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this is too much

mj*peterpan

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I dont know where to begin. The last days I got a lot of more problems besides my grief for Michael.

On august 13th I will go to the USA for 11 months (for a high school year). So, my mom wanted some quality time with me before I leave. We went to Berlin this week. It was great and I felt less sad about Michael, because I had my focus on something else. 3 days ago my mom wanted to talk about something with me. She told me that she and my stepfether (they have been together for almost 7 years now) are going to diforce. another thing she told me was that we were going to move to another city. That means I have to say goodbye to all my friends and ofcourse my stepfather (who feels like a second father to me).

I have to say goodbye to everyone anyway for my high school year, but thats temporary.. Now, when I will get back from America I will have nobody to talk to.

I feel so confused and lost by everything thats happening now. Usually, I am very confident and determined, but now I feel so scared.. scared for the future.
I am losing my trust in people. even in my parents. But I dont want this all to affect my high school year. I have been looking forward to this since I was 14 years. But there is happening too much in a short time.
I just can't enjoy the last weeks I'm spending with my friends and family. I can't enjoy anything.

I'm sorry for posting this, but I just needed to get some things off my chest.
:(
 
mj*peterpan said:
I dont know where to begin. The last days I got a lot of more problems besides my grief for Michael.

On august 13th I will go to the USA for 11 months (for a high school year). So, my mom wanted some quality time with me before I leave. We went to Berlin this week. It was great and I felt less sad about Michael, because I had my focus on something else. 3 days ago my mom wanted to talk about something with me. She told me that she and my stepfether (they have been together for almost 7 years now) are going to diforce. another thing she told me was that we were going to move to another city. That means I have to say goodbye to all my friends and ofcourse my stepfather (who feels like a second father to me).

I have to say goodbye to everyone anyway for my high school year, but thats temporary.. Now, when I will get back from America I will have nobody to talk to.

I feel so confused and lost by everything thats happening now. Usually, I am very confident and determined, but now I feel so scared.. scared for the future.
I am losing my trust in people. even in my parents. But I dont want this all to affect my high school year. I have been looking forward to this since I was 14 years. But there is happening too much in a short time.
I just can't enjoy the last weeks I'm spending with my friends and family. I can't enjoy anything.

I'm sorry for posting this, but I just needed to get some things off my chest.
:(
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Oh I am so sorry to hear that....it is tough, with your high school year coming up and everything. Where are you going in America? Are you going to be near Boston? I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you in the long run, everything is going to be better....maybe your mom and stepfather were fighting, and that's no way to live either.

Take one day at a time. Don't think about it all at once. Just deal with one thing at a time....
 
LindaC781 said:
Oh I am so sorry to hear that....it is tough, with your high school year coming up and everything. Where are you going in America? Are you going to be near Boston? I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you in the long run, everything is going to be better....maybe your mom and stepfather were fighting, and that's no way to live either.

Take one day at a time. Don't think about it all at once. Just deal with one thing at a time....
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I don't know the exact place yet, but I'm flying to Houston, so it will be near there I think..
thanks
 
.............Awwwwwwwwwww,so sorry to hear this!:no::better:
(((((((((((((((big warm hug:better:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Plaese know I'm here for you,we all are!:yes::better:

Take Care!:better:
 
Hey. Changes can be so scary sometimes, but maybe your mother and stepfather believe it is for the best that they split up. If you were looking forward to this trip for so long, just enjoy it while you are there and take each day as it comes.

I have never moved away from 'home' so can't really understand how you're feeling as such, but I know it must be scary as I am afraid of change as well. How far away are you moving from your friends and stepfather? Is there transport to get there? And there is always the interent/webcams to keep in touch with people :) *hugs*
 
Wow, that's a lot to deal with all at once. Hopefully you can keep in touch with your friends over email/IM/phone. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

I've been to Houston a few times for work (I live in the midwest). It's hot there in the summer! I thought that the people there were very nice.

Will you get to travel to other parts of the US while you're here?
 
mj*peterpan said:
I'm sorry for posting this, but I just needed to get some things off my chest.
:(
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Please don't be sorry for telling your story -- thank you for sharing your feelings. That's a lot to deal with, and change is hard. I am sending good wishes to you and thinking of you!
 
