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Wow, it's unbelievable. What is the name of this documentary?
I can't remember the name, but I've been searching and found one called 'Fat Girls and Feeders'. I don't know if it is the same one, but like bubbyduck4mj said, there are forums out there for 'feeders' and 'feedees'. You can propably search 'feeders and feedees' in google and you'll see. I came across a forum whilst searching for the documentary title. I had a look at one it was actually kind of disturbing. There were 'support' threads for 'feeders' who were devastated that their parters wanted to lose weight, they were giving tips on how to manipulate them so that they wouldn't.
Two reviews of the documentary. about the Fat Girls and Feeders documentary. I don't know if it is the same one I saw, but it sounds the same, it is about the same subject anyway.
I watched a program last night on the Discovery Health channel called "Fat Girls and Feeders".
http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/food/ove_feeders.html
The above article describes the show. Basically, it looked at the phenomenon of "feeders and feedies". This isn't about men who are attracted to big women, rather it's about men who try to 'fatten up' their female partners.
The article gives the basics (and the rest of my post may not make sense if you haven't read it), but what struck me the most on this program was the language used by the 'feeders', the men married to the bedridden women. One man (the one in the photo), said that a fat woman was not an "easy thing to have" (referring to the about of care he provided for his bedridden wife, Gina). He spoke of "growing" his wife. He wanted her to be unable to do anything for herself, so that she depended on him utterly. His pleasure when his wife had to rest against him after shuffling to get out of bed was clear. When he spoke of taking care of the bedsores that had formed on her skin being as tough as elephant skin, he spoke of her as though she was a 'thing', the way many people speak of animals. She wasn't a person to him. He divorced his first wife for becoming too thin. To me, it appeared he wanted her to be so helpless that he had absolute power over her. Why else would he want his wife to be so huge she was unable to look after herself - unable to stand, unable to move, unable to wash?
Another woman, Debbie I think her name was, who had got out of one of these relationships (after a lot of planning with her mother, organising police, fire crews, etc), spoke of how she'd felt imprisoned within her own body. After an argument, her partner could get up and walk away and come back whenever he wanted - she was stuck there because she was too heavy --and weak-- to move. After she got out, medical professionals said if she had stayed, she would have had only 24 hours left to live.
The original man I spoke of, Gina's husband, labelled himself an "enabler", in that he didn't force-feed his wife, or feed her fat through tubes (the inference being that other men did this to their wives) - he claimed that the relationship was entirely consentual.
On the surface, it was. His wife, Gina, agreed to it all. She wanted to gain weight and hold the world record. She even did voice-overs for the videos he made of her to post on the internet ("Hopefully, this will be the last time I am able to stand on my own", etc). They made enough money from these videos for him to quit work to 'care' full-time for his wife.
Many people would view this as some sort of sexual fetish (and I think for most of them it starts out that way). But, to me, this is just another form of domestic abuse. No, there's no 'violence', however listening to these women speak was heartbreaking. Their self-esteem was so low that they seemed to believe that the fat was what defined them. If they spoke out against gaining further weight, their husbands and the FA (fat admirer) community accused them of falling prey to "diet culture".
People loved them because they were fat. It reminds me of what many people with EDs or depression say - if I take the illness away, what's left underneath? These women had so little self-esteem that they seemed to believe the same thing - the fat was the only thing of value. If they took it away, was there anything worthwhile underneath? Unfortunately, the relationships with their husbands only served to enforce this notion.
The saddest point for me was when Gina, who at the time of filming weighed around 420 pounds, watched a video of herself at over 800 pounds and said, 'it's hard to believe under all that there is a person.' She was still married to her 'feeder' husband (who made it very clear he was unhappy with her weight-loss), however I was heartened by the tone in her voice at the end of the program - she seemed to be beginning to understand what was going on. It was the only positive thing I could take from it.
What do you think? Is there any possibility that the program was unfairly biased in condemning this type of relationship? Can there be consent in such a relationship? Or is it a form of domestic abuse passed off as a fetish?
