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Sorry...I have to open up

Hi Maria, and HUUUUGGGSSS first of all from your "Godmother". :) I'm so sorry to hear you are not doing that well and that you mother is so ill also. I can understand that you're scared, it IS scary to see someone you love that ill. I'm not sure if anyone can really prepare themselves for these kinds of situations in life, they will always be difficult and trying because who wants to see someone who is important to them suffer or even worse, die? The only advice I can give to you is to spend as much time with your mom as you can. Even if you just hold her hand, I am sure she will feel it and sense it. And tell her you love her. And also take care of yourself. When my dad was sick with cancer, I was always worrying about everything and my dad gave me the best advice anyone could give you in that situation: "Take each day as it comes. Don't worry about tomorrow!". Because none of us knows what tomorow brings...it could be bad news, but it good be good news, or no news...so one shouldn't waste TODAY by worrying about what might be tomorrow. Take care of yourself and go for a walk or look at the clouds or the flowers or go to the church...do something nice and peaceful and relaxing for yourself. And remember that we all have our time. Some go sooner, some go later. Be grateful for the time you have with your mother and cherish every moment. And look forward!! You're still YOUNG!! You have your whole life ahead of you still!! 35 is NOT too old for having babies!! There are women who have their first child when they are over 40!! So if you wanna be a mommy, it's NOT too late! Anyways....I hope that helps!! I wish you and your mother all the best and I'll keep you in my prayers! Take care of yourself and God bless!! *huuugggssssss*
 
I wish you, your mother and your whole family all the very best! I really hope your Mom continues to get better and i'll keep your family in my prayers. Keep us updated! God bless.
 
Janey,thank you so so much for your prayers and support.

summer...oh my dear one if you could imagine what it meant to me to hear from you.

I am trying to be strong and take care of me.But all i can think about is my mother.My mother is the person i love the most in this world and i would do anything to heal her.
Your father gave you the most wise advice someone can give.I was told that as well.By my family doctor that is a complete saint ,as she is always here for me no matter what time it is.
About being a mother...I know that there are people having babies in the 40's.But besides thinking that it is much more danger,for the mother and the baby,right now those are not the kind of things i think at all.
My one and only priority in life is my mother.I keep telling her and showing her how much i love her,but even so,i feel very useless and helpless,specially when i see her in pain.I would die for her,you know?
Anyways my dear "godmother",thank you so much for your support.love you so!

Cinnamon234...Thank you so much for your prayers and wishes.I just wish God would listen to me ,and all of you as well,as the news i have,are not the best ones for sure.

God Bless all of you and thank you so much for your support,love and prayers.
 
Ok...The updates about my mother are far from being good.

Today my mother made lots of exams and tests to seehow her brain and her eyes would respond to it.

Unffortunately,cause the problem that my mom has,is caused by her aneurism,the brain and eyes didn't react asthey should.

The eye that was operated,now can't make any movement up or down.Only to the sides but not that much.The doctor explained that her central system in the brain is so damadged that didn't understand the changes that were done.Because of it,she now needs ANOTHER SURGERY to the eye that used to see well.If she dosen't do this surgery,she will end up blind very soon.

She is now at home,but in bed in the dark because she has lots of pain in the eye,and is feeling pain in all her body.Each 3 hours i will have to put her a medicin in the eye to see if the eye starts to open a bit more,and the red goes away.
(i don't want to imagine having to wake my mom each 3 hours...if i only knew a way to help her for real...).
Also,and because this is considered a very dangerous situation,my mother will go to another eye appoitment,on december 22nd (what a great christmas,uh?),to make new tests and exams to her view,and on the 29th of january,she will go to the hospital to be prepared for surgery on the 30th.

My mother keeps saying that her day is near,and although i try to stay strong,and joke with her,deep inside,something tells me that she is right,and i have no idea how to deal with this.

I'm lossing strenghs...i'm so tired...but i need to be here for my mother.If only i could heal her...
Anyways,those are the last news i have.
I just hope and pray that the next post,won't be to say that My mother is no longger with me.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Ok...The updates about my mother are far from being good.

Today my mother made lots of exams and tests to seehow her brain and her eyes would respond to it.

Unffortunately,cause the problem that my mom has,is caused by her aneurism,the brain and eyes didn't react asthey should.

