Healing the wounds in our hearts

I think I'm suffering now not because I have lost my inspiration and idol but because I am loosing my family and I don't really know how to cope or deal with it. The first was hard enough but being "MJJC Momma" I was hoping to be strong for everyone and see this through. But yesterday was overwhelming for me and it's tearing me apart.

Yesterday morning I logged onto MSN and got hit up by a address that wasn't in my list and I didn't know them. Usually I wouldn't have bothered but it said "Momma Shannon I want to thank you for all you have done on MJNO and MJJC". So I answered her and we talked for a very short time. She was beyond my help and giving her last goodbyes to those she felt deserved them. I talked to her about Michael's death, his message and how he would want his fans to carry that message into the future. I had hoped to convince her to log onto MJJC and talk here to people who would know what to say and how to make her understand that together we can get through Michael's death. But she simply said, "Thank you Momma I do love you." and then she stopped replying to me.

I kept her window open all day hoping for something...anything. I wasn't really sure what to think or say to make her talk to me again. So I walked away from the computer and dealt with the insanity of trying to get my two newest family members (who through God's irony I got custody of on June 25th) to get along with my other kids. That took a long while.

When I came back into my computer room I saw the lil window at the bottom was orange. I felt relief and happy that she was talking to me again. But then I clicked on the window and there was a single message there. "I hate Michael Jackson he killed my sister"

I'm left with no answers. I don't even know her name. It's killing me that everyone sees me as "Momma" and I'm supposed to be "Momma". She asked me to fix it over and over she asked me to fix her and I couldn't. I couldn't even get her to log on to MJJC and talk to someone who might be able to help. I couldn't get her to talk to her family or at least someone who was where she was. I couldn't get her to understand Michael would not want her to die.

I don't even know how to end this. All my life I've been the strength and the one everyone could count on. I'm just at a loss and for the first time I feel totally useless to the people I love and who need me. I am so sorry but I can't fix this and I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

Shannon when someone has lost the will to live, nothing u say or do can bring them back. it's up to them to find it within themselves. something to live for, to look forward to. for me, it's my son.

but for so many of us, our fandom has been more than just a normal road. we've had ups and downs and turns and bumps in the road but we've always rebounded and mj's always come out of it w/ a cute smile and a little nod.


this time it's us that needs to reboud and we can only do that if we stick together, talk about what we feel, get it out, and accept what has happened.

Hey Shannon you did your best. Some people cannot be saved, sweetheart. I hope people read this and understand life is so worth living. You did everything you could.

Shannon,
From personal experience I can tell you that when someone doesn't want help, there's nothing you can do, having been there myself.
I can testify what a fantastic, supportive, loving and caring woman you are and I'm sure you did what you could.
Michael's death has left us hollow, some of us feel abandoned, and simply broken, however the will to keep going is within our hearts and no matter how hard others try, words become a bit pointless.

Bump - please read!

OMG How sad.

Shannon we're not asking you to be super human or be the strong Momma. You shouldnt have to feel the pressure of healing the hurt world right now. Im sorry that you had to go through that and pray to God that nobody else does this. Rev Jackson said that 7 ppl with in 7hrs of the new had done this to themselves also. So sad. This world has gone even crazier without Michael.

We're here for you and for everyone. For me being on MJJC has really helped.

This is just far too sad for words...

Bump-Everyone who feel that they can't go on should read this.......

That is really sad. Bless that person's soul. But Shannon, you did everything in your power - so please don't be hard on yourself. Love and hugs.

RIP Michael

MJJC Momma said:

I don't even know how to end this. All my life I've been the strength and the one everyone could count on. I'm just at a loss and for the first time I feel totally useless to the people I love and who need me. I am so sorry but I can't fix this and I don't know what I'm supposed to say.

Click to expand...

