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HELP! still grieving terribly, going up and don like a merry-go-round!

I wish I knew how to help you... but I don't. I am in the same boat with you. I tried everything... I can't even watch his videos or listen to music because I end up in hysterics. As much as I tried to fight it, I have to face the reality - I am broken forever, beyond repair...
 
Yea I feel you all on this. I miss Michael so much it's not even funny! Don't watch anything from the memorial, because that would just make you feel worse. :( I was at his last appearance (TII press conference) right in the front row. TO THIS DAY, I still cannot watch anything from that speech because I just start losing it! Some people take longer to grieve than others. Don't worry, we are here for you. I knwo it sounds cliche', but Michael is with all of us, and if you have had dreams (like me and a few others)...it's him paying a visit. :angel: He can hear you talk to him... he loves all of us. I don't think the wounds will ever heal... but I hope my words have brought some comfort. I always will miss him and cry over him. We are here for you.:better:
 
I have an incredible desire to visit Forest Lawn and be near Michael. I am determined to make the trip at least once during my lifetime. Maybe that will help me say goodbye.
 
micah said:
I wish I knew how to help you... but I don't. I am in the same boat with you. I tried everything... I can't even watch his videos or listen to music because I end up in hysterics. As much as I tried to fight it, I have to face the reality - I am broken forever, beyond repair...
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Same here... :no:

:huggy:
 
A quote from Frodo in ROTK :
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are somethings that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold"
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oh my goodness :cry: :cry: :cry: I am a huge LOTR fan and the ending of the book always makes me cry...
 
MJ Crazy said:
I have an incredible desire to visit Forest Lawn and be near Michael. I am determined to make the trip at least once during my lifetime. Maybe that will help me say goodbye.
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me too. I'm going to send some flowers to Michael on his birthday from fl own shop. I'm hoping one day if they find a cure for my illness or I get better I go to FL to say goodbye.
 
I'm afraid that what Heath Ledgers father said is true that it feels worst after a year. After people don't talk about him any more..I don't think that will be the case with MJ since the trial hasn't even started and people will always talk about MJ but since it's not all positive, it's heart breaking, all those news about MJ won't help us, grieving fans. I think I won't get peace of mind until Michael gets justice and that may not happen in a long time...I would pray for justice for Michael but I don't believe in any kind of God anymore...I never was religious but now I'm even more sure that good people die and the evil ones will live.
 
Hey, is there room for one more in the boat? :cry:
I feel I've been grieving backwards... In June/July I was in shock, and now 8 months later I'm crying every day... It goes with ups and downs. But today was a bad day again... :cry: I've been thinking of seeing a doctor about it. But to be honest I'm not sure if that will be of any help... Watching video's is very very hard for me. Last saturday I was at this MJ event and they were playing video's of Michael on a big screen. I almost cried in the middle of the dance floor. (Then I decided to just drink lots of wine, and that did help to some extend... :D)
I listen to Michael's music every day (that's not a problem for me).
Since last week I've discovered that dancing to Michaels music makes me feel better. For me, it reduces the stress and it's a good way to escape from reality for a little while...

MJstarlight said:
I have been trying to do things as well, like making jewelry, watching old tv shows working on music. Still its hard to be motivated when I have a deep sadness inside my soul.
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I know... I'm not motivated at all to do anything! Feels like burnout, I just don't have the energy to do anything... :no:

MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
I know what you mean about being motivated. I now have to force myself to do things that I normally wouldn't forced myself on doing. Like getting up in the mornings. I really hate getting up in the mornings anymore. Because I am always forced to spend another horrible day of missing my Michael terribly. All I really want to do anymore is just sleep. Because sleep is still is the only thing that has brought me such great comfort since that horrible June day.
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Oh yeah, I feel the same. Getting up in the morning is hard! I really have to drag myself out of bed. :(

smile4mj said:
A quote from Frodo in ROTK :
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are somethings that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold"

It's true.. :cry:
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So very very true... :cry:
 
Never worry about it just hitting you, it happens to us all. I'm usually a cool, happy and collected person yet when I went to the exhibition a few weeks ago a few hours later I just broke down. I tend to be a person that bottles things up so when it hit me it all came flooding out. I miss him so much its so painful at times. Ever since June I have learnt to deal with my grief better but we'll never get over it. My PM is always open for anyone that wants to talk. We're all friends here xxx
 
I'm in the same boat...I may not show it but it hurts.

I have no idea how to stop the pain...