The eye that was operated,now can't make any movement up or down.Only to the sides but not that much.The doctor explained that her central system in the brain is so damadged that didn't understand the changes that were done.Because of it,she now needs ANOTHER SURGERY to the eye that used to see well.If she dosen't do this surgery,she will end up blind very soon.

She is now at home,but in bed in the dark because she has lots of pain in the eye,and is feeling pain in all her body.Each 3 hours i will have to put her a medicin in the eye to see if the eye starts to open a bit more,and the red goes away.
(i don't want to imagine having to wake my mom each 3 hours...if i only knew a way to help her for real...).
Also,and because this is considered a very dangerous situation,my mother will go to another eye appoitment,on december 22nd (what a great christmas,uh?),to make new tests and exams to her view,and on the 29th of january,she will go to the hospital to be prepared for surgery on the 30th.

My mother keeps saying that her day is near,and although i try to stay strong,and joke with her,deep inside,something tells me that she is right,and i have no idea how to deal with this.

I'm lossing strenghs...i'm so tired...but i need to be here for my mother.If only i could heal her...
Anyways,those are the last news i have.
I just hope and pray that the next post,won't be to say that My mother is no longger with me.
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Yes, most of teh time you can sense those things. Somehow I "knew" that my dad is going to die as soon as I graduate. I didn't want to think about it and I hated the feeling, but somehow I knew. The only advice that I can give to you is to tell your mom that you love her dearly and that she is very important to you and that you appreciate every single moment you have been able to spend with her and that you will never forget her. But tell her that it's okay to go. That as much as you'd want to hav her around you forever and ever....you let her go when she thinks it's time. So many people suffer and try to fight because the relatives, etc. won't let them go...but if you tell her that it is okay to go when she thinks is time, it will give her peace. Believe me, it is NOT easy to do. When I was at the hospital on the night my daddied and my mom told me to tell dad that it's okay for him to go, to give him the permission to go if he needs to...believe me, it was NOT easy. I mean, I DIDN'T want him to go....I wanted to have my dad!!! But on the other hand I knew that I can't have him suffer just because I won't let go and I knew it would be selfish of me to not let him go even though it was time. It was the most DIFFICULT thing I ever had to do in my life....It took a LOT of effort to say it. In the end I just barely whispered out the words to dad and told him it's okay for him to go and right after that I said I am going to miss him so much and started crying my eyes out...and my dad died about a minute after I had told him he can go and that I am going to miss him so MUCH. It was so terrible and I still miss my dad SO MUCH and wish I could have him back...but on the other hand I am grateful I was able to be there and hold his hand when he died. And I do understand now that everyone has their time to go and we need to cherish the time we have with those who are dear to us. There's a saying that "as long as the memories are alive, a person never really dies" and it's true. I think about my dad all the time and I know someday I'll see him again.
 
Maria....know that ALL of us are here for you. ALL OF US. We are a COMMUNITY. We stick together through thick and thin. I hope and pray for you and your Mom Maria....I wish I were there to help you out...
 
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summer...HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.I had no idea you havebeen in a situation like this.
If i had known this 2 and half years ago,i would tell you that i have no idea how you felt and that i wish i would never had to be in your shoes.
But right now,i have to tell you that i do know how you felt because i am going through the same thing.
And yes it is very hard to say to a mother that she is free to go but i told her today in a inderect way.
We were talking,she was saying that all her body hurts,that she is tired,and i told her that if she want she could stop fighting.I also said that if there was a way to help her somehow,i do anything,cause i love her more than words can say.
I have no idea if she pretended or not,but she didn't tell me anything.what her silence means?...i have no idea.


LindaC781....I know We are a COMMUNITY,you have no idea how proud i m to belong to this forum,and the past mjjf as well.But what i didn't know was that i would have thismany people supporting me,because most of you have no idea how i am as we never spoke.
And you are helping me much more than you think.Just by Praying for me and specially my mother.
If someone does something to mother,does to me as well.So in her name (Elisa),and in mine,i thank you with all my heart.HUGS
 
My fears got confirmed when i thought i would have bad news to give you all.

First of all,she badly slept and me as well,as she needs to take a medicin each 3 hours.
But i found a bit of time to take a nap in between taking care of her.

