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Missing Michael so badly again...

Severus Snape said:
DON'T QUOTE ME I've already gone mad!!! I tried, but I failed!


I hate that empty feeling. It makes me feel sick. I live in dread of it all my life. I hate it. We've already lost Michael, it really can't get any worse than that, but this just really sets it in stone largely for a lot of external reality. Sure, we'll always have the music. I keep trying to tell myself that so long as an idea remains relevant, it can never really die, but am I just self-administering delusions to soothe the pain which tears at my very insides every moment of every day leading up to this final conclusion, or is there some validity to my statements?

It would seem I am the least qualified person to judge that decision. Although it has been overwhelmingly difficult, we've all come together every day, the same time, the same (virtual) place and looked on as the two sides present their case, for about a month, we've had a purpose. This was largely an escape for me--a world where my words would sort of matter, where I could see the evidence and hold Murray as he deserves: guilty. We brought in our sorrows, and even made a few good inside jokes along the way. It's been a unique experience, and a journey, just like all the other Michael Jackson-related things we've gone through. And now it, too, comes to a close.

I wish I could close right along with it...I gained no closure whatsoever. Only more pain.

......yeah, ready for the other side of me?

We've gotta build our own reality shelter.
I think we can do it.
If we focus enough and don't despair.
Anything is possible.
This is not worse than 06.25.2009.
We have gone on very obviously without forgetting Michael.
Because Michael lasts forever.
You can't kill him, you can't forget him. He's one of the stars.
You can never take a star from the sky, so, so long as there are stars, there he will be.

Yes!
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Severus, welcome in my very own personal schizophrenic world. I thought I was the only one there. I know the 2 voices in your head, got the same ones in mine.
 
^Yep, I've always had them. It's a duality from Hell. Two very different sides of me. X_x

And Daryll, MJ World > Outside "Real" World, any day. ;)

Well, to be fair, anything > Outside "Real" World, any day.... >.>
 
I know Hun :better:
I so 'desperately' NEED to get a job :blink: to silence the 'inner demons' in me... SHHHH... Be quiet :tease:
Honestly, I feel so TAINTED sometimes...

I have to go to ERGO therapy everyday and I :mat: it...
Today, I was so glad that 'Michael' voice was with me... Kept me from running off during a session...
I was stuck behind a curtain with a bed like thing before me... It was okay if I could sit on the chair and just lay my hand on it... Then, she told me to lay flat on it... I almost 'freaked' out... The voice in me kept 'assuring' me it wasn't a gurney but just a 'massage table' okay... That awful image of Michael kept on flashing before my eyes and she saw or maybe 'smelled' my fear... I did tell her I was okay though... YOU guys are the ONLY ones I'm telling... I'm "scared" to tell them, you know...

So indeed, I prefer the MJ world 'faraway' from the REAL world which only reminds me of the 'loss' of my BEST friend :boohoo
Makes me realize how STRONG my mum really is... She has LOST everyone in her family... Her parents, her two sisters and I sometimes feel such a 'drama queen' as I whine about missing Michael...
So yep, today I BADly missed Michael again...
 
Ben said:
Severus, welcome in my very own personal schizophrenic world. I thought I was the only one there. I know the 2 voices in your head, got the same ones in mine.
Click to expand...

I work in a psychiatric hospital (as a nurse), and sometimes i feel like I should be the one hospitalized there. Well, at least i have the key to drug cabinet....

:ph34r:
 
Daryll748 said:
So indeed, I prefer the MJ world 'faraway' from the REAL world which only reminds me of the 'loss' of my BEST friend :boohoo
Makes me realize how STRONG my mum really is... She has LOST everyone in her family... Her parents, her two sisters and I sometimes feel such a 'drama queen' as I whine about missing Michael...
So yep, today I BADly missed Michael again...
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You shouldn't feel that way.:better:

Those are your feelings, you can't choose how to feel, you can't choose who to love the most.
Our feelings and emotions define us.

I feel too like I love Michael more than my family.Is that wrong?If it is , I can't help it , is just the way it is :cry:
 
claudiadoina said:
You shouldn't feel that way.:better:

Those are your feelings, you can't choose how to feel, you can't choose who to love the most.
Our feelings and emotions define us.

I feel too like I love Michael more than my family.Is that wrong?If it is , I can't help it , is just the way it is :cry:
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Thanks Hun :better:

Sadness does come in waves right... Pffff...
A long as I'm kept busy and entertained... I'm okay otherwise I'm :tease:

HUGS TO ALL...
 
