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Moving on...

JMie

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I've been thinking a lot about it lately. It's not that I am ready or willing to move on.. It's just that now and then I see someone write how they wish they moved on or how they were planning to move on after the first anniversary...

And I am wondering, what it means to you - to move on? Because I am kind of scared of this word actually.. For me, it means to stop caring and forget and I just can't do that no matter how much I want all this to become less painful...

Probably I'll be able to move on after the trial... I don't know... But not yet. Now I am not ready.

What does it mean to you? Are you thinking of moving on?
 
We will never forget him, but for me moving on means I can listen to his music or see his picture and not feel the tears starting. It means not thinking about him every day, but he has been part of my life for so many years, I didn't even realise how often I thought about him, I think part of that is the almost daily media that was vile about him, and made you want to defend him, and it still happens.

I think he would want us to remember him with a smile rather than tears, but the sudden and suspicious way he died, and the fact that it didn't need to happen makes it harder, if it had been a heart attack or natural causes it might have been easier.

I think once the trial and any civil case is over the media will move on, and maybe we will be able to get some sort of closure as well.
 
Hmm, I don't think it works that way for me... :no: I wish there was a button I could push "Ok, moving on now"... The last time I've experienced grief like this it took me two years to see a little sunshine again. It's a healing process. Right now I feel the same as you, I don't want to let go, I don't want to say goodbye, ever... :no: Sometimes I'm afraid that this pain will never go away... :(
Hugs for you JMie! :huggy: :heart:
 
hilliver said:
I think he would want us to remember him with a smile rather than tears, but the sudden and suspicious way he died, and the fact that it didn't need to happen makes it harder, if it had been a heart attack or natural causes it might have been easier.
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I am sure he would... After all, the last song on the History album is "Smile". It's not a coinsidence. After all the hurt, pain and anger the album is filled with he ends it with a smile and laughter... I think he woundn't want us to grieve this much. But personally I just can't help it. I can't stop thinking about it. You are right, if it had been natural causes it would have been easier to cope. But not like this...

I can understand people who want to move on, I don't blame them. But for me it's not an option... at least not yet...

Hocus said:
Hmm, I don't think it works that way for me... :no: I wish there was a button I could push "Ok, moving on now"... The last time I've experienced grief like this it took me two years to see a little sunshine again. It's a healing process. Right now I feel the same as you, I don't want to let go, I don't want to say goodbye, ever... :no: Sometimes I'm afraid that this pain will never go away... :(
Hugs for you JMie! :huggy: :heart:
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There's a saying that time heals all wounds. I don't know. I used to believe it was true. Now I don't anymore...

Also, when I think about it, I don't want this pain to go away.... because I think if it does and I move on, I will be abandoning him... :(
 
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:cry: Its difficult to part when Michael hes so much in your heart.
I try not to think about it too much but pretend hes still here. It still hurts very badly.
 
JMie I can understand where all the hard and difficult feelings, like guilt, are coming from. I myself do not want to move on, not yet, too.
But what I think is that if .. when .. I will finally move on (it seems like life's necessity in a way) it will not be about abandoning, but about changing.
I will never want to abandon him and stop loving him :heart: Maybe it will be just easier to remember him without all burden of pain, I don't know.
Anyway, I don't look at it like leaving him. I look at it like just changing the way I feel him or see him, but being there for him all the time.

hope it makes sense :give_heart:
 
yeah , me too ...i cant .:huggy:
or dont kno how.
eeven writing this thinking about it , makes me feel sick to be honest ..is hard innit.
i take it day by day .
im clueless how to ..
its.....i dont kno .
huggs sent to you JMie :huggy: .
 
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As with most peoples posts so far I too don't know where (or indeed how) to move on :( I will never stop thinking about him, ever, I will not stop listening to his music. As hilliver says I think my moving on would be similar so when my tears finally stop (or monthly at least), the moment when I don't feel "that tearing up feeling" when listening to even the saddest song (well maybe not THE saddest). Everyone deals with grief like this differently. For me...I've got months at least to go yet :(
 
Like some have said already for me moving on feels like abandoning him and I don't like that thought/feeling. I don't know what moving on will be like. I can listen to his music but only the uptempo songs. Like thrillerchild says maybe someday I'll be able to listen to the sad songs again without tears. Yesterday I saw a youtube video I've never seen before and heard him talk and the tears were there again. I've not been crying very often lately, it almost feels like there are no tears left. I don't know if that makes sense...
 
