Do parents interfere in your personal grown-up life?

[Magicgirl]

I got upset yesterday. I got acquainted with some spanish musician in the net, but he is very poor and decided to visit him. As soon as my parents got to know about it (and I'm 35) they got into rage, endless shouting on phone, that I am making a mistake, that he is too poor, that I shouldn't leave my soon to be ex-husband (as I am divorcing him in november), in addition I heard that all my woman-friends are bad, etc. I tried to, but I guess it's useless as everytime they call they start forcing their will on me, I decided not to pick up the phone anymore

 

[Telha]

oh, thats so sad to hear!

Some parents just cant bear with the fact that their children has grown up!

My brother had his first girlfriend at age 24 and when my mom knew about it she was all "awww my baby said he's got a girlfriend", almost crying...

Im almost 22 and Im still my parents' baby...so yes, they are always wanting me to live my life as they want it, since Im "unexperienced and dont know ANYTHING at all", says them.
My mom always freaks out about "people we meet on the internet". In her mind, only kidnappers, pedophiles, drug dealers, serial killers, etc use the net, apart from me. When I said one of my friends from the net were coming from another state to visit me, she freaked out, but ended up loving my friend!

Sometimes, they are the immature ones...:smilerolleyes:

 

[Mechi]

Nope, not anymore. With me moving out and getting completely also financially independent they haven't really tried to interfere anymore.
I do ask them for advice sometimes and yeah sure sometimes I get their opinion about my personal matters without that I really ask for it. Honestly it works exactly the same the other way around, I mean I can't always hide what I think about their things going on at times also.
:wild:
But well we're family, we care about eachother and that's how I can easily understand it and deal with it.
At the end of the day it's not them making my decisions.

 

[Sdeidjs]

With no disrespect intended....Ladies & Gents,

Once a parent always a parent;

Most just want to protect, care about, and make sure their children are not going to get used, abused, taken advantage of, ripped off, or are in danger...

Keep in mind, as much as there are good people, there are alot of cruel, evil individuals in the world as well...

Make sure YOU are very well aware of what your getting yourself into before its too late...

 

[Magicgirl]

Oh yes, I am aware about evil individuals , I met some, this is not the first person from the net I will be visiting, but in this case if it won't work I can always go to the hotel or buy me another ticket to fly back earlier as I am not limited in means now. The problem is that my parents first didn't want my husband (whom I met on the net 7 yrs. ago) and had very negative attitude to him and wanted me to leave him, now when I am leaving him they call me and ask not to live him! This is ridiculous. Now they have negative attitude to my new friend though they don't know him at all as I do, anyway it's only a visit now.

 

[Sdeidjs]

Oh yes, I am aware about evil individuals , I met some, this is not the first person from the net I will be visiting, but in this case if it won't work I can always go to the hotel or buy me another ticket to fly back earlier as I am not limited in means now. The problem is that my parents first didn't want my husband (whom I met on the net 7 yrs. ago) and had very negative attitude to him and wanted me to leave him, now when I am leaving him they call me and ask not to live him! This is ridiculous. Now they have negative attitude to my new friend though they don't know him at all as I do, anyway it's only a visit now.

Whatever you do, whatever direction you choose, wherever you go...
All we ask is to please be safe..! :angel:

 

[Moddie777]

I am well into my 40's and have a family of my own and I can tell you, parents do still interfere even when you do not ask or want their input. We have experienced our parents wanting to parent our children when that is not needed. Being a Grandparent is important enough and we respect this and honor it but there has been times when feelings were hurt because meddling mother's( mine in parrticular) didn't know where their role ended and mine began.

 

[L.J]

Parents always interfere :lol: some do it because they will always be "parent's" and some do it because they worry about their loved ones which are still their children, no matter the age.
There are some out there though that meddle because they are selfish. I have that with my family.

My mum and dad never interfere with my choices, they might ask me if I have checked everything out first and make sure that I'm not just doing something for the sake of doing it etc :lol: but they never tell me not to do something or that I should do something. They merely reccomend like a friend would. The only time they have a direct hand in anything related to my life is if it involves them or our home (we all live together at the moment). Which I think is fair, after all it's their house.

