Tina knowels phone convo to female artists (dead azz hell) warning language

[michaelsson]

Part1



Tina - Ciara
________________________________________________________

Tina Knowles: Hello. May I speak to Ciara?

Ciara: This is Ciara. Who is this?

Tina Knowles: Ciara this is Tina. You might not know who I am, but I'm the mother of the reason why your album isn't coming out.

....

Ciara: Well Miss Tina, I have no control over what my fans say. And for your information Beyonce had nothing to do with my album getting pushed back. I'm a very creative artist and I need more time to come up with cutting-edge concepts.

Tina Knowles: Oh yea? Here's a cutting-edge concept for you... HOW ABOUT YOU COME UP WITH AN ALBUM RELEASE DATE YOU HO!

________________________________________________________


Tina - Christina Ahkdjgdskgh.
________________________________________________________

Tina Knowles: Yes, may I speak to Miss Christina Aguilera?

Christina Aguilera: This is she. Who is this?

Tina Knowles: Hello, I'm a relevant career and image, I heard you've been looking for me...

________________________________________________________

Tina - Britney.
________________________________________________________
Tina Knowles: Hello, may I speak to Miss Britney Spears please?

Britney: Who is this?

Tina Knowles: IT'S TINA BITCH!

Britney: Oh, hi, Miss Tina how are you.

Tina Knowles: I'm fine, Chillin'. How's the new album?

Britney: I have a new album?

Tina Knowles: Yea... comes out this week. Britney. Can I axe you a question... woman to woman?

Britney: Sure.

Tina Knowles: WHAT THE **** WERE DOING ON MY TV SCREEN YESTERDAY? I started to reach through the TV and slap you to sleep but from the looks of it you were already sleep. What the **** and/or hell were you doing?

Britney: I performed yesterday? I don't remember that.

Tina Knowles: It was to promote your new album. Why haven't you been performing at all the award shows like Beyonce?

Britney: Well my management said it would be best if I stay off the stage as much as possible, especially any stage with Sasha Fierce.

Tina Knowles: But you have a tour coming up.

Britney: Well, the theory is that anyone who will pay money to go to my concers has a lowered expectation of what a live performance is. And I can get away with a lot of things on stage in my own concerts that I couldn't get away on awards shows or any stage that Beyonce has performed on...so it's best that I save what little energy I have for my tour. If I **** up on an awards show then I get laughed at. If I **** up at my concerts I get paid. Even if I pass out on stage in a pool of my own vomit I still get a million a show.

________________________________________________________

Tina - Janet
________________________________________________________
Tina Knowles: Hello, may I speak to Miss Janet Jackson please?

Janet: Speaking.

Tina Knowles: Hey Janet. How's your migraines?

Janet: I'm feeling much better thank you for asking.

Tina Knowles: Where are you?

Janet: Umm just got back from Dubai with Jermaine. We had a good time. We rode camels in the desert.

Tina Knowles: Wow. 2 jackasses on a camel. Send me pictures. Listen I was throwing a party for Beyonce called the "She's the Shit Party" in celebration of her being the shit on a stick. I wanted to invite you and your pet weasel and I also wanted get some ideas. I wanted to know what kinda party did you throw for yourself back when you were the shit?

Janet: Wow... gee...

Tina Knowles: Do you remember that far back? Let me help you out. Don Cornelius was still hosting Soul Train. The Cosby Show was on NBC's Thursday nights at 8 followed by A Different World at 8:30...

Janet: Wow...ummm...

Tina Knowles: Jesse was still keeping hope alive...

Janet: Ummm...

Tina Knowles: The reason I was lurking on your fansites and noticed that your stans have been speaking a lot of garbage about my child. Do your stans know that there's a new sheriff in town?

Janet: No Ma'am.

Tina Knowles: Do your stans know that Beyonce runs ALL of this shit?

Janet: No Ma'am.

Tina Knowles: Do your stans know that hating doesn't increase your relevance or record sales?

Janet: No Ma'am.

Tina Knowles: Do your stans know that it's not 1993?

Janet: No Ma'am.

Tina Knowles: Do your stans know that the party is pretty much over?

Janet: No Ma'am.
________________________________________________________

Tina - Rihanna
________________________________________________________

Tina Knowles: May I speak to Rihanna please?

Rihanna: Ello?

Tina Knowles: (disguised voice) Yea, this is the Free Clinic, and I'm sorry to have to tell you about this... but ALL of your tests came back positive.

Rihanna: NO!

Tina Knowles: Yep. You got the crabs.

Rihanna: NO!

Tina Knowles: Yep. And worms.

Rihanna: NO!

Tina Knowles: Yep. And you're pregnant.

Rihanna: NO!

Tina Knowles: Yep. And you got something called Ear Herpes which I have never even heard of until today...

Rihanna: NO!

Tina Knowles: Yep. So I'm going to need a list of all your sexual partners so they can be contacted.

Rihanna: Starting from when?

Tina Knowles: From birth until now.

Rihanna: Oh, well, let's see... Chris...

