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Sorry...I have to open up

Sweet Maria:

Thank you for the update, I hope your mom improves soon, try to get some rest. you sound like your really tired. Remember we all love you. :yes: :flowers:
 
Today it makes 15 days that my mother had the surgery to the eye.

According to the doctors,she should be able to see better,but...Not only she dosen't see better,she still has her eye red and feels pain.
I have no idea what this means,but something tells me it's not good.
If the eye dosen't recover completly till next monday,i will call the doctor to see what i can do,and if he can see my mother.
Sometimes i look at her,and seems...blind.
One of the things my mother dosen't want,is to slowly die,to have pain,but i fear that God dosen't have the same wish as my mother.She dosen't deserve what she is going through at all.
 
Today my mother left out of the house for the first time since she returned from the hospital.

I wish i could say it was great to go out with her,but maybe it was too soon,or whatever the reason can be,when we arrived home,(and we only went for a coffee in my street),she seemed as if she had run all my town,and her eye that was almost well,became red again.

I put her the medicin and left her resting while making dinner and now she is complaining of headacke,and i gave her the medicin for it.

If tomorrow she is like this,i will go to my family doctor,because i don't want to be here alone with my mother not knowing what to do or think.

Anyways...i just wish this nightmare would end somehow.My mother was very aware today,and the way she talked,as well as what she said,scared me a lot.I keep telling to myself i am ready to let her go,that it is ok if she wants to rest,but when she gets very ill,i feel so useless,so helpless and scared...
 
It has been a few days since your last update and I hope there has been some improvement for your mother. You have been so brave and very strong for your mother for such a long time now, it is very hard to see a loved one suffering. You must not feel useless and helpless because you are doing everything you can and your mother, I know, apprieciates everything you do to help her. Your love will help her through her pain.
I continue to pray for you both and I shall keep checking for your update.
Lots of love, janey xx
 
Thank you Janey for your caring and support.

The reason why i haven't updated the thread is because there was nothing i could add,as i was waiting for my mother's appoitments to find out what was going on.

Well...today we discovered that my mother still has the infection that was causing her trouble and pain when going to the restroom,and also causing her troubles to digest the food.

She is going to make lots of exams and tests to the blood and irune to see if this time,with other medicins,she gets better.
On the 21st of this month,she will make an MRI to measure her aneurism and an angiogram as well.
On the 25th,she will go to the radiologist and the neurologist to know the results of the exams and hopefuly have some treatment to help her feeling better.
on the 27th we will go to the family doctor to show the exams and tests she did,andhearwhat the doctor has to say.

Also we will go to another specialist on eyes,because my mother says that she is seeing worst,and fearing to get blind.
And for now,all i have to say is that i will resart the journey of hospitals appotments.
I just hope that this time,something for real can be done.
My mother is very tired,very weak,and i'm not feeling with a lot of strengh as well.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Thank you Janey for your caring and support.

The reason why i haven't updated the thread is because there was nothing i could add,as i was waiting for my mother's appoitments to find out what was going on.

Well...today we discovered that my mother still has the infection that was causing her trouble and pain when going to the restroom,and also causing her troubles to digest the food.

She is going to make lots of exams and tests to the blood and irune to see if this time,with other medicins,she gets better.
On the 21st of this month,she will make an MRI to measure her aneurism and an angiogram as well.
On the 25th,she will go to the radiologist and the neurologist to know the results of the exams and hopefuly have some treatment to help her feeling better.
on the 27th we will go to the family doctor to show the exams and tests she did,andhearwhat the doctor has to say.

Also we will go to another specialist on eyes,because my mother says that she is seeing worst,and fearing to get blind.
And for now,all i have to say is that i will resart the journey of hospitals appotments.
I just hope that this time,something for real can be done.
My mother is very tired,very weak,and i'm not feeling with a lot of strengh as well.
Click to expand...


i'm still praying
 
Hi Maria,

Just readed your'e tread,my thoughts are with you and your'e mother and fanily!
Take Care! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Thank you Janey for your caring and support.

The reason why i haven't updated the thread is because there was nothing i could add,as i was waiting for my mother's appoitments to find out what was going on.

Well...today we discovered that my mother still has the infection that was causing her trouble and pain when going to the restroom,and also causing her troubles to digest the food.

