s the most educated room in the house?
A: The study.
Q: What’s the most educated scientific instrument?
A: A thermometer because it has so many degrees.
Q: What’s the most important thing about 18th Century scientists?
A: They are all dead.
Q: What’s worse than looking into the eye of a great white shark?
A: Looking into his tonsils.
Q: What’s yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?
A: A dead school bus.
Q: When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace.
Q: When do math teachers die?
A: When their number is up.
Q: When do you use both a desk and a table at school?
A: When you’re doing multiplication.
Q: When does a track star put a faucet on his leg?
A: When he has water on the knee.
Q: When does school usually begin?
A: Too soon.
Q: When fish swim in schools, who helps their teacher?
A: The herring aid.
Q: When gym teachers take planes, what class do they travel in?
A: Coach.
Q: When is a teacher like a bird of prey?
A: When she watches you like a hawk.
Q: When is attendance at school like a gift?
A: When you’re present.
Q: When is it correct to say, “I is”?
A: When the teacher asks, “What is the letter after ‘H’?”
When my grandfather died, he left us 500 clocks – it’ll take forever to wind up his estate.
Q: When was the Great Depression?
A: The last time I got my report card.
Q: When water becomes ice, what is the greatest change?
A: The price.
Q: When was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
A: When they had lots of sleepless knights.
Q: When were the Dark Ages?
A: During the days of the knights.
Q: Where are army recruits trained?
A: At private school.
Q: Where did Batman learn?
A: At the fly-by-night school.
Q: Where did high-school student’s younger brother go to school?
A: Junior high.
Q: Where did King Arthur send his court?
A: Knight school.
Q: Where did the Cyclops go after the sixth grade?
A: To junior eye school.
Q: Where did the door get its education?
A: The school of hard knocks.
Q: Where did the fireplace go to school?
A: Kindle-garten.
Q: Where did the gangplank get it’s education?
A: At boarding school.
Q: Where did the ornamental bracelet get its education?
A: Charm school.
Q: Where did the Pilgrims land when they came to America?
A: On their feet.
Q: Where did the rhino sit in the school band?
A: In the horn section.
Q: Where do athletes go to college?
A: The uni-varsity.
Q: Where do belly dancers get their education?
A: At the Navel Academy.
Q: Where do children in Finland study?
A: At Finishing school.
Q: Where do compasses get their education?
A: West Point.
Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: A disk-o.
Q: Where do cows get their education?
A: Second dairy school.
Q: Where do detergents sit in the ballpark?
A: In the bleachers.
Q: Where do furniture polishers get their education?
A: At finishing school.
Q: Where do math teachers go to eat?
A: The lunch counter.
Q: Where do mothers learn to feed their babies?
A: Nursery school.
Q: Where do politicians learn to be candidates?
A: Primary school.
Q: Where do report cards get their education?
A: In grade school.
Q: Where do sheep go after high school?
A: The ewe-niversity.
Q: Where do sleepy students carry their books?
A: In a napsack.
Q: Where do travel agents learn their trade?
A: Vacational school.
Q: Where do small intestines go to school?
A: Kidney-garten.
Q: Where do track stars keep their valuables?
A: In a pole vault.
Q: Where do you do arithmetic?
A: On multiplication tables.
Q: Where do you find Canada?
A: On a map.
Q: Where do you go to take a course in making ice cream?
A: Sundae school.
Q: Where do you learn proper English?
A: Grammar school.
Q: Where does a dwarf go to school?
A: An institute of lower learning.
Q: Where does a student talk about his experiments?
A: In the science blab.
Q: Where does it never rain?
A: Under an umbrella.
Q: Where does King Arthur keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
Q: Where does milk come from?
A: The supermarket.
Q: Where is milk stored?
A: In a cow.
Q: Where’s the best place to grow flowers in a school?
A: In the kinder-garden.
Q: Where’s the fencing coach?
A: Out to lunge.
Q: Which football player smells the most?
A: Offensive right guard.
Q: Which month has 28 days?
A: They all do.
Q: Who always fires the cannon at military school?
A: Some big shot.
Q: Who are the happiest people on the football field?
A: The cheerleaders.
Q: Who are the most athletic boys?
A: Physical Ed and Jim.
Q: Who arrested the tennis team?
A: The racket squad.
Q: Who did the math teacher date?
A: A real hot number.
Q: Who did the science teacher give his Bunsen burner to?
A: His old flame.
Q: Who does everyone in college confide in?
A: The Dean of Admissions.
Q: Who gets all dressed up and draws on napkins?
A: Hanky Doodle Dandy.
Q: Who guards the school library?
A: The bookkeeper.
Q: Who invented King Arthur’s round table?
A: Sir Cumference.
Q: Who invented the first pen?
A: The Incas.
Q: Who is in charge of school supplies?
A: The ruler.
Q: Who only reads underground?
A: Bookworms.
Q: Who replaced the teacher?
A: The subst-toot.
Q: Who studies on the highway?
A: Road scholars.
Q: Who teaches goats at home?
A: Their nanny.
Q: Who teaches students to play the flute?
A: Private tooters.
Q: Who was the biggest thief in history?
A: Atlas – he held up the whole world.
Q: Who was the first couple to study science?
A: Atom and Eve.
Q: Who was the most feared student in the Old West?
A: Bully the Kid.
Q: Who wears different kinds of clothing all at the same time?
A: A student body.
Q: Why are lobsters red?
A: You would be too if you swam around in a supermarket tank with no clothes on.
Q: Why are pilots bad at basketball?
A: They keep traveling.
Q: Why are sardines the dubm-est fish?
A: Who else would lock themselves in a can and leave the key outside?
Q: Why are school buses yellow?
A: Because they ran out of purple.
Q: Why are teachers rather special?
A: They are usually in a class by themselves.
Q: Why aren’t babies allowed to take tests?
A: Because they all have crib sheets.
Q: Why can you always tell what Dick and Jane are going to do next?
A: They’re easy to read.
Q: Why couldn’t the elephant join the swimming team?
A: It forgot its trunks.
Q: Why couldn’t the flower go to school on its bike?
A: The peddles were broken.
Q: Why couldn’t the music teacher get into the classroom?
A: All the keys were in the piano.
Q: Why couldn’t the ruler stand up in class?
A: It only had one foot.
Q: Why couldn’t the tree answer the teacher’s question?
A: It was stumped.
Q: Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So no one could corner him.
Q: Why did Columbus discover America?
A: So something could happen in 1492.
Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York?
A: She fell for the Big Apple.
Q: Why did everyone think the English teacher was very old?
A: She said she taught Shakespeare.
Q: Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
A: He liked to chop and change.
Q: Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
A: He wanted Mark Antony.
Q: Why did Larry and Curly bring their brother to school?
A: It was Moe-and-tell time.
Q: Why did the 25-watt bulb flunk out of school?
A: He wasn’t very bright.
Q: Why did the absent-minded professor put glue on his head?
A: He thought it would make things stick in his mind.
Q: Why did the art student study math?
A: So she could paint by number.
Q: Why did the art teacher paint the alphabet crimson?
A: He wanted it to be a red-letter day.
Q: Why did the art teacher put her colours on a diet?
A: To make the paint thinner.
Q: Why did the art teacher take her paints to the track meet?
A: Because the colours ran.
Q: Why did the astronomy teacher search through the school cafeteria utensils?
A: He was looking for the big dipper.
Q: Why did the baby computer stay away from school?
A: It had a bad virus.
Q: Why did the baby go to chemistry class?
A: To learn formulas.
Q: Why did the baker go to math class?
A: To learn the value of pi.
Q: Why did the banana become a cheerleader?
A: So it could do banana splits.
Q: Why did the bear join the school paper?
A: It wanted to be a cub reporter.
Q: Why did the beautician go to school?
A: The teacher was giving a make-up exam.
Q: Why did the bird watcher study his throat?
A: So he could catch a few swallows.
Q: Why did the blackboard get mad at school?
A: It got rubbed the wrong way.
Q: Why did the book need a chiropractor?
A: It had a paperback.
Q: Why did the butcher go to medical school?
A: He wanted to learn to cure ham.
Q: Why did the cabbie rush to school?
A: To take a crash course.
Q: Why did the camera club go to the track meet?
A: They were hoping for a photo finish.
Q: Why did the captain go to college?
A: For the major.
Q: Why did the carpenter study math?
A: So he could build multiplication tables.
Q: Why did the coach bring the crate to the baseball game?
A: He wanted to see the box score.
Q: Why did the composer coach the baseball team?
A: Because he knew how to score.
Q: Why did the computer screen go to school?
A: So it could become a school monitor.
Q: Why did the cow study rocketry?