If the woman in this situation dies, is it murder?
Interested in any thoughts about this bizarre, but apparently sizeable, portion of our society.
Channel 4 in the UK last night showed a programme called "Fat Girls and Feeders". To begin with it followed men who had a penchant for what they described as "fat girls" the bigger the better. One guy from the UK had gone to the States to try to meet some women as he couldn't find any big enough at home. The women he met at a specialised nightclub all seemed to be happy with their size, and were happy that men found them attractive.
The programme then took a different shift. It concentrated on a couple who lived in Arizona. When they met, the woman was about 280 lbs (20 stones). Her boyfriend (who she later married) really liked fat women, and wanted her to be the biggest/fattest woman in the world. Together, they embarked on an "enlargement programme". Over the next 10 years of their marriage, her weight went up to over 826 lbs (59 stones). During this time, he took nude Polaroid photographs of her on which he clearly marked her weight and posteds them on the Internet for other "FA's (Fat Admirers) to look at. He then made some videos of her which he sold over the Internet and through specialist outlets. I have to say, that his wife was a willing party and even did the voice-overs on the videos. He kept telling her how beautiful she was and enjoyed the fact that she was now totally dependant on him. As she was so big, she couldn''t get out of bed or walk about. The last video he made of her was oefforts to try to get out of bed un-aided. She was swinging her bulk from side to side to give her momentum to get to the edge of the bed - it was quite sad to watch. Her husband though, admitted that he found it a real turn on.
After they had made this video, his wife decided that for the sake of her health she wanted to reduce her weight. After much discussion, she had a stomach stapling procedure and she succeeded in reducing her weight by half to about 500 lgs (29 stones). She was still big, but at least now she could walk small distances and was not totally reliant on her husband. She admitted that they had had to have marriage guidance councelling as her husband didn't find her attractive because she had lost weight and thought that she had "sold out". She was asked if she had her time over again, if she would allow herself to get so big just to pkease someone else. Her answer: probably not. Her husband though, has still not given up on the fact that she may wish to re-start gaining weight. He is building a house with wider doorways, so that she can easily fit through without turning sideways, and with everything on one level.
The other case that was focussed on was a girl who was once known as the world's fattest model. She met a man and moved into his apartment with him. It was a short time later that she realized that she was virtually a prisoner. She couldn't get down the stairs to get out. He would leave her alone all day with nothing else to do but eat junk food to fatten her up. Eventually her mother managed to persuade the emergency services that they had to get her out of the apartment and they forced entry. In the 2 years that she had been there, she had put on over 280 lbs (20 stones). They estimated that when they found her she had about 24 hours to live without medical attention. The guy she had taken up with was a "feeder". He used emotional blackmail to get her to eat more and at times even added bulking agents to her food and weight gain powders. There are sites on the Internet that show you how to force feed someone. This girl did acknowledge that if she hadn't got out when she did, he probably would have kept feeding her until she burst.
You have to wonder if some of the girls get sucked into this as they have low self-esteem about being overweight in the first place. Once someone starts telling them how amazing they look, but that they would look even better with 20 lbs more on .....
All in all it was a very sad programme. These 2 women had got through it, albeit with damage to their health, but you were left to wonder how many more had not.
The last video he made of her was efforts to try to get out of bed un-aided. She was swinging her bulk from side to side to give her momentum to get to the edge of the bed - it was quite sad to watch. Her husband though, admitted that he found it a real turn on.
Maybe this is just me, but I find this sort of behavior twisted, sadistic and yes...abusive. I understand that she was a willing participant in all this, but it's still very, very sad.
This is an article I found on a health site about it.
'Fat Girls & Feeders' shock
Last updated: Monday, March 12, 2007 Print
We know that in some cultures fat is revered because it is a symbol of affluence in starving populations. On the other hand, the mania to be super-thin is sick. In a recent TV programme, called 'Fat Girls & Feeders', the often-twisted psychological scenarios that play a role in obesity was illuminated.
