I feel like a bad fan..

xo_lola_xo

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I feel guilty and like I'm a bad fan. I didn't cry yesterday during the procedure and..I didn't react strongly to the picture..I just felt numb, nothing really registered, apart from the email that Kenny read out - I felt like the email was going to get me emotional so I walked out of the room.

Is anyone else feeling the same?
 
J

JMie

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you are not a bad fan. everyone reacts differently to different things... it doesn't make them a better or a worse fan... HUGS
 

DreamalilDream

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AWWW NEVER think of yourself as a bad fan :(. You are what you said just numb. Your reaction to this stressful mess is normal, that IS the only thing one can do or feel to protect oneself. This is a painful situation, a lot of us...I know iam for sure is reliving 6/25/09 at this point. I HATE it. I look at my dog or kids playing and I wish I was as oblivious and unknowing , cause it this hurts me. I am and will continue to follow and watch the case just for my personal curiousity and concern but it wont be easy.:(....You are DEFINATELY not a bad fan and there certainly isn't a manual of how to react to this situation as a fan.
 

xo_lola_xo

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^ Thank you very much for your help. I think I am trying not to get too emotionally into it because now I live alone and I have to take care of myself and get up, cook, go to uni, etc. I'm a little bit afraid of feeling the pain in case I can't take it, I suppose :(
 

angelofhope

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Hugs to you-being numb is a normal emotional reaction for alot of people to something very stressful or upsetting.xx
 

Severus Snape

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You're not a bad fan, I didn't cry at all when I saw the picture, nor when I heard the tape, at least not in the moment I saw each. I cried a bit as Ortega was describing what he had seen, but none of it really hit me until about midnight last night, at which point I had to escort myself to the restroom and cry like a little b--ch. Some people, myself among them, take a while to really register the events, but when it hits home, it hits home.

Everyone reacts differently to things, some people are more in touch with their emotions, so they are able to cry immediately, while others take longer to register that reaction.
 

PaceMioDolceCuore

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"Please hold. All muses are busy right now, but yo
People react so differently, don't beat yourself up. For example, I am 'lacking' the totally ability of sheer physical outrage toward Murray- I feel very disgusting by his actions etc and all of this remains unfathomable to me- but if I ever met him in the street, I wouldn't go on any verbal rampages, I would be overwhelmingly sad perhaps, but I lack the fury in my sadness- and I see no point in yelling and screaming- people are very different. In many ways this is worse than 6/25 for me, so I kinda envy people that are not so affecting by it, I was barely able to function on a healthy, social level.

I'm the type of bleeding heart person, who literally sat in front of the TV with tears streaming down with about every word and man, that's hard to take, I wished I was number, if you will.

Much love, Lorelei. Whatever you feel is okay, there's no right or wrong.
 

goldiee

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I felt the same way yesterday. I zoned out after hearing about the pictures and tape. I was a wreck yesterday. Wondering why I'm not as strong as other fans.
 

angelofhope

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there is no right or wrong way to react to what we are seeing /hearing. x
 

Daryll748

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WOW what 'loving' replies :D HUGS :better:
Indeed, feelings are NEVER wrong... I kept myself STRONG yesterday and then middle of the night I had the 'waterworks' and the bloody nightmares :boohoo
 

Lucilla

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I feel guilty and like I'm a bad fan. I didn't cry yesterday during the procedure and..I didn't react strongly to the picture..I just felt numb, nothing really registered, apart from the email that Kenny read out - I felt like the email was going to get me emotional so I walked out of the room.

Is anyone else feeling the same?

Don't feel guilty, people can react so different especially during stressful situations.
Than numbness you can feel it's just like a psychological anesthesia. I really wish I could have that lol

Yesterday, after watching the picture I immediately started shaking, feeling cold and have a headache. For those who had experienced something similar: our body doesn't distinguish between physical and psychological threats so it can affect the body in different ways.
But don't worry Lorelei, you don't have to cry or have a breakdown to know that you care :) Like Pace said "Whatever you feel is okay, there's no right or wrong".

Hugs to you.
 