The worst was that since yesterday night,she is with a hudge diarrea that dosen't stop.She was going to the restroom each 10 minutes and i got so scared,that in the midle of the night i called my family doctor come here and see her.
She gave my mom a medicin named "Tiorfan",and i gave it with a tea,but 20 minutes later she was taking all out.
So the first thing i did in the morning was calling my doctor to ask her what shoud i do and she returned here with 2 diferent medicins "Immodium" and "Motilum".I was told that my mother shouldn't eat anything but that she should drink lots of water and tea.worst of everything,she wasalso not able to keep in her stomac the tea.
Again i called my doctor and told her what was happening and i was told that what my mom has is maybe abacteria thatshe got in the hospital and if it is that,it will take a week to go way,but thatif she gets to weak,she has to return to the hospital.
My mother is in bed,and the only time she gets up,it's to go to the restroom.
If tomorrow she is the same way,i will call my doctor again,and ask her to go with me and my mom to the hospital.
All my says right now is thatshe had enough,she is tired and all body hurts.I just wish i could do something no matter what.
It kills me to see my mother like that and not being able to do a thing.
 
This night was a complete nightmare.
My mother was running to the restroom each 20 minutes,and each 3 hours,i had to go to her to put the medicin in her eye.
because she was like this during the night,in the morning i went to my family doctor to update her on my mom.She changed the medicins to something strongger.
One is an antibiotic "Bactrim forte",and the other one is to help healing any possible bacterial infection named "UL (ultra levure )250".
She drank black tea,and "ate"rice soup,and 30 minutes later she was going to the restroom again.
She drank coke,it came out as well.
since we had dinner at 8pm,my mother went to the restroom five times!and it is only 10.50pm
The worst of everything is that if she dosen't get better till the end of the week,she might have to return to the hospital again.
Anyways ...thank you all for you support and prayers.It means more than i can describe
 
maria (hugs) you. i will keep your family in my prayers. i hope you can get some rest also.
 
Friend...thank you so much.your prayers mean a lot to me.Hugs back.


This night the antibiotic started to act as it should.Thought it was a though night because she still is in a lot of pain due to the surgery that will make tomorrow,friday,8 days that was done.
The morning was not so bad,but all she ate was rice soup.
In the evening what she had for dinner was still the rice soup and spoom of white rice with a carrot.
So far she seems better,but it's still too early to know because she is very weak and not eating as she should.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support,that seem to be helping somehow.
God Bless you all!
 
Hugs to you and your family.

You're in my thoughts and prayers

*hugs*
 
Maria, you and your mother are in my prayers, my friend i cant possibly imagine what you are and your family are going through :(
xxx
 
oh that's good news that the antibiotics are beginning to work and she's starting to eat even if it is slight, its something :) yay. keeps holding you up with prayer. i hope your starting to feel better some too. take care (hugs)
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
My mother made the exam to her lung and after it,she fainted.After several exams,it was diagnosed that she has a brain aneurisma, in the only place of the brain that can't be removed because it makes connection to the eyes,the balance,and the behaviour.

I got a call saying my mother was in ICU fighting for life because her internal bleeding was very serious.
So the next day she has a 3 and half surgery named embolization.(A process where they glue the area that is bleeding,to try to make it stop).
The surgery went well,but she was in ICU for 15 days cause she couldn't moove without help,she was having memory and behaviour problems,and her heart was beating much to fast at times,and others much too slow.
I will never fotget the image of my mother in ICU...
After those eternal 15 days,my mom is changed to a regular room,where she stays a month making fisioteraphy,and gaining weight.

When she finally came home,she was very sick and fragille.But with a lot of treatmensts and fisioteraphy,she started to be able to do a few things on her own.
Problem is that there are some areas afected that will never recover.One of them is her emotions and behaviour.(only sometimes she is "in herself"),another thing is her balance.Because she has double vision,she dosen't have the notion where things are,so she needs help to walk and do everything.

On her lastest appoitments,last year,and some already this year,after 2 MRI,it was found that her brain aneurisma grew.
This is the same as saying that she has a bom in her head that can explode from one moment to the other,or a bomb that will slowly kill all her organs till it burstes,and she ends up dying.