A: To visit the Milky Way.
Q: Why did the electrician go to school?
A: To study current events.
Q: Why did the cafeteria worker want to become a detective?
A: So she could grill the hot dogs.
Q: Why did the captain miss school?
A: Because he was a skipper.
Q: Why did the cat take a computer course?
A: To get hold of a mouse.
Q: Why did the caterpillar go to the library?
A: It wanted to become a bookworm.
Q: Why did the chicken go to school?
A: For eggstra credit.
Q: Why did the chicken like school so much?
A: It was egg-citing!
Q: Why did the computer go to the school cafeteria?
A: It wanted a few bytes.
Q: Why did the cow quit school?
A: She had a beef with the teacher.
Q: Why did the crazy gymnast stay on the beam?
A: He was unbalanced.
Q: Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
A: He only had one pupil.
Q: Why did the diaper quit the wrestling team?
A: It was always getting pinned.
Q: Why did the donut join the basketball team?
A: To practice dunking.
Q: Why did the drama club break their legs?
A: So they could have a cast party.
Q: Why did the drama club put in detention?
A: They kept acting up.
Q: Why did the drama club stop functioning?
A: They couldn’t get their act together.
Q: Why did the English student stuff a handkerchief in his mouth?
A: So he could become a gag writer.
Q: Why did the entertainer go to school?
A: He had a class act.
Q: Why did the exchange student take his books on the boat?
A: So he could study overseas.
Q: Why did the exterminator go to the camera club?
A: It was full of shutterbugs.
Q: Why did the failing student apply for a charge card?
A: She needed extra credit.
Q: Why did the failing student feel ashamed?
A: He was degraded.
Q: Why did the farmer go to school?
A: He heard they were having a field trip.
Q: Why did the fashion-conscious student fail?
A: She had a clothes mind.
Q: Why did the fish miss the English class?
A: It got hooked on phonics.
Q: Why did the fly head for the alarm clock?
A: He wanted to land on time.
Q: Why did the football coach send in the second string?
A: To tie up the score.
Q: Why did the football player carry a spare pencil?
A: In case they needed an extra point.
Q: Why did the giant go to college?
A: So he could be a big man on campus.
Q: Why did the girl get an “incomplete” in her Italian class?
A: She never turned in her Rome work.
Q: Why did the girl refuse to stand in line to get to the auditorium?
A: She didn’t want to be on an assembly line.
Q: Why did the glee club members get along so well together?
A: They were all in a chord.
Q: Why did the guitar leave music class?
A: Everyone kept picking on it.
Q: Why did the headless horseman go to college?
A: To join the student body.
Q: Why did the high school senior tie himself up?
A: So he’d be bound for college.
Q: Why did the high school student try out for soccer?
A: It was his goal in life.
Q: Why did the history book go out so much?
A: It had a lot of dates.
Q: Why did the ice cream cone join the school newspaper?
A: It knew all the scoops.
Q: Why did the injured skeleton take up sewing?
A: So his bones would knit.
Q: Why did the jailer buy a microscope?
A: He liked to look at cells.
Q: Why did the janitor join the wrestling team?
A: So he could mop up the floor with his opponent.
Q: Why did the janitor quit his job?
A: He wanted to make a clean sweep.
Q: Why did the kids get wet going to school?
A: There were in a carpool.
Q: Why did the lazy student think he could become an astronaut?
A: His teacher told him he was taking up space.
Q: Why did the left-handed student fail his essay test?
A: He couldn’t right.
Q: Why did the lettuce study so hard?
A: It wanted to be at the head of its class.
Q: Why did the little girl watch the alphabet?
A: She was told to min her P’s and Q’s.
Q: Why did the locomotive go to the gym?
A: To join the track team.
Q: Why did the long-distance runner get good grades?
A: He was on track.
Q: Why did the mailman take the alphabet?
A: So he could deliver the letters.
Q: Why did the math teacher join the glee club?
A: She wanted to sing in a few numbers.
Q: Why did the math teacher retire?
A: His number was up.
Q: Why did the millionaire give the music school a new piano?
A: He was an organ donor.
Q: Why did the navigator want to go away to college?
A: He wanted to live on compass.
Q: Why did the optometrist go to school?
A: To keep an eye on things.
Q: Why did the orange go home early?
A: It wasn’t peeling too well.
Q: Why did the pencil sharpener keep arguing with the pencil?
A: The sharpener was trying to make a point.
Q: Why did the piano teacher chase the elephant with a feather?
A: She wanted to tickle his ivories.
Q: Why did the Pilgrims wear tall funny hats?
A: So years later joe-ks could be made about them in joe-ks.com!
Q: Why did the plywood join the debating team?
A: So it could have a panel discussion.
Q: Why did the policeman study the alphabet?
A: To follow the letter of the law.
Q: Why did the pool player ruin the school play?
A: He missed his cue.
Q: Why did the quarterback go to college?
A: To get a passing grade.
Q: Why did the robin flunk out of school?
A: He was a bird brain.
Q: Why did the Romans build straight roads?
A: So their soldiers didn’t go around the bend.
Q: Why did the school bell think it was engaged?
A: Someone gave it a ring.
Q: Why did the school camera club close?
A: It lost its focus.
Q: Why did the school orchestra terminate?
A: It was disbanded.
Q: Why did the school paper take 365 days to come out?
A: It wanted to be a yearbook.
Q: Why did the school teacher excuse the firefly?
A: Because if you have to glow, you have to glow.
Q: Why did the science teacher and her husband get divorced?
A: They didn’t have the right chemistry.
Q: Why did the skeleton go to school?
A: To bone up on a few things.
Q: Why did the soldiers go to college?
A: To pick a major.
Q: Why did the soloist turn her back on the school band?
A: She didn’t want to face the music.
Q: Why did the speed demon go to class?
A: To take an accelerated course.
Q: Why did the spirit study English?
A: To become a ghostwriter.
Q: Why did the student beat up his text books?
A: He was told to hit the books.
Q: Why did the student bring a ladder to school?
A: He was interested in higher education.
Q: Why did the student bring his wallet to speech class?
A: He heard that money talks.
Q: Why did the student carry a parachute to school?
A: He was planning to drop out.
Q: Why did the student come to school with two clocks?
A: He wanted to keep up with the times.
Q: Why did the student eat geometric figures?
A: So he could have three square meals a day.
Q: Why did the student glue himself to his report?
A: He was trying to stick to the subject.
Q: Why did the student put on eyeliner and mascara in school?
A: Because the teacher said she was giving the class a make-up exam.
Q: Why did the student take her math homework to gym class?
A: She wanted to work out her problems.
Q: Why did the student take sour cream to the swimming pool?
A: He wanted to take a dip in the pool.
Q: Why did the student think his teacher was colour-blind?
A: Because every time she caught him cheating, she said she was seeing red.
Q: Why did the student think she was aging quickly?
A: She was told she would be a senior the next year.
Q: Why did the student throw Alka Seltzer into the swimming pool?
A: So he could study fizz ed.
Q: Why did the student wear a leash to school?
A: He wanted to be teacher’s pet.
Q: Why did the substitute football player start a fire?
A: Because the coach told him to warm the bench.
Q: Why did the supermodel get an “A” in math?
A: She was great with figures.
Q: Why did the teacher bring honey to school?
A: She wanted bee students.
Q: Why did the teacher put rubber bands on her students’ heads?
A: So they could make snap decisions.
Q: Why did the teacher take away the student’s scissors?
A: She didn’t want him to cut class.
Q: Why did the teacher try to return her pupils?
A: They were exchange students.
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright.
Q: Why did the teacher’s watch go “tick, tick, tick”?
A: It wasn’t allowed to tock in class.
Q: Why did the tennis player bring a tray to practice?
A: It was his turn to serve.
Q: Why did the thermometer go to college?
A: To pick up a few degrees.
Q: Why did the third grader bring a lightbulb to school?
A: He had a bright idea.
Q: Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?
A: He heard they needed a little school spirit.
Q: Why did the track star enter the student government?
A: So he could run for office.
Q: Why did the track star repave the driveway?
A: The coach told him to do a little road work.
Q: Why did the track team bring a gate to the gym?
A: She wanted to take fencing lessons.
Q: Why did the track team buy CD’s?
A: They were always breaking records.
Q: Why did the tree pick up a book?
A: To leaf through it.
Q: Why did the vampire want to go to the biology class?
A: He heard the teacher was an old bat.
Q: Why did the vowels take driver’s ed?
A: So they could make a U turn.
Q: Why did the washcloth leave the boxing match?
A: Someone threw in the towel.
Q: Why did the wheel get a liberal education?
A: It was well-rounded.
