MJstarlight
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I thought I was okay but i'm feeling really depressed and disconnected this week. I'm just relieved this forum is still here. Its good to be in a place where other people understand what i'm going through :hug:
I thought I was okay but i'm feeling really depressed and disconnected this week. I'm just relieved this forum is still here. Its good to be in a place where other people understand what i'm going through :hug:
:better: Amen to that! I was telling myself that it'll be ok if I can just get past June 25, get past that DAY, but the tears have been flowing steadily into the next day, hell, this entire week, really. My patience (which is already short) with people is almost non-existent when they try to cheer me up by saying stupid sh*t like "well, it has been 5 years already; you should be over it by now". Mind you, the person that told me that is a hardcore Elvis fan that does the Elvis Week trip to Graceland EVERY YEAR. He's been dead since I was a kid, but I'd never tell his fans to "get over it"!
Oh, and the ANGER hasn't subsided much in these past 5 years, either. The fact that someone killed Mike makes it hard to accept he's gone, because he SHOULDN'T BE. :boohoo:
Being around so many who don't share my feelings, I always feel so misunderstood or, rather more, isolated (for lack of a better description) when I'm down due to his passing, you know? I almost never watch tributes because, if I can avoid them, I can pretend for a little while like he's still here. Then reality seeps in and I remember I can't run from my grief or even "simply" hide it away. Granted, I hurt a little less than I did five years ago, it's no where near "getting over it". And a band-aid by playing pretend doesn't help. *sigh* But it's nice to have this thread and a community that understands where I'm coming from. And it's nice to have that support and people willing to help each other through such a tough fact and time. After all these years of not really having that sort of support, aside from friends and family who did their best to understand, I wish I had joined sooner! Yay for the MJFam! :')
Aww, thanks Daryll748! Hugs to you too! :better:HUGS to you Invincible2k1 :better:
Being around so many who don't share my feelings, I always feel so misunderstood or, rather more, isolated (for lack of a better description) when I'm down due to his passing, you know? I almost never watch tributes because, if I can avoid them, I can pretend for a little while like he's still here. Then reality seeps in and I remember I can't run from my grief or even "simply" hide it away. Granted, I hurt a little less than I did five years ago, it's no where near "getting over it". And a band-aid by playing pretend doesn't help. *sigh* But it's nice to have this thread and a community that understands where I'm coming from. And it's nice to have that support and people willing to help each other through such a tough fact and time. After all these years of not really having that sort of support, aside from friends and family who did their best to understand, I wish I had joined sooner! Yay for the MJFam! :')
Personally, I don't think you ever really "get over" the loss of somebody you love. You simply learn to deal with it and move on with life, and I think that is true of many of us. What is important is that we have each other to turn to in those moments when it does become difficult because we certainly cannot deal with that pain on our own. It is not healthy. We're glad you found us and that you're here
:huggy:
I got very depressed Wednesday and I'm still depressed.
Not a lot, but it is kinda there in the back of my mind.
I remember back when I first joined this board there was a section on the forum for this. I forget what it was called, but that's where I made my first post. I wanted to know other people were feeling the same way I did after he died. I don't get as down as much as I used to now, but there are still times when it's hard...especially with all the negative news about Michael, and the stupid haters out there. It can be really frustrating and difficult to bear. Those first couple of years after he passed were hard. But I remember that section being a refuge, a nice place to go to feel not alone. I kind of missed that, so thanks for opening this thread. *Hugs* to everyone here. :hug:
Well that was the point of this thread. Sure you can come to the forum and talk about Michael... but I wasn't finding a whole lot- if anything- when it came tosupporting each other in the difficult times. I did start a similar thread to this back when I first joined, "How Do You Get Through The Difficult Days" or something along those lines, and those who visited the thread liked it. So it seemed to me that the whole idea of having a place where everyone could come together and support each other is something that was needed here. Even if only a small amount of people visit, it's still worth it to be here.
I'm thankful for this thread! When Michael died, I had 02 tickets for July 22 of that year. So you can imagine it was rough (they were damn good seats too! A2 section, about 20 rows back). Michael's death completely shook and shattered my soul. The rug was pulled out from under me.
For so many months, I was scared of and furious with everything, and so truly heartbroken. I was very fortunate to meet a group on Livejournal that formed spontaneously after June 25. We were all very understanding and it was the perfect environment for me where I could socialize, grieve, celebrate, party, admire, and discuss Michael however I felt. We were all very close-knit and even to this day though the community is very, very quiet, we all still stay in touch and I met some of my closest friends there. I know I would not have made it through the first few years without them. It was so hard, and I always felt pretty alone as an MJ fan to begin with, even when I was able to connect and commune with other fans - but the group at Shamone_MJ were a lifeline that normalized it for me. We had so much fun, and we supported each other so well. It was very therapeutic and I will always be grateful we found each other.
Life has been so crazy since he died - it actually changed the direction of my life. I guess as I interact here more that will come forward in time, but it's been a roller coaster since his death, even if most of my life doesn't even seem remotely related to him - most of it is in one way or another. It took me awhile to get myself together enough to understand all the things I had to offer the world, and what I was capable of, and how Michael's influence on my life really shaped the way I felt about that, as well as my own determination and ambition. He was someone who I justified my go-getting-ness with.
This year in particular has been pretty nasty, and kind of distracted me from it. Since Michael died there have been quite a number of losses and near-misses in my life, but this year has been among the worst: my best friend died suddenly in February, and then shortly thereafter my other best friend and I broke up (for good, not just "oh, we're not speaking right now," but our friendship completely shattered when I needed him the most), my dog was seriously injured and needed life-saving surgery (he's doing great now though!) and a bevy of other work, family, and financial stresses have really brought me down. But I realized last week, during the anniversary and my "rituals" with it, what it is I have been missing, and it's just the entire MJ fandom and the inspiration I get from him and others who feel the same way. I kind of slipped down into a funk but in the past week I realized I just really wanted to be FULLY back in the community again and lean on what has ALWAYS been there for me through ALL of my most difficult times - Michael.
So that's why I'm here. I haven't forgotten about Michael at all, but rather I think all the horrible feelings and situations were what I was remembering. Celebrating him as a whole is something that provides a lot of good things for me and I really need the positivity. I have a feeling it will help me get back in the direction I need to go with my life and career, as it's just a constant stream of positivity - even when dealing with all the BS life loves to throw at him!
Hope this makes sense.
Looking forward to connecting with everyone!
The first school year at university after he died, I spent in grief counseling. It helped me work through it a lot, as well as the Shamone community. By the summer after his death I was finally able to open up my circle a little bit and let more light in, meet new people, experience new things, and start the ball rolling on the new direction my life was heading in after his passing. But it's always in the back of my mind. I think about him every. Single. Day. There are still days once in awhile, when it just hits me out of nowhere, and it's suddenly so hard to keep the tears at bay. I learned through grieving Michael's death that it really never ends sometimes...you just get better at dealing with it. I'm not the shell of a person I was when he died, but it has truly forever changed me and sometimes it's hard making adjustments to a life without him, even five years later. Sometimes I have to take a step back and just deal with it. Fortunately, most of the time I'm able to smile and remember the good things, but just once in awhile it's a little bit harder to do that.
Still miss him - I'll never stop. But I'll never stop loving him, either!
Thanks for getting through all this! Havne't had a good word-vomit about that in awhile
First off, big hugs to everyone :group:
Great idea for a thread.
sometimes I just miss him so much
^Exactly, why him? I often feel like shouting it's NOT fair, why Michael?