Limonali said:
But what I think is that if .. when .. I will finally move on (it seems like life's necessity in a way) it will not be about abandoning, but about changing.
I will never want to abandon him and stop loving him :heart: Maybe it will be just easier to remember him without all burden of pain, I don't know.
Anyway, I don't look at it like leaving him. I look at it like just changing the way I feel him or see him, but being there for him all the time.

hope it makes sense :give_heart:
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yes, it does, thank you! I hope it will be like that for me some day... I hope some day I will be able to remember him and smile. Because right now whenever I think about him I start thinking of thousands of "what if's" and imagine different scenarios of how it would be if he were still with us. But I hope some day we all will be able to remember him with a smile instead of tears, I really do.

:huggy: to everyone in this thread :heart:
 
Moving on means... moving on from the grief and pain his death has caused and reaching a place of acceptance. It means happiness when we hear his music and not pain or tears anymore.

Sometimes I feel like I want to delete every pic of Michael on my laptop and limit the time I spend on forums. But being on here in the year since June 25th 2009 has helped me heal. Once I feel Ive healed and I'm ready to move on, ill limit my time here to once a week. :)
 
JMie said:
I've been thinking a lot about it lately. It's not that I am ready or willing to move on.. It's just that now and then I see someone write how they wish they moved on or how they were planning to move on after the first anniversary...

And I am wondering, what it means to you - to move on? Because I am kind of scared of this word actually.. For me, it means to stop caring and forget and I just can't do that no matter how much I want all this to become less painful...

Probably I'll be able to move on after the trial... I don't know... But not yet. Now I am not ready.

What does it mean to you? Are you thinking of moving on?
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Moving on can mean different things to different people. And, the process of doing it, is different as well. IMO, moving on means moving on from despair, and depression. When I knew Michael was gone, I went into a downward spiral. It lasted for months. But, as the healing process slowly began, I started to regain strength. Now, I still become sad at times,
I always will have those times, but it doesn't overwhelm me.

I am focused on keeping Michael's legacy alive, and getting justice for him.
That's my personal tribute to him.
 
forevernmyheart said:
I am focused on keeping Michael's legacy alive
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This is so important! Michael worked so hard to give us a legacy that has brought the word so much joy and for as long as I'm here on earth, I will do my part to keep it alive.

My future children will love him too, I'll make sure of that haha :happy:
 
Good question. For me personally, I wouldn't use the words "moving on," I prefer "accepting it." When I hear that people want to "move on" I think that they just want to completely erase Michael, forget about him, not acknowledge him, etc. But why? Why do fans want to "move on?" If all of you move on in terms of my definition, do you realize what could happen to Michael's legacy and memory? He needs us more than ever right now and we can't give up on him just because he isn't phyiscally here with us. I understand that you love Michael so much that you don't want to feel this pain anymore, but I do trust that time will heal.

As for "accepting it," I still haven't fully. For me, accepting it means that you have finally learned to accept that even though Michael's gone, he's here to stay forever. What I mean is, you can listen to his music and feel close to him, you can watch his videos or think of him and smile not mourn. You cry out of joy, not sorrow. Earlier on, a few months ago, I really thought I was coming to terms with Michael's death. I was feeling so good about it. I just learned to smile for him, not cry. Occasionally I would get very emotional and I shed a tear. But now that June 25th, the 1 year anniversary, is drawing near so quickly, all of this pain rushes back and I wish that time would just stop.

I think that if we all can get through this first year without Michael together, we will all be ok. We will all accept it and smile for the sake of Michael. He wouldn't want us to mourn him forever, he wants us to enjoy his music and celebrate everything he's done.
"Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it, my music, I know I will live forever. - Michael Jackson.

So in terms of my definitions, no I will never move on, but someday I will accept it.

:heart:
 
forevernmyheart said:
I am focused on keeping Michael's legacy alive, and getting justice for him.
That's my personal tribute to him.
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It's important, thanks for writing about it. Getting justice for him is the most important thing for me right now. Sometimes I think I won't be able to breathe normally until it's over and justice is served (I believe in justice and refuse to lose hope). Maybe then I'll be able to look into the future like you guys describe and smile while listening to his voice and become a happier person. Hopefully.

*MissChanel* said:
My future children will love him too, I'll make sure of that haha :happy:
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yeah, mine too. :yes:

Good question. For me personally, I wouldn't use the words "moving on," I prefer "accepting it." When I hear that people want to "move on" I think that they just want to completely erase Michael, forget about him, not acknowledge him, etc. But why? Why do fans want to "move on?" If all of you move on in terms of my definition, do you realize what could happen to Michael's legacy and memory? He needs us more than ever right now and we can't give up on him just because he isn't phyiscally here with us. I understand that you love Michael so much that you don't want to feel this pain anymore, but I do trust that time will heal.
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what a perfect way to describe it, THANK YOU! I hate the words "moving on", I agree with your definition. For me moving on means forgetting.