Q: Why did the word processor fall in love with the English teacher?
A: She was his type.
Q: Why did they call the geology teacher crazy?
A: He had rocks in his head.
Q: Why did they say the school band was unsinkable?
A: Nobody could drown them out.
Q: Why did they stop playing water polo at school?
A: All the horses kept drowning.
Q: Why did they stop using the car for driver’s ed?
A: It was retired.
Q: Why didn’t the bowling pins go to school?
A: They were on strike.
Q: Why didn’t the dry cleaner finish the test?
A: He had pressing problems.
Q: Why didn’t the girls’ softball team wear stockings?
A: They had runs in them.
Q: Why didn’t the lamb graduate?
A: It was left baa-ck.
Q: Why didn’t the school alarm go off in
A: I find you very attractive.
Q: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A: Pouch potato.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy.
Q: What bird can lift the most?
A: A crane.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Steal its chair.
Q: What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?
A: Your breath.
Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: At the bottom.
Q: What do you call 2 boys hanging from the ceiling?
A: Curt and Rod.
Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
A: Comet.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why do oysters never give money to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.
Q: What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a dog?
A: An animal that buries itself.
Q: How do you kill a circus?
A: Go for the juggler.
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: Why do black widow spiders eat their males after mating?
A: To stop them from snoring.
Q: What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine.
Q: What did the hat say to the scarf?
A: You hang around while I go on a head.
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
Q: Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
A: The poor didn't have anything worth stealing.
Q: Why do monks always wear brown?
A: It's just their habit.
Q: What do you get if you pull your pants up to your neck?
A: A chest of drawers.
Q: Why does an elephant never forget?
A: What has he got to remember?
Q: Did you hear about the two fat athletes?
A: One ran in short bursts and the other ran in burst shorts.
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?
A: When everyone's eaten.
Q: Why did the cannibal policeman get the sack?
A: He was caught grilling his suspects.
Q: Why were the cannibals sick after eating the missionary?
A: You can't keep a good man down.
Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humour?
A: Laughing stock.
Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?
A: Because they don't know the words.
Q: Why didn't the millionaire report his stolen credit card?
A: The thief was spending less than his wife used to.
Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: Cliff.
Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a man who's been buried for 2000 years?
A: Pete.
Q: What's the definition of experience?
A: Something you don't get until just after you need it.
Q: What's covered in cellophane and climbs up and down a rope?
A: The lunchpack of Notre Dame.
Q: What happened when the policeman caught a boy drinking battery acid and another eating fireworks?
A: He charged one and let the other off.
Q: What do you give a man who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
Q: What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A: All the information you need, but you can't understand a word of it.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What do politicians use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the best way to make sure you always remember your wife's birthday?
A: Forget it once.
Q: What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
A: “You take me for grunted.”
Q: Why do psychiatrists give patients shock treatment?
A: To prepare them for the bill.
Q: What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?
A: “Dam!”
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the TV remote control between his toes.
Q: What's the disadvantage of keeping an open mind?
A: Your ideas might fall out.
Q: Why does history keep repeating itself?
A: Because we weren't listening the first time.
Q: Why didn't the hen-pecked husband speak to his wife for a month?
A: He didn't want to interrupt her.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Someone has to stay around to clean up after them.
Q: When does a woman care deeply for her husband's company?
A: When he owns it.
Q: Why do men prefer electric lawn mowers?
A: So they can find their way back to the house.
Q: Why are men like mascara?
A: They run at the first sign of emotion.
Q: Why are men like placemats?
A: They only show up when there's food on the table.
Q: What do you say to a Medieval man when he goes to bed?
A: Knighty Knight.
Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.
Q: Why can't you tell joe-ks to an egg?
A: Because it will crack up!
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is the difference between out-laws and in-laws?
A: Out-laws are wanted.
Q: What tree has the biggest bark?
A: Dogwood.
Q: How do you mend a broken heart?
A: With duct tape.
Abel had 3 children.
Cain had no children.
Do you know why?
...
...
...
...
He was not Able.
Q: Where does a ship go when it gets sick?
A: To the dock.
Q: What happened to the 2 peanuts that crossed the road?
A: One was assaulted.
Q: What did mama tomato say to baby tomato when they were crossing the street?
A: Catch up!
Q: What do you call an empty jar of cheese whiz?
A: Cheeze was.
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
A: Na cho cheese.
If you eat pasta and antipasta during dinner, are you still hungry?
Q: What do you get when you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A: A tongue twister.
Q: A unicorn has one horn and a bull has two. Does anything have more?
A: Yes – an orchestra.
Q: Did you hear about the absent-minded Siamese twins?
A: Everything goes in one ear and out the brother.
Did you hear about the athlete who was so dubm that when he earned his varsity letter, somebody had to read it to him?
Q: Did you hear about the baseball player who went to Church twice a day?
A: He kept hoping for a double pray.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde athlete who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
A: She was so proud of it she had it bronzed.
Q: Did you hear about the computer that died?
A: It had a terminal illness.
Q: Did you hear about the depressed prisoner?
A: He was down, but not out.
Q: Did you hear about the dubm-est bank robber in the world?
A: He put a paper bag on his head and told the teller to put all the money in the stocking.
Q: Did you hear about the duck who’s a plastic surgeon?
A: His motto is “Pay now, bill later.”
Did you hear about the goose that watched a horror movie and got people-bumps?
Did you hear about the groom who tried to kiss his bride in the fog and mist?
Q: Did you hear about the group of people who got stranded in the mall?
A: They were shopwrecked.
Q: A class has a top and a bottom. What is in the middle?
A: The student body.
Did you hear about the guy who’s so lazy, he hires other people to walk in his sleep?
Q: Did you hear about the letter T having an identity crisis?
A: It wants to be just like U.
Q: Did you hear about the lion that swallowed a computer?
A: Talk about a mane frame - he couldn’t eat another byte!
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine>
A: He’s fully recovered.
Q: Did you hear about the Moroff who drove his truck off the cliff?
A: He wanted to test his new air brakes.
Q: Did you hear about the moth that flew into the two-year-old’s birthday party?
A: He burned his end at both candles.
Q: Did you hear about the music lover who tried out for the Olympics?
A: He’s a compact disc thrower.
Q: Did you hear about the new TV series called “Flashback?”
A: It’s a half hour show and goes from 9:00 to 8:30.
Q: Did you hear about the second-string football player who flooded the stadium with water?
A: He was hoping the coach would send him in as a sub.
Did you hear about the student who got a D minor on his band report card?
Q: Did you hear about the trombone player who got kicked out of the school band?
A: He kept letting things slide.
Q: Did you hear about the world’s dubm-est lottery?
A: For the jackpot you win a dollar a year for a million years.
Q: Did you hear there’s a new movie about a dentist who goes back and forth in time?
A: It’s called “Plaque to the Future.”
Q: Do fish perspire?
A: How do you think the sea gets so salty?
Q: Do old school teachers ever marry?
A: No, they just get dated.
Q: Do you go to school stupid?
A: Yes, and I come out the same way.
A midget psychic robbed the First National Bank and made off with all the cash – the police say the small medium is still at large.
Q: During which school period do cars get put together?
A: Assembly.
Ewe are so smart!
Greetings Cards:
To circus seals: “Best Fishes!”
To ghosts on January 1st: “Happy Boo Year!”
To lonely snakes: “I Hiss You!”
To maple trees: “Sappy Birthday!”
To married bugs: “Happy Ant-iversary!”
To sick lemons: “Hope You’re Feeling Bitter!”
To sick skunks: “Get Smell Soon!”
To vacationing rabbits: “Bunny Voyage!”
Q: Have you ever traced your ancestors?
A: Are you kidding? I can’t draw worth a nickel.
Q: “Have you missed school lately?”
A: “Not a bit.”
He’s so dubm he once got stuck on an escalator and didn’t know how to get down.
Q: How can you leave a classroom with two legs and come back with six?
A: Bring a chair back with you.
Q: How can you tell an Ivy League door?
A: It has a Yale lock.
Q: How can you tell when a swimming team is broke?
A: It can’t keep its head above water.
Q: How did Darth Vader’s parents get him to study?
A: By using the Force.
Q: How did the bumble bee get to school?
A: It took the school buzz.
Q: How did the card do on final exams?
A: It aced them.
Q: How did the corn do in the band?
A: It played by ear.
Q: How did the driver’s ed class celebrate getting new tires?
A: With a real blowout.
Q: How did the duck do on its report card?
A: All its grades were down.
Q: How did the hairstylist feel about school?
A: Shear delight.
Q: How did the mummy react to the dull class?
A: It was bored stiff.
Q: How did the school custodian make all his money?
A: He really cleaned up after work.
