I need you

[Lark]

The ONLY thing people desire is to be LOVED...

I think about this every day!

 

[Daryll748]

Dear lark :friends:

that was really brave of you to tell us how you really feel and I can really relate to that :agree:

Michael has indeed that power to heal you but he also 'triggers' that suppressed stuff cause that's what healing is all about... letting go of stuff that holds you down...

You can see life as a struggle and people who know me thinks my life is all struggle cause of my medical probs but instead I see adventure, places I never been to, you know...

I'll repeat this... NO Fan that is a MEMBER here should FEEL alone and numb :blush: We're STRONG here cause we UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT each other here...

Whenever, it gets TOO tough in the REAL world... You POP in here to 'refuel' your battery with new HOPE and COURAGE.

Much :heart: to you all

Oh, welcome back Mara :ciao:

 

[laeticia.fr]

It is so interesting that you see this, because it is just the opposite, even though you are right. As some people here know, Michael and his music triggered a lot of feelings and memories for me last year. (Nothing like "repressed memories" because I hadn't FORGOTTEN anything) but I had been struggling with depression into adulthood and he helped me understand why. Lots of times I didn't even realized I was going through this, because there were months, and really years of feeling just... nothing. Sometimes, some weeks at a time I'd feel like I was in so much pain but mostly just nothing. No motivation, or anything.

No, I am trying to lift myself OUT of this. So you are right, I am trying and running but I always feel like I am right on the edge. I am still very much "climbing out of the pit" still climbing this steep and slippery wall, when I started this thread I had lost my grip entirely and was just praying that someone would catch me if I called out.

It is so hard for me to admit, because to be this way is the most shameful behavior, but I struggle with taking care of my life. I always feel like the state of my living space always reflects the state of my mind, and the last time I was able to keep it clean and cared for was in school. But even when it all looks clean and I've shoved all the mess in my closet, it is also reflective of what is going on in my mind! And honestly, I know I am getting somewhere because the way I was in the summer and fall... I had garbage everywhere (literally) I just sat i the dark and cried, barely ate or slept and there were dirty clothes everywhere.

This is why every day is a fight, I fight to chose to see the light over the dark every day, because I am not so far from being that way again, in fact, I am only a few steps forward from that. You are right, it IS a slow process but I want to be better, I want to live better and accomplish things and reach my potential and all this... but it is not easy. It is really really a struggle.

One thing is for certain, you all help me so much! You do, because I was feeling like I was all alone before. Some of this may be confusing, because I am talking about these things that are painful to me, and what does that have to do with Michael? Well, for me, everything. I know that you understand that too. A lot of the healing has started with finding out, what does all this have to do with my feelings for Michael? Why did he trigger such intense emotion for me all at once like that? The answers have taken time to find but have really pointed the arrows to what my problems really are. And when I find out what to do about them, I hope I can be rid of the darkness that has kept me down for so long.

Lark

Lark, if I wrote like that, that’s because I saw good signs there in your message and I was convinced that you were a strong person despite of your fragile appearance, even though you're not aware of your own inner strengths. You know how to prevent from be caught by more serious depression. You are active. You know fighting efficiently. And you do it with full consciousness, not like me, unable to do like you. As I wrote before, in my case, it’s something unconscious, at biological, vital and instinctive level, that saves me. We are different, but in any case it seems that we are not made to let us easily get into one of the most severe forms of depression, even if we are on the edge. ;D

 

[Lark]

Lark, if I wrote like that, that’s because I saw good signs there in your message and I was convinced that you were a strong person despite of your fragile appearance, even though you're not aware of your own inner strengths. You know how to prevent from be caught by more serious depression. You are active. You know fighting efficiently. And you do it with full consciousness

Thank you so much for your words, (All of them here on this thread) they mean so much to me, especially coming from you!
:clapping: Like I wrote before, I think is is so interesting that you perceive such big things with such little information... no wonder you are so good at helping people. I am so grateful you've taken the time away from all that you have to read to post here :heart:

that was really brave of you to tell us how you really feel and I can really relate to that

Michael has indeed that power to heal you but he also 'triggers' that suppressed stuff cause that's what healing is all about... letting go of stuff that holds you down...

You can see life as a struggle and people who know me thinks my life is all struggle cause of my medical probs but instead I see adventure, places I never been to, you know...

I'll repeat this... NO Fan that is a MEMBER here should FEEL alone and numb We're STRONG here cause we UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT each other here...

Thank you for all your understanding and for never judging! I KNOW I a not the only fan who feels these things. Even though I can't stand to think of anyone else feeling like this, there is also a comfort in knowing I can talk about it and you'll understand.

