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I'm starting a new life tomorrow (July 25th)

Chanya

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Yes I am. I was planning to write this thread a few days ago about the date July 25th, but I decided to wait until today. Before I explain what I mean by new life, let me tell you about the background for why I am doing it. This is going to be a little lenghty, so bear with me.

The day that Michael died (June 25h), I had my own way of dealing with the enormous loss. When I first heard the news I had just logged onto my computer and saw the headline "MICHAEL JACKSON DEAD" and I just laughed. It was too absurd to be true. Then as I kept reading the article and realized it was true I went into total shock. My heart started beating so fast and I was just sitting there staring at the screen, my mouth open from the shock. I sat like that for several minutes. My boyfriend was on the couch and asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't speak. I literally couldn't speak. It was too much to take in. I kept reading but it wasn't real. It couldn't be. It wasn't until like an hour later, when I put on my favorite song, Man In The Mirror, as my personal tribute to him and my own way of dealing with what I had just heard. I know a lot of you couldn't listen to his slow song after he died, but I'm the opposite. I needed to feel close to him through the music. And it was like the song and Michael was speaking to me. I decided right there and then to change my life around. For him. I felt I owed it to him, after all that he has given me. I actually made a promise to him right there and then to change my life around. I was smoking cigarettes at the time, I threw it away right after having finished the song. Haven't smoked one since. Michael made me do that. I also decided that I will change my life around in other areas. Be more loving and understanding and caring to those around me, work harder at accomplishing my dreams and just be a better person in general. I decided I would start working on that immidiately. And it worked. I was a much better person. For a few days.

Within less than a week, I started failing. Life caught up with me. Sure, I was in mourning all day and night, but I tried keeping my head up, showing as much love and compassion to people as I possibly could. Just like Michael would have done. I also decided to write my music and practice my dancing. I've had a dream to sing and dance since I was a kid, but because of different things I have never acted on it. I have practiced at home all my life, but never taken it anywhere. I was determined to finally do that this time. For Michael. And it worked! For a few days. Within a week of Michael's passing I was back to normal (meaning in my old patterns). I was so disappointed. I had decided to "use" this tragedy to try to turn my own life around for him, and I failed. I was devestated. For a long time. Next, I decided to use my own birthday as the second attempts at a new start. That was July 21st. That was the perfect oppertunity, I thought. A fresh start, beginning with my own birthday and dedicating it all to Michael! But again, it failed. Life caught up with me, my own lazy habits caught up with me.

So hear I am. This is my last chance. The one-month anniversary of my original promise to Michael. I want to remember him all my life as the person who inspired me to change my life around, so I have to do it NOW. So I, Chanya, hereby declare that as of tomorrow, July 25th, I'm starting a new life. You may ask yourself why I am declaring this on an online message board, but I desperately needed to put this in writing to make it official and to have witnesses. That's why. So I'm getting up early in the morning tomorrow, working on my music, being good to those around me, and pursuing my dreams. And I wont' let anybody stop me. Just like Michael would have wanted. Because I believe that if we all, little by little, change out lives around and become more like him, then the world will slowly but surely become a better place and his vision of making the world a better place would come true.
 
hmm I said the same thing when he died...that I'm going to put all my efforts into something new in my life, I guess concentrating on that was a way for me to avoid the pain but in the end I couldn't run away from the pain anymore it caught up with me and it hit me like a train, and now I find myself lost I have to face the same feelings of confusion and sadness every day because this is the reality
but I hope you do succeed in whatever it is you have planned and I hope it will help you heal, I know this is a way of healing...maybe I'll find a way to deal with it too
 
Good luck! You are inspiring!

I too am trying to be a better person, spreading art and helping the world. For many years I've kept a journal detailing what I've done to further my goals, and writing in it every day no matter how small the accomplishment keeps me on track. I think it's also important to realize that minor setbacks don't ruin everything... one or two days off from changing the world don't negate all the good you have done! :)

Good luck with your music and dance -- I would love to hear/see any of your work if you are ever open to sharing it!

J
 
thats great!
i hope you make it.
just giving up the ciggies is a big step in the right direction.
i was also teary eyed reading that.
 
Ohmygod! That's as if I'm hearing myself!:bugeyed
I keep on playing the slow songs and it gives me sooo much meaning.
And since my birth I have this extremely feeling I should be a musician. I wanna sing. When people were bad to me when I was little, I used to say to them: 'wait till I get you when I'm on stage telling everyone!' and I've got tons of homevideo's of a little me dancing and singing, but for some reason (too shy I think) I never took it further while I just have this intense feeling I can do this.:blush:
And now I will, for MJ and for myself....I just signed up for a singing class to take it further and meet new people and hopefully get somewhere. I am sooo happy!