My dad's mother however, is always meddling and trying to control everyone. She demands that we attend certain functions (usually relatives we've never heard of, 3rd cousin twice removed etc), or she will carry on about other holiday events..... If she doesn't get the response that she wants she tries to pit relatives against each other. She's caused more arguements in my household than anything else. she'll pit my parents against each other (for example mum will say no to an invitation and then she will get dad on the phone later on and have him agree or get suckered in to the same thing mum said no to, causing a big arguement). sometimes she gets really adventureous and involves uncles and aunties to guilt and trick others into doing her bidding.


So no, you're not alone, parent's come in all shapes and sizes

 

[Dancing the Dream]

Yep, all the time lol. It's very annoying at my age when they continue to try and tell me what to do etc, it's more my dad than my mum LOL. I just ignore them. They usually get the picture LOL.

 

[Sdeidjs]

With no dis respect intended to anyone...

Be very glad you have parents you can still talk to, guide, help...some of us have already lost our parents...or we could be like some in society that never had the opportunity to be blessed with parents at all...

Be careful what you wish for...cause you might just get it..!

 

[Magicgirl]

Though I have parents I feel as if I have lost them long ago because real parents who love their child don't do that to him/her what they did meaning causing me to leave and marry the first man not to hear endless scandals every day. Meaning I can't live in their flat without being under risk to damage my health as they will be happy only if they bring me to a nervous break-down. I believe my mom hates me and doesn't want me to live with them, she was always the one trying to control and pit first me against my grandma, then my dad against my grandma, now she is trying to pit me against my best woman-friend. My real parent was my grandma who really grew me up as my parents didn't care about me much and my mom always tried to meddle and find enemies everywhere. All they cared about were marks at school that I got, all the rest never interested them, not to mention that they gave my ill brother away to the asylum where he got a surgery and became normal again, I think such people shouldn't have children.

 

[Sdeidjs]

Though I have parents I feel as if I have lost them long ago because real parents who love their child don't do that to him/her what they did meaning causing me to leave and marry the first man not to hear endless scandals every day. Meaning I can't live in their flat without being under risk to damage my health as they will be happy only if they bring me to a nervous break-down. I believe my mom hates me and doesn't want me to live with them, she was always the one trying to control and pit first me against my grandma, then my dad against my grandma, now she is trying to pit me against my best woman-friend. My real parent was my grandma who really grew me up as my parents didn't care about me much and my mom always tried to meddle and find enemies everywhere. All they cared about were marks at school that I got, all the rest never interested them, not to mention that they gave my ill brother away to the asylum where he got a surgery and became normal again, I think such people shouldn't have children.

Dear Magic,
None of us choose our biological parents...YOU cannot control what others do no matter who they are, YOU have to do whats best for YOU...

We get ONE chance at life...

Whatever direction YOU choose to take with your life... make sure YOU are doing it for the right reasons..!

:angel:

 

[Ape]

I know I was still making bad decisions well into my adulthood and to be honest, I still should have listened more to my moms advice well into my 20's. I still do listen to her actually, and my dad. I listen and take it to heart what they say, and then still decide on my own, taking their advice to heart. I still DO make bad decisions even now. I don't feel I need to take her advice if I don't fully agree with it anymore. I know that even if I make a bad choice or decision, it is up to me to fix it.

I don't know your situation, so maybe what I am thinking is wrong and maybe I should just keep mouth shut but you don't sound 35. You sound like a teenager still and maybe this is also why they are interfering. You can't blame your parents once you become an adult. Your life is now your responsibility. Your decisions are YOURS alone and to blame them for poor decisions you had made is not the way to go. If you really feel you are mature enough to be called an adult, then you have to be mature enough to take responsibility for the result of your choices. If your parents really aren't good for you...sincerely bad people who hate you and wish bad things for you, then as an adult you should cut them out of your life, but for some reason I really don't think this is the case. Maybe you should try to see it from their point of view. Reassure them that you have put thought into this and aren't just acting irrationally due to your situation (which, when a marriage breaks up, we all tend to do... I did it). Try to look honestly at why you are doing what you are doing. When you can clearly see it, then you can clearly explain to your parents why they have nothing to worry about. If they DO have something to worry about and you still don't want them interfering, then that's your choice too, as an adult. But I can't say I don't blame them for worrying.