 

[Lark]

Lark, if I wrote like that, that’s because I saw good signs there in your message and I was convinced that you were a strong person despite of your fragile appearance, even though you're not aware of your own inner strengths. You know how to prevent from be caught by more serious depression. You are active. You know fighting efficiently. And you do it with full consciousness

Thank you so much for your words, (All of them here on this thread) they mean so much to me, especially coming from you!
:clapping: Like I wrote before, I think is is so interesting that you perceive such big things with such little information... no wonder you are so good at helping people. I am so grateful you've taken the time away from all that you have to read to post here :heart:

that was really brave of you to tell us how you really feel and I can really relate to that

Michael has indeed that power to heal you but he also 'triggers' that suppressed stuff cause that's what healing is all about... letting go of stuff that holds you down...

You can see life as a struggle and people who know me thinks my life is all struggle cause of my medical probs but instead I see adventure, places I never been to, you know...

I'll repeat this... NO Fan that is a MEMBER here should FEEL alone and numb We're STRONG here cause we UNDERSTAND and SUPPORT each other here...

Thank you for all your understanding and for never judging! I KNOW I a not the only fan who feels these things. Even though I can't stand to think of anyone else feeling like this, there is also a comfort in knowing I can talk about it and you'll understand.

 

[laeticia.fr]

... when I started this thread I had lost my grip entirely and was just praying that someone would catch me if I called out.

It is so hard for me to admit, because to be this way is the most shameful behavior, ...

Nothing was shameful, Lark. ;D It was just a first practical step to healing. We really appreciate what you did. Don’t you appreciate a person who opens him or herself ? It’s the same for us.

 

[laeticia.fr]

The ONLY thing people desire is to be LOVED...

I think about this every day!

I'll paste what I wrote yesterday without having the courage to post.
Be careful, it's very serious and heavy, maybe depressant. :mello:

=====================================================

I ask you a question that would be somewhat annoying

"What should we do when we feel, or we know loved but not understood?"

In most cases, people feel lonely when they feel not understood. (I’ve read somewhere it was Michael’s case.)

Know that if you are misunderstood or not understood, it is not because you have not sufficiently explained or poorly explained your problems and needs. You are used to explain as clearly as possible in detail with examples. And this not just once, but several times, more and more clearly and in detail. You also asked for help. But people still did not understand. So much so that you do not understand why they do not understand. You eventually wonder if this is due to their lack of intelligence or at least experience. You even wonder if they pretend not to understand, for fear of being forced to be involved too much thereafter. But you know they love you, they care about you and they really want to do something for you. You are therefore at an impasse.

When it seems impossible to be understood, despite everything you've done to make you understand, you finally stop being open to others. What for ?? Therefore you prefer retiring into yourself. Because it would be less disturbing. You would not feel desperate. There would be no need to repeat the same bitter experiences of not understood. You are sufficiently desperate by your life conditions, your physical and material difficulties, then why should you feel desperate more by incomprehension of others ? That’s enough. Anyway you do not have much choice. You should learn to get used to your conditions. Not to rely on others. No longer hope too much. Not try to watch reality in face. And you desperately learn that it might be better to behave in front of others as well as yourself as if everything was going rather well and you manage to stand living such a life as yours…

If I were in such a situation, what should I do in your opinion? When thinking of others’ love do not really change anything, what should I do? (Please do not tell to pray or still keep hoping and thinking of love, because I do).

Not to expect any more anything seems to me a reasonable solution. Because from there, we might get inner peace. Am I wrong to think this way?

 

[laeticia.fr]

I have an example, although this one is too simplistic.

My daughter was a rebellious teenager. She had all reasons not to do these or/and those things. I told her : “If you see a blind person trying to cross the road, you'll just go to help him, that's all, even if you're a teenager and you had a lot of problems. " Unfortunately, she seemed not have gotten the message.

Please go help the blind person, even before starting to love him. Simply because he does not seek to be loved in this very moment, he just needs someone who understands his needs and immediately come to help him. Michael konws that.

 

[Daryll748]

I ask you a question that would be somewhat annoying

"What should we do when we feel, or we know loved but not understood?"

In most cases, people feel lonely when they feel not understood. (I’ve read somewhere it was Michael’s case.)

Know that if you are misunderstood or not understood, it is not because you have not sufficiently explained or poorly explained your problems and needs. You are used to explain as clearly as possible in detail with examples. And this not just once, but several times, more and more clearly and in detail. You also asked for help. But people still did not understand. So much so that you do not understand why they do not understand. You eventually wonder if this is due to their lack of intelligence or at least experience. You even wonder if they pretend not to understand, for fear of being forced to be involved too much thereafter. But you know they love you, they care about you and they really want to do something for you. You are therefore at an impasse.