I also have this feeling that I should do more on charity, be nicer to people, help whenever I can....I'm already quite a good person I think, but I can do more...help people be that good person also.
It's a thing I realize every day now. Constantly thinking 'wait..how would Michael have done this and how could I do it?'
(Oh, and when I see a bug I decided not to squeeze it but instead let it free outside.:rofl: )

WE CAN DO THIS!
 
YOU GO FOR IT SWEETHEART!

We and michael ( in sprit) will be right there with u always 100%!
 
Me too. I am the same way - changing my life around. I wouldn't be one of those 'throwing my life away people' just coz he's gone, even though I miss him.
 
:cry: Good luck Chanya, you can do it!! What a wonderful, positive post :wub:

I bet Michael would feel so touched if he could read that :cry:

I am proud to a part of this big family here :D
 
Chanya go for it!
But please don't be too hard with yourself also.

Pretty good plans you have it seems. I wish you all the best.

To me life is an ongoing change anyways... some things are in our hands and some things aren't. It's important we strive to give our best but non of us will ever be able to always give our best, so I think we also always need to forgive ourselves at times also to maybe try again and not to give up.
Important is to keep the faith in the ppl we love and also in ourselves. Please keep in mind if you don't care about yourself (smoking doesn't do your health good, just an example) you're losing credibility when you want others to care about you.
Yes you're doing that right it seems, just try to stay in conversation with the person you see in the mirror. I believe we all do have a voice inside being the most honest and sincere advisor for life. We all need to stay as sincere and honest in touch with that person. But often it's that we can't change everything with a huge *boooom* way... it needs to be trained... to become better step by step... and there will be disappointment on that way. Sometimes it's also good to put priorities if there's lots you want to change... when you've achieved one thing... then only try the next thing. You can more focus your energy this way.

Well you are a very sweet very nice girl... thanks again for offering me help... so I can't see your life needing that much of a change in that... just live your life with always trying to give it a good direction... a good direction for you will also be a good direction for all others involved.

I wish you all the best and most of all to find happiness in yourself, in others around and in life in general!!!

And yes I would like it very much if we could stay in touch!
 
Chanya I'm really proud of you. You're turning a negative into something positive and thats really great. Dont let anybody or anything keep you from your dreams and living your potential. Hugs!
 
I really hope that ALL of Michaels followers will do the same as you are trying to do and make a change to help make the world a better place.
 
Chanya, I think if Michael read that he would be so proud of you. You are an inspiration. Go for it sweetie. xxx
 
thx guys for being so supportive... It's going great so far, I spent 6 and a half hours with my grandma today helping her
 
Thats awesome Chanya! Helping others is a great way to heal. And its also nice just doing something for someone without expecting any reward. I often give to charity shops because if I'm not using an item why keep it? Someone else could find that jacket or pair of jeans they are looking for. And so many people do need help in our world so its nice to give back to the community and do something nice for someone because even a small thing can make such a difference to someone.
 
I'm proud of you!

Just remember that change happens very gradually and you musn't expect things to be different too quickly or you will set yourself up for a failure and I don't want you to feel like a failure!

Man in the Mirror has new meaning to me too, and I sing it every day.
 
Thanks guys. Update: Today, July 28th, it is one month until Michael's birthday. I want to honor his birthday by having completed one month of musical training, starting in my home today, so that by August 28th, I feel like I can mark his birthday with that pride of myself, I think he would want that. And after that, starting on his birthday, I will take it public for the first time. :) I'm really obsessed with dates, I know, but that's how I push myself forward and get things done. Thanks again for all the encouragement and kind words :)
 
Chanya said:
Thanks guys. Update: Today, July 28th, it is one month until Michael's birthday. I want to honor his birthday by having completed one month of musical training, starting in my home today, so that by August 28th, I feel like I can mark his birthday with that pride of myself, I think he would want that. And after that, starting on his birthday, I will take it public for the first time. :) I'm really obsessed with dates, I know, but that's how I push myself forward and get things done. Thanks again for all the encouragement and kind words :)
Click to expand...

You certainly are driven :) It's wonderful.
 
hey chanya ;) I think it's great what you're doing - make your own path, you know. You don't need to rely on anyone else to do that. And you can rise above your circumstances as well. I really wish you the best of luck and I have one line of advice: Keep the faith ;)
 
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