These past months,my mother has been getting worst almost day-by-day,and because of it,she was making a lot of exams to her heart that sometimes stops beating,other beats much too fast,and also to her kidneys cause she has a kidney infeccion that dosen't go away no matter what she takes for it.
Last but not least,it was diagnosed that if my mother dosen't try to make a eye surgery to see if they can fix one of the muscles she has paralised,she will end up getting blind.

We were all told about the risks this surgery takes.My mom can dye in the surgery.It is a very delicated surgery because they will have to touch in the area where the aneurisma is.
To try to make things easier for my mother,she dosen't knows that she might never wake up from this surgery.If she gets too anxious and her blood pressure gets even more high, it can be fatal to her.

Since 2006 my life chaged completly.I was making plans to start my life,and all of the sudden,my mother needs me in a way that if i wasn't here for her,she would have to be in the hospital,or homeless,and i would never allow that to happen,because i love my mother more than wors can say.
I just wish i could do more than just help her doing things.

My biggest problem now,is that i am exausted phisically and emotionally speaking.
Since 2006 that i have all my life on hold and i am completly alone here doing everything because my brothers are never here.
Now next thursday,my mom will go to the hospital to be prepared for the surgery that will be next friday,24rd,and i am scared to death of what can happen cause even though i am being told to be prepared for everything,i have no idea how can i do that,because the idea of loosing my mother scares me,and it is something that i can't imagine happening so soon.
Can anyone tell me how do i prepare myself?
Sometimes i have no idea how i can still do things,as i feel so weak and without strenghs.
All i want to ask all of you, is how do i deal with something like this?
What more can i do and give to make my mother so she feels better?(i feel so useless)
If someone has an idea,if it is not asking too much,please pray for my mother so everything goes the best way possible.Her name is Elisa.
Thank you so much for everything.
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i am praying for her right now.
 
Maria, I feel so terrible... I wish I could be there with you and your mom for mental support...
Keep on praying.
Did you contact a support group?

I'll keep praying...
 
big DB...Dom Dear,i hope you and noone in this forum will ever go throught this endless nightmare i am going through.Thank you so so much for constant love,support and prayers.Love you

friend...it's very true that in a way i feel more released that my mother is starting to eat.But i fear it is too soon that the dangerous is gone.Again, i want to thank all your prayers and support.HUGS

vncwilliam...thank you.Itmeans a lot more than words can describe.God Bless you.

IrIslovesMJ...please don't feel terrible for me.It's not what i want in anyway.You are very sweet in wanting to help me somehow,given the fact that we never spoke or know eachother and that is touching me very deep.
You left me without words really.I would say thank you for everything...but i think that dosen't says a thing,compared to what i am feeling.God Bless you!
I wish we had support groups like a normal country has.The only one i ever heard about,is in the south of my country,and it is very expensive.Also this organization,chooses the patients,so my only luck is my family doctor and also my psychiatrist that is seeing me each 2 months,or when he thinks it is needed.
A part from medical support,i have a boyfriend that is a true bless in life!and somereal true friends that besides being only a few,they are genuine.
Last but not least,i have my forum,this forum and all of you.
Most of you answering my thread never spoke to me before and are giving me an incridle help.
Thank you all so much for all your support,love and prayers.
It means much more than words can say.
God Bless you all.HUGS


 
You are stronger than you know. Whatever you have to face alone, I'm sure you will be able to endure it because you have inner strength to get by. We all have to come to a point in our lives that things become unbearable and the loss of someone close can be the hardest thing to live through...but you do live through it.

You have to keep yourself healthy and strong by doing what you can. That's all you can do. Your mother is at risk and your prayers for her can help you and her to deal with the pressure more easily.

I lost my mother at an early age, right after high school graduation. It was an ordeal that I had to survive and I did it with the upbringing and knowledge and strength that she had raised me to be able to do. I wasn't afraid even though I had lost the only person who truly loved and cared for me. She was a strong woman and she taught me how to stand alone even when I didn't know that is what she was teaching me.

So the only thing I can say to help you deal with your mother's surgeries and illnesses is to just be there for her and get through it no matter what. You are already doing that so just keep going and never lose hope that you will get by. And when the worse presents itself, you have to see the positive in it...that things happen for a reason and the suffering has ended...her suffering.