When it seems impossible to be understood, despite everything you've done to make you understand, you finally stop being open to others. What for ?? Therefore you prefer retiring into yourself. Because it would be less disturbing. You would not feel desperate. There would be no need to repeat the same bitter experiences of not understood. You are sufficiently desperate by your life conditions, your physical and material difficulties, then why should you feel desperate more by incomprehension of others ? That’s enough. Anyway you do not have much choice. You should learn to get used to your conditions. Not to rely on others. No longer hope too much. Not try to watch reality in face. And you desperately learn that it might be better to behave in front of others as well as yourself as if everything was going rather well and you manage to stand living such a life as yours…

If I were in such a situation, what should I do in your opinion? When thinking of others’ love do not really change anything, what should I do? (Please do not tell to pray or still keep hoping and thinking of love, because I do).

Not to expect any more anything seems to me a reasonable solution. Because from there, we might get inner peace. Am I wrong to think this way?

This is indeed an INTRIGUING stance here It does bring me back to the core of WHY I 'ditched' all my 'fake' friends and find 'solace' here...

Some people are NOT listeners... Some people are too 'wrapped' up in their own misery that they are 'deaf' to your need... It doesn't mean it's your fault... I've learnt NOT to take things PERSONALLY...

You have to find that RIGHT chemistry, that RIGHT friend who will see through his own smoke screen and be willing to HELP you find that light again...
I also learnt as you say, Laeticia :ciao: that you have to 'rely' on yourself... A friend once said to me...

"If you rely on a PERSON for your happiness, then one day you'll lose that happiness and all that remains will be a void..."
In other words, it's smarter to attach your happiness to a talent, to yourself and NOT to a person or material stuff :scratch:

This is indeed a 'heavy' convo here but it's what I call 'life wisdom' and you only get it by going through the fire by yourself and hearing other tales of people who got burnt and survived :cheeky:

It's IMPORTANT to get your DIGNITY back in any way you can...
It's IMPORTANT to find friends who UNDERSTAND you...
It's IMPORTANT that your friends don't MOCK you and give you TIME to HEAL...
We all stand our ground differently :yes:

I'm okay these days... I go to college... I started a new life... Sometimes, we need to touch 'rock bottom' to build our lives from scratch again...

This is deep, I know but I HOPE I can INSPIRE people that way that the 'quicksand' or 'the dark' where you can get lost in, doesn't have to be your DOOM if you can RELY on yourself and HAVE a FEW :friends: that will catch you when you fall :blush:

 

[Lark]

wow you make+ some interesting points! Your posts was one I couldn't respond to right away because I had to look inside myself to see what I really think, because I didn't know what to say.

I think that love grows from understanding. What you say, that a person can not understand you but still love you... this may be true, but I don't know this feeling in my life. I don't feel love from those who don't understand me. This is just MY experience, I know it is not terue fr everyone.

My family has never understood me, and never tried much to either.I don't feel love from them, and I don't love them. Some people might think this is horrible, but I don't understand families that love each other afer they've done horrible things.

For example, I have friends that have understood me, enough I am getting the courage to tell them all about what I've been going through this past year. I love them and they love me, and if they were to hurt me I would forgive them. But that love grew from an understanding. But for those who skip the step of understanding and only hurt, they do not get unconditional love from me. They don't get to be in my life.

This is one of the things about Michael that I don't understand, how he could love his father after all that was done to him. I accept that he loved him, but I can't relate to that because I don't understand it through myself.

I hope this is not a discouraging answer, because I know I am not like most people this way, I know most people love their families no matter what, but to me love must grow from understanding. Perhaps others feel that their family members once did understand them, I don't know.

Lark

 

[laeticia.fr]

This is indeed an INTRIGUING stance here It does bring me back to the core of WHY I 'ditched' all my 'fake' friends and find 'solace' here...

Some people are NOT listeners... Some people are too 'wrapped' up in their own misery that they are 'deaf' to your need... It doesn't mean it's your fault... I've learnt NOT to take things PERSONALLY...

You have to find that RIGHT chemistry, that RIGHT friend who will see through his own smoke screen and be willing to HELP you find that light again...
I also learnt as you say, Laeticia :ciao: that you have to 'rely' on yourself... A friend once said to me...

"If you rely on a PERSON for your happiness, then one day you'll lose that happiness and all that remains will be a void..."
In other words, it's smarter to attach your happiness to a talent, to yourself and NOT to a person or material stuff :scratch:

This is indeed a 'heavy' convo here but it's what I call 'life wisdom' and you only get it by going through the fire by yourself and hearing other tales of people who got burnt and survived :cheeky:

It's IMPORTANT to get your DIGNITY back in any way you can...
It's IMPORTANT to find friends who UNDERSTAND you...
It's IMPORTANT that your friends don't MOCK you and give you TIME to HEAL...
We all stand our ground differently :yes:

I'm okay these days... I go to college... I started a new life... Sometimes, we need to touch 'rock bottom' to build our lives from scratch again...

