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The Epic Thread of Random-ness [MERGED]

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Had a great workout doing all the housework and i feel great :)
 
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don't count on i will know like a ghost without inform
down stair search for you like nuts......
i have enough love/concern/determine, but i only take acts like a normal earthly-people(my action is always firm, clear, with strong determine)

determine by yourself, and take all possible acts you can.
if you still need such ghost-like/nuts-like hints to help you determine, it means, there's still hesitation in your mind. what you really need is to win the devils in your heart.

sigh what a bloodmania devil. sigh, yawn, yawn

don't let the devils win.
don't let the devils destroy your life/love/us
 
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Such a tragedy about Jade Goody...

Life... gone in the blink of an eye, and we worry about trivial things rather than just enjoying the time that's given to us...
 
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RT: He's never been my friend, he's not trustworthy and proved that to me by his words and actions...he made things quite clear to me, all that ended when it ended...but hey whatever, to each their own, my life goes on.....:)
 
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Life may be hard & sad at times
But we must remember the good times of life and cherish it in our hearts
 
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^In a can.. that is interesting
Sounds yummy!


Feeling better now
 
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before graduation from college, i had become a total self-close girl(with sharp insight to this world, without any effecient skill in real life, the great uneveness between both sides made a wall that cause self-close)...
i determine to change myself whatever however.
and i know clearly there wasn't enough power inner, i need some help. i need some strong power that can forced me step forward.
..........finally i deliver myself to the strange society/enviroment. i can't trust myself, but i trust the power outside myself.
..............it was so hard... to grow up into the current "myself", i had walked a long long way. i did. i got it finally, i'm the "myself" i want to be.

the power of the enviroment is huge.
sometimes need to throw off all the "trust ourselves", deliver ourselves to the enviroment before we know success or failure, before we was beaten by fears again. in fact, nothing is terrible enough-------we all are the earthly people, and we had clever brain to face any problem, and and so much friends there. the hurdles only exist in our mind.

the hurdles only exist in our mind-----it's nothing in fact, but it still have terrible looks we ourselves can't escape from it......... oh, ok, why not deliver all(the hurdles, the fears, ourselves) to the enviroment first?
when we were in a fighting, there was no more fears... like a Canoe toward a Fall, you would be busy on fighting with your paddles, no time for any worries. so... how about the end? the end is, in this earthly world we live, there was only earthly people with similar living style, the canoe toward a Fall isn't the truth, it was only some reflection in our heart-mirror...... the truth is: an boat walked along the river, sometimes calm, sometimes in a torrent....

it was one-side truth.
another side, the huge fears inner that we can't overcome temperily is also a truth, so... just cast ourselves to the enviroment. both truth bumped into each other, then... which is the real one, which is the mirror, which is the devil, which is the reality... come out.
 
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an_instrument_of_nature said:
I haven't been on here for aaaaages. So busy. Hope everyone's a'ight :)
Click to expand...
hey instrument of nature
Welcome back!
How are u doin?
hope ur well.

Girlygirl said:
lol
and it was!! :dribble::p

lol i should try it
Click to expand...

Silouette said:
That really stood out to me. Not for some reason. I know the reason.
Your words echoed my thoughts.
Click to expand...

aww im glad that it has touched you. Ive learned alot lately and i've realised i need to cherish all the good times in my life and forget bout the sad times. I've been thinking bout the times in my life when i was teased & bullied and even though i have forgiven them, its so hard to let go .
But i also have been thinking bout the good times in my life and have kept that in a place in my heart and i will always cherish them always. And through those good times, u guys & mj have been in those good times and im so grateful to have u guys in my life .
 
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for prepare for the possible breaking(or your escaping or postpone) one more time, i'll leave this post here ahead of the possibility.



honey, i might go to bed at 11 tonight if i didn't get any formal message from you. just because after these's days torturement and lacking of sleeping, i had reached to an exhausting state every night around after supper. it was the physiology(none of business "love""care"...don't stretch it far).
i won't risk again to wait the whole night-long if i didn't get any message from you till 11. if i did(wait the whole night-long), and disappointed again, then this breaking would push me into an extreme bottom-line.
i need to save the last straw for us, for this emotion, can you understand?



first of all above.



secondly, if you didn't show up or send a formal/assured message to me tonight, then i will recover my normal life rhythm tomorrow, it allude to: less care/concern on your stuffs, less notice your mood and try to pretect you immediately, less linger on the forum or orkut, maybe not at all....... because i need times and enviroment to cure my breaking heart/trust/love. and the first precondition is stay away from you/this love/emotion temporarily(because as of now this love/emotion/you/waiting only consume me out, never offer active energy. well i confess those beautiful word/expression is active at the begining, i do my best to trust their motivation is kind too, but after the trust had been broken once more, then they all turned into poison that only sedure me to the breaking---it's a objective truth), then i will go back to my normal life, try to absorb energy form other stuffs, to heal myself, to make my breaking heart grow up again.
if i left, it didn't mean love disappeared totally suddenly, for sure it had been damaged seriously, and it mean i had no more strenth on "only consume without repay". how long i need to recover?-----------i don't know. would it(this love/emotion) finally recover after my own healing?------------also don't know. but i promise you, 1st, i won't never analyze it into the worst direction, i'd rather grant it as "you just can't overcome yourself"/"love is not enough"... etc. 2nd, i would try my best to recover the trust/love again, to overcome myself again, though i don't know if i can do, but i promise to try my best.