Starlight1986

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*hugs, hugs, hugs*

I feel bad, too. You know why? Well, at some point over the last two years I decided not to follow the media that much just because of all the mean stuff that still was said about Michael. And I didn't really watch TV that often. So I didn't even have in mind that the CM trial had started. :( Today's the first day I've heard of it and now I'm reading as much as I can... So maybe that makes me a REALLY bad fan....
 

kissybissy

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No one needs to cry their eyes out to show they are emotionally affected by what's being discussed and showed in the trial. In my case, I was not the hard-die fan of MJ. I've always seen him as a great artist, whose music and art I admired so much. I've been reading the summaries and report of the trial, as I'm not able to watch live. It saddened me to hear the audio where Michael is clearly slurring words. Watching the picture. Not that it affected me emotionally, but it made me sad to see a great entertainer like MJ to go so soon. About Murray, it disgusted me to see him in court, while his defense attorney was saying MJ killed himself swallowing pills and drinking Propofol, while he was not in the room, when there's enough evidence to show otherwise. It's easy to put the blame on someone who's not around here anymore to defend themselves. Disgusting, really.
 

The Lost Child

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As for myself I simply couldn't breathe and calm myself down. Some of my friends turned the stream down. Others didn't watch it at all, well...
We all feel different and we all react in a different way. This is what makes us special.
You have right to feel the way you feel and to react the way you react. Emotions are something very personal - I don't think no one can force someone to feel this or that way. And it's better you're reacting this or that way because you feel it. Don't feel guilty, don't push yourself to more emotional reactions. It all is already hard enough.

You're all wonderful ppl wanting justice for the Man you love and admire. There are no good or bad reactions for the things we''re seeing happening in the courtroom.
 

xo_lola_xo

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Thank you everyone for your support. I'm also here for my fellow MJ fan family if anyone needs me.

I have to say I don't feel guilty anymore because it's hit me quite hard now..I think it just took a day or two to register.
 

Severus Snape

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^That happens. A friend of mine who lost his mum never seemed particularly upset in his daily life, so others didn't even know what had happened, nor could they have guessed it by merely looking at his demeanour, but of course he was deeply suffering.

I, for example, take a while to register things. When that dreaded event occurred in 2009, I didn't cry at all until a week after the fact, because the shock was that great. I was sure Michael would outlive me. Then, once it happened, the crying never stopped. Still, from time to time, years later, it resumes. With this trial, of course, everything I've worked so hard to bury is resurfacing in full force.

Like others have said, we all register things differently.
 

TinaG

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Feelings are never wrong...one can't help how they feel. You are not a bad fan at all for feeling any or nothing, or just numb. We all react and feel differently. It's just human nature. Hugs to you. :)
 

8701girl

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I feel guilty and like I'm a bad fan. I didn't cry yesterday during the procedure and..I didn't react strongly to the picture..I just felt numb, nothing really registered, apart from the email that Kenny read out - I felt like the email was going to get me emotional so I walked out of the room.

Is anyone else feeling the same?


Its ok hun you are not a bad fan at all :hug: and like you i havent cried much at all while watching the trial proceedings . I tend to cry though when im out & start thinking bout it all and boy its hard to keep it all inside. Also ditto to what jmie said , everyone is going through different emotions & feelings right now and that isnt a bad thing
 

Daryll748

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Funny thing is I keep telling myself that... "I'm NOT a BAD fan, am I..."
:ermm: as, I can't watch the LIVE stream... I go all to pieces...
Running away is NOT the solution though as its everywhere... On NEWS sites, on FB... I don't even watch the NEWS on TV in fear I would :swoon:
So, I'm 'trying' to follow it by just reading the tweets and Yahoo News...
I HOPE the verdict comes pretty SOON...
Its so HEARTBREAKING for the family and the children too...
I keep wondering WHY??? WHY did NO ONE SAVE Michael????? :boohoo

Well, time for the family shores now...

I feel so :( but hey Keep your head up, guys... :better:
 

xo_lola_xo

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You know what breaks my heart? In the email, Kenny said that no one made a hot cup of tea for Michael to help him relax. I've literally cried over that. Why didn't anyone make our Michael a hot drink? Why? Why? Didn't they see he was CLEARLY ill and he had the chills?

Urgh..

Good thing the trial is expected to finish on Oct 28...
 

ivy

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First of all it's a normal human reaction to "block" anything so that we don't feel bad. So if you are feeling "numb" or like you can't feel anything it's your emotional defense mechanism.

Secondly probably after a time it will "hit you".

First day I saw the picture , although I wasn't expecting it I didn't react to it either. I was busy with summaries and getting the case team working. But by the end of the day I was physically ill - like I can't get out of restroom I can't get out of bed kinda ill. It was hours later when it hit me.
 

Ben

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I agree with Ivy. Took me one week to realize what had happened on june 25th. Until the very last day at work. Your brain protects you from traumatic events. Be very grateful, and use it.
But the level of pain doesnt determine the sincerity of your love.
I hope it never hits you again.
 
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