This is deep, I know but I HOPE I can INSPIRE people that way that the 'quicksand' or 'the dark' where you can get lost in, doesn't have to be your DOOM if you can RELY on yourself and HAVE a FEW :friends: that will catch you when you fall :blush:

I am reassured that you know the dark side of real life. ;D
Everything you wrote is authentic and thoughtful. All your advices are good and very appropriate.

I wrote this post because I didn’t feel very comfortable to be an ‘ostrich’, hiding its head to ignore what is around him, because I've met so many people to whom love does not change a lot.

I also wanted to say that there isn't one single way to help others or oneself. A Carmelite nun and a Tibetan monk do not do in the same way. But as for a blind person, I am sure they are going to do the same. ;D

 

[laeticia.fr]

wow you make+ some interesting points! Your posts was one I couldn't respond to right away because I had to look inside myself to see what I really think, because I didn't know what to say.

Now it's my turn to go inside myself to get an answer. ;D So I'll see you later.

 

[Daryll748]

wow you make+ some interesting points! Your posts was one I couldn't respond to right away because I had to look inside myself to see what I really think, because I didn't know what to say.

I think that love grows from understanding. What you say, that a person can not understand you but still love you... this may be true, but I don't know this feeling in my life. I don't feel love from those who don't understand me. This is just MY experience, I know it is not terue fr everyone.

My family has never understood me, and never tried much to either.I don't feel love from them, and I don't love them. Some people might think this is horrible, but I don't understand families that love each other afer they've done horrible things.

For example, I have friends that have understood me, enough I am getting the courage to tell them all about what I've been going through this past year. I love them and they love me, and if they were to hurt me I would forgive them. But that love grew from an understanding. But for those who skip the step of understanding and only hurt, they do not get unconditional love from me. They don't get to be in my life.

This is one of the things about Michael that I don't understand, how he could love his father after all that was done to him. I accept that he loved him, but I can't relate to that because I don't understand it through myself.

I hope this is not a discouraging answer, because I know I am not like most people this way, I know most people love their families no matter what, but to me love must grow from understanding. Perhaps others feel that their family members once did understand them, I don't know.

Lark

I :agree: and relate to the BOLD stuff in your post...

First I wanna say is that you're NO different than me... I apply the same 'rules'... Love and trust are things that NEED to be earned in my opinion and once you HURT me then I can give you a 2nd chance but the love and trust has gone and I sadly don't 'forgive' people... I wish I could though :blush: So, I tend to 'avoid' the peeps that hurt me :smilerolleyes:

As for the family stuff... I only got SUPPORT from my grandma and parents :wub:
NEVER from my uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews :beee: They seem to all turn a blind eye to how you feel... One even claimed 'I wasn't family' though I carry the family name :smilerolleyes: So, I try NOT to drown in their negative energy and I hardly see them any way.

That is ONE thing that 'puzzles' me about Michael too... How could Michael still be so kind even when they put him through hell... I guess that's what 'FORGIVENESS' is all about...

Then again, Michael 'avoided' family too that hurt him... I guess, it's human nature or just protecting oneself :blush:

I am reassured that you know the dark side of real life. ;D
Everything you wrote is authentic and thoughtful. All your advices are good and very appropriate.

:blush: Thanks, I always speak from the :heart: and the soul :angel:

 

[Lark]

I and relate to the BOLD stuff in your post...

First I wanna say is that you're NO different than me... I apply the same 'rules'... Love and trust are things that NEED to be earned in my opinion and once you HURT me then I can give you a 2nd chance but the love and trust has gone and I sadly don't 'forgive' people... I wish I could though So, I tend to 'avoid' the peeps that hurt me

As for the family stuff... I only got SUPPORT from my grandma and parents
NEVER from my uncles, aunties, nieces, nephews They seem to all turn a blind eye to how you feel... One even claimed 'I wasn't family' though I carry the family name So, I try NOT to drown in their negative energy and I hardly see them any way.

That is ONE thing that 'puzzles' me about Michael too... How could Michael still be so kind even when they put him through hell... I guess that's what 'FORGIVENESS' is all about...

Then again, Michael 'avoided' family too that hurt him... I guess, it's human nature or just protecting oneself

It feels so good to know that you... UNDERSTAND! It's not that I am a "sociopath" or anything, I can feel love and I do, but not for the people that most people feel I am supposed to.

I am lucky to have my uncle. He is the only one who ever bothered to understand me, and I was just an afterthought to him until he moved in with us when I was 11. We was very out of place but at the time, didn't have another place to go. It was then that he really saw me, and nobody had ever seen me. He saw that I was a reader in a house with no books, and that I was creative and had no outlet. He spent time with me, shared his books with me, taught me about Oscar Wilde, history, and different places he had been. He taught me how to make stained glass, and how to fly kites. We would go for walks and just talk, and he did what nobody ever did, he listened to me. I had never experienced any of these things from an adult before and I love him unconditionally, and I know he loves me too. We have a special bond, and it grew from understanding. He is the only reason I know I'm not adopted! I am so so so lucky that he came into my life.