 

[Magicgirl]

Don't you understand that the only reason they do that because they want someone rich or with good education, career chances as a son in law only to have something to boast about to others or for me never to get married second time and as long as this is not the case anyone I chose will be wrong for them. They can't understand that this is life and fairy-tales do not exist. I am glad I found a person who takes interest in me. They can't understand that someone they imagine as a son in law won't get interested in me or I in him and I have only 5 years left if I want to have children of my own.

I remeber the case before I left to austria (I was already keeping correspondence and met with my now to be ex-husband), so knowing that they brought some guy (like some turkish parents do, the difference is only they were armenian, but acted like turkish ones), didn't inform me that this is going to be my future fiancee and wanted to force me to go out of the room and meet him and his parents, I guessed and just locked myself in the room, switched on music not to hear endless knocking at the door with asking to come out. So it didn't work. So how far can parents go?

Yes, I have cut contact to them if not to count visit once in 1-2 years, but as I have not much financial possibilities and no job in Russia now, no flat and part of that flat is mine as well - I'll have to live there, but I would have better lived somewhere else.

And after I told my mom about the person I met she asked at the end: "And are you going to sleep with him?" This is the only thing she was interested in, not if he is a good person and not about what kind of person he is. This is ill. I have no words, I still have shock. Also knowing that my present husband doesn't want any children with me and is not treating me right my mom asked me not to leave him? What kind of mom should it be? Wishing me well? I doubt.

 

[Magicgirl]

Ok, there is the continuation... I went to Internet and found by chance 2 other sites of that person and what the hell - it's written there he doesn't want children, but told me he wants, but I don't believe men anymore in this because my ex also was saying before marriage he wanted some and then took his words back. And in my plans is to have not only my own children, but to adopt some as well. So that was it, I have to search for someone again, but as I have a ticket I might still go there, but on shorter vacation on my own, booking a hotel and staying there alone or maybe not, I do not know now as this is a beautiful travel destination.

 

[Ape]

Your nic-name here always messes me up because I never remember it. I forgot that I have spoken to you before on here (I think... maybe). I have in the past gotten caught up in those sweet talking men. It is where you have to be careful on the internet. This is their stomping ground. Mind you.. people change their mind from day to day sometimes and depending on their mood, might decide no children, then the next day think they want them. Like for myself sometimes I feel like there is no way I want to be in a relationship again, but then there are times that I get dreaming about it all again and I would like it. So just because he has a different answer on a profile, doesn't mean he is necessarily a lair, could just be indecisive about this subject or have mixed feelings.

Like I said at first, I could be wrong. I was feeling annoyed with everything the day I wrote that so I apologize if it in any way sounded rude or not understanding. I hope you are doing alright. Since you are an adult and can make your own decisions, like me, even if you know you could be wrong about something, you want to take the chance sometimes and make your own choices, chances, mistakes, etc. Maybe it will turn out not to be a mistake. Sounds like you are needing some time to just discover your life and the world anyways. People who care about you will want to give advice...some will want to force you to do it their way to avoid difficulties that maybe they have had in a similar experience, but the only one who can live your life is you. The only one who knows all of your experiences is you. So really, you create your own life in that way. Sometimes hardships can be good for us. We always can learn something. I am sorry to hear that the relationship you have with your parents isn't a good one. It is really hard for me to imagine a parent who doesn't want the best for their child, and I suppose they just think their choices ARE what is best for you...but they aren't walking in your shoes either.

I hope it all goes well for you at least.

 

[Magicgirl]

Thanks , you always give very interesting and deep opinion about things on this forum.
Yes these are my choice, chances and mistakes and my life I have to live how I want it and not how someone else tells me to live.

 

[raingirl]

I've turned 29 and I live on my own but my mom does interfere in my life. A lot of times I do like to ask for her opinion and get some advice and I like to get "her blessing" for what I do.
for example...
... I'd love to get a new dog, a dog-friend for my 2 year old whippet boy. My mom thinks dogs are nothing but trouble (true, they demand a lot of time..) but they give alot too. I'm actually aftaid to talk about a new puppy to my mom. I haven't mentioned that I already have contacted some breeders (a mixed "mutt" is also an option for me) Right now I'm trying to convince my mom that my dog really needs a friend.