Hey, I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I can totally relate to you as my parents split up and that meant I had to move away from home as well. It's hard, and I'm still adjusting as this only happened a little over a year ago for me. In fact, I'm having a rough time now too. :( But hang in there, things will pick up eventually for you. If you ever wanna chat, then PM me. *hugs*
 
mj*peterpan don't be too scared... it will all go well.
Being in the US will make you already stay in touch with those important ppl. You'll not lose them and you'll always be able to talk to them... for now it's might only online and on the phone but it has to be anyways as you're going to school in the US cuz of your own choice. I'm not sure but I guess you'll be somewhere where at least the Highschool will have internet access and for sure you'll have a phone or even a cellphone? Please have faith in yourself and all your important ppl.
I'll take it you're living in germany and will then return to germany? Sure then again a new city that seems like a burden now, but maybe it will not even be too bad. Please believe me it's easy to stay in touch and meet wherever you are if you want... but take your time... because it so often developes so different from what we're expecting or even fearing anyways.
I've done the same in my youth... haven't been in the US and wasn't in school anymore but I went abroad for some longer time and heck it wasn't really the time of internet (at least not where I went) and to phone in a different country was sooo expensive... and heck was I scared when I left... but it all went well I didn't lose contact to anyone I didn't want to lose. I had to reorganize my life when I came back new anyways, not because imediately moving but cuz of job search... well also because I wanted. Being away from home changed me also a bit... and the time away just simply changed everything but not necessarily for bad or something.
Please if you'd like to talk further feel welcome to pm me. We might could even talk german then?
Please don't be too scared, I'm sure you'll see soon it will all go well. *hugs*
 
I am sorry to hear this, try to listen to Michael's music, This will make you feel better
we are all your friends, we are your family, "Hugs"
 
thankyou everybody

@Diana79: Maybe, it depends on my hostfamily. I hope they like traveling...

@StaceyMJ: I'm sorry to hear that :(

@Mechi: I'm Dutch, but I can speak German too (not perfect tho). I think this year will change me in a positive way. It will make me stronger. But when I'm in America there will change things here that I can't control..
to what country did you go?

This all has happend before. Let me explain... First my real parents broke up, but it was not a big deal. Then my father remarried with a woman that totally changed my life (in a bad way). I wasnt allowed to see my father alot. I couldn't go on holiday with my father anymore and she brainwashed my father so bad that I couldn't see him at all for like 6 months.
My mom remarried too and when I was 10 years old we moved to a city thats 100 km away from my birthplace. It was so hard to find new friends and get my life on the road there. But after 2 years I finally was happy again. I have been living here for 6 years now and I don't want to lose my friends...not again.

I just don't know what to do with MY life, because it's being controlled by others. ofcourse thats normal when you're only 16, but I wish I had a stabile 'home'.
 
mj*peterpan said:
@Mechi: I'm Dutch, but I can speak German too (not perfect tho). I think this year will change me in a positive way. It will make me stronger. But when I'm in America there will change things here that I can't control..
to what country did you go?

quote]

lol well we can stick with english that's ok. I was for like three months in Aethopia (is that correct english) not sure in Africa. I did some practice work in a catholic hospital and the Karlheinz Böhm foundation cuz for some time I planned on maybe becoming a nurse... but I ended up having lots of problems cuz of the sun, I'm pretty light skinned and got burned a lot... anyways...
I know you feel your life is out of your controll now. But actually it's not. You're growing up to finally get things in controll. You want to do that year in the US and that is a wise decision. Learn about the world, see what's out there, see what's waiting and possible for you! And in this time not only things at home will change... you will change also... see it will give you also lots of possibilities, not only language wise... you'll meet lots of new ppl, hopefully really wonderful ppl and for sure complete new horizons will open up to you, which you do not even count with now.
Many of my friends did that high school year in the US and then later returned there for University for example.
I promise you it will not cost you any real friends cuz you're older now and so are your friends. And you will be able to deal with those changes here cuz you will grow. Have faith in yourself! It's a great adventure full of chances and I am sure it will all be well in the end!
Click to expand...
 