Tina Knowles: Brown?

Rihanna: Chris Brown, Chris Bridges, Chris Webber, Chris Angel, Kriss Kross...

Tina Knowles: Oh. Go on...

Rihanna: Kanye, Justin Timberlake

Tina Knowles: Say WORD?

Rihanna: Ray-J, The Dream, Kanye, Pharrell, The Dream

Tina Knowles: You already said The Dream.

Rihanna: It was twice.

Tina Knowles: (sigh) Listen sweetie. Lesson #1 in ****** for Tracks. When ****** for tracks you are not obligated to **** again once you receive the track. That's why it's called ****** for tracks. You **** FOR the track. One you **** and you get the track that's the end of that business transaction.

Rihanna: Really. Nobody told me...

Tina Knowles: It's ok... go on.

Rihanna: Ne-Yo.

Tina Knowles: Was he the top or the bottom?

Rihanna: What?

Tina Knowles: Nevermind. Go on.
________________________________________________________

Tina - Kelly/Ashanti
________________________________________________________

Blockbuster Manager: Thank you for calling Blockbuster this is Tootie how may I help you?

Tina Knowles: Yes, is Ashanti working tonight?

Blockbuster Manager: Well I just came from out the backroom, and she wasn't there, maybe she's at her other job.

Tina Knowles: Oh. Ok.

(Hangs up. Dials another number)

Kelly Rowland: Thank you for calling Chilli's this is Kelly how may I help you?

Tina Knowles: Yea. Kelly, is Ashanti working the grill tonight?

Kelly Rowland: Yes, hold on. SHEQUOIYA! PHONE!

 

[michaelsson]

prt 2 comin up

 

[michaelsson]

prt 2

Ashanti: Hello.

Tina Knowles: Good evening Ashanti, sorry to disturb you at work and I know your Boost pay-as-you-go minute situation isn't really jumping off this month so I'm going to keep this brief. I was going through my internet records and I have found that your stans are one of the leading Beyonce haters on the internet, 2nd only behind Janet and Christina stans.

Ashanti: That's terrible.

Tina Knowles: Yea, you our studies have found that the less releavant an artist is the more their stans hate on Beyonce. The exception to this is Rihanna, because although she is very relevant at the moment her stans still contribute a substantial amount of Beyonce hate to the internet, but we'll see how relevant she is with a 50 year old woman's foot attached to her, cause when I see that trick I'm I'm breaking my Dereon zebra-skin stiletto heels off in her ass, right at the ankle.

Ashanti: Well, Tina I have no control over what my stans say or do, and although Beyonce is better than me at everything and makes it hard for all female entertainers and is part of the reason why I'm working in a food court, she is not the only reason why our careers have fallen off. Perhaps my stans and the stans of other less successful artists should be flooding record execs inboxes and voicemails instead of Beyonce message boards and YouTube videos because at the end of the day it's the record excecs who make the decision to stop promoting our albums or stop our albums from coming out at all. Yes Beyonce is better than all of us at everything, but sometimes our record labels shut us down before we even have a fair chance to compete with her.

Tina Knowles: You know what... you're right. You're alright with me Ashanti, I don't care what Solange says about you behind your back.

Ashanti: Wait, what did she...

Tina Knowles: Nevermind. Would you like to come to Beyonce's "I'm The Shit" Party?

AShanti: Sure, do you need me to bring anything.

Tina Knowles: Just some of them Chilli's baby back ribs, some ice, and your valet jacket in case we need you to park cars.

Ashanti: You mean I get to hang out with Beyonce?

Tina Knowles: Sure.

Ashanti: Oh BOY! Do you think she'll let me be in her 'Diva' video?

Tina Knowles: Hold on, let's call her on 3way.

(calls Beyonce)

Tina Knowles: Beyonce, can Ashanti be in your "Diva" video?

 

[144000]

wait a minute..is this real?

 

[michaelsson]

wait a minute..is this real?

no my friend sent it 2me, im laughin so f*ckin hard

 

[pamarella]

Hahahaha!!! Thats funny!!!

 

[michaelsson]

i know i died!

 

[michaelsson]

deeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad @ rihanna sayin ello

 

[michaelsson]

deeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaath i tell u deaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaath!

 

[FinalEyes]

lame..............

 

[michaelsson]

lame..............

------------------------------>

 

[Mystic]

This made my day

 

[michaelsson]

yes mine 2 lol.

 

[michaelsson]

lmmfao @ ello

 

[Ms.MJ Fan2007]

RFOL this is sumthin else! I thought this is form the morning radio show.

 

[michaelsson]

RFOL this is sumthin else! I thought this is form the morning radio show.

if this was real omg i wud just die

 

[Telha]

hahahahaha :lmao:
loved those, especially the Christina and Rihanna ones...

and i laughed pretty har at "SHEQUOIYA! PHONE! " :lol:

 

[Marilyn Monroe]

me too :crazy_grin:

 

[FinalEyes]

Am I the only one who isn't laughing?