dealing with the fact Michael's death could have been prevented?

angelofhope

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Hi Guys
Hope you are all doing okay.
I am wondering how, we as fans and Michael's family cope with the stark fact that Michael did not have to die and could have been saved? How does a person get their head around this situation? It makes me so angry and sad and yet I can do nothing about it-what has been done by Dr.death cannot ever been undone and we are left with a hole in our hearts and anger in our veins.
 
In my head I´ve been saving Michael since he died.I know how to do CPR and to call 911 first.
But I wasn´t there........
Heal the world was important for Michael and that´s how I try to cope.
 
well Angel :better:
I get :mat: too and I vent that I know how to call 911, I know how I could have SAVED Michael but I couldn't :boohooThats a guilt I have to live with for the rest of my life...
I do TRY NOT to think about that fact a lot or I'll just get so angry so... I keep myself busy with listening to Michael's wonderful voice, I spend time here... I 'escape' in my stories...
If peeps DARE to question my grief or anger? I vent 'how should you react if your BEST friend, your BF, your Hubby would be MURDERED?
To them, he was just a product...
To us, Michael is a WONDERFUL HUMAN... a BEAUTIFUL SOUL
:wub:

HUGS to all, dears :better:
 
I literally broke down when Dr Steinberg testified that Michael could have been saved if the was no delay to call 911. My sister feels l should see a psychology. They say time heals all wounds but what if it doesn't?
 
Michael loved his fans but I don´t think he wanted all of us in his bedroom.
 
well Angel :better:
I get :mat: too and I vent that I know how to call 911, I know how I could have SAVED Michael but I couldn't :boohooThats a guilt I have to live with for the rest of my life...
I do TRY NOT to think about that fact a lot or I'll just get so angry so... I keep myself busy with listening to Michael's wonderful voice, I spend time here... I 'escape' in my stories...
If peeps DARE to question my grief or anger? I vent 'how should you react if your BEST friend, your BF, your Hubby would be MURDERED?
To them, he was just a product...
To us, Michael is a WONDERFUL HUMAN... a BEAUTIFUL SOUL
:wub:

HUGS to all, dears :better:

Ever since that first summer without him. I keep being haunted by this one horrific vivid nightmare that I had of Michael. Where I was standing right in the same room with him. And I was helplessly watching him spend his last few minutes on Earth. And there absolutely nothing I could do to help him. And the worst thing about that nightmare was seeing his 3 children sitting next to each other really crying. Over the news they had gotten about their father. And I very rarely would have dreams let alone nightmares about Michael's children. I woke up crying and shaking uncontrollably after having that nightmare.

That was one of the countless horrific vivid nightmares I had of Michael. During that horrible first summer and in to the Fall without him.:boohoo: I had never had nightmares that bad before in my entire life. And because of those horrific vivid nightmares my mind has never really been the same since before I had them. Which I totally blame Dr. Death for screwing up my mind and my life. I am still suffering from really bad depression because of what he did. I still also suffer from really horrible insomnia from what happen. I can't seem to handle listening to him and watching him anymore. Especially watching him. I haven't really seen one of my MJ related videos or dvds since May of last year. and I miss being able to watch him horribly. I can't think or do things right anymore because my mind has only been on Michael and/or what that evil monster did to him. I have tried very hard many times to get my mind off of Michael. To get my mind focus on to something else but it either never works or it doesn't last very long. I can not get the people in my life to really understand what it has been like for me. Especially my mother who has this don't care attitude about what happen to him. And to make me feel even more worst than I already do. She totally defends of what Dr. Death did. She doesn't see anything wrong with what he did to Michael. And 2 days after what had happen she had came in to my MJ shrine where I had spent that first Saturday without him in bed sleeping. Cause I was trying very hard to forget what had happen to him. And the one thing she did was she started to make fun of what had happen to him. She said she wasn't making fun of what happen to him. But that wasn't the way I had taken it. So I very coldly ordered her out of my room. I can't even begin to tell you just how angry I get at that murdering monster. Whenever I see that monster on tv my anger turns to absolute rage. To where I am always force to go watch Bollywood revenge movies like Anjaam and Rahkt Charitra. Especially Rahkt Charitra. Where that movie is like one revenge killing after another. And it was based on a true story that happen in India. And think thoughts of how I would L.O.V.E. to get my revenge on him. By killing him in some of the most brutal ways that I had seen in those Bollywood movies. Mainly in the movie Rahkt Charitra. Those movies always tends to lessen my anger and make me feel better after I watch them.
 
