I openly admit I would love to know more about Michael Jackson's every day life. I openly admit I would love to really understand what happened whithin his heart, who he really loved, who he hurt (for we all human hurt someone sometime), what made him feel happy, what made him feel angry, what he really enjoy reading, what kind of weather he prefered... all things Michael. Just as I try to know as much as possible about those I love, for I would then be able to make them feel better and to understand them a bit more.
However,
my personal desire to know more about him does not entitle me to actually get that information about him. Yes, I love the man, I love the artist, and I have this dream in my heart and in my mind that I am a bit "close" to him. But truth is he just spotted and gret me once, almost 18 years ago, amongst a crowd of 70,000 fans. I could hardly say I was really "close" to him
(writing that really hurts... :mello: )
I haven't read any of those tell all books out there. I just bought one (by Taraborrelli), but I admit I felt like crap by doing so and even when I tried, I just couldn't go any fruther than page 17 or so. I just stop trying going against me. A dear fellow fan and personal friend says I must be the strangest MJ fan out there
. I don't even have any single poster of Michael
... I am not a collector.
.. I might as well be the anti-fan :mello: But I truly feel so bad when I get to know private details about Michael. Yes, I do want to know... but I can't. I feel I shouldn't for he wouldn't want me to know about this.
It's a struggle, I promise. But at the end of the day I feel relieved I managed to resist the temptation to jump into that info that I feel Michael wouldn't have wanted me, a perfect stranger, to know about him. Up to know, I am relieved I managed to totally about the book with MJ tapes (even the "fan-friendly" version) and that of Taraborrelli. But I bought it, so I guess I didn't do that well in that one anyway.
So... well... basically, what I wanted to say it's I understand and I share that desire to know more about this man we love so much. But I keep saying to myself I am not really a part of his inner circle and so I should keep my place as a fan. Outside. Whatever
HE wanted me to know, I would cherish. Whatever
others around him want meto know... I would be careful. We are all free to feel different about this.
I trust this book will be positive. I really want to trust this will be positve. I am not saying I will get it or I will not get it. I will just wait and see the results. As for now, I am totally against the idea, though. If they felt any need to "clean" their names, a book was certainly not the best idea. Silence, the same silence they had kept all these years they lived that close to Michael, was certainly their best weapon.