Latest on MJJC

You Are Not Alone

I thought I was okay but i'm feeling really depressed and disconnected this week. I'm just relieved this forum is still here. Its good to be in a place where other people understand what i'm going through :hug:
 
MJstarlight said:
I thought I was okay but i'm feeling really depressed and disconnected this week. I'm just relieved this forum is still here. Its good to be in a place where other people understand what i'm going through :hug:
Click to expand...

:better: Amen to that! I was telling myself that it'll be ok if I can just get past June 25, get past that DAY, but the tears have been flowing steadily into the next day, hell, this entire week, really. My patience (which is already short) with people is almost non-existent when they try to cheer me up by saying stupid sh*t like "well, it has been 5 years already; you should be over it by now". Mind you, the person that told me that is a hardcore Elvis fan that does the Elvis Week trip to Graceland EVERY YEAR. He's been dead since I was a kid, but I'd never tell his fans to "get over it"!

Oh, and the ANGER hasn't subsided much in these past 5 years, either. The fact that someone killed Mike makes it hard to accept he's gone, because he SHOULDN'T BE. :boohoo:
 
SheilaMJFan4Ever said:
:better: Amen to that! I was telling myself that it'll be ok if I can just get past June 25, get past that DAY, but the tears have been flowing steadily into the next day, hell, this entire week, really. My patience (which is already short) with people is almost non-existent when they try to cheer me up by saying stupid sh*t like "well, it has been 5 years already; you should be over it by now". Mind you, the person that told me that is a hardcore Elvis fan that does the Elvis Week trip to Graceland EVERY YEAR. He's been dead since I was a kid, but I'd never tell his fans to "get over it"!

Oh, and the ANGER hasn't subsided much in these past 5 years, either. The fact that someone killed Mike makes it hard to accept he's gone, because he SHOULDN'T BE. :boohoo:
Click to expand...

They probably meant well and maybe didn't know what else to say, but I totally agree with you. Everybody has their own way of grieving and who is anyone to tell you that after 5 years you should be "over it"? Nobody, that's who. I'm sorry it's been so tough for you Sheila :better:

And that goes for everyone else as well
grouphug.gif


The last couple days have been pretty rough for me as well. Wednesday I just wasn't able to think clearly. I was depressed and all I wanted to do was cry and sleep, but somehow, unable to do either. So I remained in a bit of "daze" all day. Then yesterday morning it finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I was watching a fan tribute video on YouTube and I just started sobbing. I didn't hold back either- I let it all out. It was good though, I needed it. Afterwards I felt so much better, and my head was finally clear. So while it was a sad moment, in a way it was therapeutic :)
 
it surely hits you in more ways than you expect. I mean I can do stuff and say... WOW, this shows that I'm healed... that I am FREE and then one video or one image can send it all crashing and burning it down again...

Like people around you asking you 'how you are doing?' on that bloody day!
or a news report and I go ARGHHHHH :blink:

I mean do I put on a brave face and say" I'm okay... don't you worry... it's only the day my BEST friend got murdered so I'm fine..." :smilerolleyes:

I just ignored it :blush: Is NO use in playing that broken record over and over again especially to peeps who can't even 'grasp' how it feels to lose someone dear in that way and manner. :cry:


I do look fine indeed. I picked up my life again but still those 'damn' triggers hey that send me into a hiss and a fit again :angry:

HUGS to all :wub:
 
Being around so many who don't share my feelings, I always feel so misunderstood or, rather more, isolated (for lack of a better description) when I'm down due to his passing, you know? I almost never watch tributes because, if I can avoid them, I can pretend for a little while like he's still here. Then reality seeps in and I remember I can't run from my grief or even "simply" hide it away. Granted, I hurt a little less than I did five years ago, it's no where near "getting over it". And a band-aid by playing pretend doesn't help. *sigh* But it's nice to have this thread and a community that understands where I'm coming from. And it's nice to have that support and people willing to help each other through such a tough fact and time. After all these years of not really having that sort of support, aside from friends and family who did their best to understand, I wish I had joined sooner! Yay for the MJFam! :')
 
Invincible2k1 said:
Being around so many who don't share my feelings, I always feel so misunderstood or, rather more, isolated (for lack of a better description) when I'm down due to his passing, you know? I almost never watch tributes because, if I can avoid them, I can pretend for a little while like he's still here. Then reality seeps in and I remember I can't run from my grief or even "simply" hide it away. Granted, I hurt a little less than I did five years ago, it's no where near "getting over it". And a band-aid by playing pretend doesn't help. *sigh* But it's nice to have this thread and a community that understands where I'm coming from. And it's nice to have that support and people willing to help each other through such a tough fact and time. After all these years of not really having that sort of support, aside from friends and family who did their best to understand, I wish I had joined sooner! Yay for the MJFam! :')
Click to expand...

