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All too much....

Beccabubbles

Beccabubbles

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Omg......

I'm just experiencing complete overwhelment right now....

I was just listening to the radio whilst waiting to see if I'm going to be able to watch the VMA's through a live stream from here in the uk - and Man in the Mirror has come on and I've just crumbled.

I'm serious, i can hardly see to type this, Its like he's gone all over again, I don't know why.....

Oh great, to top it off my hubbie has just come downstairs, caught me crying and had a go at me - saying if I wasn't mad enough that I'm staying up to watch the "stupid ***** thing"( he knows full well I HATE him being called that - Michael hated it and i detest it), I'm now crying for some1 I didn't know. He said "this just pisses me off, you need help - what is wrong with you" and stormed off to bed.

Oh god please this hurts so bad ............ why why why why why
We love him so much and now he's gone and we dont know how to cope.....

Sorry, i think this is just because its all too much, the VMA's, the TII trailer, and the TII movie on its way and so many mixed emotions...................
oh please help........... this is so so painful.... Michael, i miss you so much......

*uncontrolable sobs*
 
Oh, don't ever feel bad for loving Michael and taking his death so hard. We all are, and no one should ever make you feel bad for grieving for someone you love. Ever.

I can't really watch these trailers. I feel literally sick when I do. I tried, but it makes it all come back to me. It really isn't fair that this is how we are supposed to be watching his comeback.

Please don't feel bad. Grieve as much as you need to get through it.

And if your husband won't understand you, we on here will :)
 
Naytobes said:
Oh, don't ever feel bad for loving Michael and taking his death so hard. We all are, and no one should ever make you feel bad for grieving for someone you love. Ever.

I can't really watch these trailers. I feel literally sick when I do. I tried, but it makes it all come back to me. It really isn't fair that this is how we are supposed to be watching his comeback.

Please don't feel bad. Grieve as much as you need to get through it.

And if your husband won't understand you, we on here will :)
Click to expand...

Thank you so much.......... big hugs xxx

I know there are so many ppl feeling the same and here is the best place to be right now.

I'm waiting for this show - i have to watch, i just can't stop myself and yet its almost like torturing myself cause its not even started yet and its tipped me over the edge.

I dont want him to understand my love for michael, he never has and he never will - but surly he should except that i'm in pain????

Oh its so bad right now, i just cant stop the tears..........

xxx
 
Beccabubbles said:
Omg......

I'm just experiencing complete overwhelment right now....

I was just listening to the radio whilst waiting to see if I'm going to be able to watch the VMA's through a live stream from here in the uk - and Man in the Mirror has come on and I've just crumbled.

I'm serious, i can hardly see to type this, Its like he's gone all over again, I don't know why.....

Oh great, to top it off my hubbie has just come downstairs, caught me crying and had a go at me - saying if I wasn't mad enough that I'm staying up to watch the "stupid ***** thing"( he knows full well I HATE him being called that - Michael hated it and i detest it), I'm now crying for some1 I didn't know. He said "this just pisses me off, you need help - what is wrong with you" and stormed off to bed.

Oh god please this hurts so bad ............ why why why why why
We love him so much and now he's gone and we dont know how to cope.....

Sorry, i think this is just because its all too much, the VMA's, the TII trailer, and the TII movie on its way and so many mixed emotions...................
oh please help........... this is so so painful.... Michael, i miss you so much......

*uncontrolable sobs*
Click to expand...

I'm SO sorry you're having such a rough time. Here's a hug. :better:

I'm not watching the show. I'm not ready. Maybe someday I'll be able to listen to the music again, and watch the vids? But not now, and that's ok.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Sometime when he's calm, maybe you could try to explain to your husband that this really DOES feel like the loss of a family member? Whether or not he understands, that IS what you feel and you have a right to your own feelings. Seriously. I'm very sorry you don't have more support, but you have it HERE, for sure, and we DO understand, and there is NOTHING wrong with you except that you're grieving.

hugs,

Vic
 
Victoria83 said:
I'm SO sorry you're having such a rough time. Here's a hug. :better:

I'm not watching the show. I'm not ready. Maybe someday I'll be able to listen to the music again, and watch the vids? But not now, and that's ok.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Sometime when he's calm, maybe you could try to explain to your husband that this really DOES feel like the loss of a family member? Whether or not he understands, that IS what you feel and you have a right to your own feelings. Seriously. I'm very sorry you don't have more support, but you have it HERE, for sure, and we DO understand, and there is NOTHING wrong with you except that you're grieving.

hugs,

Vic
Click to expand...