thirdly, just because you are so sensitive, after my requests above, you might so uncomfortable(such as you lose mood suddenly, because my behavior seems rob some manhood of you :p or my behavior had reduce the atmosphere that you expect), feel you were facing the terrible uneveness again(you just can't sure if you can handle my breaking trust/the possible resentment/anger)............oh, ok, all can be understood, then try this way: send me a card, give me comfort, tell me you are fighting hard for this love, and you are waiting for a suitable time to show up... and sign your full name. ---------then this brilliant action would give me a base, to reach the bottom-line i need. in the card, if you had offered a certain date, then i will keep on a care/concern rhythm matching your date; if there wasn't a certain date, it was also OK, i would still feel so happy, because now i know i can trust it completely, i can build my love/trust/emotion on the bottom-line(a firm rational base), i will try to arrange my normal life and concer/care both with a suitable rhythm... till you give me a certain date.


i only turn around and leave, if there wasn't any formal/assured message(need your full name, and give this love full certail) from you.



fourth, i might have go to bed at 11, and fall asleep because the exhausting physical body. but i would keep my mobile besides. if you just don't wanna inform me ahead of time for some unknown reason, it would be oK too. just call me till i woke up. i had credits my phone this afternoon.


it's 5 o'clock here right now.
i don't know where are you, what you want to do. and this openly talking is really dangerous........ and i would post 2 copy here and kaixin for assure that you can be informed absolutely. sigh, just because i had no other way to communicate with you(the passive aspect of your way, sigh, finally you forced us to a really dangerous way because of your wanting full-safety for some reasons).
give me more time, would be better.


honey, i do hope i was an superwoman, can give you infinite waiting and warmth, but i'm not, i can't. the love i need ask for return and keeping-balance and mutual warmth....... remember the film "Nine.And.A.Half.Weeks"? close to the end, Kim watered her flower and found it had died, she paused and thought; in the end, she left Mickey finally. we all know the love between them is so real and sharp, why, so...why? because their emotion not only offer love/passion, but also offer frustration/disappointment/serious hurt. while the hurt is much bigger than love, then Kim left Mickey.
this morning i went to meet an old friend(exceed 20 years), walked along the street, the same feeling poured into my heart(the same feeling when Kim stared at her dead flower). i closed to crack-up... just because i was on the street and my friend besides me, so i try my best to control myself.
..............don't repeat the tragedy, please.



at that point of frustration that pleased your loving-heart, it needs to be granted in this way: it was different from the frustration of taking concert tickets. those people that can't get tickets would be resentful toward some directions such as the busying selling system or the company, and this frustration pleased you, and the resentment wasn't toward you, because you aren't the one who fulfill this frustration, so you can please yourself with this frustration without any resentment toward you; but in this love, you are the right one that fulfil the frustration whatever reason you got. so, try to use such frustration to please your loving-heart: 1)it could be understood by me, in the eyes of human nature; 2)but you just can't escape from the passive/denying mood toward you. 【yes, i do have read some message on the moron thread about... how's your plan/your old school type... but it was useless on working out this part: i never object/interfere your plan or old school... etc. what i want it was some certain message/datas that you should diever to me whatever however, because without them, my heart is in abyss of darkness, it had broken so many times... how can you let me sufffer that much because your perfectionism or old-school.... whatever you called it? why, the safety of my heart, my stuffs never ever got enough care/concern as your stuffs? at the same time while i always show the opposite behavior?】

------------------there was a bit difference between 2 frustrations.


such a simple thing as the sunshine and the air i breathe(if i breathe, then it was here), it's just so hard to you.
even though it was so simple to me, but i do know it was really hard to you(thanks GOD, i was bestowed enough knowledge of this world). how much i wanna offer you endless help for your every step----------i might can do if it wasn't love, if it didn't work straight on my heart. only because it was love, it worked straight on my heart, what i can do is only the limited help.



i'm craving for meeting you tonight, but maybe you weren't in this city(it was another great pleasure, another great advancing step if you did have been my city, my country, different from those silly terrible imagination of western medias ugh? it was a great advancing of you). and maybe you were in my city, but you don't think it was the suitable meeting time-------it was ok, if only you explain/talk to me clearly /frankly/straightly.
give me more time, then i would have more time to remend the breaking-mood that occured this morning, and turn to eager expectation immediately, completely, totally.



i'm waiting for you, maybe wait for a message-in-return. ------i just don't know what it would be.
 
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haha! :eek: Maybe one of the reasons... who wouldnt be? LOL 4 million? or so... wowzers!
 
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