well Angel :better:
I get :mat: too and I vent that I know how to call 911, I know how I could have SAVED Michael but I couldn't :boohooThats a guilt I have to live with for the rest of my life...
I do TRY NOT to think about that fact a lot or I'll just get so angry so... I keep myself busy with listening to Michael's wonderful voice, I spend time here... I 'escape' in my stories...
If peeps DARE to question my grief or anger? I vent 'how should you react if your BEST friend, your BF, your Hubby would be MURDERED?
To them, he was just a product...
To us, Michael is a WONDERFUL HUMAN... a BEAUTIFUL SOUL
:wub:

HUGS to all, dears :better:

Ever since that first summer without him. I keep being haunted by this one horrific vivid nightmare that I had of Michael. Where I was standing right in the same room with him. And I was helplessly watching him spend his last few minutes on Earth. And there absolutely nothing I could do to help him. And the worst thing about that nightmare was seeing his 3 children sitting next to each other really crying. Over the news they had gotten about their father. And I very rarely would have dreams let alone nightmares about Michael's children. I woke up crying and shaking uncontrollably after having that nightmare.

That was one of the countless horrific vivid nightmares I had of Michael. During that horrible first summer and in to the Fall without him.:boohoo: I had never had nightmares that bad before in my entire life. And because of those horrific vivid nightmares my mind has never really been the same since before I had them. Which I totally blame Dr. Death for screwing up my mind and my life. I am still suffering from really bad depression because of what he did. I still also suffer from really horrible insomnia from what happen. I can't seem to handle listening to him and watching him anymore. Especially watching him. I haven't really seen one of my MJ related videos or dvds since May of last year. and I miss being able to watch him horribly. I can't think or do things right anymore because my mind has only been on Michael and/or what that evil monster did to him. I have tried very hard many times to get my mind off of Michael. To get my mind focus on to something else but it either never works or it doesn't last very long. I can not get the people in my life to really understand what it has been like for me. Especially my mother who has this don't care attitude about what happen to him. And to make me feel even more worst than I already do. She totally defends of what Dr. Death did. She doesn't see anything wrong with what he did to Michael. And 2 days after what had happen she had came in to my MJ shrine where I had spent that first Saturday without him in bed sleeping. Cause I was trying very hard to forget what had happen to him. And the one thing she did was she started to make fun of what had happen to him. She said she wasn't making fun of what happen to him. But that wasn't the way I had taken it. So I very coldly ordered her out of my room. I can't even begin to tell you just how angry I get at that murdering monster. Whenever I see that monster on tv my anger turns to absolute rage. To where I am always force to go watch Bollywood revenge movies like Anjaam and Rahkt Charitra. Especially Rahkt Charitra. Where that movie is like one revenge killing after another. And it was based on a true story that happen in India. And think thoughts of how I would L.O.V.E. to get my revenge on him. By killing him in some of the most brutal ways that I had seen in those Bollywood movies. Mainly in the movie Rahkt Charitra. Those movies always tends to lessen my anger and make me feel better after I watch them. And another way I try to cope over this is that I had also turn to video and computer games. And my faith and my believe in God and Jesus and knowing that Michael is with them. And I also know that I will be spending my eternity with him.
 
This is one of the hardest things to cope with. That he still could be there. It makes me very sad and very angry, too.

But as I think everything happens for a reason and we simply can't know all those reasons... ... well you know...He's not here physically anymore. That can't be changed. But it's quite overwhelming and really comforting that he lives on in the hearts of soo soo many people. So he's with us. :)

And Stevie Wonder's words from 2009 are also helping me a lot.

"As we may feel, and we do, that we need Michael here with us, God must have needed him far more."

I always keep that in mind...
 
It makes me despise Murray all the more, and wish to do things to him that I cannot disclose here in full liberty. Let's say they'd make the Marquis de Sade cringe.
 
The fact is, NONE of us could have saved him. NONE of us could have prevented what had happened. So I know this is going to sound harsh, but as fans you need to stop beating yourself up about something that had no influence what so ever over. We all love Michael here, but you need to take a step back and realise, yes Michael was amazing and we all felt close to him, but he was somebody NONE of us knew personally. He was a singer, a performer - yes yes yes, he was more than that yadda yadda yadda. But at the end of the day, there was nothing we could do as fans.
 
I agree, kindofdisco.
What makes me sad is, how fans really do HATE Conrad Murray. They (meaning not all of us fans, of course, but still a lot!) wish him the worst things in the world. Pain, suffering, all that.
And whenever I hear or read that I think: "Does that make anything better? Does it give us Michael back?" And most important: "Is that what Michael's message is about?" Some fans seem to really forget that in their pain.
Don't get me wrong I really don't want to judge those of us who feel that way because that is what is caused by that pain. I do understand that in some way. But I know in my heart that Michael wouldn't want us to be so filled with hatred.
So, do I want justice for Michael? Yes, definately! Murray should never lay hands on a patient again. But I DON'T want revenge. I feel that this would only poison the soul.