Love makes a difference for me, because even though it doesn't fix pain, it gives me something to hold onto. I still feel cold and alone, but love from just one person gives me hope. Without this, even though I have only seen him once in ten years because he has moved to the other side of the world, I know I would shrivel and just die. I don't feel it like a warm glow of healing, not anymore, but it is just a part of me, even when I am not aware of it, it is what keeps me alive. A plan may have only a drop of water but it will take that drop of water and survive on it as long as it can and even surprise itself on how long it can survive. But if it never had that drop of water in the first place, it will never be anything.

Lark

 

[laeticia.fr]

Being loved and being understood are not synonyms, as to love and to understand are not either. But when we love someone, we try to better understand him or her, because love somehow requires understanding, and as Lark said, “love grows from understanding”.

But in reality nothing is so simple and there are also several kinds of love.

Someone loves you because you’re always kind and help him. As he loves you, he tries to know more about you, he needs and wants to understand you. And now some months later, he does believe understanding you, but you do not think be understood at all…

Your mother loves you just because you’re her daughter, she always tried to understand you, and she does believe understanding you, but in fact, she doesn’t. And you don’t like your mother despite of her love for you, because she always judged you without really understanding you…

Because of love, in the name of love, we try to understand our beloved person. We try, and this is important. But our understanding are so limited that our beloved person cannot even see our ‘effort’ to understand him or her… And someone like Lark says : “I don't feel love from those who don't understand me”. But in fact they really love you, but they just do not or can not understand you, their ability is just too limited…

To a third person, these stories are a little comical, aren’t they ? :rollin:



About Michael’s love for his father, I’ll write another time.
When I read your post, I just thought to write like : “Some day you will understand that”. And I thought Daryll would give a right answer. But apparently she doesn't understand it either. So I’ll come back to this subject next time.

 

[Lark]

And someone like Lark says : “I don't feel love from those who don't understand me”. But in fact they really love you, but they just do not or can not understand you, their ability is just too limited…

I agree with what you're saying here, I think there are people who actually love me on some level but I don't feel it, because I know they don't understand me. This sounds completely idiotic when I put it into words though... My perspective is limited in this way, it might be there, but I can't see it or appreciate it. It is a blind spot.

When I read your post, I just thought to write like : “Some day you will understand that”. And I thought Daryll would give a right answer. But apparently she doesn't understand it either. So I’ll come back to this subject next time.

I knew that you would not understand this or feel the same way, that is okay. You are maybe more"normal" then me in this way, you probably understand this like most people would. I don't believe this has anything to do with age, in fact I know it is not the case. I know a lot of people in my age group that would think I am crazy to think this way simply because they are not me. But this doesn't bother me, I can be myself, I don't have to be someone else.

For the record, I want to say how MUCH you have helped me everyone who responded to this thread, especially you Laticia and Daryll! In the past week I have gone from cold and empty to actually felling really good. I am about halfway through spring cleaning my apartment, and even bought some pretty yellow flowers for my hallway table. I hope we can continue this discussion, I think it is really helpful, it certainly has been for me. What a difference"talking it out" can make!

Lark

 

[Lark]

To a third person, these stories are a little comical, aren’t they ?

I was thinking this when I saw how many viewed this thread... eeek! I just shared the most personal stories of my life with 500 people!

 

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

Lark back on the first page of this topic you said that I had insulted you by mocking you. I didn't think that I was. In my post I was trying to tell you that I know how you feel. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I tried to stay away from my MJ sites as much as I can. Since I still tend to find it so very depressing to be in them.

 

[Lark]

It's okay, I'm sorry I was harsh. I knew it probably wasn't your intention to be hurtful, It's just that I was hurting so much already and it came off a bit like "You don't know, but I do" which felt even worse. It wasn't fair for me to go after you like that, especially since, honestly, we are feeling the same thing. Hugs to you MJsBollywoodGirl:better:

Lark

 

[laeticia.fr]

I knew that you would not understand this or feel the same way, that is okay. You are maybe more"normal" then me in this way, you probably understand this like most people would. I don't believe this has anything to do with age, in fact I know it is not the case. I know a lot of people in my age group that would think I am crazy to think this way simply because they are not me. But this doesn't bother me, I can be myself, I don't have to be someone else.

I'm going to reply first to this section.
To me you are a quite normal person, but if you were ‘abnormal’ and a sort of ‘sociopath’, then I would be more than you.