Q: How did the science teacher quiz her students?
A: With test tubes.
Q: How did the student do in fractions?
A: He wasn’t half bad.
Q: How did the teacher handle a class full of baby goats?
A: With kid gloves.
Q: How did the vampire student start a fire while studying?
A: By burning the midnight oil.
Q: How did the wrestler pin down the answers to the test?
A: He put a hold on them.
Q: How did they know the swimming team was inexperienced?
A: They were all wet behind the ears.
Q: How do babies cheat in nursery school?
A: They use their crib notes.
Q: How do blackboards start over?
A: With a clean slate.
Q: How do fleas get from one place to another?
A: They itch hike.
Q: How do law students date?
A: They court each other.
Q: How do we know that dolphins are intelligent?
A: Because it only takes them a few weeks to train a man to throw fish at them.
Q: How do you clear ice off the windows of tall buildings?
A: With a sky scraper.
Q: How do you define “buoyant”?
A: A male insect.
Q: How do you fire a math teacher?
A: Tell her she’s history.
Q: How do you grade libraries?
A: With bookmarks.
Q: “How do you like school?”
A: “Closed.”
Q: How do you know exercise keeps us healthy?
A: Did you ever see a germ on a rowing machine?
Q: How do you know school buses are afraid?
A: They’re yellow.
Q: How do you mail the alphabet?
A: In a letter box.
Q: How do you recognize math plants?
A: They have square roots.
Q: How do you say goodbye to the alphabet?
A: “A B C’ing you.”
Q: How do you stop an elephant from slipping through the eye of a needle?
A: Tie a knot in his tail.
Q: How does a blackboard handle bad times?
A: It chalks them up to bad experience.
Q: How does a dog answer the phone?
A: “Hello, this is the Lost and Hound.”
Q: How does a lobster remember the answers to a test?
A: By tying a string around his claw.
Q: How does a social science teacher break up with his girlfriend?
A: He tells her she’s history.
Q: How does a young ghost count?
A: One, boo, three.
Q: How far can you go in astronomy?
A: The sky’s the limit.
Q: “How far did you go in school?”
A: “About two miles.”
Q: How is a drama teacher like the Pony Express?
A: Because he is a stage coach.
Q: How is a hobo different from a non-smoking goat?
A: One smokes butts, the other butts smokers.
Q: How is a judge like an English teacher?
A: They both hand out long sentences.
Q: How is an empty classroom like a teacher with her eyes closed?
A: Because there are no pupils to be seen.
Q: How is my brother connected to the police department?
A: By a pair of handcuffs.
Q: How is the baseball slugger doing in school?
A: Batter.
Q: How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None if it turns itself in.
Q: How many judges does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to turn it and one to overturn it.
Q: How much fun can you have doing arithmetic?
A: Sum fun!
Q: How should you e-mail a student?
A: First class.
Q: How was the cooking class performance?
A: Well done.
Q: How was the driving teacher’s parking?
A: It was unparalleled.
Q: How was the rowing team punished?
A: They were paddled.
Q: I never move. I have no feet. But I wear shoes. What am I?
A: The sidewalk.
If astronauts are so smart, why are they always counting backwards?
Q: If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
A: His wife.
Q: If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for?
A: Old age.
Q: If the pilgrims got to America on the Mayflower, how do foreign students get here?
A: On scholarships.
Q: In what school do you have to drop out before you graduate?
A: Parachute school.
Q: In what subject do insects get their best grades?
A: A-gnat-omy.
Q: Is a hammer useful in math?
A: No, but multi-pliers are.
Q: Is it better to do your homework on a full or empty stomach?
A: It’s better to do it on paper.
Q: Is there a silent C n Connecticut?
A: No, but there’s a noisy ocean offshore.
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to have to vacuum it.
Q: Lori has it first. Phil has it last. Girls have it once. Boys never have it. What is it?
A: The letter “l.”
My doctor is so slow, his waiting room couch opens up into a sleeper.
Q: Name the constituents of quartz.
A: Pints.
There’s so much traffic in the gym the stationary bicycles have rear view mirrors.
Q: What animals help run computers?
A: Rams.
Q: What are the most confusing kind of books at the library?
A: Books of short tall stories.
Q: What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
A: Juve-niles.
Q: What assignment to Alaskans bring back from school?
A: Nome work.
Q: What ballet outfit do math teachers wear?
A: Two-twos.
Q: What can you never make with shaky penmanship?
A: Straight A’s.
Q: What class is full of wise guys?
A: The freshmen class.
Q: What class tells you about corridors?
A: Study hall.
Q: What club do fish like to join?
A: The debating team.
Q: What college courses do veterinarians take?
A: Baa-ology, Moo-sic, and Pig Latin.
Q: What college do lovers go to?
A: Embraceable U.
Q: What college do vines go to?
A: The Ivy League.
Q: What college is named for John Wayne?
A: Duke University.
Q: What comedy team eats carrots and tells joe-ks?
A: Rabbit and Costello.
Q: What comes after “G”?
A: Whiz.
Q: Then what comes after “O”?
A: Yeah.
Q: What course do golfers take?
A: Driver’s ed.
Q: What course do yodelers take?
A: Echo-nomics.
Q: What course talks about hamburgers?
A: Meat-eorology.
Q: What course teaches you about raw fish?
A: Sushi-ology.
Q: What course teaches you about soda?
A: Fizz-eology.
Q: What day does a fish hate the most?
A: Fryday.
Q: What day of school is the children’s favourite?
A: The last.
Q: What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
A: Toga-ther we can rule the world.
Q: What did Noah do for a job?
A: He was an ark-itecht.
Q: What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
A: He fished – but he didn’t’ catch much… he only had 2 worms.
Q: What did one blackboard say to the other?
A: “E-rase you to the corner.”
Q: What did the baker get at school?
A: He made the honour roll.
Q: What did the basketball player eat in the school cafeteria?
A: Hoop du jour.
Q: What did the billboard learn at school?
A: Sign language.
Q: What did the brilliant art student make with his brush?
A: A stroke of genius.
Q: What did the builder write his book report on?
A: Construction paper.
Q: What did the carpenter make for the textbook?
A: A table of contents.
Q: What did the chicken teach the typing class?
A: Hunt and peck.
Q: What did the chiropractor take at the end of his studies?
A: A spinal exam.
Q: What did the circle say to the square?
A: “I’ll be a round.”
Q: What did the Civil War book say when it left?
A: “I’m history.”
Q: What did the computer component call his son?
A: A chip off the old block.
Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: Had a byte.
Q: What did the dancing teacher call her dancing sibling?
A: A stepsister.
Q: What did the detective say when he arrested the librarian?
A: “Book ‘em!”
Q: What did the fish do in music class?
A: Play the scales.
Q: What did the football coach take with him on his fishing trip?
A: His tackle.
Q: What did the goalpost say to the football?
A: “You’ll get a kick out of this.”
Q: What did the horse get on its report card?
A: Straight hays.
Q: What did the leopard say to his friends in the school cafeteria?
A: “Save me a spot.”
Q: What did the lobster give his teacher?
A: A crab apple.
Q: What did the lobster major in at the police academy?
A: Claw enforcement.
Q: What did the loser at the solar system competition receive?
A: The constellation prize.
Q: What did the octopus hate most about being an octopus?
A: Washing his hands before dinner.
Q: What did the Parisian teacher make when she raised her glass?
A: A French toast.
Q: What did the pig put in the school computer?
A: Sloppy disks.
Q: What did the pile of leaves say to the gardener?
A: “Go ahead – rake my day.”
Q: What did the ruler say to the pencil?
A: “You have to draw the line somewhere.”
Q: What did the science teacher get when she cloned a piece of coal?
A: A carbon copy.
Q: What did the Sheriff Of Nottingham say when Robin fired at him?
A: “That was an arrow escape!”
Q: What did the skeleton play in the school band?
A: The trom-bone.
Q: What did the student say to the calculator?
A: “I’m counting on you.”
Q: What did the swimming coach do in the boxing match?
A: He took a dive.
Q: What did the teacher rabbit tell her bunnies?
A: Hare-raising stories.
Q: What did the teacher say to the naughty hornet?
A: “Beehive yourself.”
Q: What did the teacher say to the plumber taking classes?
A: “Pipe down.”
Q: What did the tennis team write for the school paper?
A: A love story.
Q: What did the turtles say to the teacher?
A: “You tortoise everything we know.”
Q: What did the weatherman say about his meteorology test?
A: “It was a breeze with only a few foggy patches.”
Q: What did they wear at the Boston Tea Party?
A: T-shirts.
Q: What did Tiger Woods study at school?
A: A golf course.