Mechi said:
mj*peterpan said:
@Mechi: I'm Dutch, but I can speak German too (not perfect tho). I think this year will change me in a positive way. It will make me stronger. But when I'm in America there will change things here that I can't control..
to what country did you go?

quote]

lol well we can stick with english that's ok. I was for like three months in Aethopia (is that correct english) not sure in Africa. I did some practice work in a catholic hospital and the Karlheinz Böhm foundation cuz for some time I planned on maybe becoming a nurse... but I ended up having lots of problems cuz of the sun, I'm pretty light skinned and got burned a lot... anyways...
I know you feel your life is out of your controll now. But actually it's not. You're growing up to finally get things in controll. You want to do that year in the US and that is a wise decision. Learn about the world, see what's out there, see what's waiting and possible for you! And in this time not only things at home will change... you will change also... see it will give you also lots of possibilities, not only language wise... you'll meet lots of new ppl, hopefully really wonderful ppl and for sure complete new horizons will open up to you, which you do not even count with now.
Many of my friends did that high school year in the US and then later returned there for University for example.
I promise you it will not cost you any real friends cuz you're older now and so are your friends. And you will be able to deal with those changes here cuz you will grow. Have faith in yourself! It's a great adventure full of chances and I am sure it will all be well in the end!
Click to expand...

that sounds great. I would love to do that too in the future. Helping people in countries like ethiopia like you did. how old were you then?

Thankyou, that made me feel a little better for now:)

Today was such a bad day.. couldn't stop think of Michael for a second...:no:
Hope tommorrow gets better.

I love you all.
Click to expand...
 
Mechi said:
mj*peterpan said:
@Mechi: I'm Dutch, but I can speak German too (not perfect tho). I think this year will change me in a positive way. It will make me stronger. But when I'm in America there will change things here that I can't control..
to what country did you go?

quote]

lol well we can stick with english that's ok. I was for like three months in Aethopia (is that correct english) not sure in Africa. I did some practice work in a catholic hospital and the Karlheinz Böhm foundation cuz for some time I planned on maybe becoming a nurse... but I ended up having lots of problems cuz of the sun, I'm pretty light skinned and got burned a lot... anyways...
I know you feel your life is out of your controll now. But actually it's not. You're growing up to finally get things in controll. You want to do that year in the US and that is a wise decision. Learn about the world, see what's out there, see what's waiting and possible for you! And in this time not only things at home will change... you will change also... see it will give you also lots of possibilities, not only language wise... you'll meet lots of new ppl, hopefully really wonderful ppl and for sure complete new horizons will open up to you, which you do not even count with now.
Many of my friends did that high school year in the US and then later returned there for University for example.
I promise you it will not cost you any real friends cuz you're older now and so are your friends. And you will be able to deal with those changes here cuz you will grow. Have faith in yourself! It's a great adventure full of chances and I am sure it will all be well in the end!
Click to expand...

Aw that was a great post. :)
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MusaedJackson said:
I am sorry to hear this, try to listen to Michael's music, This will make you feel better
we are all your friends, we are your family, "Hugs"
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thanks.. I can't listen to his music for long. I know it sounds weird, but when a song finishes it feels like it's the end of MJs life. during the silence between songs reality sinks in... because when his music is on it feels like he's alive, but when I stop the music I feel terrible again.:( Does anyone feel the same?
god, I miss him...
 
i'm sorry to hear about this. but something in your message made me think you're going to be all right with time. i moved to New Zealand from Russia and all my friends are in Russia, including my family. but remember - everything is temporary. you will keep your friends and you will find new ones. who knows may be this move will be a great opportunity for you. just keep in touch with your stepfather. get both skype. ask your friends to get skype, i talk to my family this way every day. and we even talk more than before. cheer up and wish you luck

hugs
 
mj*peterpan said:
Mechi said:
that sounds great. I would love to do that too in the future. Helping people in countries like ethiopia like you did. how old were you then?

Thankyou, that made me feel a little better for now:)

Today was such a bad day.. couldn't stop think of Michael for a second...:no:
Hope tommorrow gets better.

I love you all.
Click to expand...

I was 19 when I was actually there. I had to be 18 to apply and then we had a year of preparation. Before I even visited a friend in the US in Washington DC in my preparation year for four weeks. She was an au pair and her guest family was ok with it. I actually went there to improve my english skills lol didn't help much though as we were of cuz talking german like all the time for the others not to understand us! *giggle*
I've thanks God also found a girl talking german in ethiopia... that helped when I got a bit homesick in between so we could talk german, since a phone call that time home to germany costed a fortune... on the other hand is was easier there to speak english for me somehow as all spoke english not really natively but as broken as I did that time. However I had to do mainly office work in the hospital (office management was the job I've learnt in germany before) and we did a lot of organization of things needed... collecting money... and presenting guests our hospital. Well as I said I couldn't stay there... the heat was hard on me and I couldn't physically deal too well with it got all kind of infections one could think of... so I was kind of send home early... it was planned for me to stay at least for half a year or even also a year but that just wasn't possible.
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