"Accepting it" is different. I hope I will accept it some day. I haven't yet...
 
Moving on is something I really don't know if I can do that. Back in December I really did thought I was doing better. I had a few days were I barely cried over him. And a couple of days where I didn't cry over him at all. And all I wanted to do that month was just watch and listen to him. And I hardly cried over him at all when I watch and listen to him. Especially watching him I even watch the entire 93 Deposition tapes and I barely shed any tears over him. And those tapes are over 3 hours long. So I did thought I was able to move on without him and thought I was coming out of my deep depression I was in over him. But when the new year had started my depression slowly began to worsen again. Now I am at a point now that I where I can hardly handle watching and listen to him. It was just last night I was actually able to listen to more than 1 song of his in a long time. And before that it was just 1 song a week at the most. I still haven't been able to watch him again without wanting to cry over him. And I really do miss watching him so much. But the one thing I am still doing is just cry over him mostly every single day ever since I had gotten the horrible news that June 25th night. And most of the time it can't be helped since the tears just comes on so suddenly for me. But I am learning to adjust to being sad, miserable, and depressed all of the time now. I really have no choice now since being happy is something I am no longer going to be able to feel now. I still laugh and smile but that really doesn't mean anything. I still can't feel any happiness. My happiness was truly forever torn out of me on that horrible June day of last year. So not only did Dr. Death killed the L.♥.V.E. of my life he had also killed my happiness as well as any other feelings like happiness. Now because of that evil murdering monster I am forced to live like this now. Where before when we had Michael I hardly ever felt sad and miserable. And being depressed was something I had no reason to feel. Because Michael had always kept me from feeling that way. The same goes for being sick when we still had him I was hardly ever sick. But now I tend to feel sick almost all of the time now. But like I said this just something I am still learning how to adjust to now. But moving on without Michael is still something I don't think I can do. Not when every single little thing I see, hear, do, read, and touch would remind me of Michael in some way. And that almost always is enough reason to bring the tears on for me.
 
Court.ney.x said:
Good question. For me personally, I wouldn't use the words "moving on," I prefer "accepting it." When I hear that people want to "move on" I think that they just want to completely erase Michael, forget about him, not acknowledge him, etc. But why? Why do fans want to "move on?" If all of you move on in terms of my definition, do you realize what could happen to Michael's legacy and memory? He needs us more than ever right now and we can't give up on him just because he isn't phyiscally here with us. I understand that you love Michael so much that you don't want to feel this pain anymore, but I do trust that time will heal.

As for "accepting it," I still haven't fully. For me, accepting it means that you have finally learned to accept that even though Michael's gone, he's here to stay forever. What I mean is, you can listen to his music and feel close to him, you can watch his videos or think of him and smile not mourn. You cry out of joy, not sorrow. Earlier on, a few months ago, I really thought I was coming to terms with Michael's death. I was feeling so good about it. I just learned to smile for him, not cry. Occasionally I would get very emotional and I shed a tear. But now that June 25th, the 1 year anniversary, is drawing near so quickly, all of this pain rushes back and I wish that time would just stop.

I think that if we all can get through this first year without Michael together, we will all be ok. We will all accept it and smile for the sake of Michael. He wouldn't want us to mourn him forever, he wants us to enjoy his music and celebrate everything he's done.
"Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it, my music, I know I will live forever. - Michael Jackson.

So in terms of my definitions, no I will never move on, but someday I will accept it.

:heart:
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For me, it's moving on from being totally consumed by him. Time has helped greatly. That initial grief brought my life to practically a standstill where every moment seemed filled with MJ thoughts, remorse, and scouring every video and article I could consume.

My personal life and work took a major hit because when I should have been paying attention to those matters, I was on youtube, this messageboard, etc. It caused problems. Worse, if I was grieving a family member, people would have understood. But for MJ, I couldn't even tell my boss I forgot an appointment because immediately after I was told about it, I went back to youtube and forgot to make note of it on the calendar (thankfully it wasn't an important meeting).

TII brought me some peace as I got to see him in the present day versus old news clips. And he was beautiful, doing what he loved, and I got to actually witness his preparation for more than a quick snippet. I know there's controversy about what we saw and didn't see as to what shape he was actually in, but in any case, it helped me.

I know I will always feel the loss of MJ, like I do for others who have been very important to me, but now I can at least function, which wasn't the case initially.
 