Q: “What did you learn your first day in school?”
A: “Not much. I have to go again tomorrow.”
Q: What do an army private and a waitress have in common?
A: They both take orders all day long .
Q: What do art teachers do on vacation?
A: They paint the town red.
Q: What do astronomy students scrub sinks with?
A: Comet.
Q: What do batteries study for?
A: The acid test.
Q: What do cows do best in driver’s ed?
A: Steer.
Q: What do earth science students weigh themselves on?
A: The Richter scale.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: What do fashionable biology students wear?
A: Designer genes.
Q: What do gangsters put on the front of their cars?
A: Hood ornaments.
Q: What do ghosts sing in the singing club?
A: Spirituals.
Q: What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
A: Dates.
Q: What do they talk about?
A: The good old days.
Q: What do history teachers talk to each other about?
A: Old times, of course.
Q: What do insects use to write reports?
A: Flypaper.
Q: What do lazy students do for the school play?
A: They understudy.
Q: What do mountain climbers’ kids like to play?
A: Height and Seek.
Q: What do pigs do after school?
A: Their hamwork.
Q: What do porcupines write their reports with?
A: Quill pens.
Q: What do skeletons call study periods?
A: Skull sessions.
Q: What do you call a cartoon that’s been thrown out of school?
A: Suspended animation.
Q: What do you call a computer superhero?
A: A screen saver.
Q: What do you call a great phys ed teacher?
A: A gym dandy.
Q: What do you call a mistake by the entire homeroom?
A: A class trip.
Q: What do you call a place where a law student lives?
A: A legal pad.
Q: What do you call a pupil who sneezes in class?
A: A wheeze kid.
Q: What do you call a red-headed lady on a blue and white plane travelling from New York to Los Angeles?
A: A passenger.
Q: What do you call a school where all the students are over six feet tall?
A: A high school.
Q: What do you call an ice skating goalie who skips school?
A: A hooky player.
Q: What do you call books read by Dallas students?
A: Tex books.
Q: What do you call it when a student can’t answer the questions on another student’s computer test?
A: Hard copy.
Q: What do you call it when a teacher promotes a male deer?
A: Passing the buck.
Q: What do you call it when your father has to take a test?
A: A pop quiz.
Q: What do you call Oreos that skip class?
A: Cookie cutters.
Q: What do you call someone who sleeps in class?
A: ‘Bored’ Of education.
Q: What do you call the front page of a geography book?
A: The table of continents.
Q: What do you call the study of seaweed?
A: Algae-bra.
Q: What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a Boy Scout?
A: I don’t know, but it sure could pitch a tent.
Q: What do you get when you cross a class clown with Mr. Spock?
A: A funny Vulcan.
Q: What do you get when you cross a clock with a cigarette?
A: Second-hand smoke.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer, a slob and an Olympic athlete?
A: A sloppy discus thrower.
Q: What do you get when you cross a famous cartoon team with a star?
A: Rocky and Bulltwinkle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a goat with a kangaroo?
A: A kid with a built-in school bag.
Q: What do you get when you cross a karate instructor with a wheelbarrow?
A: A chopping cart.
Q: What do you get when you cross a mouth with a tornado?
A: A tongue twister.
Q: What do you get when you cross a swimming pool with a movie house?
A: A dive-in theatre.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A: Lots of blood tests.
Q: What do you get when you cross an English teacher with a track team?
A: A run-on sentence.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with a shackle?
A: A chain letter.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with a top?
A: Dizzy spells.
Q: What do you get when you cross the alphabet with the tennis team?
A: Love letters.
Q: What do you get when you cross the English department with the school cafeteria?
A: Alphabet soup.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Greatest Show on Earth with the Ice Capades?
A: A three-rink circus.
Q: What do you get when you cross the tennis team with geometric figures?
A: A love triangle.
Q: What do you get when you graduate from the police academy?
A: The third degree.
Q: What do construction workers play with in kindergarten?
A: Building blocks.
Q: What do you call a bird who tattles to the lifeguard?
A: A pool pigeon.
Q: What do you call a boy who can subtract, multiply, and divide, but can’t add?
A: A total failure.
Q: What does a banana need to become President?
A: A peel.
Q: What does a dog get when it graduates from obedience school?
A: A pedigree.
Q: What does a hungry math teacher like to eat best?
A: A square meal.
Q: What does a sick teacher take?
A: Pu-pils.
Q: What does a sick preacher take?
A: Pew-pills.
Q: What education is geared to helping students get jobs?
A: Hire education.
Q: What English King invented the fireplace?
A: Alfred the Grate.
Q: What exercise makes you miss school?
A: Skipping.
Q: What famous chiropodist ruled England?
A: William the Corn-cutter.
Q: What famous nurse rarely got dressed in the morning?
A: Florence Nightingown.
Q: What goes “ring, ring” every morning at the wrong time?
A: A false alarm clock.
Q: What golf equipment was out when attendance was taken?
A: Absent-tees.
Q: What grades did the pirate get in school?
A: High seas.
Q: What group do happy students join?
A: The glee club.
Q: What happened to the student who swallowed a dictionary?
A: The nurse couldn’t get a word out of him.
Q: What happened to the vegetables misbehaving in the cafeteria?
A: They found themselves in hot water.
Q: What happened when the basketball team brought razors to the game?
A: They were accused of shaving points.
Q: What happened when the chemistry students met?
A: It was lab at first sight.
Q: What happened when the dog went to school?
A: It had a ruff time.
Q: What happened when the English teacher’s dictionary was stolen?
A: She was at a loss for words.
Q: What happened when the investor put all his money into erasers?
A: He was wiped out.
Q: What happened when the lion tamer put his head into the lion’s mouth to count how many teeth he had?
A: The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the lion tamer had.
Q: What happened when the lollipops played against the school team?
A: They got licked.
Q: What happened when the sailor saw his report card?
A: He got “C” sick.
Q: What happened when the school custodian ran for election?
A: He was swept into office.
Q: What happened when the steam hammer was invented?
A: It made a big hit.
Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It started a revolution.
Q: What happened when the writing class got hungry?
A: They ate their words.
Q: What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to?
A: She draws a smack.
Q: What happens when a lion goes to school?
A: Enrollment drops.
Q: What happens when vowels lend money?
A: They end with an IOU.
Q: What happens when you fail geometry?
A: It’s back to square one.
Q: What invincible warrior has a dome-shaped head?
A: Conehead the Barbarian.
Q: What is a forum?
A: Two-um plus two-um.
Q: What is an octopus?
A: An eight-sided cat.
Q: What is grey, has a trunk but no tags, and keeps circling the airport?
A: An unclaimed elephant on the baggage carousel.
Q: What is it called when two students are admitted to college for the price of one?
A: Two-ition.
Q: What is it that we find so easy to get into and so hard to get out of?
A: Bed.
Q: What is lighter than a feather, but can’t be held for five minutes?
A: Your breath.
Q: What is raised in Brazil during the rainy season?
A: Umbrellas.
Q: What is the difference between electricity and lightning?
A: You don’t have to pay for lightning.
Q: What is the leading cause of dry skin?
A: Towels.
Q: What is the longest day in the Bible?
A: The day with no Eve.
Q: What job did the skull apply for in science?
A: Department head.
Q: What kind of bee drops its honey?
A: A spilling bee.
Q: What kind of boats are designed for students?
A: Scholarships.
Q: What kind of candy do kids eat at the school playground?
A: Recess pieces.
Q: What kind of dial casts a shadow but should never be asked the time?
A: A crock-a-dial.
Q: What kind of geometric shape keeps falling apart?
A: A wreck-tangle.
Q: What kind of homework do trolls bring home from school?
A: Gnomework.
Q: What kind of invention was the clock?
A: A timely one.
Q: What kind of joe-ks did Einstein like?
A: Wisecracks.
Q: What kind of reviews did the cooking class get?
A: They were panned.
Q: What kind of school book does a tree have?
A: Looseleaf.
Q: What kind of school does Sherlock Holmes attend?
A: Elementary, my dear Watson.
Q: What kind of suit would you wear to a mermaid’s wedding?
A: A wet suit, silly!
Q: What kinds of tests do they give witches?
A: Hex-aminations.
Q: What kind of wood is used to build universities?
A: College boards.
Q: What letter comes after “A”?
A: All the others.
Q: What made ten passengers hurry off the Greyhound?
A: A flea collar.
Q: What math tool do baseball players use?
A: A slide rule.
Q: What mouthwash do bio teachers use?
A: Micro-scope.
Q: What must you pay to get to school?
A: Attention.
Q: What piece of underwear did the law student carry in his attache case?
A: His briefs.
Q: What place in New York do math teachers like?