Michael taught us how to love and to forgive; to "smile though your heart is aching".
This helps me sooo much!
 
ah, HUGS to you MJsBollywoodgirl :better:

Indeed, I :agree:we shouldn't beat ourselves up like that and we as fans could NOT prevent his 'much too soon' going home but still... thats life I guess :mello:
Although peeps claim that MJ was just a STAR, just a PERFORMER... Claim I don't have a 'connection' with him as he was just an IDOL... HUH... I will NEVER see it that way...
Michael is like a BRO' to me... The one I never had... I grew up with Michael's music, voice, presence, wisdom...
How can I just act like 'everyone' else and throw away all what he taught me as he's just seen as a PRODUCT you use and waist... :mat:

As for the Murray "hate"? I know thats NOT what Michael taught us... I KNOW THAT... but pain makes us do such stupid things :doh:

My MOTTO of every day is... "Another day ahead is another day to make Michael PROUD" and I TRY that every single day...

HUGS to all...
 
The fact is, NONE of us could have saved him. NONE of us could have prevented what had happened. So I know this is going to sound harsh, but as fans you need to stop beating yourself up about something that had no influence what so ever over. We all love Michael here, but you need to take a step back and realise, yes Michael was amazing and we all felt close to him, but he was somebody NONE of us knew personally. He was a singer, a performer - yes yes yes, he was more than that yadda yadda yadda. But at the end of the day, there was nothing we could do as fans.
I appreciate your post but what you are saying is not what I meant. I did not think I could stop him dying or any other fan could but I feel very angry that Michael's death WAS TOTALLY PREVENTABLE. I do not feel any guilt about saving MJ we didn't know each other personally but I believe it is natural to question why someone did and then to know HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE but HE DID BECAUSE OF DR MURRAY. this was a preventable death. It didn't have to happen. People who lose loved ones to accidents/murders I'm sure ask themselves why their child/spouse/brother/sister had to die and why it happned and are angry at the senselessness of it all.
 
I'm sorry but I will never forgive Conrad Murray for what he did. EVER.
 
I'm sorry but I will never forgive Conrad Murray for what he did. EVER.
Don't apologize for this. I know how hard it is. :better:

I don't even know if I forgave Murray yet but at least I know that I don't HATE him. That's what I wanted to say. I AM angry, very sad, I FEEL that it's so unfair that Michael is no longer with us but I'm unable to hate and I'm glad that I am because I feel that it makes it easier to deal with that loss.

It makes life easier in general for me. And I wish that to all of us though I know it's not that easy and I can totally understand how one cannot forgive Murray.

Love to all of you! :heart:
 
I don't know if I will ever be able to get over the fact that he could have been saved.It is in deed the hardest part to cope with.Knowing this makes me cringe form anger and helplessness.
But there's nothing that can be done now, nothing but waiting and hoping for this pain somehow to fade :sad:
 
@Starlight1986: You're brave, for not hating him. I am sure Michael would not hate him either. However, this does not affect me at all. I despise him with every fiber of my being. Perhaps it would be easier not to hate him if he showed even the slightest bit of remorse, or even some level of despair, hell, I'll even take discomfort at this point. But, the fact remains that Murray shows no sign of being sorry for what he's done, at least not for the right reasons.

I'm sure he regrets his actions--only because he got caught and he is presently in a world of trouble. Not because he hurt Michael, his children, and the rest of us. That much is clear from his demeanour, and his failure to offer even a single word of comfort. Most damning of all is his determination to maintain his nonexistent innocence despite the mountain of evidence of negligence which eclipses him.

This is impossible for me to forgive.
 
indeed, Severus Snape :agree:That is what hurts the most... His ARROGANCE of I did NOTHING wrong :mat: If he did NOTHING wrong than WHY is Michael NOT here anymore GEEE.... :boohoo
 
I disagree. When I see Murray in court, I see a ghost of a man. He is obviously very, very shaken by the whole thing. I think he feels incredible amounts of remorse, however while being taken to court it's up to him to fight the case. It doesn't mean that he DOESN'T feel regret or pain or whatever. I think it has more to do with pride.
 
I disagree. When I see Murray in court, I see a ghost of a man. He is obviously very, very shaken by the whole thing. I think he feels incredible amounts of remorse, however while being taken to court it's up to him to fight the case. It doesn't mean that he DOESN'T feel regret or pain or whatever. I think it has more to do with pride.

I think he is shaken because he was caught.
 