HUGS to you Invincible2k1 :better:
 
Invincible2k1 said:
Being around so many who don't share my feelings, I always feel so misunderstood or, rather more, isolated (for lack of a better description) when I'm down due to his passing, you know? I almost never watch tributes because, if I can avoid them, I can pretend for a little while like he's still here. Then reality seeps in and I remember I can't run from my grief or even "simply" hide it away. Granted, I hurt a little less than I did five years ago, it's no where near "getting over it". And a band-aid by playing pretend doesn't help. *sigh* But it's nice to have this thread and a community that understands where I'm coming from. And it's nice to have that support and people willing to help each other through such a tough fact and time. After all these years of not really having that sort of support, aside from friends and family who did their best to understand, I wish I had joined sooner! Yay for the MJFam! :')
Click to expand...

Personally, I don't think you ever really "get over" the loss of somebody you love. You simply learn to deal with it and move on with life, and I think that is true of many of us. What is important is that we have each other to turn to in those moments when it does become difficult because we certainly cannot deal with that pain on our own. It is not healthy. We're glad you found us and that you're here :)

:huggy:
 
Spyce said:
Personally, I don't think you ever really "get over" the loss of somebody you love. You simply learn to deal with it and move on with life, and I think that is true of many of us. What is important is that we have each other to turn to in those moments when it does become difficult because we certainly cannot deal with that pain on our own. It is not healthy. We're glad you found us and that you're here :)

:huggy:
Click to expand...

Thank you for your very kind and true words Spyce! I'm very glad for you all, too :)
 
Indeed, that's the price you ultimately pay for love as they say :blush:

I wouldn't have done it different though cause I always knew I would some day lose 'the love of my life' :wub:
It never did stop me from loving and supporting him though!

Indeed, the pain gets less and it's blocked or healed or whatever you wanna call it as 'moving on' in your new 'tainted' version of you but it feels good to have 'back up' if the wound somehow gets 'ripped' open by a 'trigger'.

We're soul mates we are cause we feel each other pain. :better:
Though, it shouldn't be the ONLY 'reason' why we are though :blush:

We got a mission too... ONE to preserve and honour Michael's legacy! :punk:
 
CarouselKid said:
Not a lot, but it is kinda there in the back of my mind.
Click to expand...

:( :hug: I don't know what to say other than DON'T. It may not feel like it, but this world is a better place with kind, caring people like you in it!

This song has been a huge help for me in tough times. :better:

 
Agreed! I've never been very good at figuring out what to say in times like these, but please keep the faith and feel free to message me if you'd ever like to talk! There really is a lot to live for, yet sometimes that vision gets lost in chaos. But trouble can't last forever.
 
I remember back when I first joined this board there was a section on the forum for this. I forget what it was called, but that's where I made my first post. I wanted to know other people were feeling the same way I did after he died. I don't get as down as much as I used to now, but there are still times when it's hard...especially with all the negative news about Michael, and the stupid haters out there. It can be really frustrating and difficult to bear. Those first couple of years after he passed were hard. But I remember that section being a refuge, a nice place to go to feel not alone. I kind of missed that, so thanks for opening this thread. :) *Hugs* to everyone here. :hug:
 
CaptainEoLove85 said:
I remember back when I first joined this board there was a section on the forum for this. I forget what it was called, but that's where I made my first post. I wanted to know other people were feeling the same way I did after he died. I don't get as down as much as I used to now, but there are still times when it's hard...especially with all the negative news about Michael, and the stupid haters out there. It can be really frustrating and difficult to bear. Those first couple of years after he passed were hard. But I remember that section being a refuge, a nice place to go to feel not alone. I kind of missed that, so thanks for opening this thread. :) *Hugs* to everyone here. :hug:
Click to expand...

Well that was the point of this thread. Sure you can come to the forum and talk about Michael... but I wasn't finding a whole lot- if anything- when it came tosupporting each other in the difficult times. I did start a similar thread to this back when I first joined, "How Do You Get Through The Difficult Days" or something along those lines, and those who visited the thread liked it. So it seemed to me that the whole idea of having a place where everyone could come together and support each other is something that was needed here. Even if only a small amount of people visit, it's still worth it to be here.
 
Spyce said:
Well that was the point of this thread. Sure you can come to the forum and talk about Michael... but I wasn't finding a whole lot- if anything- when it came tosupporting each other in the difficult times. I did start a similar thread to this back when I first joined, "How Do You Get Through The Difficult Days" or something along those lines, and those who visited the thread liked it. So it seemed to me that the whole idea of having a place where everyone could come together and support each other is something that was needed here. Even if only a small amount of people visit, it's still worth it to be here.
Click to expand...