A: Times Square.
Q: What punctuation mark is the longest?
A: The hundred-yard dash.
Q: What punctuation mark is used in writing dance music?
A: The polka dot.
Q: What school event do labour leaders like?
A: Re-unions.
Q: What sickness do you get when you’re tired of school?
A: Class-trophobia.
Q: What side of a killer shark should you stay away from?
A: The inside.
Q: What snack did the computer laptop have?
A: Computer chips.
Q: What soccer player is never promoted?
A: The left back.
Q: What state has no capital?
A: A state of mind.
Q: What tables don’t you have to learn?
A: Dinner tables.
Q: What team cries when it loses?
A: The bawl team.
Q: What three R’s do cheerleaders have to learn?
A: Rah! Rah! Rah!
Q: What type of math do pilots study?
A: Plane geometry.
Q: What type of math do sharpshooters study?
A: Trigger-nometry.
Q: What is the favourite sermon of the painter-turned-pastor?
A: “Repaint and thin no more.”
Q: What is the Joe-kster’s pen name?
A: He doesn’t have a name for his pen.
Q: What type of vehicle is useful for people with tired feet?
A: A toe truck.
Q: What was Camelot famous for?
A: It’s knight life.
Q: What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans?
A: Speaking Latin.
Q: What was the highest mountain before Mt. Everest was discovered?
A: Mt. Everest, of course.
Q: What was the twins’ specialty in baseball?
A: The double play.
Q: What do you get when you cross a canary with a carrier pigeon?
A: A singing telegram.
Q: What has four heads, runs forward and backwards very fast and loves to play?
A: A VCR.
Q: What has three feet, three eyes and two bills?
A: A duck with spare parts.
Q: What vehicle doesn’t burn gas, but is the most expensive to operate?
A: A supermarket cart.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a banker with a kangaroo?
A: Vault-zing Matilda.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a duck with an alligator?
A: A quack-a-dile.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a germ with a comedian?
A: Sick joe-ks.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a hot-air balloon with a ghost?
A: High spirits.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the geology department with the school band?
A: Rock music.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the music department with the school nurse?
A: A band aid.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the school library with a genius?
A: A novel idea.
Q: What’s a bird’s favourite software?
A: A seedy ROM.
Q: What’s a cat’s best subject?
A: Meow-sic.
Q: What’s a frankfurter’s favourite car?
A: A Rolls.
Q: What’s a geology teacher’s favourite movie?
A: Rocky.
Q: What’s a history teacher’s favourite quiz show?
A: The Dating Game.
Q: What’s a hockey team’s motto?
A: “The puck stops here.”
Q: What’s a magician’s favourite subject?
A: Trick-enometry.
Q: What’s a mushroom?
A: The place where they store school food.
Q: What’s a parrot’s best subject?
A: Polly-tics.
Q: What’s a pig’s skin used for?
A: To keep the pig together.
Q: What’s a pronoun?
A: A noun that gets paid.
Q: What’s a report card?
A: A poison pen letter written by a teacher.
Q: What’s a spendthrift’s favourite subject?
A: Shop.
Q: What’s a synonym?
A: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.
Q: What’s a teacher?
A: One who uses marking pens for penning marks.
Q: What’s an American president’s occupation?
A: Cabinetmaker.
Q: What’s an astronaut’s favourite place on a computer?
A: The space bar.
Q: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother’s day?
A: The school bus.
Q: What’s more accurate than a digital watch and able to tell time with a single bound?
A: Clock Kent.
Q: What’s orange, good for your eyes, and jumps out of airplanes?
A: Carrot-troopers.
Q: What’s the best looking geometric figure?
A: Acute triangle.
Q: What’s the best part of the school year?
A: Summer vacation.
Q: What’s the best way to cut down on air pollution in schools?
A: Use unleaded pencils.
Q: What’s the best way to pass a geometry test?
A: Know all the angles.
Q: What’s the capital of Arkansas?
A: A.
Q: What’s the connecting link between the animal and vegetable kingdoms?
A: Stew.
Q: What’s the difference between a baker and an overweight sleeper?
A: One bakes the bread, the other breaks the bed.
Q: What’s the difference between a baseball announcer and an abusive dog owner?
A: One spots the hit, the other hits the Spot.
Q: What’s the difference between a bird watcher and a bad speller?
A: One watches birds and the other botches words.
Q: What’s the difference between a clumsy acrobat on ice and a gutsy acrobat at Niagara Falls?
A: One falls over the barrels, the other barrels over the falls.
Q: What’s the difference between a computer and a prison warden?
A: One executes a program, the other programs an execution.
Q: What’s the difference between a counterfeit bill and a rabbit with mental problems?
A: One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny.
Q: What’s the difference between a failing math student and a rabbit?
A: The rabbit can multiply.
Q: What’s the difference between a gambler and a person who contributes to charities?
A: One cashes in his chips, the other chips in his cash.
Q: What’s the difference between a garbage truck and an army cafeteria?
A: One hauls a mess, the other’s a mess hall.
Q: What’s the difference between a glacier and a snow cone?
A: You can eat a snow cone in one afternoon.
Q: What’s the difference between a pen and a pencil?
A: You push a pen but a pencil must be lead.
Q: What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a cold?
A: One knows the stops and the other stops the nose.
Q: What’s the difference between a stool pigeon and an earthquake?
A: One cracks under pressure, the other pressures under cracks.
Q: What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?
A: One minds the train and other trains the mind.
Q: What’s the difference between an active verb and a passive verb?
A: An active verb shows action and a passive verb shows passion.
Q: What’s the difference between Cinderella’s shoe and a kid who plays hooky?
A: One’s a glass slipper, the other’s a class skipper.
Q: What’s the difference between teachers and trains?
A: Trains say “Choo Choo!” and teachers say “Spit that gum out!”
Q: What’s the first thing to do with a barrel of crude oil?
A: Teach it some manners.
Q: What’s the hardest part of grammar for criminals?
A: The prison sentence.
Q: What’s the highest quality school class?
A: First grade.
Q: What’s the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
A: You can’t keep a good man down.
Q: What’s the most educated room in the house?
A: The study.
Q: What’s the most educated scientific instrument?
A: A thermometer because it has so many degrees.
Q: What’s the most important thing about 18th Century scientists?
A: They are all dead.
Q: What’s worse than looking into the eye of a great white shark?
A: Looking into his tonsils.
Q: What’s yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?
A: A dead school bus.
Q: When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace.
Q: When do math teachers die?
A: When their number is up.
Q: When do you use both a desk and a table at school?
A: When you’re doing multiplication.
Q: When does a track star put a faucet on his leg?
A: When he has water on the knee.
Q: When does school usually begin?
A: Too soon.
Q: When fish swim in schools, who helps their teacher?
A: The herring aid.
Q: When gym teachers take planes, what class do they travel in?
A: Coach.
Q: When is a teacher like a bird of prey?
A: When she watches you like a hawk.
Q: When is attendance at school like a gift?
A: When you’re present.
Q: When is it correct to say, “I is”?
A: When the teacher asks, “What is the letter after ‘H’?”
When my grandfather died, he left us 500 clocks – it’ll take forever to wind up his estate.
Q: When was the Great Depression?
A: The last time I got my report card.
Q: When water becomes ice, what is the greatest change?
A: The price.
Q: When was King Arthur’s army too tired to fight?
A: When they had lots of sleepless knights.
Q: When were the Dark Ages?
A: During the days of the knights.
Q: Where are army recruits trained?
A: At private school.
Q: Where did Batman learn?
A: At the fly-by-night school.
Q: Where did high-school student’s younger brother go to school?
A: Junior high.
Q: Where did King Arthur send his court?
A: Knight school.
Q: Where did the Cyclops go after the sixth grade?
A: To junior eye school.
Q: Where did the door get its education?
A: The school of hard knocks.
Q: Where did the fireplace go to school?
A: Kindle-garten.
Q: Where did the gangplank get it’s education?
A: At boarding school.
Q: Where did the ornamental bracelet get its education?
A: Charm school.
Q: Where did the Pilgrims land when they came to America?
A: On their feet.
Q: Where did the rhino sit in the school band?
A: In the horn section.
Q: Where do athletes go to college?
A: The uni-varsity.
Q: Where do belly dancers get their education?
A: At the Navel Academy.
Q: Where do children in Finland study?
A: At Finishing school.
Q: Where do compasses get their education?
A: West Point.
Q: Where do computers go to dance?
A: A disk-o.
Q: Where do cows get their education?
A: Second dairy school.
Q: Where do detergents sit in the ballpark?
A: In the bleachers.
Q: Where do furniture polishers get their education?
A: At finishing school.