Thank you so much, really, this does help hearing this because i only found this place yesterday so up until now i've had to grieve in silence because no1 here understands.

I almost feel like i'm being selfish typing out MY feelings when i know so many of us are hurting so bad, so i'm sorry every1 for being so self involved - i'm not really its not wat i'm like but its just so so so unfair that we are even having to deal with this. Michael should be still be here, I just feel like it wasn't his time.

And the pain is so physical, it actually phyically hurts right now, i dont think i've been this bad since the memorial service.

Big big big hugs back, and loadsa love, really thank you so much
R
xxxxxx
 
I'm really sorry for you... I can't imagine your pain with all this!

If you need to talk or if I can do something for you, please let me know, ok?

A big hug and an enormous kiss for you! ^^
 
Leia said:
I'm really sorry for you... I can't imagine your pain with all this!

If you need to talk or if I can do something for you, please let me know, ok?

A big hug and an enormous kiss for you! ^^
Click to expand...

every1 is so kind here

Thank you so, so, so much.

Love and hugs all round

xxxx

Oh god, just saw the TII tease trailer and lost it so badly - oh this is so hard

xxx
 
Beccabubbles said:
Thank you so much, really, this does help hearing this because i only found this place yesterday so up until now i've had to grieve in silence because no1 here understands.

I almost feel like i'm being selfish typing out MY feelings when i know so many of us are hurting so bad, so i'm sorry every1 for being so self involved - i'm not really its not wat i'm like but its just so so so unfair that we are even having to deal with this. Michael should be still be here, I just feel like it wasn't his time.

And the pain is so physical, it actually phyically hurts right now, i dont think i've been this bad since the memorial service.

Big big big hugs back, and loadsa love, really thank you so much
R
xxxxxx
Click to expand...


Don't feel bad about typing out your feelings. Yes we're all grieving too, but that's how we support each other is by allowing each other to post our feelings and then offer advice and support. You've had to grieve silently, so it's healthy that you post your feelings on here. If you keep it all bottled up inside, it won't be healthy on you emotionally or physically. So please don't feel bad.
 
I didn`t want to open a new thread so if you allow me i will use this one. It`s all too much for me, too. Especially today. As if all came back again but with so much greater pain. I didn`t want to watch VMA awards or the trailer but i did. And the pain is so much, will it ever go away? Sometimes it hurts even to read here - the news, the investigative unit...And still i cannot explain what is happening with me. It is absolutely devastating, emptiness i have never felt before. Emptiness is the right word. Emptiness and anguish. I find no comfort in anything.

Sorry, just needed to share some of the feelings...
 
Beccabubbles said:
Omg......

I'm just experiencing complete overwhelment right now....

I was just listening to the radio whilst waiting to see if I'm going to be able to watch the VMA's through a live stream from here in the uk - and Man in the Mirror has come on and I've just crumbled.

I'm serious, i can hardly see to type this, Its like he's gone all over again, I don't know why.....

Oh great, to top it off my hubbie has just come downstairs, caught me crying and had a go at me - saying if I wasn't mad enough that I'm staying up to watch the "stupid ***** thing"( he knows full well I HATE him being called that - Michael hated it and i detest it), I'm now crying for some1 I didn't know. He said "this just pisses me off, you need help - what is wrong with you" and stormed off to bed.

Oh god please this hurts so bad ............ why why why why why
We love him so much and now he's gone and we dont know how to cope.....

Sorry, i think this is just because its all too much, the VMA's, the TII trailer, and the TII movie on its way and so many mixed emotions...................
oh please help........... this is so so painful.... Michael, i miss you so much......

*uncontrolable sobs*
Click to expand...



deni_avr said:
I didn`t want to open a new thread so if you allow me i will use this one. It`s all too much for me, too. Especially today. As if all came back again but with so much greater pain. I didn`t want to watch VMA awards or the trailer but i did. And the pain is so much, will it ever go away? Sometimes it hurts even to read here - the news, the investigative unit...And still i cannot explain what is happening with me. It is absolutely devastating, emptiness i have never felt before. Emptiness is the right word. Emptiness and anguish. I find no comfort in anything.

