I need some hugs :(

Dutchie

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Hey you guys,

I'm having a very hard day. I miss Michael so very much and I'm hurting inside. :cry:

Since a few weeks Michael has been in my dreams almost every night....but those dreams are always about him passing away, fans (including me) following Michael around like we used to do only to get to where we thought he was and have someone tell us he is no longer with us, his funeral, or different versions of the memorial. Each time I wake up, for a split second I feel relief because 'it was just a dream'.....but then reality hits and I feel sad and heartbroken.

Michael is on my mind every minute of the day and I have to try really hard to concentrate on other things. I find myself wondering how he's doing like I used to when he was still alive.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, but I guess I just wanted to see if there's others that feel the same. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can take this. Thanks for reading this :cry:
 

lovelymj

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Yea I have been feeling like that too lately, life is so unfair. I thought I was doing better until I rewatched This is it. It would have been so amazing if Michael would have done the shows, my dream was to see him in concert. I refuse to believe what has happened.
 

wendijane

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dutchie ..:huggy:
my thoughts too, are with you beautiful .
 

Flor

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Aww Dutchie :hug: I understand how you're feeling , some days are harder than others , when I feel down I just try to remember that he's in a better place :angel: and I'm sure he's looking after us :)

Hope you feel better soon :heart: :flowers:
 

xthunderx2

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:hug: It is hard Dutchie.....we will all get through this..one day at a time...together.
 

jenny*

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Suuz,

You are not alone girl, never.
And promise me when you find the answer to get over this loss, will you tell me?

Cause the pain is too much to handle, it,s heartbreaking.
 

Justine

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I want too..
Hugsssss big huggss to all my MJ family who want and who feel bad and miss him like I.
Love you :*:*:*
 
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*Billie Jean*

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Aww... :hug: I know how you feel. I miss him so much too. I just feel so empty all the time, it's awful. I thought that after 10 months, the pain would have started to disappear, but it isn't. It's still as raw and painful as it was the day I found out. With each passing day I miss him even more. I am trying to be strong and live his message but it is so hard when all I want is Michael to be here with us. When will it get easier? This is breaking my heart. :weeping:
 

MJsBollywoodGirl7

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Dutchie I really do know exactly how you feel. So a very big :hug: to you. I have been feeling the way you have been ever since that extremely horrible day. I am still suffering from depression over what happen with Michael. Is just now my depression became clinical. I am still crying over him mostly every single day. And it really can't be helped since the tears just comes on automatically. Michael and wanting to be with Michael is all that I think about anymore. Because I just hate so much having to live in a world without him in it. I am 30 years old and I have been a Michael Jackson fan since the early 80s. If someone 25 years ago told me how painful the lost of Michael Jackson was going to be. I would have never stayed a fan of his this long. I can usually handle pain quite well. But this pain that I continue to feel every single day since it happen. Is absolutely excruciating. I didn't even know pain like this even existed. I am starting to cry over him again. So again I do know just how you feel. Cause there is no words in any language that can even begin to describe just how much I miss him. :sad: :boohoo:
 

MIST

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Hugs to all of you.

I think I never get rid of the feeling that it wasn´t fair.
He deserved to have his concerts and see how much the fans loved it and everyone should say they were the greatest shows on earth.
I was planning last year for the next 40 years that he should be an ambassador for Unicef and there was also plenty of time for him to do whatever he wanted to do.
He should have a good life.
It should have been only good things to read about him in the taboids-I just thought it was enough with bad things.
 

Dutchie

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Thanks you guys, I am happy to know I am not alone. It's so hard.

People wonder why, after almost 1 year, I am still grieving. Michael was my LIFE. Losing someone who's so important to you to the point where they are like family, is not something you can 'get over' in 'just' one year. He was in my heart, and he took a piece of my heart with him when he passed.

Sometimes I get so angry, I just want to scream: "What the hell is everyone thinking?! Why are you living your life while we lost one of the most precious, and special people earth has ever known?!" But then I realize that many people just don't understand that Michael was more than an artist.

They don't know any better and see Michael as that guy that did the "Hee-Hee's" and "aow's" and made incredible short films, and who was a tad strange in the past few years. But damnit, Michael spent every free hour he had trying to make the world a better place. He spent his time traveling to hospitals all over the world to help people, to talk to them and make them feel better. He spent half of his damn fortune on charities worldwide and he ANONYMOUSLY paid for funerals of murdered children simply because he cared. He spent days looking for a liver for a little boy named Farkus, simply because he didn't want this child to die.

Whenever I can, I tell people about the times Michael sent pizza down to the fans waiting outside his hotel. Often confused about getting pizza at 1 AM, fans would look around and ask who ordered pizza. The answer would be "Michael". He phoned fans, wrote us messages, read our letters. He appreciated us at least as much as we appreciated him and whenever he could, he would show it.