JMie said:
It's important, thanks for writing about it. Getting justice for him is the most important thing for me right now. Sometimes I think I won't be able to breathe normally until it's over and justice is served (I believe in justice and refuse to lose hope). Maybe then I'll be able to look into the future like you guys describe and smile while listening to his voice and become a happier person. Hopefully.



yeah, mine too. :yes:



what a perfect way to describe it, THANK YOU! I hate the words "moving on", I agree with your definition. For me moving on means forgetting.

"Accepting it" is different. I hope I will accept it some day. I haven't yet...
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Wow...That statement "moving on means forgetting," that pierces my heart. We can never forget, that's impossible, imo, but, for me, moving on means, moving from a place of despair, hopelessness, and moving on to the place of healing, acceptance, and strength.
 
Court.ney.x said:
Good question. For me personally, I wouldn't use the words "moving on," I prefer "accepting it." When I hear that people want to "move on" I think that they just want to completely erase Michael, forget about him, not acknowledge him, etc. But why? Why do fans want to "move on?" If all of you move on in terms of my definition, do you realize what could happen to Michael's legacy and memory? He needs us more than ever right now and we can't give up on him just because he isn't phyiscally here with us. I understand that you love Michael so much that you don't want to feel this pain anymore, but I do trust that time will heal.

As for "accepting it," I still haven't fully. For me, accepting it means that you have finally learned to accept that even though Michael's gone, he's here to stay forever. What I mean is, you can listen to his music and feel close to him, you can watch his videos or think of him and smile not mourn. You cry out of joy, not sorrow. Earlier on, a few months ago, I really thought I was coming to terms with Michael's death. I was feeling so good about it. I just learned to smile for him, not cry. Occasionally I would get very emotional and I shed a tear. But now that June 25th, the 1 year anniversary, is drawing near so quickly, all of this pain rushes back and I wish that time would just stop.

I think that if we all can get through this first year without Michael together, we will all be ok. We will all accept it and smile for the sake of Michael. He wouldn't want us to mourn him forever, he wants us to enjoy his music and celebrate everything he's done.
"Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it, my music, I know I will live forever. - Michael Jackson.

So in terms of my definitions, no I will never move on, but someday I will accept it.

:heart:
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Really great post!
 
gerryevans said:
For me, it's moving on from being totally consumed by him. Time has helped greatly. That initial grief brought my life to practically a standstill where every moment seemed filled with MJ thoughts, remorse, and scouring every video and article I could consume.

My personal life and work took a major hit because when I should have been paying attention to those matters, I was on youtube, this messageboard, etc. It caused problems. Worse, if I was grieving a family member, people would have understood. But for MJ, I couldn't even tell my boss I forgot an appointment because immediately after I was told about it, I went back to youtube and forgot to make note of it on the calendar (thankfully it wasn't an important meeting).

TII brought me some peace as I got to see him in the present day versus old news clips. And he was beautiful, doing what he loved, and I got to actually witness his preparation for more than a quick snippet. I know there's controversy about what we saw and didn't see as to what shape he was actually in, but in any case, it helped me.

I know I will always feel the loss of MJ, like I do for others who have been very important to me, but now I can at least function, which wasn't the case initially.
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this is exactly what happened to me, except that i'm still trying to get some peace. i was fine at the en of the year but It's getting worse in this month :(
I know I will never ever forget him or stop defending him but i desperately need to move on, whatever that means.
 
Court.ney.x said:
Good question. For me personally, I wouldn't use the words "moving on," I prefer "accepting it." When I hear that people want to "move on" I think that they just want to completely erase Michael, forget about him, not acknowledge him, etc. But why? Why do fans want to "move on?" If all of you move on in terms of my definition, do you realize what could happen to Michael's legacy and memory? He needs us more than ever right now and we can't give up on him just because he isn't phyiscally here with us. I understand that you love Michael so much that you don't want to feel this pain anymore, but I do trust that time will heal.

As for "accepting it," I still haven't fully. For me, accepting it means that you have finally learned to accept that even though Michael's gone, he's here to stay forever. What I mean is, you can listen to his music and feel close to him, you can watch his videos or think of him and smile not mourn. You cry out of joy, not sorrow. Earlier on, a few months ago, I really thought I was coming to terms with Michael's death. I was feeling so good about it. I just learned to smile for him, not cry. Occasionally I would get very emotional and I shed a tear. But now that June 25th, the 1 year anniversary, is drawing near so quickly, all of this pain rushes back and I wish that time would just stop.