Q: Where do math teachers go to eat?
A: The lunch counter.
Q: Where do mothers learn to feed their babies?
A: Nursery school.
Q: Where do politicians learn to be candidates?
A: Primary school.
Q: Where do report cards get their education?
A: In grade school.
Q: Where do sheep go after high school?
A: The ewe-niversity.
Q: Where do sleepy students carry their books?
A: In a napsack.
Q: Where do travel agents learn their trade?
A: Vacational school.
Q: Where do small intestines go to school?
A: Kidney-garten.
Q: Where do track stars keep their valuables?
A: In a pole vault.
Q: Where do you do arithmetic?
A: On multiplication tables.
Q: Where do you find Canada?
A: On a map.
Q: Where do you go to take a course in making ice cream?
A: Sundae school.
Q: Where do you learn proper English?
A: Grammar school.
Q: Where does a dwarf go to school?
A: An institute of lower learning.
Q: Where does a student talk about his experiments?
A: In the science blab.
Q: Where does it never rain?
A: Under an umbrella.
Q: Where does King Arthur keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
Q: Where does milk come from?
A: The supermarket.
Q: Where is milk stored?
A: In a cow.
Q: Where’s the best place to grow flowers in a school?
A: In the kinder-garden.
Q: Where’s the fencing coach?
A: Out to lunge.
Q: Which football player smells the most?
A: Offensive right guard.
Q: Which month has 28 days?
A: They all do.
Q: Who always fires the cannon at military school?
A: Some big shot.
Q: Who are the happiest people on the football field?
A: The cheerleaders.
Q: Who are the most athletic boys?
A: Physical Ed and Jim.
Q: Who arrested the tennis team?
A: The racket squad.
Q: Who did the math teacher date?
A: A real hot number.
Q: Who did the science teacher give his Bunsen burner to?
A: His old flame.
Q: Who does everyone in college confide in?
A: The Dean of Admissions.
Q: Who gets all dressed up and draws on napkins?
A: Hanky Doodle Dandy.
Q: Who guards the school library?
A: The bookkeeper.
Q: Who invented King Arthur’s round table?
A: Sir Cumference.
Q: Who invented the first pen?
A: The Incas.
Q: Who is in charge of school supplies?
A: The ruler.
Q: Who only reads underground?
A: Bookworms.
Q: Who replaced the teacher?
A: The subst-toot.
Q: Who studies on the highway?
A: Road scholars.
Q: Who teaches goats at home?
A: Their nanny.
Q: Who teaches students to play the flute?
A: Private tooters.
Q: Who was the biggest thief in history?
A: Atlas – he held up the whole world.
Q: Who was the first couple to study science?
A: Atom and Eve.
Q: Who was the most feared student in the Old West?
A: Bully the Kid.
Q: Who wears different kinds of clothing all at the same time?
A: A student body.
Q: Why are lobsters red?
A: You would be too if you swam around in a supermarket tank with no clothes on.
Q: Why are pilots bad at basketball?
A: They keep traveling.
Q: Why are sardines the dubm-est fish?
A: Who else would lock themselves in a can and leave the key outside?
Q: Why are school buses yellow?
A: Because they ran out of purple.
Q: Why are teachers rather special?
A: They are usually in a class by themselves.
Q: Why aren’t babies allowed to take tests?
A: Because they all have crib sheets.
Q: Why can you always tell what Dick and Jane are going to do next?
A: They’re easy to read.
Q: Why couldn’t the elephant join the swimming team?
A: It forgot its trunks.
Q: Why couldn’t the flower go to school on its bike?
A: The peddles were broken.
Q: Why couldn’t the music teacher get into the classroom?
A: All the keys were in the piano.
Q: Why couldn’t the ruler stand up in class?
A: It only had one foot.
Q: Why couldn’t the tree answer the teacher’s question?
A: It was stumped.
Q: Why did Arthur have a round table?
A: So no one could corner him.
Q: Why did Columbus discover America?
A: So something could happen in 1492.
Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York?
A: She fell for the Big Apple.
Q: Why did everyone think the English teacher was very old?
A: She said she taught Shakespeare.
Q: Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
A: He liked to chop and change.
Q: Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
A: He wanted Mark Antony.
Q: Why did Larry and Curly bring their brother to school?
A: It was Moe-and-tell time.
Q: Why did the 25-watt bulb flunk out of school?
A: He wasn’t very bright.
Q: Why did the absent-minded professor put glue on his head?
A: He thought it would make things stick in his mind.
Q: Why did the art student study math?
A: So she could paint by number.
Q: Why did the art teacher paint the alphabet crimson?
A: He wanted it to be a red-letter day.
Q: Why did the art teacher put her colours on a diet?
A: To make the paint thinner.
Q: Why did the art teacher take her paints to the track meet?
A: Because the colours ran.
Q: Why did the astronomy teacher search through the school cafeteria utensils?
A: He was looking for the big dipper.
Q: Why did the baby computer stay away from school?
A: It had a bad virus.
Q: Why did the baby go to chemistry class?
A: To learn formulas.
Q: Why did the baker go to math class?
A: To learn the value of pi.
Q: Why did the banana become a cheerleader?
A: So it could do banana splits.
Q: Why did the bear join the school paper?
A: It wanted to be a cub reporter.
Q: Why did the beautician go to school?
A: The teacher was giving a make-up exam.
Q: Why did the bird watcher study his throat?
A: So he could catch a few swallows.
Q: Why did the blackboard get mad at school?
A: It got rubbed the wrong way.
Q: Why did the book need a chiropractor?
A: It had a paperback.
Q: Why did the butcher go to medical school?
A: He wanted to learn to cure ham.
Q: Why did the cabbie rush to school?
A: To take a crash course.
Q: Why did the camera club go to the track meet?
A: They were hoping for a photo finish.
Q: Why did the captain go to college?
A: For the major.
Q: Why did the carpenter study math?
A: So he could build multiplication tables.
Q: Why did the coach bring the crate to the baseball game?
A: He wanted to see the box score.
Q: Why did the composer coach the baseball team?
A: Because he knew how to score.
Q: Why did the computer screen go to school?
A: So it could become a school monitor.
Q: Why did the cow study rocketry?
A: To visit the Milky Way.
Q: Why did the electrician go to school?
A: To study current events.
Q: Why did the cafeteria worker want to become a detective?
A: So she could grill the hot dogs.
Q: Why did the captain miss school?
A: Because he was a skipper.
Q: Why did the cat take a computer course?
A: To get hold of a mouse.
Q: Why did the caterpillar go to the library?
A: It wanted to become a bookworm.
Q: Why did the chicken go to school?
A: For eggstra credit.
Q: Why did the chicken like school so much?
A: It was egg-citing!
Q: Why did the computer go to the school cafeteria?
A: It wanted a few bytes.
Q: Why did the cow quit school?
A: She had a beef with the teacher.
Q: Why did the crazy gymnast stay on the beam?
A: He was unbalanced.
Q: Why did the Cyclops give up teaching?
A: He only had one pupil.
Q: Why did the diaper quit the wrestling team?
A: It was always getting pinned.
Q: Why did the donut join the basketball team?
A: To practice dunking.
Q: Why did the drama club break their legs?
A: So they could have a cast party.
Q: Why did the drama club put in detention?
A: They kept acting up.
Q: Why did the drama club stop functioning?
A: They couldn’t get their act together.
Q: Why did the English student stuff a handkerchief in his mouth?
A: So he could become a gag writer.
Q: Why did the entertainer go to school?
A: He had a class act.
Q: Why did the exchange student take his books on the boat?
A: So he could study overseas.
Q: Why did the exterminator go to the camera club?
A: It was full of shutterbugs.
Q: Why did the failing student apply for a charge card?
A: She needed extra credit.
Q: Why did the failing student feel ashamed?
A: He was degraded.
Q: Why did the farmer go to school?
A: He heard they were having a field trip.
Q: Why did the fashion-conscious student fail?
A: She had a clothes mind.
Q: Why did the fish miss the English class?
A: It got hooked on phonics.
Q: Why did the fly head for the alarm clock?
A: He wanted to land on time.
Q: Why did the football coach send in the second string?
A: To tie up the score.
Q: Why did the football player carry a spare pencil?
A: In case they needed an extra point.
Q: Why did the giant go to college?
A: So he could be a big man on campus.
Q: Why did the girl get an “incomplete” in her Italian class?
A: She never turned in her Rome work.
Q: Why did the girl refuse to stand in line to get to the auditorium?
A: She didn’t want to be on an assembly line.
Q: Why did the glee club members get along so well together?
A: They were all in a chord.
Q: Why did the guitar leave music class?