No, the pain of this immense loss will not be gone after one year. In about 60 years, when I am 85 years old I will still think back and remember this incredible and remarkable man who not only changed music, but also the world. Who sacrificed his LIFE to help others, to make the world a better place. And you bet, that even then, a tear will be rolling down my cheek.

:flowers:
 

Tin Angel

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Dutchie, I understand you so much, I think we all do. I feel like he was a family member, a friend. He never, never, let me down. He never disappointed me. He was there for me, in my heart, always. And he still is, and this thought heals my soul but sometimes the pain is just too much to handle alone. Just the other day, I was sitting in my room and I like blackout or something 'cause suddendly the image on my mum telling me "I have bad news, Michael Jackson has just died" with this pale face came to my mind. I don't know why but it did and it hurts... I just hope one day we can remember him with a bright smile on our face. Dutchie, I am here for you. :hug:
 

Louise.

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Totally know how you feel. :hug:
Take care. :heart:

I still can't believe it's nearly a year. I remember it all happening like it was yesterday. :cry: :sigh:
 

januska

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It is still very, very hard to deal with all the pain and grief. Some days can be better, but it still makes me wonder if it will ever be possible to just remember Michael without aching inside..

I think Michael will forever be a part of all our lives, and it's definitely a comforting thought that there are so many people around the world who feel the same. People who miss him, love him, get tears in their eyes sometimes because of thinking of him, listening to his music or watching a concert etc.. :cry:

So none of us is really alone in this and together we are strong. If some people can't understand why we're still hurting ("you didn't even know him personally, why are you still crying?"), it's their problem really. They just can't understand how much was taken away from us last June.. I never thought I would be so devastated over the loss of him either. (Actually I never thought I would lose him but nevermind.)

Lots of hugs to everyone! :heart:
It's because of you this nightmare is somewhat bearable.. :better:
 

Sophielo

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Hey hunny

Giving you much hugs today. It gets so hard sometimes missing him so much that I don't know what to do. I'm always here for you hunny, you know where I am if you ever need to talk about anything. It doesn't seem like its getting any easier to deal with sometimes. The only good ting about Michael's passing is that it brought so many amazing people into my life. When Michael was here it felt for us fans that we were taking on the whole world. We stood with each other side by side in 2005, we stood at hotels in the freezing cold, and we were all united in grief when he passed. As Michael said we are a family and you're part of my family Suzanne.

Love you xxxxxx
 

raz2911

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Big hugs to everyone, :group:
Yesterday I was watching a dangerous performance and I just broke out in tears, its uncontrolable. Its just so hard to believe that such an amazing man, with talent that has and never will be matched will never make our jaws drop again with an amazing performance and no one will do asmuch as him to help people who are in need as much as he did :weeping: :cry:
 

PCR

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Well... yes, I am really to send a big hug to our dear Dutchie :hug:
but to be honest, I will be a big liar if I told you I feel way better than you.

I had a very "Michael-ish" day yesterday. I went out shopping and he was everywhere: Dangerous playing at one store, WBSS at another, a fan with a shirt, a shop selling this wonderful bag with all the covers of his albums, a special edition of TII DVD new here in my country.... all this in a couple of hours... you can't forget him.

I mean... seriously. I have been here trying to do what I have to do for my work and for my applications and see: NOTHING. It's all about Michael. I just can't get him out of my head and of my heart. And the truth is I don't want to!!! In a way, in a silly way you might say, I feel this pain is like a link with him. Stupid, I know :cry:. I don't wanna let go. I don't wanna. I now have a new 3d postcard in a frame on my desk, at my right. He is there, so brave, brilliant and those words "This is it" .... those words kill me.

I have come to hate that phrase!!!! It's so final, so hard, to unbearable, so full of too many sad memories.

I miss Michael every day. I can't dream of him, however. My only dream was of me with his family at the funeral, back in September. I was crying so bad, so sad, and then Katherine came and held me so strong and so tenderly, that insted of me giving her some words of solace, it was she, her embrace. But then I woke up, actually feeling a bit better, really a bit of relief.

I miss Michael!!!! I want time to fly. I want to see him again. I want him to have another chance, in a better place, in a safer and nicer place. We need him so much. So much it kills me day after day :weeping: :weeping:
 
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PCR

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Big hugs to everyone, :group:
Yesterday I was watching a dangerous performance and I just broke out in tears, its uncontrolable.