It sure is, Hun :agree:

I mean It's okay to want to talk all POSITIVE about Michael :wub: SHARE your memories and ''MOVE ON' concerning the NEW music and stuff but then again... A whole chunk of our being is been ripped to shreds with the loss of Michael. :blush:

There is only 2 things left to do in cases like this... You can either FIGHT - means you stay here and play your broken record and ultimately be here for the ones that need you- or you can FLIGHT OR RUN and totally 'abandon' your mission and go into mute.

I'm NOT judging that either of them is the RIGHT thing to do! No, that's NOT the point of this convo. I simple try to explain that we all stand our own ground and there shouldn't be any right and wrong to 'matters of the heart' though!

I admit, though I'm stepping back into this BIG BAD world, I do NEED this as 'back up' as 'loading dock' cause I do have a 'damaged' battery that needs its fix :blush:

Anyway, If anyone has 'suicide' thoughts! PLEASE reconsider this... Life is simple and beautiful! Please Don't let anyone's words or even events drag you to a point of no return... They are just NOT worth it, really!

YEASH, I confess I had them too about 3 years ago :busted: but MJJC here saved me for my early doom and NOW I'm back :blush:

I can be there for others to show them... You can rise from the ashes like a Phoenix though! I'm the living proof of it. I should have been a plant or just totally dust but even though I didn't believe in myself any more... There was always SOMEONE that did and gave me the 'fuel' to light my own fire again...

I don't mean to sound 'preachy' here but if you feel down for Gee sake... Reach out! It's NO shame to cry for help! No one hears the 'internal' screams till they are uttered and hollered. :blush:

You're allowed to SCREAM and hey funny as I'm writing this... You are not alone plays on MJJC radio :wub:

Heehee :blush:
 
I'm thankful for this thread! When Michael died, I had 02 tickets for July 22 of that year. So you can imagine it was rough (they were damn good seats too! A2 section, about 20 rows back). Michael's death completely shook and shattered my soul. The rug was pulled out from under me.

For so many months, I was scared of and furious with everything, and so truly heartbroken. I was very fortunate to meet a group on Livejournal that formed spontaneously after June 25. We were all very understanding and it was the perfect environment for me where I could socialize, grieve, celebrate, party, admire, and discuss Michael however I felt. We were all very close-knit and even to this day though the community is very, very quiet, we all still stay in touch and I met some of my closest friends there. I know I would not have made it through the first few years without them. It was so hard, and I always felt pretty alone as an MJ fan to begin with, even when I was able to connect and commune with other fans - but the group at Shamone_MJ were a lifeline that normalized it for me. We had so much fun, and we supported each other so well. It was very therapeutic and I will always be grateful we found each other.

Life has been so crazy since he died - it actually changed the direction of my life. I guess as I interact here more that will come forward in time, but it's been a roller coaster since his death, even if most of my life doesn't even seem remotely related to him - most of it is in one way or another. It took me awhile to get myself together enough to understand all the things I had to offer the world, and what I was capable of, and how Michael's influence on my life really shaped the way I felt about that, as well as my own determination and ambition. He was someone who I justified my go-getting-ness with.

This year in particular has been pretty nasty, and kind of distracted me from it. Since Michael died there have been quite a number of losses and near-misses in my life, but this year has been among the worst: my best friend died suddenly in February, and then shortly thereafter my other best friend and I broke up (for good, not just "oh, we're not speaking right now," but our friendship completely shattered when I needed him the most), my dog was seriously injured and needed life-saving surgery (he's doing great now though!) and a bevy of other work, family, and financial stresses have really brought me down. But I realized last week, during the anniversary and my "rituals" with it, what it is I have been missing, and it's just the entire MJ fandom and the inspiration I get from him and others who feel the same way. I kind of slipped down into a funk but in the past week I realized I just really wanted to be FULLY back in the community again and lean on what has ALWAYS been there for me through ALL of my most difficult times - Michael.

So that's why I'm here. I haven't forgotten about Michael at all, but rather I think all the horrible feelings and situations were what I was remembering. Celebrating him as a whole is something that provides a lot of good things for me and I really need the positivity. I have a feeling it will help me get back in the direction I need to go with my life and career, as it's just a constant stream of positivity - even when dealing with all the BS life loves to throw at him!

Hope this makes sense.

Looking forward to connecting with everyone!