Shannon... :hug:
..... I'm sorry but you can't fix it.
Sometimes things are beyond our control to fix and even though we put ourselves in a position where we are willing to be the one others can turn to... it doesn't actually mean that when the time comes that we will have the right tools for the job.
I know what you mean about being the strong one... that role is also usually reserved for me. Everytime there is a crisis... I would be the one family would turn to, I would be the one not crying and "losing it" and instead making the next action plan and making the decisions. I would be the one providing comfort and checking on those I am concerned about. But you know something?
It's okay to every now and then be the person who isn't the strong one. Let someone else be the strong one and let them give you the support you need right now. It's okay if for once... in this family, if the momma got a little love and support from the family. You're not meant to carry everything on your shoulders all the time just because you're the "Momma"... that's not what family is about... family means togetherness and pulling through things as a combined group.
So don't apologise if you can't fix everyone's problems... how can anyone expect you to fix everything and your own problems too? It doesn't work that way... If it did we wouldn't have these kinds of problems in the world

And as for not knowing what to say? ... you said exactly what you should say.. you were honest and that's all family can ever ask for.


Right now though... your priorities should be (and this is the same for everyone on here):
1. Yourself (make sure YOU are okay (eat, sleep)).
2. Loved ones (be there for your family and friends and let them be there for you too).
and then you can let 3. be your online MJ family.


I'm sorry that you had this experience... but please know that I'm here for you, and if you want me to call or IM or anything just say the word.

I'm sorry Momma, that you had to see all of that there, what a terrible loss It's really true though, it doesn't matter if you were even with them at the time, if they have something in their head then they will do it no matter what, they will always find a way.

Bless her soul, and I hope that you can keep yourself safe and healthy too. You don't need to be 'strong' at the moment, like L.J said, it should be us other fans and your family who are supporting YOU now.

Take it easy xxx

Shannon what you've done is all one could do. Do not think there's some who could have helped better. It's not the ability of someone to help deciding... it's only the person seeking help. You've lend a helping hand, so loving, so sweet, so precious... it wasn't taken.
yes it's a tremendous loss and it needs to be mourned.
We can only do so much and you were doing exactly that.

Now I think it's time for you to rest.

You're a beautiful human being, you're loving, you're caring, you're so ready to help everybody, please know I'm here for you in case you would like to.

everyone we need to stay together we are family we're here for each other always always always ALWAYS through ANYTHING

my msn is beccaaar_mj@hotmail.co.uk

i love you all and will talk all night with any of you if you want


xxxxxx

love you michael

Oh Shannon, I am so sorry you had to go through that. You have done everything you could possibly do. Really you have. And whatever is going through your mind right now, you must know that this is not your fault. If someone really can no longer bare being on this earth, it is beyond our control. In the end the strenght to survive lies within, and the only thing we can do is guide people to their inner saviour. You have done exactly that and it is all you could do.

Please take care of yourself and your family. You are a wonderful, loving and inspiring woman who has always been there for us, now let us be here for you.

:hug: Thank you for your heartfelt words they are greatly appreciated.

I feel hurt but coming to this website with you guys heal me because I know I'm not alone with being hurt

this place is the only place i can go and release some of the pain, thankyou for being here.

My sister went though the same thing once. She was on a forum trying to convince a stranger not to end their life. She talked to them for hours. But they still did it. Because if the will to live has really gone, nothing anyone does will be enough. Sometimes people do not want to be saved. It's so sad. But it's the truth.
You cannot fix other people. You can support them and be there for them. But it is down to that person to find the strength inside to fix themselves.
Thank you for all of your love and support and know that we are here for you.

Shannon, we love you, you did nothing but your best. MJJC's momma always does!

:huggy: shannon ,you did your level best
you are a wonderful , caring person .love you :angel:

I feel sick...I can't believe this is actually happening. I'm so sorry about what happened Shannon. This is just truly awful. But it's true, you can't fix someone, they have to want to fix themselves too as hard as it is. You did all you could possibly do. Too awful for words.

Shan, you were, are and always will be our "momma"

(L) you

omg!
momma, what horrible....want to give you a big hug.