You are normal. If you had been raised in a loving family especially with caring parents who were ready to do everything for you, to scarify anything for your wellbeing, but if you hate your family to the point that you were willing to kill them, if so, something would really be wrong, maybe you suffer from some deep mental disturbance. But this is not your case. Your family was not a loving and caring one. If you do not love your family who do not love you, there I see nothing disturbing. I just feel sad, because we cannot go back in time to restore which was lost. I guess your parents had some big problems – something material rather than psychological – and they were not so well with their own life and themselves. I think they tried not to let their children knowing their problems.

Another sad thing is that people from a dysfunctional family are struggling to find a suitable image of family. Sometimes you idealize too much and you go on looking for a bluebird that does not exist. These people tend to have a false image of a family, or at worst, they can not get image at all, because they have not known a model, they did not know criterion of a normal family.


If you need to know some of my own experience, I’ll do some sketches in front of ‘500’ people ;D

When I was 3 or 4, I think I still loved my mother, because she is my mother, not for other reason. When I was 5 or 6, something was changing. I was growing up. My sensibility and intelligence was developed. I didn’t like my mother so much. I was afraid of my mother. I was scared of my mother. I still was very depending of her at that age, but I no longer attached myself to her. I stopped to express myself to her, to open myself to her, for fear of her reactions. In addition to my shyness, I became increasingly mute. But soon after, I started to play perfectly a role of a 'little girl-model' in front of my mother’s eyes, at school and everywhere.

There was no physical abuse. My mother was just too overbearing and possessive. She loved me so much, and too much. I was the only thing she loved and needed. She overprotected me. What I couldn’t stand was that she decided everything for me and imposed to me her decisions and plans, I had no right to disobey to her. To your surprise, she was keeping ‘control’ me during my adulthood too, she stopped just one year and half ago.

I have no sibling. My parents got divorced when I was 3. My mother did not allow me to see not only my school friends outside school, but also my grandparents, aunts, cousins. She always told me they would give me bad influence. Later she destroyed all my relationships with my boyfriends.

At 21, I left home, I moved as far as possible to start my new life. Throughout all my youth I didn’t like my mother, I disliked her, so much so that I wished her disappearance (even death). But the distance saved the situation. I still didn’t like my mother so much, but at least I no longer hate her. But the fear remained. I frequently got nightmares of my mother scolding me; even today, I got these nightmares.

Unfortunately, the distance has not prevented my mother to intervene in my adult life and control me. I was still living in fear and anxiety. She just stopped doing what she used to do in November 2011 after her hospitalization due to a femoral neck fracture. She suffered from a PTSD, she lost memory due to her serious emotional choc, she seems have forgotten her usual relationship with me.

When I became a mother myself, I understood that my mother was doing her best and she could not do otherwise for several reasons. I started to be grateful to her, but I was still afraid of her and I could not really like her. Understanding and love could not be united in me.

It took me more years than Michael to finally find love for my mother. Now I can tell I love her unconditionally, I got many reasons to love her : She is my mother, she loves me so much, she was always caring me, she was ready to anything for me, on the one hand, and another, she is old, she has physical and psychological problems, with all kind of other problems, she looks so unfortunate, lonely, anxious… And she needs me. but what I could do for her is so limited, and it would be too late


I have no time to write about Michael and Joseph. I’ll do it next time.

 

[MIST]

Don’t Judge a Man Until You’ve Walked Two Moons in His Moccasins

I think it means it can take some time to understand someone and I wonder if you really can understand someone 100%.Maybe I can walk in the moccasins but they are a little to small or to big.And I get another experience.

If a soldier comes home from the war to his loving family they love him very much but even if he/she tried to talk about what he /she had been through they can´t understand it all because they had no experience of it.Just other soldiers who were there can understand .But these soldiers can´t understand each other 100% because they are different in other ways.

Some say women and men come from different planets.

If we take Michael and LMP they fell in love.
Michael wanted to have children,a family before he became 40 but LMP came from a divorce with small children.
Michael wanted to have children as soon as possible and I think LMP wanted to have children too but she wanted Michael and her to be close first, to really know each other
For me it seems they didn´t try to understand each other.
Maybe LMPs mother told her he just married you because he wanted children, he doesn´t love you.

A wife can think her husband can understand what she wants without saying something and gets angry or disappointed when he doesn´t .

For me I meet many people every day when I work,I feel exhausted but can´t have vacation now.When I come home I don´t want to see someone(except for my cats)I don´t watch tv often and I nowadays I don´t feel for watching dvd either.
But I still can enjoy to read here at MJJC.
If you work alone in a office maybe it´s opposed relation, you want to see people after work

 

[laeticia.fr]

100 % mutual understanding is impossible if not between monozygotic twins. I'm not complaining if my friends or family do not understand me 100%. I would be happy if they understand 50 %. I do not seek something impossible. I am not a dreamer. For me it is not the question of percentage and my needs are something basic and vital. Remember my example written 2 or 3 days ago. I am not blind, but I am like this blind person who needs someone to cross the road. I always cry out : “Please cross the road with me!!” But no one help me. They mistakenly believe that I could do by myself, because I have a special cane and I trained to walk in a street. Or they think otherwise. Like, I don’t really need to cross the road, it's better to take another road, or the best solution is that I stay at home. Something like that. (Sorry for not having written my real problems with real examples. I have not enough courage to do that.)


