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VanX

VanX

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Jul 25, 2011
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I've been a Michael fan since I was 8 years old, when our music teacher would make us sing Heal the World every single week in class. That song resonated with me as I grew older, until I was old enough to really understand the man and his music. Seventeen years later, my dream was about to come true. FINALLY I was going to see Michael live! Last time Michael toured, I was only 13 and the only time he'd ever been to my hometown was the year I was born; 84. One of my biggest dreams in life was to see MJ live someday. To maybe even be able to meet him someday. I studied his music over the years, I studied the man, watched every interview, bought the albums, really really felt like I had a personal connection with him.
Now my dreams are forever shattered. A large part of me died on June 25th.

I wish Michael were to alive to see him selling thousands of albums this week. To see the out pour of affection from his own country that he never got while alive, and which hurt him so deeply. I'm so incredibly sad for his children, who will not have their father with them as they grow. I'm sickened by the fact that they are too young - especially Blanket - to really know who their father was. That Michael will never be able to share things with them about the business, about life. That they never got to experience their father live in concert, something they were mere weeks away from witnessing.

I have been crying every single day since June 25th, and no one can understand my pain. They see it as foolish that I am crying over a man I did not know. But that's just it with Michael. He made his fans feel like family. He made us feel as though we had a direct connection with him, no matter where we were in the world. I do feel like I lost my brother and my best friend, and I know that only all of you here can understand.

He lived a life under scrutiny, but filled with tremendous love. If anything, I am glad Michael passed, knowing that he could still sell out 50 shows. Knowing just how much he meant to fans from across the globe, knowing that he was still the King.

I have been lurking here for quite sometime, but needed to finally register, because I need the support of the only people I can truly relate to at a time like this. I feel lost, and numb. And only fellow MJ fans can help me heal.

Thank you all for your tremendous posts, and for supporting each other at one of the most difficult times in our lives.

Vanessa
from Quebec, Canada
 
Van, welcome to our family *hugs* :hug:
This is Shayla from the Adam boards, happy you joined! :)
Ever since June 25th Ive been a total mess. I've been in bed most days, cant stop crying. my God I miss him so much. I keep looking up at my MJ collection like how could this be! I still dont understand or will I ever accept it. I swear its the worst pain and heartbreak I've ever felt. It hurts soooo much. I miss him more each day. I love him so much I would have given him my life even. What he has done for the world has been phenomenal! I swear I have never seen a more beautiful man with as kind of a heart and compassionate. I loved that he was so innocent compassionate and caring. I also cant stop thinking about the children. They are so precious. Michael will always be dear to my heart. I cant believe I am actually sitting here writing about his death, I feel so much like dying too. Life is so unfair. I was certainly not expecting him to go this soon at all! I always thought I would grow old with him and as long as he was here I felt safe and happy. A big part of my spirit already died on June 25th. Thank God we have each other to pull us through. I couldnt do it alone. We are Michaels Army of Love Forever.
I will continue to pray for us all :angel:
 
welcome! I totally understand how you feel. I feel the same way you do. If you want to chat ever please feel free to PM me or you can add me to msn or yahoo if yu have eather one. Im TayHansonFan83@hotmail.com on MSN and Yahoo Im BsbFreak1983@yahoo.com. I to have been a fan since i was 8 year old. Im 25 now and i became a fan in 1991. I never got to see Michael eather and seeing him was also my biggest dream. we are all here to help each other get through this very difficult time.
 
Welcome Vanessa on this board !

I feel your pain. I was finally going to see Michael this summer with another Vanessa ! Im from Quebec too and my dream was close.

I didint think I would be so devasted by this news and I think it will take a long time to heal. I was suppose to see a lot of show in Quebec this summer before going to see MJ. But now, and for the rest of my life, everytime I will attend a show, I will tell myself 'thats not the show I really want to see'.

Et je te dirais pour finir que MJ restera dans nos coeurs pour toujours et c'est sa le plus important. Prends soin de toi.
 
I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I've cried every single day so far, and not just once a day. It's hard because I can't communicate it much to the people around me. My mom is awesome and she loves MJ too, but we're not a "hug/emotional" family, so crying in front of anyone is not something I want to do.
I feel alone and sad and I'm hurting. Being here today really helped me, as much as I could be helped anyway. I remember being young and SO in love with MJ, I used to sit for hours and hours alone with just his cassettes and dream. I don't like this world without him in it.
 