You can get through this. I know you can. You've proved it already by caring and loving your mother and trying to make things the best for her. Don't make yourself crazy and lose your own health. She needs you to be stronger than you've ever been and you need to be strong for yourself. That will be the best thing you can do for her and yourself.

May God bless you both.
 
ladyplatinum said:
You are stronger than you know. Whatever you have to face alone, I'm sure you will be able to endure it because you have inner strength to get by. We all have to come to a point in our lives that things become unbearable and the loss of someone close can be the hardest thing to live through...but you do live through it.

You have to keep yourself healthy and strong by doing what you can. That's all you can do. Your mother is at risk and your prayers for her can help you and her to deal with the pressure more easily.

I lost my mother at an early age, right after high school graduation. It was an ordeal that I had to survive and I did it with the upbringing and knowledge and strength that she had raised me to be able to do. I wasn't afraid even though I had lost the only person who truly loved and cared for me. She was a strong woman and she taught me how to stand alone even when I didn't know that is what she was teaching me.

So the only thing I can say to help you deal with your mother's surgeries and illnesses is to just be there for her and get through it no matter what. You are already doing that so just keep going and never lose hope that you will get by. And when the worse presents itself, you have to see the positive in it...that things happen for a reason and the suffering has ended...her suffering.

You can get through this. I know you can. You've proved it already by caring and loving your mother and trying to make things the best for her. Don't make yourself crazy and lose your own health. She needs you to be stronger than you've ever been and you need to be strong for yourself. That will be the best thing you can do for her and yourself.

May God bless you both.
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ladyplatinum...I have no words to say what and how i felt when i read your post.
Yes i my mother needs me nowmore than ever,it's because of her that i am doing all i can to stay healthy and strong.You say i am strong...i don't know if i am...i go to bed tired,and i wake up even more tired.I'm on multivitamines and lots of suplements to help me,but to be very honest,i have no idea if they are doing something because i wasn't supposed to feel that tired i think.
MY mother is the person i love the most in this world,and for her i would die if needed.So of course i am all the time with her giving her all my love,praying,and making sure that she feels a bit better.
My mother is to me my baby right now.Each 3 hours she needs me to help with medicins,and i am the one doing all she needs.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support.They are so much appreciated.
Take care too and God Bless
 
Dear Sweet Maria:

I'm so sorry to hear about your pain, You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I love you. please keep us updated. :flowers:
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
ladyplatinum...I have no words to say what and how i felt when i read your post.
Yes i my mother needs me nowmore than ever,it's because of her that i am doing all i can to stay healthy and strong.You say i am strong...i don't know if i am...i go to bed tired,and i wake up even more tired.I'm on multivitamines and lots of suplements to help me,but to be very honest,i have no idea if they are doing something because i wasn't supposed to feel that tired i think.
MY mother is the person i love the most in this world,and for her i would die if needed.So of course i am all the time with her giving her all my love,praying,and making sure that she feels a bit better.
My mother is to me my baby right now.Each 3 hours she needs me to help with medicins,and i am the one doing all she needs.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support.They are so much appreciated.
Take care too and God Bless
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I understand that you may be tired from the stress, but the strength is there nevertheless. Sometimes when you are tired you can still find a way to get things done that have to be done. That's the strength that God gives you to get up and make things happen.

Those multivitamins could be making you feel bad because you aren't eating properly along with taking them. You have to eat a full stomach of food to get the best results from the pills. Whenever you don't eat right and you try to supplement with vitamins it only tears you down. I think if you would get a good hot meal of rice and steak or turkey with some green vegetables and some green tea or tomato juice and plenty of water you will be feeling great. Also you should take an iron supplement with your meals and stay off the vitamins. The iron will do you much better. The best vitamins to take are B vitamins. You can take one B-150 tablet a day and you will get through the day so much better and feel energized. Just make sure you eat something before taking it.

