I don't know how I feel...

[Kane]

For a long time I just couldn't believe that he was gone, I mean, Michael Jackson, gone. That's just, it doesn't sound right. But now, I just have no idea what's going on in my head, I feel like I have finally gotten around the fact that he's no longer with us but at the same time I have no idea if I have realised it, I just have no idea what I feel like, it's awful my head is so messed up and I can't contemplate it. I don't know what's going on with me Does anybody else feel the same?

 

[SUSIE.Q]

I know what you mean - my head is totally f***ed up still, I don't know whether I'm coming or going a lot of the time.
I'm working on a medical research paper at the moment which is paying a bursary so luckily I have only been working a few days a month, but it feels like time has moved on without me. Its really difficult to explain to anyone outside this board - they just think get over it, life goes on.
But Its very difficult. I was supposed to go into university yesterday to register again and completely forgot about it. and I got into trouble at work for having a full on argument with a colleague who was being salacious about MJ.
I do empathise - if you want to talk about it or if it gets too much PM me, I understand how you feel.

 

[jemini515]

time has moved on without me.

Couldn't have said it better. I feel exactly the same. Thanks to the both of you for sharing.

 

[xthunderx2]

I believe this will all get better with time...the first year of the grieving process is the hardest.....I am happy that we have this forum and can be hear to help each other. :hugs:

 

[AlvaMJJ]

For a long time I just couldn't believe that he was gone, I mean, Michael Jackson, gone. That's just, it doesn't sound right. But now, I just have no idea what's going on in my head, I feel like I have finally gotten around the fact that he's no longer with us but at the same time I have no idea if I have realised it, I just have no idea what I feel like, it's awful my head is so messed up and I can't contemplate it. I don't know what's going on with me Does anybody else feel the same?

I guess we all feel the same. Heartbreaks are never easy to take.
I don't know where I stand, either. But I force myself to figure it out. Because I know that things can't go on like before. We awoke from our dream for the future. Disorientation is a logigcal consequence of it.

 

[thrillerchild]

I'm back to the numb stage

 

[The One.]

*hugs*

I know what you're talking about, actually now that you said it I'm feeling like that, too.. This whole thing just feels so surreal! I thought I was fine but after the funeral it all came back.. and.. I'm just so confused, really. :no:

 

[Autumn II]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

 

[Kane]

Thanks everyone, always feel better when I know I'm not on my own. Thanks Susie.Q, same to you, feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[jemini515]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

Wow, Victoria, I think you're really onto it! Thanks for sharing your smarts with us!

I agree that his high visibility is making it harder for me.... and not knowing what exactly happened prevents closure.

 

[Miss_star]

Couldn't have said it better. I feel exactly the same. Thanks to the both of you for sharing.

Me too

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

This is exactly it. You have such a way with words Victoria :huggy:

 

[Experience the magic]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

Well said Vic, that's exactly what it comes down to.

 

[mjjfan4ever]

For a long time I just couldn't believe that he was gone, I mean, Michael Jackson, gone. That's just, it doesn't sound right. But now, I just have no idea what's going on in my head, I feel like I have finally gotten around the fact that he's no longer with us but at the same time I have no idea if I have realised it, I just have no idea what I feel like, it's awful my head is so messed up and I can't contemplate it. I don't know what's going on with me Does anybody else feel the same?

i have been doing a lot of writing. yesterday i was just asking myself....what's wrong with me? why? ...../???????
words are lost to describe any of this.

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

thank you..... you answered some of the questions i was reflecting on.

 

[Carol]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

......counl't say it better myself:yes:

 

[The One.]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

:yes:
You always know how to put the words.. that's excactly how it probably is.

 

[Louise.]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

Really great post, Victoria.

 

[Siyahamba]

The 'time moving on without me' has happened to me too. It's almost autumn where I live, but it feels like, what happened to summer? I'm back in university, but it feels like I'm just going through the motions. Nothing's made sense since the end of June...

 

[Fluffy_Oz]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

Victoria, this is such a great post!
Great points, and it seems so obvious once you're read it, but hell, I've been wondering what the heck is going on with me, why can't I stop grieving for this man, it's been a while now... *gulp* and this just pretty much summed it up for me.
Rep given.

Thank you!

 

[Autumn II]

The 'time moving on without me' has happened to me too. It's almost autumn where I live, but it feels like, what happened to summer? I'm back in university, but it feels like I'm just going through the motions. Nothing's made sense since the end of June...

My life stopped on June 25. I'm still trying to make sense of this? We do the best we can?

 

[parli123]

This is wishful thinking. I feel that we can bring him back if we wish hard enough. But I know in My heart he is gone forever, But I still can wish!! God will be kind to us and his children. I believe that..

 

[AlvaMJJ]

This is wishful thinking. I feel that we can bring him back if we wish hard enough. But I know in My heart he is gone forever, But I still can wish!! God will be kind to us and his children. I believe that..

This is a nice thaught! Michael will be back!:timer: Maybe God makes an exception in this case. Only he knows how much we love Michael.

 

[MJstarlight]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

This is a great post.....

I have to agree that these products keep coming feels a bit unsettling. I am still having mixed emotions about the This Is It movie. Its going to be absolute painful to sit and watch this movie, knowing how much Michael wanted to do this tour and how much he loves his fans. Its going to feel like June 25th all over again.
Its all so surreal, I feel I will be grieving the rest of my life.

 

[blue_eyed_belle]

I think part of the problem is Michael's high-visibility, even now. If a friend or relative dies (which has happened to me. . I lost both my parents), you don't SEE them everywhere on tv. Or hear "their music" in stores or on car radios. In the videos and in his voice, Michael seems as alive as ever. I think that's contributing to the confusion and the inability to "move on." Also, there is the lack of closure about exactly what HAPPENED. There have been no arrests, and that, also, makes it hard to achieve peace or resolution. At least it does for me. . . .

In one sense, to have all these videos and the music is a blessing. His legacy lives on. In another sense, it's not "normal" in terms of the usual grieving process. When my mother died, the estate (tiny) was eventually settled. My sister and I sorted her things and I got some momentos. With Michael, there is not that same closure. The "products" keep coming. The movie to come. The Opus book. And so on. That's a good thing, but it's also very, very unsettling. I think under the circumstances, as painful as it is, it's "normal" for this to feel surreal?

love to everyone!

Vic

I know that quite a few people have commented already, but you put it perfectly. Michael has been in the limelight regularly since his death - there are images and clips of him on the news, the trailer's being shown at the cinema (MJ's dancing is so full of energy) and we're discussing him in the present tense on here as I type. All of this is contributing to confusion and even the rumours that 'maybe he hasn't gone'.

 

[CatherineNZ]

time has moved on without me.

it's about me too.i feel strangely old.

i could also add that i'm kinda at peace with myself even though hurting. accepting the fact but considering it wrong anyway

 

[Mariajoaosilva]

Wow Victoria83...You sure said what is in my heart for a long time.I would say since 25th june?
That day changed my life forever and i have no idea what to do to find closure in all this,and also peace of mind.
Sometiems i doubt ever will.