*hugs you*
 
I guess I'll just join you on this boat, may I?
Now I think it won't ever stop, I'm sure u all know how I feel, there are days I'm listening as loud as I can to my beloved "Dangerous" Album, just trying not to think about what has happened on June 25th, but sometimes just doing some usually stuff, like reading or so - it just hit me, I start crying and just wish to run away from here, just don't know where :( Every morning before I open my eyes I just say this wish, "God, please let it all be a bad dream, make a miracle, I wanna open my eyes and find out that it's all been a terrible nightmare" - as u know, miracles don't happen :sad:
My family was very supportive, but now they are loosing their patience, 'how long do u wanna grieving? it's over, he's gone!' - well it's easy to say. My mom even said me she believes I won't be crying 'after her' so much... I feel just crappy, knowing I should 'stop existing and start living' (btw, by his words "there's no need to cry" I get mad and start crying like a child, every single time) - but as u know, it's not easy. Is it even possible?
Some says time is a healer - well then it's a crappy healer, it's been almost 9 months and we are still at the same place.
Just wanna tell u, you all mean so much to me, I know you all understand each ones tears - you are people, who loves the Man I love, you are my people. Love you guys, :kiss: :heart:
 
I feel terible. I can"t wait to come to this board on my free time and then...sometimes I just wonder "what is the point...?" Sometimes I can"t find the words and I just stare at the screen like an idiot.It hurts me so much to look at his pictures but I have to. It hurts me to listen to him but I have to.I am angry and I have no motivation to do anything.
See.....even now I can"t express my feelings.Before 25.6. my life was ok. Since then it"s not my life anymore. Will this ever end ?!
 
zpredra5 said:
I feel terible. I can"t wait to come to this board on my free time and then...sometimes I just wonder "what is the point...?" Sometimes I can"t find the words and I just stare at the screen like an idiot.It hurts me so much to look at his pictures but I have to. It hurts me to listen to him but I have to.I am angry and I have no motivation to do anything.
See.....even now I can"t express my feelings.Before 25.6. my life was ok. Since then it"s not my life anymore. Will this ever end ?!
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I know exactly what you are talking about. Especially the lack of motivation. Its difficult when you are "forcing" yourself to do even the most basic of things.

Its weird, last March started to think about changing the direction of my life and was trying hard to find the courage to do so. When I finally made the choice it was the beginning of June. I don't remember being so excited and happy about the new course in my life in a decade at that time. Then June 25th came and not a day goes by ever since without feeling so "lost" and sad. :no:

sending out a :hug: :hug::hug: to everyone:timer::angel:
 
Oh my, I actually had a few "good" days! But tonight I'm a mess again... :weeping:
I'm crying my eyes out and this pain... :cry: It's just too much... :no:
Hugs for everyone here! :group:
Stay strong, we'll get through somehow... :huggy:

L.O.V.E. :heart:

Diana xx
 
Today was hard. I went to see "Why Did I Get Married Too" and the ending was rewritten and was very sad. It was very sad to see Janet cry so much because of knowing she was really crying in real life too and because of the reason why. Then on our way home, I heard "Together Again" on the radio. Then I want into a store and heard Michael back to back about. One song I heard that he took part in and then I think it was TWYMMF.
 
I've been having my more worst days lately. June 25th really did forever put me in to a state of deep depression. But lately it has gotten a lot worst I think I have clinical depression or Major Depressive Disorder. I looked it up and I do have all of the symptoms for it. Especially the lost of interest in the things that I once L.O.V.E. I read and heard that depression can cause an early death for people. And I really hope that it does for me. Since death and wanting to be with Michael is all that I really think about anymore.
 
I feel I am much better about Michael's passing now. I am on medication and know Michael is safe with God now.
 
Its hard for me too especially when you know the real deal on why he passed. Its hard on me because I lost my aunt in July 09 and I still feel hurt and i am a emotional reck. Its not fair how MJ was treated, and lied on throughout the hardest years of his life. I try to come on here and make u all laugh at times because when I logon this site I feel a real sad and empty at times I feel like I lost Michael as a relative so hurt breaking.
 
I've just got back to square 1, I think.
I was doing so well, I hadn't been crying for a couple of weeks and then I had an urge to watch the memorial, and Smokey set me off within the first minutes, I want this pain to go away so badly but I don't think it will :cry: I think its the thought that we are approaching the 1 year anniversary thats making me so upset :( :cry:

Ryan.
 
right now my heart is aching so much that i'm holding it with my hand,
i feel it's gonna blow up.

when i look at him, and he is so beautiful,
why god, why did it have to happen.
he was so good, he was my life.
i don't know what to do.
i want to cry but can't ,
this pain is inside my, and it's killing me.

i just want to thank you mjjcommunity,
you are the one who helps me in such a difficult minutes.
i do not know what have i done without you.

i don't not ask to stop this pain, cause i know it never will.
he was part of my soul, nothing can replace him,
so i don't find this pain strange , i'm not expecting that it will go.

injury can be heald,
but the most wished dream that was broken into pieces never stops aching.

i love you michael most , that why it hurts that much.
 
I'm in the same boat too. I feel worse then I did back in June/July. I was getting better but since the new year its got really bad. :cry: And the 1 year anniversary is coming up as well, so thats making it worse :weeping:
 
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