The first school year at university after he died, I spent in grief counseling. It helped me work through it a lot, as well as the Shamone community. By the summer after his death I was finally able to open up my circle a little bit and let more light in, meet new people, experience new things, and start the ball rolling on the new direction my life was heading in after his passing. But it's always in the back of my mind. I think about him every. Single. Day. There are still days once in awhile, when it just hits me out of nowhere, and it's suddenly so hard to keep the tears at bay. I learned through grieving Michael's death that it really never ends sometimes...you just get better at dealing with it. I'm not the shell of a person I was when he died, but it has truly forever changed me and sometimes it's hard making adjustments to a life without him, even five years later. Sometimes I have to take a step back and just deal with it. Fortunately, most of the time I'm able to smile and remember the good things, but just once in awhile it's a little bit harder to do that.

Still miss him - I'll never stop. But I'll never stop loving him, either!

Thanks for getting through all this! Havne't had a good word-vomit about that in awhile
 
reibish said:
I'm thankful for this thread! When Michael died, I had 02 tickets for July 22 of that year. So you can imagine it was rough (they were damn good seats too! A2 section, about 20 rows back). Michael's death completely shook and shattered my soul. The rug was pulled out from under me.

For so many months, I was scared of and furious with everything, and so truly heartbroken. I was very fortunate to meet a group on Livejournal that formed spontaneously after June 25. We were all very understanding and it was the perfect environment for me where I could socialize, grieve, celebrate, party, admire, and discuss Michael however I felt. We were all very close-knit and even to this day though the community is very, very quiet, we all still stay in touch and I met some of my closest friends there. I know I would not have made it through the first few years without them. It was so hard, and I always felt pretty alone as an MJ fan to begin with, even when I was able to connect and commune with other fans - but the group at Shamone_MJ were a lifeline that normalized it for me. We had so much fun, and we supported each other so well. It was very therapeutic and I will always be grateful we found each other.

Life has been so crazy since he died - it actually changed the direction of my life. I guess as I interact here more that will come forward in time, but it's been a roller coaster since his death, even if most of my life doesn't even seem remotely related to him - most of it is in one way or another. It took me awhile to get myself together enough to understand all the things I had to offer the world, and what I was capable of, and how Michael's influence on my life really shaped the way I felt about that, as well as my own determination and ambition. He was someone who I justified my go-getting-ness with.

This year in particular has been pretty nasty, and kind of distracted me from it. Since Michael died there have been quite a number of losses and near-misses in my life, but this year has been among the worst: my best friend died suddenly in February, and then shortly thereafter my other best friend and I broke up (for good, not just "oh, we're not speaking right now," but our friendship completely shattered when I needed him the most), my dog was seriously injured and needed life-saving surgery (he's doing great now though!) and a bevy of other work, family, and financial stresses have really brought me down. But I realized last week, during the anniversary and my "rituals" with it, what it is I have been missing, and it's just the entire MJ fandom and the inspiration I get from him and others who feel the same way. I kind of slipped down into a funk but in the past week I realized I just really wanted to be FULLY back in the community again and lean on what has ALWAYS been there for me through ALL of my most difficult times - Michael.

So that's why I'm here. I haven't forgotten about Michael at all, but rather I think all the horrible feelings and situations were what I was remembering. Celebrating him as a whole is something that provides a lot of good things for me and I really need the positivity. I have a feeling it will help me get back in the direction I need to go with my life and career, as it's just a constant stream of positivity - even when dealing with all the BS life loves to throw at him!

Hope this makes sense.

Looking forward to connecting with everyone!

The first school year at university after he died, I spent in grief counseling. It helped me work through it a lot, as well as the Shamone community. By the summer after his death I was finally able to open up my circle a little bit and let more light in, meet new people, experience new things, and start the ball rolling on the new direction my life was heading in after his passing. But it's always in the back of my mind. I think about him every. Single. Day. There are still days once in awhile, when it just hits me out of nowhere, and it's suddenly so hard to keep the tears at bay. I learned through grieving Michael's death that it really never ends sometimes...you just get better at dealing with it. I'm not the shell of a person I was when he died, but it has truly forever changed me and sometimes it's hard making adjustments to a life without him, even five years later. Sometimes I have to take a step back and just deal with it. Fortunately, most of the time I'm able to smile and remember the good things, but just once in awhile it's a little bit harder to do that.

Still miss him - I'll never stop. But I'll never stop loving him, either!

Thanks for getting through all this! Havne't had a good word-vomit about that in awhile
Click to expand...
 
SkysTheLimit said:
First off, big hugs to everyone :group:

Great idea for a thread.

sometimes I just miss him so much :( :( :(
Click to expand...

:huggy:

I know. It's unbelievable to think that he's really not here anymore. Even 5 years later, you think it would have sunk in by now. And it has, but at the same time it just seems like... at least for me anyway, all I ask myself is why? Why him?
 
I don't know why, but I just watched Usher's perform GTS at the Memorial again. Second time seeing it, after first seeing it during the live telecast. My heart hurts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top