Sweetie, we need you too. So, so much. :cry:
I was lurking as well for a month or so and realised I needed to register, because you guys were the only understanding people I really had.
My heart is just so broken, and I know I'm not alone, so we need to stick together through this.
I haven't been a fan as long as you because I was born in 1994, but since 1999 I've been a huge fan. I'm not sure how it happened, seeing as my parents didn't like him, but somehow I got a hold of his songs at the age of 5 and never let go. And I never will.
I was going to see him this summer too, and I just can't stop crying. It hurts so much, the pain is unbelievable...I've always wished to be born earlier so I could see him perform, but sadly I wasn't. It seems so unfair, and I love him so much... He's my angel. :cry:
I'm giving you a big hug right now. :)
 
Hi Vanessa,

Welcome to our family, that's what we are here...a family; and together we'll get through this pain.
Feel free to PM me if you need conforting and be sure that we're all here for you.

daph
 
Hugs to you. I am glad you are here. It would be great if people everywhere recognized how much they need each other. What a world it would make if none of us were afraid to be who we really are. An amazing thread. Thank you for saying what is in your heart.
 
Shayla.. I'm glad I finally made it over.
Also great to see another fellow Quebecer here.


Oh my gosh.. thank you all SO much. This support means SO much. I feel so welcome, and I am glad I found a new home here. THANK YOU.


:heart:
 
VanX said:
I have been crying every single day since June 25th, and no one can understand my pain.
Click to expand...

we do sweety :better:

VanX said:
They see it as foolish that I am crying over a man I did not know.
Click to expand...

they're just being judgemental idiots. no empathy. they don't understand. nevermind them. anyway you DID know him and love him and still do. xx
 
Bonjour Vanessa!

I also don't know anyone who understands, and I'm really thankful that all of the members of this site are so nice and welcoming.
 
Welcome, Vanessa. I am new to this forum, and I love it. Even after I saw the service on TV, I can't stop being in a state of disbelief. It all seems unreal, but at the same time, the service made it seem so final. In a way it isn't final. Michael and his legacy and his music will live on forever!!! That we will be sure of.

You Are Not Alone!!
 
violet said:
we do sweety :better:



they're just being judgemental idiots. no empathy. they don't understand. nevermind them. anyway you DID know him and love him and still do. xx
Click to expand...

Don't worry about what people say, you'll never stop them. Instead just let the emotion come out of you - its what you have to do. You are not alone. I had to register on here as I had to chat about it as others in my life just don't understand how I feel, the same people who looked at my like I was odd when I always claimed my gut feeling was that he was innocent. We might not have known Micheal as a friend, but I'm sure right now he feels the love and has always appreciated the our faith in him and love of his music.
 
Vanessa, welcome to the family. It's a strong one, that nothing and no one can break!!!
 
VanX said:
They see it as foolish that I am crying over a man I did not know.
Click to expand...

Well, you might not have known him on a personal level, but you knew him through his music, so just ignore what people say...

Welcome to the forum :)
 
Salut Vanessa,

Welcome here, big hugs to you.
Crois-moi je partage ta peine et ta douleur, c'est tellement difficile et c'est tellement dur d'être fan ici avec tous ces gens qui rient de nous et qui ne comprennent pas.

Si tu veux jaser, contactes-moi.
Carine
Québec, Canada

(translate *lol* ''Believe me I understand your pain, it's so difficult here to be a fan with all these people laughing at us and not understanding us. If you need to talk, contact me.'')
 
I understand how you feel hun, the pain will get better in time, sending you hugs xxxx
 
VanX said:
He lived a life under scrutiny, but filled with tremendous love. If anything, I am glad Michael passed, knowing that he could still sell out 50 shows. Knowing just how much he meant to fans from across the globe, knowing that he was still the King.
Click to expand...

Hi Vanessa, welcome to the family!

First off, you are not a fool for crying over Michael. There's thousands of people here that are crying over this tremendous loss, and it just shows what a great impact Michael had on our lives.

Second, the part I quoted from your post is so true! The most important thing in life is knowing that you are loved. And that's one thing we do know for sure. Whatever went on in Michaels life, whatever we know and don't know, the love was there. The mutual connection between Michael and his fans was there. And that will give us the strenght to carry on. Knowing that he was loved, knowing that he loved his fans. Make yourself right at home ok, because we DO understand :yes:
 
Welcome to the board Vanessa!

We're all here for each other and will be "For All Time" :)
 
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