I Really Need Help.

^

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything else in between can be dealt with.”
~ Michael Jackson
 
^Yes, I completely understand. There is a whole other world inside our minds, and whether it is real or not is of no relevance whatsoever to me at this point.

...

Last night, I spent an hour crying over the fact that he was so tortured in life, that no one understood the pain he was so clearly in, and that others sought to amplify it. It's a helpless observation, but it brings tears because I've known some of the things he has gone through, I can understand his pain in some regard, and it is heart-wrenching to think of all he had to endure simply because he was different.

It is always in the middle of the night. In the daytime, I seem to be strong, but when night claims me in that melancholy solitude, I can almost hear him whispering from somewhere, and I wish I could go.

As you can see, I am slowly but surely losing it.

Severus,

I have read many things you have said of late, and the pain you feel is palpable from everything you have described above. I feel the need to offer some support to you, because I know just what it feels like to analyse this in a global sense over and over and over again - the pain, the suffering, the sheer injustice of it all. Michael is our entire lives, and the notion that his life could be treated with the most grievous disregard is like a knife to the heart every day. There are moments when it is so incomprehensible that the tears just come without even realising. The trial seems to remind me of that constantly.

Believe me when I say: I know how you feel. Daytime is a front, night time is when the emotion pours out. I happen to spend much of my time alone, which I think makes that crash much, much worse. What I find helps me is making sure I have someone to talk to as much as possible (who understands what it means to go through this) - not only to comfort me, but also to distract me from my own emotions and channel all the hurt and pain into helping someone else with their sorrow (which in many ways explains why I am here). If you have a close friend or friends who are trying to muddle through too, and who love Michael as you do, stay close to them. Surround yourself with others as much as possible. For me the lifeline is my online friends overseas, as I know no other lovers of Michael personally. I make a point of spending as much time with people from all different time zones so there is always someone around to talk to whenever I feel myself slipping into that abyss of sorrow.

Also, your observation is not helpless. Love and care for Michael is why you cry, why you wish everything that happened to him didn't happen. Even though it cannot be changed, there is something so powerful inside us that wants to. I constantly yearn to go back and change the past. Every single day I go around in that endless circle that leads nowhere. It has sent me into emotional despair on a level I never knew possible. Even so, those thoughts and the emotions that come from them are a deep expression of the depth of feeling for him. It reminds me of a quote by Osho that relates our feelings (love and sadness) to brances and roots of a tree - both are necessary to truly understand the depths of ourselves. In its own way, that pain helps us to understand just how much he means to us - and that unconditional love lasts forever. That unconditional love, just like him, is ever present. It will always be here. Always.

Sending all here all the love in the world. Stay strong. For Michael.
 
I am here too, but I am not good in comforting anybody right now.:depressed:

What's worse is that I can't handle listen him singing and I can't watch at his pictures, they took that away from me.

But I can cry as much as I want to. And I am doing that right now.:cry:
 
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^^ Yes, his music is completely off-limits to me at the moment. I think that is as a defence mechanism to protect me from uncontrollable emotion.

We can cry together. (hug)
 
I will never forget the times when Michael's and my eyes' crossed while I was standing in the first row in Dangerous concert. I guess that kind of memory makes me strong regarding this whole situation, to have seen him live, performing in front of my eyes. I still feel his energy.
 
I will never forget the times when Michael's and my eyes' crossed while I was standing in the first row in Dangerous concert. I guess that kind of memory makes me strong regarding this whole situation, to have seen him live, performing in front of my eyes. I still feel his energy.

Thank you Bumper for the awesome signature and link to Tommee video
I need this today _ I want to feel his energy and power its makes me stronger
 
^Yes, I completely understand. There is a whole other world inside our minds, and whether it is real or not is of no relevance whatsoever to me at this point.

However...returning to the events of today, hearing the paramedic describe Michael as feeling "cold to the touch" once he arrived on the scene really traumatized me. I didn't realize it at the moment he said this, although it did shock me, but later tonight I was discussing an unrelated death (a neighbour of mine died a few weeks ago, and we were discussing what we had read on it from the local paper because another accident occurred on the same street) and how swiftly he seemed to go. All that talk about how he died instantly due to the shock got me thinking about the trial again...and how Michael must have been long dead by the time paramedics arrived on the scene, if he felt cold to the touch.