For a feeder to set out to feed his companion to the point where that person is no longer capable of moving unaided should be punishable and far exceeds any personal rights to freedom.
Why would anyone want to be a feeder and why would anyone submit to this inhuman treatment?
Control and submission
The answer probably lies in control and submission. It's striking that all the subjects of forced feeding are women and all the feeders are men. Making the woman in your life eat until she is incapacitated and no longer able to care for herself, is probably an ultimate example of the control that humans exert over each other.
Feeders seem to enjoy the power they wield to make their companions submit to degradation - the excessive feeding, the helplessness of having to rely on the feeder for even the most basic human functions (washing, going to the toilet, or just moving), and the fact that the ‘fat girls’ are trapped in their mountains of fat as effectively as in a cage - all these inhuman and cruel actions enhance the power of the feeder.
On the other hand, the women who allow themselves to be trapped in this helpless situation represent the ultimate need to submit - they are so deprived of affection, so eager to please, so flattered by the attention they receive 24 hours a day, that they submit to having their lives totally perverted. It is understandable that a woman who has been plump or overweight or even obese all her life and has had to suffer the scorn and rejection of modern society, will initially regard a man who tells her he loves her fat and her curves and wants more and more of her, as a savior.
It was evident from this programme that most of the ‘fat girls’ who were trapped by feeders eventually came to realise that they were being exploited in a most dangerous and deviant way.
Then of course, there were the medical consequences of growing to such enormous proportions. The ‘fat girls’ came dangerously close to dying as their systems were overwhelmed by the avalanche of fat that was being deposited in their bodies. Luckily, some of the women came to their senses and managed to ‘escape’ from their feeders, lose some weight with the aid of medical procedures such as gastric bypass surgery and regain a modicum of health and mobility.
Feeders in everyday life
While the TV programme ‘Fat Girls and Feeders’ showed extreme cases, there are many situations in everyday life where a tendency to exert control through food or to submit by gaining weight can also occur.
a) Parents
Many parents either consciously or unconsciously equate supplying food and fat children with love. When the child or teenager refuses to “clean his/her plate” the adult perceives this as a rejection of his or her love. Young children are particularly vulnerable to this type of coercion and may eat to please their parents or caregivers. This can result in a vicious cycle, which usually results in the child gaining weight and becoming a fat child, and often a fat adult.
On the other hand, many mothers have no idea how much a baby or young child should eat. Never make the mistake to judge your child’s food intake in adult terms. Babies and young children have tiny stomachs and they cannot and should not have to cope with large amounts of food. Often anxiety that a child is underfed will drive a mother to overfeed her infant.
Go for help if you have no idea what your child should weigh and how much he should be eating at any period in his childhood. If you click on ‘Child’ at the top of the Health24 Website and then on ‘Nutrition’ you will find a series of articles on each stage of development which can be used as a guide for growth, quantities your child should be eating and menus to help to ensure that your child is adequately fed.
b) Partners
Health24 often receives questions from men and women who are trying to lose weight, while their partners are doing everything in their power to prevent them from succeeding. If you are trapped in a relationship where your partner sabotages your attempts to reduce weight or start exercising, then you may need outside help from a clinical psychologist to normalise this situation.
Loving partners should be supportive and helpful, and not feel threatened by the fact that you are trying to make a positive change to your appearance and life. Don’t let yourself be trapped in the submissive role prescribed by your partner. He or she is the one with the problem and may require counselling.
If your partner will not go for counselling, you need to take a firm stand and let him know that you are going to persevere with your weight loss or exercise programme, no matter what he says or does. Reassure him that you are not just going to drop him when you fit into a smaller size dress and that you are losing weight to improve your health. Talk about the reasons why he wants you to stay fat, what fears he has and how he can best overcome such fears.
If you feel that you are caught up in this type of destructive and manipulative relationship, it may be time to break out of the vicious cycle before it is too late. If you are a parent and are overfeeding your child, go to your GP, a dietician, or a clinical psychologist, before it is too late for your helpless child. – (Dr I.V. van Heerden, DietDoc)
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