 

[Ape]

Thanks , you always give very interesting and deep opinion about things on this forum.
Yes these are my choice, chances and mistakes and my life I have to live how I want it and not how someone else tells me to live.

But I forgot to mention, they are also your SUCCESSES! I forget to think of it that way in my own life sometimes too. It's life. :better:

 

[Magicgirl]

I will still visit this person at least to have fun vacation, but I can't check him or should I check him and how? there are some things I am confused about, it seems right now it will be only a visit because as long as person has no job nothing else is possible, he said he can't afford paying for internet and telephone right now, there was the ground phone line on which I called for free through Internet, but he couldn't call from it as he couldn't pay for it, but now it is not working, I get through, the phone is picked up and silence, he blames the phone company in email or someone for this who wants to prevent me calling him, 2 mobile phone numbers were also given to me but I was told that both phones are broken and he needs to buy new ones, it appears that when I called at one number some woman picked up, then he said he mixed up a number a little and it was not his number....

 

[snowhite]

Magicgirl I'm confused. you want to keep in contact with him but you don't know how? it can't be that hard...an email once a week or something like that would be reasonable. But are you sure you know this man well enough?

as for me - nobody interferes in my life

but there are moments when I wish somebody would...then I would know what decisions to make sometimes it's so hard when you don't know what to do that even a bad advice would be good. in that case at least I would have somebody else to blame I wouldn't have to blame myself all the time

 

[Ape]

magicgirl, does he want you to visit? Maybe he isn't what he seems he is online. It really does sound fishy. The being poor excuse could be because he had no intention of going to see you. It could be true, but maybe not. If you look at it as a vacation and experience then go and enjoy yourself and don't worry if you even meet him, but if you are going for love... you might do better to let him put some work into it too. It never is a good thing to do all the work (I've learned from experience). Don't chase him. If you are important to him too, he'll work at putting his life in order so he can put the effort into seeing you too. That's my take on things these days.

Again.. this is only advice and you are free to do with it as you please

 

[Magicgirl]

Well, I am getting divorced next week and leaving Austria, so having vacation afterwards is not that bad if the person won't appear a total psycho, I hope not. The fact is that I am more than 35 and all men I met before first didn't want marriage, then didn't want children, my ex as well during the last 7 yrs. and I am not begging anyone for this anymore, I will just go to clinic when I move back to Russia and order myself a child, the fact is that I have no time to wait till the man finds job and can afford having children, as then it will be too late for me as I am not getting younger with each year. I proposed him to pay myself what concerns the costs of having a child as he was writing he loves me and wants me to visit and wants children but only after he can afford that, but this is internet, though I proposed to pay he still didn't agree (he mentioned because he had such problem before with a woman who was like a child and wouldn't be a good mother and then asked me what I will do with children in such a tone as if I won't know then what to do with a child and it will be only a problem), so I view it now only as vacation. Some things seem strange to me, when he had a problem with water flooding in toilet, or with his ground telephone line, he was not going to solve these problems himself but was telling he will call his brother and he will call the company and solve it, why on earth should the grown-up person always adress his brother to solve such problems? I can't get it. First he was telling he was going to work soon, but now I doubt that he will ever get employed after 2 years of being unemployed especially when he always mentions bad situation in the country and lack of education as a reason why he doesn't get job and his endless illnesses (pains in the back, in the stomack, kidney problems, memory problems after car accident), if he mentions it to employer I doubt he will get employed. So in this situation I should count on myself and am not waiting for anything from the person, just will do what is right for me. I also think that man should put an effort to get a woman, but in my case I think I do not care anymore if there will be a man or not, I will just do as planned, first vacation, then clinic to have a child or maybe first starting to work where I was proposed in Russia and then a child, but soon. I've seen a person in video-chat and he seemed nice, so I will give him a chance, but will not continue if there will be only me putting efforts. Anyway I am not waiting for someone for years till they bring their life in order as I do not have these years and as I doubt I will meet anyone better as all men I met were too calculating and egoistic anyway, I will meet this person though it might be a mistake.