That is my hypothesis on the matter: I think Michael was dead for at least half an hour before 911 was even called, only because his body was so cold according to the paramedic, and I think Murray knew he was dead immediately upon seeing him. Therefore, he knew giving him (inappropriately administered) CPR was a ruse...he should have been calling the police, not wasting his time getting Chase and screwing around, because he knew nothing could be done.

Knowing this, he still has the audacity to plead innocent, when the proof of his negligence is stained upon every word of testimony anybody gives, and Michael's blood drips from his callous hands. It breaks my heart, to think of him being dead, cold, and alone. I couldn't take it...I had to break down and cry. Why does this happen in the middle of the night, always?

Last night, I spent an hour crying over the fact that he was so tortured in life, that no one understood the pain he was so clearly in, and that others sought to amplify it. It's a helpless observation, but it brings tears because I've known some of the things he has gone through, I can understand his pain in some regard, and it is heart-wrenching to think of all he had to endure simply because he was different.

It is always in the middle of the night. In the daytime, I seem to be strong, but when night claims me in that melancholy solitude, I can almost hear him whispering from somewhere, and I wish I could go.

As you can see, I am slowly but surely losing it.

I can totally identify with eveything your saying. You are not losing it though! All of us are just in terrible shock and grief and the moment. xxxxx
 
It is an absolute unraveling of everything I (and I suspect a lot of you as well) have been relentlessly working to compose. See, I made it so that I would never have to accept that he was gone, I surrounded myself with his spirit in such a way that it overcame reality. You will notice in a lot of the post I have made in the past, I talk of him in present tense, others have certainly called me on the fact, because to me he is still here.

But...hearing the reality of the events strike with such magnitude at my door, hearing the pain he underwent on that day, and Murray's complete and utter negligence...it's Hell.

I've tried writing to one person I particularly trust because he's been touched by death like I, but I don't think he really is understanding what I am saying. In any case, I haven't heard back from him. I'm afraid of what he would say to me, due to the high regard I hold him in, he has the power to make this Hell a million times worse than it already is, or to grant me some sort of comfort.

It's been of help to talk to you guys, knowing we are going through the same, it's a relief knowing we are all together in our grief. I don't fear you because we are one, we won't judge like those who live outside our humble abode. We understand.

I'm not going to pretend like I haven't relied on some chemical comfort, I find it makes this entire experience easier to deal with somehow, it makes me sleep. Without them, I can't sleep--I hear it all happening on endless loop, and my pain literally is starting to come back.

But, it's always good to know we can rely upon each other, even as the world is crumbling to pieces. I suppose our only comfort is knowing it can't possibly get worse than it already has.
 
Its wonderful how YOU guys talk about my thoughts... I'm kinda 'speechless' right now... whats a 'distaster' for a writer okay :blink: Hope my muse gives me back the 'words' and 'visions' I need to live on... :ermm:
Its like my mum keeps nagging to me... "Its over... NO need to be sad or angry about the trial... CM will get what he deserves... Michael is HOME... He won't RETURN..." :boohoo
Well, like Severus snape :ciao:says "... I suppose our only comfort is knowing it can't possibly get worse than it already has."

HUGS to all...
 
Well, like Severus snape :ciao:says "... I suppose our only comfort is knowing it can't possibly get worse than it already has."

HUGS to all...

My only comfort (and I do understand that this is a belief that may not be shared by all) is that we'll all be with Michael again one day.
 
My only comfort (and I do understand that this is a belief that may not be shared by all) is that we'll all be with Michael again one day.

Regardless of beliefs, what a wonderful thought to hold on to. Wouldn't it be great to walk through the pearly gates straight into a Michael Jackson concert.

I'm sorry that I can't add any words of comfort but I do send everyone love and hugs.
 
Aww :boohoo

Well, like Severus snape :ciao:says "... I suppose our only comfort is knowing it can't possibly get worse than it already has."

yeah, that's true.

:cry:

Sending my Love and support to all of you guys :huggy:
 
Regardless of beliefs, there is one thing that is unconceivable to me: consciousness cannot disappear just like that. So to me Michael is around, just on another level. The different leveles make it impossible to communicate, but he still gives us vibes and energy through his deeds while he was with us. Body dies, love doesn't.
 
I know the spirit can leave the body.
There are many stories where people who were clinically dead for a while but were revived who say they were outside their bodies and could tell exactly what happened in the room where there were.
In some cases they could read the journal entries and things have happened just like the patient had said.

It happened to me too ,in a car accident.
I know the car must have been on its roof for some seconds , but I never felt I was hanging upside down.
But I saw me hanging upside down.
I didn´t know about such things then.

I believe Michael´s spirit is still here on earth
 
MIST;3500252 said:
I know the spirit can leave the body.
There are many stories where people who were clinically dead for a while but were revived who say they were outside their bodies and could tell exactly what happened in the room where there were.
In some cases they could read the journal entries and things have happened just like the patient had said.

It happened to me too ,in a car accident.
I know the car must have been on its roof for some seconds , but I never felt I was hanging upside down.
But I saw me hanging upside down.
I didn´t know about such things then.

I believe Michael´s spirit is still here on earth

I believe that there is a difference between an OBE (out of body experience) and NDE (near death experience). I suppose when you had your car accident, it was an NDE, it is very common with people who get seriously injured in a car accident. OBE is rather a result of intense meditation.
 
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BUMPER SNIPPET;3500282 said:
In believe that there is a difference between an OBE (out of body experience) and NDE (near death experience). I suppose when you had your car accident, it was an NDE, it is very common with people who get seriously injured in a car accident. OBE is rather a result of intense meditation.
I didn´t even get a headache after the accident,noone was injured.
Intense meditation..well I was the driver and didn´t see the hole in the way in time.
But we were 3 girls in the car and I assume we were talking.

I think in NDE they talk about a light and a tunnel.
Some say it´s the brain chemistry.
 
MIST;3500311 said:
I didn´t even get a headache after the accident,noone was injured.
Intense meditation..well I was the driver and didn´t see the hole in the way in time.
But we were 3 girls in the car and I assume we were talking.

I think in NDE they talk about a light and a tunnel.
Some say it´s the brain chemistry.

Not everyone witnesses about the tunnel and light, as not everyone reaches that stage. Maybe you had an OBE as a result of a violent (psychological) shock. Brain chemistry doesn't explain how come you can "see" what others are doing during your "death".
 
MIST;3500252 said:
I know the spirit can leave the body.
There are many stories where people who were clinically dead for a while but were revived who say they were outside their bodies and could tell exactly what happened in the room where there were.
In some cases they could read the journal entries and things have happened just like the patient had said.

It happened to me too ,in a car accident.
I know the car must have been on its roof for some seconds , but I never felt I was hanging upside down.
But I saw me hanging upside down.
I didn´t know about such things then.

I believe Michael´s spirit is still here on earth

MIST;3500311 said:
I didn´t even get a headache after the accident,noone was injured.
Intense meditation..well I was the driver and didn´t see the hole in the way in time.
But we were 3 girls in the car and I assume we were talking.

I think in NDE they talk about a light and a tunnel.
Some say it´s the brain chemistry.

Mist, I have had a Near-Death Experience myself. I have seen a number of amazing things, lol, but neither was a bright light present, nor a tunnel of any kind. I did see a certain color (cannot reproduce that anywhere, doesn't exist on this physical earth).
It was extreme pain that 'facilitated' my departure from my physical body- and I remember being conscious of it, but not caring about that body, didn't even look.

I was neither oxygen deprived, nor had I received any medication that would have altered my mind in any way. I was in fact giving birth and had not received any drugs. Something specific had 'deviated' from the normal process, I recall WANTING to die in that moment, all that I wanted was for the pain to cease. In a moment of overwhelming pain I whatever Higher Power existed to release me from my pain and swoosh, I was released. I clearly recall the staff panicking since I appeared completely non-reactive, even to pain stimuli etc. I even know what I looked like, despite not "seeing my body", rather difficult to explain. I even know and remember how one staff member after the other stepped up to me, slapping me in the face etc in an attempt to get me to react. At the very same time I had separated from my body and was not suffering from any pain anymore, but I know that my body was still in pain.

The peace and calm was beyond anything I could describe. I rested in that peace and calm and DECIDED to return. And just like that I felt my body again, became responsive again and was able to give birth to my child with determination and renewed energy.

I will never forget what I experienced. The next day nurse after nurse filed into my room to ask me what had occurred. Apparently that kind of behavior wasn't the norm, lol, I was the talk of the station. I had given birth extremely fast and nobody could explain what had happened to me- monitoring device were not explaining my state at all.

I took extreme confidence from that experience, what I felt and learned in a short amount of time. We do not suffer endlessly, we separate when we have reached OUR limit of what we can take- I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I know that pain ceases eventually, I lost all fear of death- not of pain, but of death. I know we do continue.

I also remember what anesthesia with Propofol feels like (and they forgot the lidocaine in my case...OUCH)- which also gives me great comfort in knowing that Michael may have transitioned in great surprise, but that physical pain was not his burden. It is difficult to describe just how fast the stuff hits you.

In the midst of the pain I know he's home at last and that we will all return home into the loving arms of everyone we ever remember having loved in this life and in others.

And yes, I am quite certain that Michael is quite capable of being close to those he both loved in this last life and those he takes an interest in for a variety of reasons- and that he can can do whatever it is that he needs to do in ongoing existence past his physical life. If someone can multitask, it would be him.
 
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BUMPER SNIPPET;3500164 said:
Regardless of beliefs, there is one thing that is unconceivable to me: consciousness cannot disappear just like that. So to me Michael is around, just on another level. The different leveles make it impossible to communicate, but he still gives us vibes and energy through his deeds while he was with us. Body dies, love doesn't.

MIST;3500252 said:
I believe Michael´s spirit is still here on earth

roomdownstairs;3500663 said:
As do I. The essence of him, his soul, continues forever.

sy3td2.gif


:girl_cry:

love you
 
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:sad: :sad2: :group: :heart::heart::heart: :kissing4:

^^^^^^^^ I'm with you. Starting to cry again and again has become normal to me since tuesday.

Love to all of you.


I thought I was fine, thinking I was dealing with this but I was wrong. I cired on Saturday :cry: I can't even listen to his music or even look at his pictures right now :( Hugs to you all :huggy:
 
I thought I was fine, thinking I was dealing with this but I was wrong. I cired on Saturday :cry: I can't even listen to his music or even look at his pictures right now :( Hugs to you all :huggy:

I know how you feel. Except that I haven't been able to watch any of my MJ related videos since May 2010. And I miss watching him so extremely much.:boohoo: And when I think of all the MJ video related stuff that I had either taped, downloaded, or bought over the past 18 years. It just really hurts that I can't handle seeing any of it. Especially my beloved HIStory and Bad concerts that I have. As for listening to him I only listen to him if I really need to hear his voice. Which is really not that very often. Though last night I was listening to a few of his songs. I am really not doing very well especially since I don't feel so good. I am back to feeling the way I was last week. And that I was just starting to cry over Michael again. I just wish they would hurry up and sentence that evil monster already. Even though it is not going to change any thing.:sad: :boohoo: I still very much wish he was getting the death penalty. :sad:
 
Well... This is an 'awesome' thread... Okay, maybe :tease:to say but yeah... I 'loved' catching up to it...

Yep, I :boohoowhen I read your posts Severus, sowwy but I do 'wonder' if Michael was "alone" when he 'passed over' ... I hope someone from HOME welcomed him... A friend, his granny... as I couldn't bare the fact, he was all alone, no one holding his hand, stroking his forehead, telling him its gonna be okay :boohoo

My granddad died at home and I was there... His mum came to get him... He died with a smile on his face...

Anyway, I 'met' Michael on May 19 in 2010 when I had my major hernia surgery... You can call it an NDE if you want it...
If heaven looks and feels like that... I wanna go today... The 'bright light' doesn't even sting in your eyes and doesn't hurt your head...
It was so save, so soothing there... NO pain, no worries, no body restrictions, not even words needed, just thoughts and images...
But Michael was 'upset' when I told him, I wanted to stay with him... I'm so glad he kicked me back though as his 'scolding' did come true...
I 'saved' my dad as he told me to do and he claimed I couldn't 'publish' my books if I stayed up there with him...

Every day, I say THANK you to Michael for the wisdom he taught me :bow:

So to everyone :better:
 
I thought I was fine, thinking I was dealing with this but I was wrong. I cired on Saturday :cry: I can't even listen to his music or even look at his pictures right now :( Hugs to you all :huggy:

I don't think anybody can be expected to 'deal' with this hun, its hell on earth. At very least, we have here and each other. Much love to you :hug: xxx
 
I hope everyone is doing better!
We have to stick together :)

After listening to this recording I felt anger for the very first time since june 09. Michael trusted this person and he did these things to him :cry: Im feeling so helpless.
Listening to all these details in his bedroom and in the hospital is terrible. I hope Murray gets what he obviously deserves :(
 
I know this is a very difficult time for everyone. It feels like June 2009 all over again, maybe even worse because of all the gory details.