As for mutual understanding between a woman and a man, we should know we are almost two different species, and this is scientifically proven by many of neuroscientists.
(John Gray’s analyzes in his famous “Men are from Mars, Women from Venus” are not scientific, rather social and psycho-behavioral, but still interesting.)


MIST, Your example of soldiers is very good and clear. I like it. Michael and LMP’s one is also good.

I think we have a tendency to better understand Lisa Marie, simply because we are women.

 

[Daryll748]

About Michael’s love for his father, I’ll write another time.
When I read your post, I just thought to write like : “Some day you will understand that”. And I thought Daryll would give a right answer. But apparently she doesn't understand it either. So I’ll come back to this subject next time.

I'm intrigued about your view... Well, I've been pondering over it... I already changed my view of Joseph... Knowing that he cared for Michael :wub: and learning a bit about his life and the way he thinks... I 'mellowed' my 'resentment' a little bit on him... I mean we all make mistakes, don't we? Sometimes we do stuff to HELP people and they react totally different of how we expected they would...

I mean I have an 'overprotected' mother too being an only child and that's the reason why I decided on to go live on my own cause she was trying to set me up with an 'idiot' :smilerolleyes: She thought it would make me happy but I'm more Happy on my own doing my thang... I was angry for awhile but we talked it out and I forgave her... I mean, she's my mum after all... Only wanted the best for me... :blush:

Makes me think of Joseph then :scratch:Maybe, he was not so good at words and expressing emotions but I have the feeling that he did care about Michael :blush:

Anyway...

For the record, I want to say how MUCH you have helped me everyone who responded to this thread, especially you Laticia and Daryll! In the past week I have gone from cold and empty to actually felling really good. I am about halfway through spring cleaning my apartment, and even bought some pretty yellow flowers for my hallway table. I hope we can continue this discussion, I think it is really helpful, it certainly has been for me. What a difference"talking it out" can make!

:blush: indeed, Lark :friends: talking is always the BEST solution and if you can't say it in spoken words then you can always write it down... That's the first step in healing... Getting it out of your system by writing it down...

OH, spring cleaning is healing for the soul according to a book I read about 'Soul coaching'... It releases the negative energy curled up there and makes room for the Positive CHI (energy) to flow through your apartment... I did my spring cleaning too... :cheeky:

Take care :friends: Enjoy your Friday...

 

[laeticia.fr]

Daryll, I always had the impression, like, you're a great fan who knows very well about Michael and understand him 90%. ;D That’s why I was surprised when you're saying something like you don’t understand.

I think it’s needless now to me to talk on this topic. I'll just write a few lines.


What we can say is that raising a child is very difficult task, probably the most difficult of all we are doing in life, and that in general parents try to do their best, but the result is rarely what you expected, so all parents think later : "I could have done better, I should have done better "… We realize the difficulties when raising our own children. Even someone like Michael who loves children and used to be with children, realizes that there is an unbridgeable gap between caring for their own children and caring for other’s children. First.

Second and third. In the case of Joseph, we should take account of his socio-cultural environment, and especially of the fact that it was in the 60s and 70s, not in the 90s or later. And that Joseph himself has been raised in the same way. Joseph's father was also tough or tougher than him and did the same or worse than him. So that he could not do otherwise, he could not do better, because he was doing his best. Joseph himself tells that today he is sure to have done differently and better.


What I admire about Michael is that to him, understanding and love have made one without too much difficulty. But remember that there was good influence from Shmeley Boteach who befriended with Michael at the time. It is this rabbi who organized Michael's Oxford speech. I guess the rabbi, by his belief in the basic teachings of Torah, helped Michael to be convinced of the importance of love and respect for our parents, and this, I guess, many more times than what has been mentioned in his book. (I do not appreciate this man, but the fact is that it happened to him to give some good influence on Michael. ;D)



Today’s video is this one : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzIQlVSH8GU

 

[Daryll748]

Daryll, I always had the impression, like, you're a great fan who knows very well about Michael and understand him 90%. ;D That’s why I was surprised when you're saying something like you don’t understand.