I think he is shaken because he was caught.

Agreed. The only time I've seen any trace of human emotion on his part is during the trial when the prosecution has been sealing his fate. I've seen fear and hatred on his face during those occasions. Apart from that, I have seen nothing on his part since June 25 2009 which would suggest he has any remorse or feeling whatsoever about Michael's passing. Remorse is unlikely since he is steadfast about maintaining the offensive facade that he is innocent, but he seems totally detached. In that police interview, a mere 48 hours after Michael's passing, he spoke of that day like it was as regular as a trip to the supermarket. It bothers me.
 
indeed, Severus Snape :agree:That is what hurts the most... His ARROGANCE of I did NOTHING wrong :mat: If he did NOTHING wrong than WHY is Michael NOT here anymore GEEE.... :boohoo

Exactly that is why I have so much hatred and anger towards that evil monster. I know God and Michael would probably want me to forgive him for want he has done. But I can't not now and most certainly not ever. I would rather be dead now. Than to forgive that evil murdering monster.:mat:
 
I disagree. When I see Murray in court, I see a ghost of a man. He is obviously very, very shaken by the whole thing. I think he feels incredible amounts of remorse, however while being taken to court it's up to him to fight the case. It doesn't mean that he DOESN'T feel regret or pain or whatever. I think it has more to do with pride.

OF COURSE he is shaken. He was very obviously unprepared for Michael's death. However, as claudiadoina so concisely puts it, his "ghost of a man" demeanour can only be summed up as originating from the fact that he was caught. Nothing about the man suggests an ability to feel concern for others. He has no regard for his own children, whom he has abandoned--why should we expect any regard on his part when it comes to Michael, if he is not even willing to care whether his own children live or die?

If he were intelligent, and if he felt even the slightest bit of guilt for his actions, he would go for a plea bargain. It is evident he is very unwilling to do this, despite his rather inconvenient position. Every day, you see Chernoff, Flanagan, and Baldy scramble to attempt to justify his actions on that day, or contest what the prosecution so solidly has proved is negligence and disregard on Murray's part, not only on 6.25.2009 but before that fateful day as well. More importantly, every day you see them fail, because they have nothing to work with at all and their client is an arrogant moron.

He only seems shaken and a "ghost of a man" because he got caught--every bone in that man's body is cowardly and criminal. He purposely withheld info. from paramedics, hospital staff, and everyone else, until the po po came knocking at the door. He intended to have Amir drive him back to the house under the excuse that he wanted to hide that vitiligo cream, and wanted him to drive him to get food, but what he really wanted was to hide evidence of his wrongdoing. Knowing all that, if he felt even the slightest bit of guilt...well, he would claim it in court.

This is obviously not the case.

Call me cynical, but all I see from Murray in court are lame attempts to appear "sad," which quickly subside and are replaced with a permanent look of boredom, and the occasional eye/nose picking. :puke:
 
I disagree. When I see Murray in court, I see a ghost of a man. He is obviously very, very shaken by the whole thing. I think he feels incredible amounts of remorse, however while being taken to court it's up to him to fight the case. It doesn't mean that he DOESN'T feel regret or pain or whatever. I think it has more to do with pride.
Why do you defend Murray?
 
Angelofinnocence, KindofDisco was just sharing her impression with us. She is NOT defending Murray.

I just shared my counter-impression with her. We are all on the same side, and she is allowed to have her impression without being accused of "defending" Murray.
 
@Starlight1986: You're brave, for not hating him. I am sure Michael would not hate him either. However, this does not affect me at all. I despise him with every fiber of my being. Perhaps it would be easier not to hate him if he showed even the slightest bit of remorse, or even some level of despair, hell, I'll even take discomfort at this point. But, the fact remains that Murray shows no sign of being sorry for what he's done, at least not for the right reasons.

I'm sure he regrets his actions--only because he got caught and he is presently in a world of trouble. Not because he hurt Michael, his children, and the rest of us. That much is clear from his demeanour, and his failure to offer even a single word of comfort. Most damning of all is his determination to maintain his nonexistent innocence despite the mountain of evidence of negligence which eclipses him.

This is impossible for me to forgive.

Oh my goodness. :cry:
 
indeed, Severus Snape :agree:That is what hurts the most... His ARROGANCE of I did NOTHING wrong :mat: If he did NOTHING wrong than WHY is Michael NOT here anymore GEEE.... :boohoo


Exactly...........it's more of the case that dr murray knows NOTHING!!!
 
I was scanning through here and I just wanted to add this to the discussion.

To quote the civil right leader Medgar Evers, 'When you hate, the only one that suffers is you because most of the people you hate don't know it and the rest don't care.'
 
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