Should I feel guilty for not being the fan I am today, before Michael died?

[Gonetoosoon]

I became a fan of Michael in around the early 2000's, when my Dad bought home HIStory on DVD with all of Michael's greatest hits. I must have watched the short films about a hundred times each, and I remember very distinctly being obsessed with it. Over the years I bought three different Michael Jackson albums; Invincible, The Essential and Number Ones. I also discovered a Bad tape which my Dad had bought back in the day which I still have in my Michael collection. For me having that many of an artists albums (even though two of them were compilations..) was a big deal and meant that I liked them very much. I listened to those albums literally non-stop, especially during 2008 and 2009. Over the years I had defended Michael against people's claims he wanted to be white, and also during the trial. I never once believed him to be guilty, even though I had a casual approach to Michael as a fan.

When Michael died, everything changed for me. It was like a light switch came on in my head, and my level of obsession and enjoyment of everything Michael grew. I now live and breathe Michael, and have done so since a week after his death. I remember distinctly months before June 25, listening to Michael constantly in my car - my girlfriend at the time got slightly annoyed due to the sheer amount of his music I played! I hate the term 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone' but it's true and it's definitely applied to my love of Michael following his passing. TBH I've never been a big follower of celebrity, or ever been a 'super-fan' but somehow that changed for me with Michael.. I'm on these forums literally every waking hour, I listen and watch Michael every waking hour, I have a huge Michael collection which I've probably spent a couple thousand dollars on (oops!), and I just generally have him on my mind a lot throughout the day.

The thing is, I feel guilty for not being the fan that I am today, before Michael died.. I wish so much that I felt this way prior to his passing - and it pains me that I wasn't a better fan. It shouldn't take someone to die to really appreciate them and have them make up a huge part of your life. I guess my question is, should I feel guilty? Should I feel bad? TBH I feel like less of a fan than a lot of people on here, and I know it's not a competition - but seeing people's join dates before June 2009 makes me very jealous and I almost feel embarrassed that I wasn't here before. I have always been a fan of Michael, but over the past 2 years or so my love for him as escalated so much it's incredible. I may be analysing a little much but that's how I feel.

Let me know what you think if you can. Much love :wub::zorro:

 

[Hazard]

Dude, I feel the same way. I wasn't a big fan of his before his death but then something happened after his death. Now, I live and breath Michael everyday just like you.

 

[TarinJade]

should I feel guilty? Should I feel bad? TBH I feel like less of a fan than a lot of people on here, and I know it's not a competition - but seeing people's join dates before June 2009 makes me very jealous and I almost feel embarrassed that I wasn't here before.

Absolutely not, and don't let anyone try to make you feel differently. Life is too short to spend feeling guilty for things that are beyond our control. You love Michael and that's all that matters.

 

[Severus Snape]

It's understandable. You've reacted to the loss of the attachment (via death) by holding on to every shred of him you can, to diminish the magnitude of the loss. Don't feel guilty over it.

 

[PaceMioDolceCuore]

Gonetosoon, try kicking the guilt on the conscious level, then it'll go away subconsciously as well.

You're human and Michael was human as well. Love is never in vain, neither then, nor is it now. Michael's life was busy, with many things going on- and you don't have to regret your life for him. Not at all. He wanted to be happy, why would anyone see you guilt ridden?

And as important as this place is, it is not the only measurement of your appreciation for Michael. The past still matters, but not to cause anyone feelings of guilt.

Whenever someone dies, something like it will crop up, you're not alone in that. Appreciation or love are not a competition, even when some of the older members can find comfort in their long term memories- and that's understandable, too.

I discovered Michael in 1992 and there is honestly no way I could have held this intense level on a day to day basis, because I would not have lived my life. Things came in waves, even back then. It's life, it's normal. Now I try to incorporate this into my life and it's not easy, either.

Just be who you are, it's fine!

 

[Courtney]

My story is very similar. I was always very intrigued by Michael and his music. There was something about him that always grabbed my attention when I heard his name or music. I liked his music a lot and knew a handful of songs but I wasn't a major fan like I am now. I didn't know much about his life or anything, I had no judgments, he was just Michael Jackson to me and I thought he was a fantastic artist. And trust me, I felt a HUGE amount of guilt about this. It was actually really painful and bothered me for an entire year and I even cried about it. But his death really did a lot for me as a person and my life. He really did change my life and I could never thank him enough for it. I have an immense amount of love for him because of what he did for me and made me realize. I think his impact on his fans, new or old, is what's most important. His influence through his music, charity, etc. on his fans is what truly matters.

What I think is that no matter when or how you became a fan or even what you thought of Michael before you became a fan, you still are just as much of a fan as those who have been for 30+ years. It's not about when or how long and I truly feel in my heart that Michael would absolutely understand and be grateful of the support he's getting from the new, genuine fans after his death. There were bandwagons, yes but there are some genuine "after death" fans who have the same amount of love in their hearts for him as the older, "before death" fans do. I'm a believer of the human soul/spirit and I believe that Michael knows who the trust fans are, new and old, and loves them and appreciates them all the same no matter how long they've been a fan. There will be new Michael Jackson fans born every single day, this is what will keep him alive forever.

 

[xo_lola_xo]

Don't feel guilty. I'm sure Michael's spirit feels your love.

 

[janena]

You have been supporting Michael through some of Michels most difficult years, simply by being a fan...
I am sure his spirit feels it. You do not need a join-date before june 2009. You love Michael and that is all that truly matters.

 

[KingMikeJ]

Don't feel guilty. This is important for the fan base to grow. There are millions of Michael Jackson fans not even born yet. It doesn't matter how long you've been a fan or how "dedicated" you have been, all that matters is if you're a fan now.

 

[Rudolf]

At least you were a fan.
Before Michael's death I wasn't fan at all. I didn't know anything about him. I didn't even know that the song Billie Jean is called ''Billie Jean''. Now I think - why the hell someone have to die to get more attention?! I'm very sorry I wasn't a fan before. Things would have been different for me now...