LastTear said:
I just want him back :cry:
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So do I Last Tear. More now than ever before.:sad: :boohoo:


Especially since I am just so very sick and tired of being constantly miserable and depressed. And there is really nothing I can really do about it. Since I had totally forgotten what it is like to be happy. It was before 6:30 pm on June 25th 2009 was the last time I had felt happy. And I used to be a very happy person who used to L.O.V.E. life. Because I had Michael in my life to always make me feel that way. But ever since that horrible June day. That evil monster forever took that away from me. I have tried hard many times to find things that might bring some kind of happiness in to my now constant miserable life. But nothing has really worked for me. Laughing is something I really don't do much of anymore. What I would have normally find funny on tv when we still had him. I now find it really stupid and unfunny. And it is all thanks to that evil monster. And also thanks to what that evil monster did. I had become addicted to playing video and computer games. I know that monster cause me to have this addiction to both video and computer games now. Because when we still had him the only game I was ever really addicted to was my Sims games and thats it. Now it is almost any kind of video game I am addicted to now. Not only do I have a Nintendo Wii I also have a Nintendo Ds Lite. 2 video game systems I never once had a single ounce of interest of ever owning them. Back when we still had him. Now I also want to get a Nintendo 3ds system as well. And thanks to my late father I now have his Playstation 3. Having all of these video games systems is so totally not me. Especially when I think back to when we still had him. I was always just happy just having my first 2 Playstations and my Super Nintendo and that was more than enough for me. But other besides reading and watching my Bollywood movies. It is really the only joy (If you want to call it that) I have left now. Since watching him is still very much out of the question for me. Cause I start my crying all over again the second I see any video related to him. And listening to him is something I hardly ever do now. That monster forever destroyed the happy life that I once had. And forever destroy the joy that I once had whenever I used to watch and listen to him. I just so badly wish I could forever destroy his life by getting my revenge on him.:mat: :sad:
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
So do I Last Tear. More now than ever before.:sad: :boohoo:


Especially since I am just so very sick and tired of being constantly miserable and depressed. And there is really nothing I can really do about it. Since I had totally forgotten what it is like to be happy. It was before 6:30 pm on June 25th 2009 was the last time I had felt happy. And I used to be a very happy person who used to L.O.V.E. life. Because I had Michael in my life to always make me feel that way. But ever since that horrible June day. That evil monster forever took that away from me. I have tried hard many times to find things that might bring some kind of happiness in to my now constant miserable life. But nothing has really worked for me. Laughing is something I really don't do much of anymore. What I would have normally find funny on tv when we still had him. I now find it really stupid and unfunny. And it is all thanks to that evil monster. And also thanks to what that evil monster did. I had become addicted to playing video and computer games. I know that monster cause me to have this addiction to both video and computer games now. Because when we still had him the only game I was ever really addicted to was my Sims games and thats it. Now it is almost any kind of video game I am addicted to now. Not only do I have a Nintendo Wii I also have a Nintendo Ds Lite. 2 video game systems I never once had a single ounce of interest of ever owning them. Back when we still had him. Now I also want to get a Nintendo 3ds system as well. And thanks to my late father I now have his Playstation 3. Having all of these video games systems is so totally not me. Especially when I think back to when we still had him. I was always just happy just having my first 2 Playstations and my Super Nintendo and that was more than enough for me. But other besides reading and watching my Bollywood movies. It is really the only joy (If you want to call it that) I have left now. Since watching him is still very much out of the question for me. Cause I start my crying all over again the second I see any video related to him. And listening to him is something I hardly ever do now. That monster forever destroyed the happy life that I once had. And forever destroy the joy that I once had whenever I used to watch and listen to him. I just so badly wish I could forever destroy his life by getting my revenge on him.:mat: :sad:
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:better: to you...
I know life will NEVER be the same again but PLEASE Hun... Don't drown in your sorrow or tears...
I understand that its hard to let go and be HAPPY again... but if you :boohoothen you let that STUPID doc win... He's NOT worth all your pain, sorrow,...

PLEASE KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, Hun... If NOT for me, yourself... DO IT FOR MICHAEL... He wouldn't like to see you this hurt... MAKE HIM PROUD in everything you do... This is how I SURVIVE... :yes:

The Great Daryll has spoken LOL :tease:

NO seriously, I'm still sad, torn, exploding too but Flousy is NOT worth it, believe me... He's an **** NOT worth all your tears...
Michael is OKAY... BELIEVE ME...
 
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