Well, that pinpoints the fact that you never know a person 100% and yeash, I do know Michael 'very well' (if only from interviews, lyrics, seeing him ) but that doesn't mean there are certain aspects that I don't agree with and so don't understand but hey... Once again, human nature :smilerolleyes:
I even do stuff that I don't understand WHY I'm doing them... :doh:

I do 'realize' now that bringing up kids MUST be hard sometimes... I will never feel the real 'burdens' or even the 'real' joy of seeing your kid grow up but I do feel 'protective' towards my 'special kids' :blush:

Indeed, one NEED to know the background and the social state of a human BEFORE you can pass an 'opinion' on them... That is something I have learnt :scratch:

 

[MIST]

I was thinking this when I saw how many viewed this thread... eeek! I just shared the most personal stories of my life with 500 people!

It´s just family..:fencing

 

[laeticia.fr]

I will never feel the real 'burdens' or even the 'real' joy of seeing your kid grow up but I do feel 'protective' towards my 'special kids' :blush:

Oh no Daryll ! Contrary to what you say, we are always pleased to see other people's children growing up. For example, we have great pleasure of seeing Michael’s three children grow up. We are also concerned, (especially if they are surrounded by people who are interested only in money).

It isn’t the issue of pleasure or concerns or I don’t know what else, but responsibility : you're not responsible of other peuple's children, that is the difference.

 

[laeticia.fr]

Today I feel empty and sad, :mello: but these feelings will go away, because it is good news.

Last Wednesday, one of my rabbits has found a dying pigeon on the balcony. (I live with three cats and two rabbits). He was on the balcony’s ground, lying belly up. At first glance, I thought he was dead, wondering what I can do with a dead bird. I took him in my hands. I realized that his body was not rigid but still warm. But he did not move. He had his eyes closed.

I carefully observed him. No injury or fracture. Did he hit his head? or Is he suffering from food poisoning?

I turned his body on a right sense to make him setting in a box containing rags and a fake fur scarf. He moved his head a little, he opened his eyes, but closed them soon after. He was lying on his side in the box. Then I went to get water and I gave him. He drank !!! lots of it !! making noise with his beak. After that, he lay down again. I offered him food, but he didn’t want to. I let him rest.

When I came back later, he was out of the box, eyes still closed. I decided to take it to the house, because if he tries to fly away, not having enough strength, he will be crushed by falling on land, straight from the 13th floor where I am.

So I took him carefully in my hands and placed him in a large bunny cage that my rabbits no longer use.

At the end of the day, before nightfall, I went to see him to cover his cage with a large sheet. I talked to him. In the beginning he was looking at opposed side, but he turned his head and stared at me with his eyes wide open. Watching this, I was reassured, thinking he was probably in healing process.

The next day, he was keeping rest all day without eating anything. It's only Friday, the 3rd day from his arrival, he ate a small piece of ‘baguette’ (french bread). He was standing on his feet. He seemed much better. He looked at me. He blinked his eyes. He recognized me very well, he seemed knowing who I am and what I've done for him. We kept talking a while, me in French, he with his flashing eyes. But he still seemed too weak to leave.

Today the fifth day, I put him in another room to watch if he is able to fly. Yes, he could ! He wanted to go out through the window. I was not yet psychologically ready to leave him, but with the courage, I put him on the balcony’s ground. I thought he would leave immediately in the sky. No, he walked to another corner of the balcony where some bushes are. He stayed there for long. I thought he had not yet the courage to fly.

Three quarter hours after, he jumped up on the glass wall separating my apartment from the neighbors'. A few minutes after, he spotted a group of three pigeons coming to our direction, and hop ! he flew away to join his comrades, and I immediately lost sight. They were going down instead of going up into the sky. I wonder if my pigeon had enough strength to stay flying as before, or could not do and that's why he headed down. I could never know. :mello:

I'm glad of his recovery. But I keep worrying. And I miss him. The apartment is empty without him.

 

[Daryll748]

awww that's so kind of you, laeticia... I'm so glad he recovered... I used to take in ill found animals too but they never made it through the night

Don't be sad, Hun :better: You deed a GOOD deed and I'm sure the pigeon is really grateful... See, he/she knew where to rest and be healed...
Thanks for this touching story :angel:

I know, I do worry about MJ's kids too :blush:

I guess, I still miss my old job... I was 'responsible' for the baby group when I was working as a child minder and no way could I apply for it now... You ever saw a child minder with a brace :doh:

Have a GREAT start of the week though :clapping:

 

[laeticia.fr]

That’s good !! You were working for little babies !! Great experience !!!
Yeah, you were responsible as a professional, but not for 24/24 hours, or every day until the age of majority. ;D


I'm depressed right now. It is not the absence of the bird that made me depressed, but I can say it’s his departure which 'has triggered' depressive mood. His departure has shown me the reality to which I used to turn my back. My loneliness. My isolation. My empty life… (I wrote in small size to be discreet.)

I hope I'll be doing better tomorrow. :mello: