It´s not only the Grief, it´s more than that.

[~God~Bless~MJ~]

Are you also dealing with problems at school/university or at work? Am I the only one who cannot focus on other important things? I know we have to concentrate on our work. We have no other choice. If we dismiss everything we get completely lost. But guyz, it is so hard to put on a fake smile at work or at school/university. You just cannot concentrate that good, cause you are feeling the inner pain and sadness 24/7! I mean Mike would not want us to feel that way all the time, but the worst thing is that you have to fake your smile or when people try to talk to you about other things, you are always having the loss of MJ on your mind. Do you know that feeling?

I love him way too much and it hurts when you have to hide your feelings while dealing with other duties. I really accept God´s choice, but I can´t stay strong any longer in a world full of hate. For many people especially at work or school the loss of MJ is just a big headline, but for us it is something very dear which was taken away from us. He meant the world for many of us and no one will understand that. I won´t go to anyone who is not a fan and tell him about my grief, but they see that you are not in a mood to be happy and it´s getting on my nerves when they wonder why you are so sad and not wanna laugh and joke around.

Sure, we must go on with our lives, but it is hard it is very hard to survive among all the people who never appreciated MJ and who will put you at work/school under pressure. I mean we are already down - why are they still trippin´on us? I hate the "normal" world! It is fake! Fake, cruel and full of Injustice

 

[MyLoveMJForever]

I totally understand all your feelings because i am experiencing it right now. I went to work everyday with my body but my mind is always with Michael. Suddenly lost interest on everything around me. Like you, i can not concerntrate on work too and Also like you, i have nobody to tell because around me no one seems bothered with MJ's leaving.

But again like you have said, Michael would not want this. He want us to be strong even when life suffers. Trying to think how hard his time has been for going through those trails especially he loves children so much.

I am keep telling myself that now MJ is with peace and he can rest without hurting. I am also telling myself that Michael indeed has good time when he was with us. But when i looked into his picture, my tears still comes out.

Michael is not human being, he is an angel with huge love to us.

it will take time for us to get over the grief. Let us stand together.

Hugs....

 

[deni_avr]

Same here...

Tonight happened to be one of the hardest ones. I am alone at home. Tomorrow i have an important exam for my master degree. I used to like to study. Now i don`t. All i can think of is...well you know what - it`s not only one thing to name it. I browse all of the topics here, news, anything to avoid reality. I cannot share this with anybody but you, nobody will understand it. I wonder what is it now at O2. God, how wish to be there instead of here!

Thank you for being here!

 

[CatherineNZ]

hey i can understand it so well. the first week after it happened i was told off repeatedly at work for "not being happy" because i am a tutor and i must seem perfectly happy and bubbling to the students. but my main problem wasnt being or seeming happy but not to cry all the time.

yes you are right about these fake smiles. how many fake smiles we have around? somebody lost a friend, somebody hates his or her job etc but everybody smiles...
i'm upset too. but you can always say when a smile is fake.

i have never ever seen a fake smile on Michael's lips. he was always so honest and so open. so i prefer smiling only i am really smiling.

 

[Cinnamon234]

Same for me. I have very little enthusiasm about things in my life like going to work, school,etc. I just do these things because I have to. The only time I find some type of joy is when I see my 2 year old niece 'cause I love babies and kids just like Mike did . Children can always put a smile on my face no matter what and then listening to MJ's music and seeing his video's makes me happy sometimes (other times I get sad when I realize that he's not here anymore). Other than that, I feel pretty empty. I have no energy and i'm not enthusiastic about things in my life as I was before. I just feel so numb.

And yes i'm tired of the fake smiles too! I pretend to be happy around my friends and family. I try to make jokes and laugh all the time, but it's fake really. Deep down inside, I am hurting. They have no idea how much i'm hurting right now over Michael. No one knows I go into my room almost every night and listen to his music and cry. I haven't told anyone about this except you guys. Anyone else would tell me i'm crazy and overreacting. They'd tell me that "MJ was just a singer" and that I need to get over it but he was much much much more than that for me. My mind is on MJ pretty much 24/7 and even when I try to think about something else I can't. His music is always playing somewhere or i'll see a newspaper or magazine with him on it. Then of course he's all over the news. It just hurts so bad.

This is just a horrible nightmare that I wish I could wake up from. It is awful. I can't believe this is reality.

 

[giddyup87]

Same for me. I have very little enthusiasm about things in my life like going to work, school,etc. I just do these things because I have to. The only time I find some type of joy is when I see my 2 year old niece 'cause I love babies and kids just like Mike did . Children can always put a smile on my face no matter what and then listening to MJ's music and seeing his video's makes me happy sometimes (other times I get sad when I realize that he's not here anymore). Other than that, I feel pretty empty. I have no energy and i'm not enthusiastic about things in my life as I was before. I just feel so numb.

i feel the same.


one on the few times i've smiled (really) recently was when i was in borders the book store reading a magazine and i overheard some little girl saying she wants the michael jackson one... as i turned around i saw her carrying a magazine with him on the cover.

 

[CatherineNZ]

i had to teach in another college today and a tutor that i hardly know told me "i actually felt for you when i knew" and students in his class asked me to do a moonwalk which i did and there were happy. and for some reason it was easy for me not to cry. but on the way home i broke down. but they were nice. this tutor actually asked me whether i was allowed to go home when i knew and whether i had to teach. i was even surprised at such a question because it shows that this person understands that it is an extremely serious matter for me.

 

[Lady with the Tramp]

I 100% understand it. It feels like we've lost our family or best friend. Michael has always been the reason why I feel alive. Now, I think of him every moment and dont have mood to do anything and I'm faking my smile everyday too. The only one makes me smile now is my doggy.

What do i do?

I'm so stupid that I still like to think he's retired, not dead...I'm lying to myself...

 

[8701girl]

And yes i'm tired of the fake smiles too!
.

Yes i can relate to that as well. When i see my family they are all like" oh put a smile on your face will ya! u didnt even know the guy!

But seriously i think us the fans, knew mike more than anyone did ( apart of his children and family of course)....they just dont understand

 

[sunnyday81]

When my father died, I felt the same thing. All those people around me laughing, joking, dancing... I couldn't take it! It's the same thing now, but at least you can share your grief with so many people, sometimes even with non-fans. Everyone in the world was shocked to the core with this.

 

[Angela_MJJ]

I feel the same as all of you I go to work because I have too.
Last week I got the message that I will be fired so I'll have to find a new job but I just can't put myself on searching I just don't care.
I should care because when I have no job I'll be on the streets in no time.
I'm just completely numb at the moment.

 

[krism]

To be completely honest yes there is injustice in this world and there are cruel people. There always have been and likely always will be. But the world is full of much more than that. Its full of people who will love you unconditionally and who want to help you. When youre feeling depressed its very easy to give into the why should I care anymore/the world is full of horrible people mantra. That's the thing about depression. It lies to you. Tricks you into thinking life will always be this way. But trust me, there is help out there. Dont give into the negative voices.