I think that if we all can get through this first year without Michael together, we will all be ok. We will all accept it and smile for the sake of Michael. He wouldn't want us to mourn him forever, he wants us to enjoy his music and celebrate everything he's done.
"Music has been my outlet, my gift to all of the lovers in this world. Through it, my music, I know I will live forever. - Michael Jackson.

So in terms of my definitions, no I will never move on, but someday I will accept it.

:heart:
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Perfect post!

I'm in the same situation as you, since June 25th is getting near, all the pain is coming back. I'm dreading that day because all the news networks worldwide will be repeating what we saw that dreadful day last June 25th. :cry:
 
gerryevans said:
For me, it's moving on from being totally consumed by him.
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Exactly! I consumed myself with him to cope with all the pain. I saved all these pictures of him to my laptop because I thought to myself these were his last days and we'll never get anymore new pix again. I will delete them all now and limit my time from this board after this year. (As in not go on every single day) Its healthy to do so. It will be easier for me to accept his death that way. I have let out every emotion Ive needed out, I never stopped myself from grieving so now its time to begin healing and starting fresh.
 
forevernmyheart said:
Wow...That statement "moving on means forgetting," that pierces my heart. We can never forget, that's impossible, imo, but, for me, moving on means, moving from a place of despair, hopelessness, and moving on to the place of healing, acceptance, and strength.
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I am sorry... I didn't mean to hurt or offend you in any way :huggy: I think I just need to get used to this phrase because it's not the words but the meaning behind them that is important and you are right - we will never forget him. :heart:
 
Moving on is very difficult to define. I feel that you adapt to the situation better and heal but can you ever truly move on, I don't think so. Everyone has different ways of dealing with things. I for example no longer cry everyday and get the stabbing pain every time I think about him. But a year later I still think about him all the time, I still cry as I miss him so much, I still listen to his music every day as it brings me closer to his spirit. I still have days where I spend the whole day crying but how can you move on from someone who was and still continues to be so important to you, someone who was always there through good and bad, someone who made you believe you could do anything, and someone you deeply love. You just can't.

I will never forget Michael, not ever, and I will always miss him every day. A year later and I'd be lying if I said that I sometimes wasn't concerned by the fact that I am still so consumed by him a whole year later. But when you love someone that's the way it works. There is no on and off button. It becomes easier to deal with but can you truly move on, I don't believe so. Not for someone you loved as much as Michael.
 
JMie said:
I am sorry... I didn't mean to hurt or offend you in any way :huggy: I think I just need to get used to this phrase because it's not the words but the meaning behind them that is important and you are right - we will never forget him. :heart:
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You are grieving.:better: I know you didn't mean to offend or hurt my feelings.
 
I'm glad you brought this up, because I've been trying really hard to move on...but honestly I just can't manage to do it. He's been on my mind literally everyday since the 25th and it's not something that I can just erase anymore. Like others have expressed, the thought of "moving on" hurts like hell. For me it means that I'm not on forums/message boards, watching videos of him on Youtube, listening to his music everyday any chance I get. But, if I stop doing all those things, I feel like I'm abandoning him and forgetting him and that's what hurts most of all. Being on MJ related sites and doing MJ related things comfort me in a sense..they make me feel like i'm at home..but they also bring me sadness. I want to be able to mentally move on from all of this and be able to stop tearing up every time I hear his beautiful voice BUT I absolutely don't want to forget him. I can't imagine the feeling of taking an absence from "michaeling" and then seeing him a few years later on some poster. I'd feel horrible that I forgot him and all those feelings of sadness would probably come rushing back. I'm scared of that. It's like saying goodbye forever, and I don't have the strength to do that. Even if I do move on some day, the knowledge and everything I learned about this wonderful human being will still be in my mind. I want to be able to smile instead of cry...or not feel any sad emotions at all when I watch him. The majority of this world has seemed to have moved on and that's why I think it's bothering me so much. Why is it that we are the select people who are feeling this way? His death was a shock to everyone in this world, but how come some were able to move on after a few weeks and I still am not able to nearly a year later?
I just don't understand it...especially since I became a fan after the 25th :(
It especially makes it more difficult because of all the new stuff that's going to be released. The Sony deal is going to bring albums and like we found out a few days ago, a game. It looks like there are still things to look forward to, which I think it preventing me from moving on.
 
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I will always love Michael and never forget his message of LOVE!so I don't know what this moving on means...of course we will try to live our lives and be happy because this is what he would want us to do...but we will always remeber all the important things that he tought us-peace, love, making a better world:)and his music, dance, art will always be appreciated and treasured!
 
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