Eat fruit when you are not ready for a big meal, like apples or grapes or pineapple or plums and you will replenish yourself and feel rejuvenated when you feel like you are running low on energy. I'm not a doctor but I've been told that I act like one.:D

Take it easy. You'll be all right.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
big DB...Dom Dear,i hope you and noone in this forum will ever go throught this endless nightmare i am going through.Thank you so so much for constant love,support and prayers.Love you

friend...it's very true that in a way i feel more released that my mother is starting to eat.But i fear it is too soon that the dangerous is gone.Again, i want to thank all your prayers and support.HUGS

vncwilliam...thank you.Itmeans a lot more than words can describe.God Bless you.

IrIslovesMJ...please don't feel terrible for me.It's not what i want in anyway.You are very sweet in wanting to help me somehow,given the fact that we never spoke or know eachother and that is touching me very deep.
You left me without words really.I would say thank you for everything...but i think that dosen't says a thing,compared to what i am feeling.God Bless you!
I wish we had support groups like a normal country has.The only one i ever heard about,is in the south of my country,and it is very expensive.Also this organization,chooses the patients,so my only luck is my family doctor and also my psychiatrist that is seeing me each 2 months,or when he thinks it is needed.
A part from medical support,i have a boyfriend that is a true bless in life!and somereal true friends that besides being only a few,they are genuine.
Last but not least,i have my forum,this forum and all of you.
Most of you answering my thread never spoke to me before and are giving me an incridle help.
Thank you all so much for all your support,love and prayers.
It means much more than words can say.
God Bless you all.HUGS
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God Bless You~~
 
sweet princess...You are the one very sweet.Thank you so much for your prayers.They are very much appreciated.

ladyplatinum..."...Also you should take an iron supplement with your meals and stay off the vitamins. The iron will do you much better. The best vitamins to take are B vitamins. You can take one B-150 tablet a day ..."...You sure do act like a doctor.But all your advices are very wery much appreaciated as i want to be in my best health possible so i can take care proprely of my mother.I have no idea if we have tablets you mention,or even the iron supplements,but i will talk to my family doctor next week,and i will ask her for sure about it.Thank you so much for thei nformation you gave me.


TO UPDATE YOU ALL ON MY MOTHER'S CONDITION;

My mother got worst today.She was not able to sleep all night with stomac and eye pains,and after lunch she was feeling like she was not diggesting the food as by dinner time,she was feeling very sick of her stomac.I made a very light food,but she is not well.She already took 2 pills that she needs to take when the pains are almost unberable and she is still not feeling well.
In a hour it's time for her eye medicin,and also stomac so i will make a tea to see if it helps.I really do hope she can rest.

I only wonder when will she have a break.She is going throughh so much at the same time.She dosen't deserve what is happening to her at all.
Anyways...I just want that God dosen't wait much more to release my mother from all this pain by either healing her,or taking her next to HIm.I can't bear see my mother in pain and not being abe to do a thing.It's frustrating,it hurts a lot,and i have no idea for how much longer i can handle this situation.My mother is for sure the last person of my family that deserves such a burden.

Thank you all for everything.I really do feel that if it wasn't all of you here supporting and praying,that i wouldhave lost my mind a long time ago.

God Bless all of you and the ones you love!
 
I'm glad to hear your mom is doing better, you're in my prayers :flowers:
 
Dear Maria, I was sorry to read your last update and to hear that your mother is suffering such pain, but even though she is hurting she knows you are there for her, loving her, cherishing her and supporting her. Ladyplatenum is giving good advice, you need to make sure you keep well and get some rest yourself. I hope your mother soon makes some improvement, take care and God Bless xx
 
cass...my dear friend...i have no words to describe what your support means to me.
You are going through something so painfull as well.But just like your dad is near the end,my mother is too.
The only diference is that she can go from one minute to another,or she can have more time,and in the meanwhile,all her body organs start shutting down.Noone can tell how long my mother still has,but she says very often that her day is near,and sometimes i fear she is right.

But please ...now foccus only on you and your family,and never forget that i'm here for you.TIGHT HUGS


MJsPanda....my mother has lots of ups and downs.Thank you for your wishes

Janey...you are very right.I make sure that everyday,every moment i can have her more aware of things,i tell her how i love her and always will.
Me and my mother are very close since always,and that will never change,as she is the person i love the most in this world,and she knows it.
The advice ladyplatenum gave me will be followed as as soon as i talk to my family doctor next week.
You wish her to improve soon.well...unfortunatelly it was not today that it happened.

Thank you all for everything.
 
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