Thankfully, unlike that time i don't think there is anyone around here with suicidal tendencies, but i would like to share with you all a message i sent someone around that time. Many of the things there still stand.

The only difference is that now we can look forward to some other things - the Immortal tour, so many new albums, Las Vegas events, trading cards, all kind of goodies to remind us of Michael's genius.


Dear......,


I saw your thread and I had to send you a private message. I cannot help but join and repeat what has already been said by countless others.


I know right now pain seems unbearable, I also feel like that at times, BUT you must understand and internalize what is written under you username - as awful hard as it seems right now, this too shall pass.

You owe it to your dear ones to stay alive. Think of all the hurt they would endure if you were to go.

You owe it also to Michael. He would NEVER, not in a million years aprove of such terrible choice. He was all about living life and living it to the fullest, including in the times of sorrow. Also, your dear ones could most probably come to resent him because you would give yourself in due to his passing. It's not fair - not fair to them and not fair to Michael's legacy.

The single most important thing we can do right now is to stay alive and FIGHT for him - for his music, his good name and because of all of that go out into the world and live out his message of love, charity, peace and above all - hope.

I do not know if you are religious in any kind and I do not mean to impose my believes on you, but according to my faith (Catholic, therefore Christianity) and countless others - your soul (the most precious part of us) would not be safe and instead of meeting Michael soon you would be separated forever.

I have absolute belief in the fact that he indeed is in the loving arms of the Eternal father and knows perfect love and perfect peace. All of his sorrows and pain are over and he rejoices in the light of God's face. He is spending eternity, as we all should, with his creator. In fact, this is the very reason we were all made - to live and love forever in the presence of God. Because sin entered the world, death became its consequence, but because of Christ, because God sent His only son into the world and because of the Resurrection - death does not have the final word. It all seems so final, but it really isn't. As Michael said in Heal the world - our spirits never die. And his is very much alive and very powerful, being in the presence of the Lord. Our bodies will also be raised when the plan of God would have reached its fullfilment, but until then each of us must answer for our actions here and by doing yourself in you wouldn't be able to reach Michael, but on the contrary.

I, therefore, BEG OF YOU - do NOT do anything to harm yourself. Muster up all the courage that you are capable of and take it day by day. Do not ignore your sorrow cause it's impossible. Cry, shout, be angry if you have to, but just HANG IN THERE.

Although Michael is in paradise now, I am sure he is aware of what happens here on earth and I am sure it must upset him to see that people are taking their lives because of his going. I really believe he went home, God only lent him to us for some sweet 50 years. We were priviledged and honored to be in his presence, rejoice and suffer with him in all his trials and tribulations. I too feel that a part of me has gone with him, but in this way a part of me is already in paradise. By doing what you are saying you are thinking about you would take that part of you which is with him and sink it in darkness with the rest of your soul. Please understand this.

For him and for us this is NOT the end of the story - there are thousands of hours of video footage waiting for us (starting with the rehersals for This is it to visits in countries all over the world), there is sooooo much music to be released from the vault, he made over 100 songs for each album, remember? Imagine how many things are out there waiting for us.

Please have patience and take example from Michael's life - the dreadful scrutiny he went through the last 16 years, how tall and proud he stood in front of it all and also from Michael's family in these moments of sorrow - although they are suffering (and for them he was a father, a son, a brother, an uncle), they are keeping strong and fighting for his legacy. It's only fair we should do the same.

......., please fight and don't give up.

We love you and Michael loves you as well and HE WANTS YOU TO STAY ALIVE and fight for him. Have patience till you will meet him in heaven, after your mission here will be done.
 
Thanks Shhaaaby :ciao:

Wonderful message :clapping:
Indeed, Make Michael proud and continue his legacy...
 
Thanks Shhaaaby :ciao:

Wonderful message :clapping:
Indeed, Make Michael proud and continue his legacy...


Ciao Daryll *waves back* Loooove your name, btw ;D

Don't even mention it. While i'm still round here, i try to do my best and help. I'll be outta ur heads/faces/whateva other organs involved soon enough, but i feel my assistance is still needed for a little longer.
 
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