A: Everyone kept picking on it.
Q: Why did the headless horseman go to college?
A: To join the student body.
Q: Why did the high school senior tie himself up?
A: So he’d be bound for college.
Q: Why did the high school student try out for soccer?
A: It was his goal in life.
Q: Why did the history book go out so much?
A: It had a lot of dates.
Q: Why did the ice cream cone join the school newspaper?
A: It knew all the scoops.
Q: Why did the injured skeleton take up sewing?
A: So his bones would knit.
Q: Why did the jailer buy a microscope?
A: He liked to look at cells.
Q: Why did the janitor join the wrestling team?
A: So he could mop up the floor with his opponent.
Q: Why did the janitor quit his job?
A: He wanted to make a clean sweep.
Q: Why did the kids get wet going to school?
A: There were in a carpool.
Q: Why did the lazy student think he could become an astronaut?
A: His teacher told him he was taking up space.
Q: Why did the left-handed student fail his essay test?
A: He couldn’t right.
Q: Why did the lettuce study so hard?
A: It wanted to be at the head of its class.
Q: Why did the little girl watch the alphabet?
A: She was told to min her P’s and Q’s.
Q: Why did the locomotive go to the gym?
A: To join the track team.
Q: Why did the long-distance runner get good grades?
A: He was on track.
Q: Why did the mailman take the alphabet?
A: So he could deliver the letters.
Q: Why did the math teacher join the glee club?
A: She wanted to sing in a few numbers.
Q: Why did the math teacher retire?
A: His number was up.
Q: Why did the millionaire give the music school a new piano?
A: He was an organ donor.
Q: Why did the navigator want to go away to college?
A: He wanted to live on compass.
Q: Why did the optometrist go to school?
A: To keep an eye on things.
Q: Why did the orange go home early?
A: It wasn’t peeling too well.
Q: Why did the pencil sharpener keep arguing with the pencil?
A: The sharpener was trying to make a point.
Q: Why did the piano teacher chase the elephant with a feather?
A: She wanted to tickle his ivories.
Q: Why did the Pilgrims wear tall funny hats?
A: So years later joe-ks could be made about them in joe-ks.com!
Q: Why did the plywood join the debating team?
A: So it could have a panel discussion.
Q: Why did the policeman study the alphabet?
A: To follow the letter of the law.
Q: Why did the pool player ruin the school play?
A: He missed his cue.
Q: Why did the quarterback go to college?
A: To get a passing grade.
Q: Why did the robin flunk out of school?
A: He was a bird brain.
Q: Why did the Romans build straight roads?
A: So their soldiers didn’t go around the bend.
Q: Why did the school bell think it was engaged?
A: Someone gave it a ring.
Q: Why did the school camera club close?
A: It lost its focus.
Q: Why did the school orchestra terminate?
A: It was disbanded.
Q: Why did the school paper take 365 days to come out?
A: It wanted to be a yearbook.
Q: Why did the school teacher excuse the firefly?
A: Because if you have to glow, you have to glow.
Q: Why did the science teacher and her husband get divorced?
A: They didn’t have the right chemistry.
Q: Why did the skeleton go to school?
A: To bone up on a few things.
Q: Why did the soldiers go to college?
A: To pick a major.
Q: Why did the soloist turn her back on the school band?
A: She didn’t want to face the music.
Q: Why did the speed demon go to class?
A: To take an accelerated course.
Q: Why did the spirit study English?
A: To become a ghostwriter.
Q: Why did the student beat up his text books?
A: He was told to hit the books.
Q: Why did the student bring a ladder to school?
A: He was interested in higher education.
Q: Why did the student bring his wallet to speech class?
A: He heard that money talks.
Q: Why did the student carry a parachute to school?
A: He was planning to drop out.
Q: Why did the student come to school with two clocks?
A: He wanted to keep up with the times.
Q: Why did the student eat geometric figures?
A: So he could have three square meals a day.
Q: Why did the student glue himself to his report?
A: He was trying to stick to the subject.
Q: Why did the student put on eyeliner and mascara in school?
A: Because the teacher said she was giving the class a make-up exam.
Q: Why did the student take her math homework to gym class?
A: She wanted to work out her problems.
Q: Why did the student take sour cream to the swimming pool?
A: He wanted to take a dip in the pool.
Q: Why did the student think his teacher was colour-blind?
A: Because every time she caught him cheating, she said she was seeing red.
Q: Why did the student think she was aging quickly?
A: She was told she would be a senior the next year.
Q: Why did the student throw Alka Seltzer into the swimming pool?
A: So he could study fizz ed.
Q: Why did the student wear a leash to school?
A: He wanted to be teacher’s pet.
Q: Why did the substitute football player start a fire?
A: Because the coach told him to warm the bench.
Q: Why did the supermodel get an “A” in math?
A: She was great with figures.
Q: Why did the teacher bring honey to school?
A: She wanted bee students.
Q: Why did the teacher put rubber bands on her students’ heads?
A: So they could make snap decisions.
Q: Why did the teacher take away the student’s scissors?
A: She didn’t want him to cut class.
Q: Why did the teacher try to return her pupils?
A: They were exchange students.
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
A: Because his class was so bright.
Q: Why did the teacher’s watch go “tick, tick, tick”?
A: It wasn’t allowed to tock in class.
Q: Why did the tennis player bring a tray to practice?
A: It was his turn to serve.
Q: Why did the thermometer go to college?
A: To pick up a few degrees.
Q: Why did the third grader bring a lightbulb to school?
A: He had a bright idea.
Q: Why did the tiny ghost join the football team?
A: He heard they needed a little school spirit.
Q: Why did the track star enter the student government?
A: So he could run for office.
Q: Why did the track star repave the driveway?
A: The coach told him to do a little road work.
Q: Why did the track team bring a gate to the gym?
A: She wanted to take fencing lessons.
Q: Why did the track team buy CD’s?
A: They were always breaking records.
Q: Why did the tree pick up a book?
A: To leaf through it.
Q: Why did the vampire want to go to the biology class?
A: He heard the teacher was an old bat.
Q: Why did the vowels take driver’s ed?
A: So they could make a U turn.
Q: Why did the washcloth leave the boxing match?
A: Someone threw in the towel.
Q: Why did the wheel get a liberal education?
A: It was well-rounded.
Q: Why did the word processor fall in love with the English teacher?
A: She was his type.
Q: Why did they call the geology teacher crazy?
A: He had rocks in his head.
Q: Why did they say the school band was unsinkable?
A: Nobody could drown them out.
Q: Why did they stop playing water polo at school?
A: All the horses kept drowning.
Q: Why did they stop using the car for driver’s ed?
A: It was retired.
Q: Why didn’t the bowling pins go to school?
A: They were on strike.
Q: Why didn’t the dry cleaner finish the test?
A: He had pressing problems.
Q: Why didn’t the girls’ softball team wear stockings?
A: They had runs in them.
Q: Why didn’t the lamb graduate?
A: It was left baa-ck.
Q: Why didn’t the school alarm go off in
MJzBabyGirl
Proud Member
:lol: :lol: :lol:
cryingangel
Proud Member
Wonders who is patient enough to read Strawberry's post 
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
sometimes its hard to say goodbye when it comes to it
FUJON
Guests
I Love You
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
goodnight all
love & peace
love & peace
rik625
Proud Member
Good Night Dereen! :flowers:
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
im up...^^
rik625
Proud Member
^ is light's up! and i thought all lights have gone down in Australia
*Disgusted*
Proud Member
^ hashaa rita..no but serisouly im going to sleep now *when i finish with u on msn* :flowers:
nighty
nighty
rik625
Proud Member
Good Nighties finally! :flowers: (God....this girl is crazy!)
Helen_S
Guests
:yawn:
Helen_S
Guests
The bounce skin is great
rik625
Proud Member
^ Yep.....Smooth skin is cool too! :yes:
Helen_S
Guests
^Nah, Smooth kills my eyes
rik625
Proud Member
^ That is so rude! .....did i say anything abt ur bounce skin...even thought it almost killed me! :innocent:
:lol:
:lol:
Helen_S
Guests
:lol:
rik625
Proud Member
LOL....I am BORED! :banghead
Helen_S
Guests
rik625
Proud Member
^ :huh: ...this is[/b]
Helen_S
Guests
Well why don't you go over to Horror Vision and see the smilie I've just named after you :innocent:
Just type :rita:
rik625
Proud Member
Well why don't you go over to Horror Vision and see the smilie I've just named after you :innocent:
Just type :rita:
:huh: ....... my name....... its a ghost smilie now!
LOL..thanks Helen! :sarmoti I have a ghostysmilie named after me! :sarmoti :sarmoti