Sorry, just needed to share some of the feelings...
Click to expand...


if you really can't cope with that emotion , stop watching his things until you get better
please don't torture yourself
i also feel like crap today......im gonna stop watching his things until i am emotionally ready for it

*big big hugs* for you two
 
Big hugs to both of you.
@Beccabubbles I have to grieve on my own too, my mother understood a little bit what I went through when he just passed but she kinda said last week that it's time to move on...

I haven't watched the VMA's or the trailer I just can't do it right now.
 
Well, will it ever be time when we (I) will be emotionally ready for any of this? In the past week i hardly entered this forum,intentionally, i cried less compared to before, but the thoughts, feelings and sadness did not disappear. Just on the contrary. With every single day i cry less, but feel more depressed. That is what i need to know - will it ever get better? I truly doubt that and that is what is so inexplicable to me. As if before sadness was somehow superficial, now, as time goes by, it gets deeper. The more i think about all of it, the more desperate i get. Maybe it is because the whole "situation" is so unfair. Maybe when justice is done, only then we will make peace with it, i do not know. Somehow i do not want to let go. Not yet. Because letting go means forgetting or at least getting distant somehow from him...
 
Beccabubbles said:
Thank you so much, really, this does help hearing this because i only found this place yesterday so up until now i've had to grieve in silence because no1 here understands.

I almost feel like i'm being selfish typing out MY feelings when i know so many of us are hurting so bad, so i'm sorry every1 for being so self involved - i'm not really its not wat i'm like but its just so so so unfair that we are even having to deal with this. Michael should be still be here, I just feel like it wasn't his time.
Click to expand...
No need to feel selfish, you're not. Many will recognize themselves in your experiences and by sharing that with eachother we know we're not alone in this! A lack of compassion by those around us is a much heard issue these days and Im sorry you're experiencing this aswell. Like Vic said, perhaps you can explain your hubby what you're feeling when things have cooled off a bit. In the meantime don't hesitate to share your feelings with us, for we understand what you're going through. Hang in there ok, we're here for you! :better:

deni_avr said:
Well, will it ever be time when we (I) will be emotionally ready for any of this? In the past week i hardly entered this forum,intentionally, i cried less compared to before, but the thoughts, feelings and sadness did not disappear. Just on the contrary. With every single day i cry less, but feel more depressed. That is what i need to know - will it ever get better? I truly doubt that and that is what is so inexplicable to me. As if before sadness was somehow superficial, now, as time goes by, it gets deeper. The more i think about all of it, the more desperate i get. Maybe it is because the whole "situation" is so unfair. Maybe when justice is done, only then we will make peace with it, i do not know. Somehow i do not want to let go. Not yet. Because letting go means forgetting or at least getting distant somehow from him...
Click to expand...
Will it ever get better you ask? Believe it or, but it will. Even though for now it feels like things are just getting worse. Perhaps you feel that way because it took a while to really sink in. The circumstances that we're in right now with the TII trailer, VMA's, the mess surrounding those responsible for his death, all these factors don't really help us to coming to terms with the loss of Michael. Aside from that, accepting his passing doesn't mean you'll forget him. He left us so much its almost impossible to forget! We've been part of an amazing experience, and for those who just became fans the experience still lies ahead of them. Our experiences combined with the legacy Michael left us with is what will ensure that his memory will live on forever. One of Michaels precious messages in life was to live life to the fullest. If that means letting him go a bit then by all means allow yourself that space. The magic will never die, don't you worry about that :better:
 
Thank you! Just reading your post made me tearful again. You are right about Michael`s message but right now i cannot and do not want to be happy and enjoy things in life. Somehow i find comfort only in sadness as stupid as it may sound. Everything is just so tragic. I know everything ends someday. Human life, as well. But with Michael it just shoudn`t have ended like this.

Thank you for the comforting words. We have a bulgarian forum, similar to this one, but people there seem to handle all this very well. So i`ve started to feel a little strange and perhaps crazy for feeling this way. That is why i am sooo grateful that you, people, are here and are so understanding. Can`t believe i can feel so close to people i do not know, but i guess only Michael can do this.
 
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