Same here.
I was reading a tribute magazine a friend brought form Germany and there I was crying right from the beginning. Then my little nice invited me to her house to see TII and as "I'll be there", tears came to my eyes. I tried to hold them, as I don't want my little nice and nephew to link MJ to pain, but my little nephew (he is 6) told me: "Naaaaa, don't worry, we know you always get to cry when we see Michael Jackson, so don't worry, take it easy and just cry if you want to"

:cry:
 

januska

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Same here.
I was reading a tribute magazine a friend brought form Germany and there I was crying right from the beginning. Then my little nice invited me to her house to see TII and as "I'll be there", tears came to my eyes. I tried to hold them, as I don't want my little nice and nephew to link MJ to pain, but my little nephew (he is 6) told me: "Naaaaa, don't worry, we know you always get to cry when we see Michael Jackson, so don't worry, take it easy and just cry if you want to"

:cry:

Awwww :cry:
:better:
 

lovelymj

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Michael today is such a rainy day in Florida,and I can't help but think of you. I love you so much, you will forever be in my heart, I promise. Hopefully, one day you will get the recognition you deserve.
 

Sils

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Thanks you guys, I am happy to know I am not alone. It's so hard.

People wonder why, after almost 1 year, I am still grieving. Michael was my LIFE. Losing someone who's so important to you to the point where they are like family, is not something you can 'get over' in 'just' one year. He was in my heart, and he took a piece of my heart with him when he passed.

Sometimes I get so angry, I just want to scream: "What the hell is everyone thinking?! Why are you living your life while we lost one of the most precious, and special people earth has ever known?!" But then I realize that many people just don't understand that Michael was more than an artist.

They don't know any better and see Michael as that guy that did the "Hee-Hee's" and "aow's" and made incredible short films, and who was a tad strange in the past few years. But damnit, Michael spent every free hour he had trying to make the world a better place. He spent his time traveling to hospitals all over the world to help people, to talk to them and make them feel better. He spent half of his damn fortune on charities worldwide and he ANONYMOUSLY paid for funerals of murdered children simply because he cared. He spent days looking for a liver for a little boy named Farkus, simply because he didn't want this child to die.

Whenever I can, I tell people about the times Michael sent pizza down to the fans waiting outside his hotel. Often confused about getting pizza at 1 AM, fans would look around and ask who ordered pizza. The answer would be "Michael". He phoned fans, wrote us messages, read our letters. He appreciated us at least as much as we appreciated him and whenever he could, he would show it.

No, the pain of this immense loss will not be gone after one year. In about 60 years, when I am 85 years old I will still think back and remember this incredible and remarkable man who not only changed music, but also the world. Who sacrificed his LIFE to help others, to make the world a better place. And you bet, that even then, a tear will be rolling down my cheek.

:flowers:
:bow: :yes:
I know how you feel! Some days are soooo hard.. I just think of Michael and start crying.. :cry:
I still can't believe it's nearly a year..

Big hug to you! :huggy:
 

BillieJean84

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Totally know how you feel. :hug:
Take care. :heart:

I still can't believe it's nearly a year. I remember it all happening like it was yesterday. :cry: :sigh:


Yea I don't know what to say except that I posted something like this too not alot of ppl seemed to see it here.

I'm not the same person. I think I'm more damaged emotionally than I have ever been and more than I ever will be from now on. I still can't believe hes really gone. The world is an ugly place. I hope that I go soon and see and be with michael when I am gone. thats the 1 thing I can be 110% honest about.

and I'm glad I have came across here and met so many great ppl. I realy do love all you - your good ppl. In fact in DC if I go June 26th, will you ppl wear a shirt or have a sign that says 'MJJC Member' on it? :D
 

StaceyMJ

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I wish there was a way to end the pain. :( I feel the same, I keep dreaming about him too recently. *sigh* I wish there was more I could say or do. Just know that you really aren't alone.
 

Bee

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...

No, the pain of this immense loss will not be gone after one year. In about 60 years, when I am 85 years old I will still think back and remember this incredible and remarkable man who not only changed music, but also the world. Who sacrificed his LIFE to help others, to make the world a better place. And you bet, that even then, a tear will be rolling down my cheek.
True post, also this part! Sometimes I'm afraid of what the future wil bring...ofcourse we will forever remember him and keep him alive, but it's so strange to realize this whole world is simply moving on without his physical being, without news, without things going on to get excited about....just not what used to be 'regular stuff'. All those years now seem to have flown by like it were seconds. The music will get 'old', etc...all of that. :no:

It will probably all feel very surreal for a long, long time. I guess we'll keep on letting tears about Michael over the time, whether it's sad tears out of missing him or happy tears out of what we know and how much we love. But it's okay, though.

In some way he's not 'gone'...I'd like to tell myself it's just 'changed'...he'll still be there deeply locked in our hearts.
If there's anyone who's powerful enough to be remembered a 100 or what years from now, it's Michael. :heart:

Hugs to everyone who needs it! :huggy:
 
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