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How do you change after all of this?

still grieving, always grieving :cry:

Its made me so confused about life in general.. the purpose of life..
I've been leaning more towards spirituality more. but I am not as happy as I used to be. I am not the same person now :(
 
Soso Deaf said:
omg im still a mess. won't see the movie. my calendar was on june till last wk. it fell so i finally put it on october...ugh

i miss my shiitty
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i havent bought my tix yet either im starting to really 2nd guess it. a friend of mine got me tix tho for oct 27 @ 9pm..i havent decided if im going or not tho,i miss him so and i really wanna see him..but knowing its his final days is tough
 
michaelsson said:
i havent bought my tix yet either im starting to really 2nd guess it. a friend of mine got me tix tho for oct 27 @ 9pm..i havent decided if im going or not tho,i miss him so and i really wanna see him..but knowing its his final days is tough
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yeah i dont know if i will ever be able to watch iit but i am however devoring as mich music of his as i can get my hands on i'm actually trying to do more with my life now
 
I don't want to change either. I want Michael in my life just as much in the future as he has been in my past. I think when you truly love someone, you are never the same again. I know Michael is always going to be with me, but I wonder if - and hope that - the happiness I feel when I listen/watch him won't always be followed by the sadness I feel now.

I was also thinking that this is such a different situation for all of us. When we lose other loved ones, we usually don't have the hundreds of songs/videos to continuously remind us. Usually we have our photos and maybe some family videos. But with Michael, I listen to him every day and that won't change, so I won't 'forget' and his memories won't fade away as (unfortunately) the memories of others may.

I guess another question is, do you want to change?
 
Michael- I want to say thank you. All these years You've always been by my side. You've been my rock. You've been my hiding place. You've been my shelter. You've always been a part of my life. I don't remember not loving you. No moment- no word- no movement- no word stands out as the moment my heart was forever linked with yours. My soul formed a bond that can never be broken. Your smile still makes me blush with the rush of first loves butterflies. My heart skips a beat with every move your body makes as you become the music.. You take my breath away with every whisper or shout of love. A wink or a nod stops the flow of tears. A sigh or scream lets me know you feel my pain. I've laughed and cried with you. Felt your joy and sorrow. Stood in the sun and the rain. Felt your hand in mine. Put my hand in yours. Willed my soul to join yours. Gave you my heart. Never asking anything in return. For you have always freely given both.
Now I stand alone. My heart and soul empty shadows of what they once were. At some point I gave way to us. I stopped just being me. You became a part of my breathing, walking, talking, my heart, and soul. My smile has dimmed. My feet do not dance with magic. My heart does not sing with a song of love. My soul does not feel yours any more.
I must remember: this bond is not broken with death, for it was not made with life. I just need listen to your songs or watch you give over to the music to feel the bond between us, to feel your heart and soul still joined to mine.
Thank you always for the love, magic, and laughter!! Love, Trista
 
magiktori said:
yeah i dont know if i will ever be able to watch iit but i am however devoring as mich music of his as i can get my hands on i'm actually trying to do more with my life now
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me2,im keeping myself busy.so my mind is elsewhere. somedays i still feel as if hes here,then reality hits me like bricks. but whatever
 
What did Michael do when Princess Diana, Mother Teresa and James Brown died?
He knew that as much as he truly loved them all and was inspired by them, his life did not depend on them.
What a waste it would be if all their inspiration and effects on you ended when they died? That would defeat the whole purpose of what Michael and other great people sought to do for us. He always preached inner strength - strength that comes from yourself, not dependent on him or another person. I know we all love, miss and mourn for him, but this is the time to show that you truly understand his message.
 
I agree with you CarinaT
we should all look at Michael how he continued on with his plans after James Brown died.
we just have to appreciate that we have our families and are alive and healthy.
 
Well, the change in me after Michael's passing is mostly in how I started viewing life.
It's so precious and fragile...
Literally - "here one day, gone one night".
Michael's passing made me see that.
And although it hurt like hell, and although the pain is no less now that it was on the 25th of June - it instigates in me this incredible will to live life to the full, to make the most of it.
There were times - like watching the memorial, funeral, seeing his casket for the first time - when I thought I was gonna die, but I never wanted to. I just want to live, and make my life a good one.
 
i have changed in a lot of ways. i have been heartbroken ever since june 25th and i've learned alot about myself and how i handle grief. i have started to see life in a new way, beacuse now i have seen how fragile it is. i dont take anything for granted anymore and i've started to appreciate small things alot more. its really a new world that has opened for me, and my fascination with nature has only grown stronger. i can just stop with everything i'm doing just to look at a beautiful tree or a lake. its so beautiful, and now i really get michael adoration for nature. it is incredible.
 
due to a few changes and decisions in my life, June was to be an exciting time of change and renewal for me. For the first three weeks in June it was that.
then came june 25, and since i have been unable to cope with this immense sense of loss, pain, grief, sadness, and anger.
i found myself on the train today listening to heal the world for the first time in a while, and just starting crying in front of all these strangers. it was uncontrollable.
these three months have been a complete blur to me. i use to anticipate the excitement of the future... today.... it takes an enormous effort on my part to even communicate with family and friends. the future as i know it/knew it no longer exists for me. i just don't know...... sorry for the rant.
 
mjjfan4ever said:
due to a few changes and decisions in my life, June was to be an exciting time of change and renewal for me. For the first three weeks in June it was that.
then came june 25, and since i have been unable to cope with this immense sense of loss, pain, grief, sadness, and anger.
i found myself on the train today listening to heal the world for the first time in a while, and just starting crying in front of all these strangers. it was uncontrollable.
these three months have been a complete blur to me. i use to anticipate the excitement of the future... today.... it takes an enormous effort on my part to even communicate with family and friends. the future as i know it/knew it no longer exists for me. i just don't know...... sorry for the rant.
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Don't apologise. We're here for ya. :better:
 
This has made me work harder. It has made me work through the pain. There's things I want from life and Michael worked hard to get things he wanted. He was such an amazing person. He contributed to the person I am and will continue to inspire and challenge me for a long time. I am not in any way close to being over this but I realise that I need to keep going. We can come out of this stronger than ever with the right attitude.
 
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I guess I just feel kind of less protected. I feel fragile and vulnerable.
But I am on my way back to my old self since I'm working again and since I've started counceling... it's still a way to go... but I'm positive I'll make it back sooner or later.
 
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