She is going to make lots of exams and tests to the blood and irune to see if this time,with other medicins,she gets better.
On the 21st of this month,she will make an MRI to measure her aneurism and an angiogram as well.
On the 25th,she will go to the radiologist and the neurologist to know the results of the exams and hopefuly have some treatment to help her feeling better.
on the 27th we will go to the family doctor to show the exams and tests she did,andhearwhat the doctor has to say.

Also we will go to another specialist on eyes,because my mother says that she is seeing worst,and fearing to get blind.
And for now,all i have to say is that i will resart the journey of hospitals appotments.
I just hope that this time,something for real can be done.
My mother is very tired,very weak,and i'm not feeling with a lot of strengh as well.
Click to expand...

You should be very proud of yourself...
You and your mother are going through very difficult time these days and I am under the impression that you are all your mother needs. A devoted daughter who is always there for her.
I hope you bring us good news in your next update!:angel:

HUGS!!!!! :)
 
IrIslovesMJ...what you said,touched me deep.I wish i could be everything my mother needs.She would be healthy a long time ago.
I do what i do because i love my mother more than words can say.I would do anything for her,without thinking.Thank you so much for your prayers and support.HUGS


Carol...thank you so much.it means a lot to me.XXXXXX
 
Sorry it took me a while to come here to read. I knew it might be sad and sometimes it really affects me to read about other peoples pain and difficulty so I was putting it off, though still prayed for you and your mother. Now I see more what the situation is. It must be tough to stay strong through it all, and on top of it being exhausted. Then when you get exhausted it's hard to fully take care of yourself and then the vicious cycle continues. I really hope you are able to take care of yourself as well as your mother. It's good you have opened up. I hope our prayers can help. You are doing a wonderful thing taking care of her that way. Very selfless and loving.
 
my heart hurts for you :( i didnt read all the posts so im sorry if these are reapeats. prayer on top of everything. praypraypray your heart out! :pray: i also suggest MJs music like keep the faith. i read a bit about the groups and seeing a theropist and this will help a bit. as for something you can do for your mother, try to by her a gift, or make her something to make her happy. also try toget your family over there not just to help you but she would probably be happy to see them.

you will be in my thoughts and prayers. please let us know how everything goes. trust in GOD. and I hope for the best.

GOD Bless you and your family. :hug: :flowers: :angel:

 
Ape...please don't worry for not having said anything for sometime.believe me i understand very well what you feel .
I'm doing all i can for my mother's confort and happiness.
I fear this can be our last christmas together,so i want to make sure i give her and do to her,all i can.
Yes i am very tired.But i don't know if i am more tired of seeing my mother in pain and getting worst with time,or if i am tired because i am all alone doing everything for her.
Like i said already,my mother is the person i love the most in this world.anything i can do for her,i do without thinking,because she made me who i am,and i couldn't be more happy for being her daughter.


Bl00dyphynix...You made me smile when you suggested that i should hear Michael.
Anytime i am deep despair,Michael is the one i listen and believe me,it helps a bit.
Also i do trust and believe in God very much.In fact,i think that if it wasn't the faith i have,i think i would gone crazy a long time ago.I want to thank you,from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.HUGS


Tomorrow my mother will make an ANGIO MRI...doctor thinks that my mom's aneurism has gott bigger so they will measure it.
My mom is so tired and scared.She says it hurts a lot,because all her veins are very damadged.I just hope she dosen't have to suffer.She has been through so much already.
Thank you all so much for your words of support and prayers.They mean much more than i can say,and i truly believe that if it wasn't the support i am having here,i would be lost a long time ago.
God bless all of you.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Thank you Janey for your caring and support.

The reason why i haven't updated the thread is because there was nothing i could add,as i was waiting for my mother's appoitments to find out what was going on.

Well...today we discovered that my mother still has the infection that was causing her trouble and pain when going to the restroom,and also causing her troubles to digest the food.

She is going to make lots of exams and tests to the blood and irune to see if this time,with other medicins,she gets better.
On the 21st of this month,she will make an MRI to measure her aneurism and an angiogram as well.
On the 25th,she will go to the radiologist and the neurologist to know the results of the exams and hopefuly have some treatment to help her feeling better.
on the 27th we will go to the family doctor to show the exams and tests she did,andhearwhat the doctor has to say.

Also we will go to another specialist on eyes,because my mother says that she is seeing worst,and fearing to get blind.
And for now,all i have to say is that i will resart the journey of hospitals appotments.
I just hope that this time,something for real can be done.
My mother is very tired,very weak,and i'm not feeling with a lot of strengh as well.
Click to expand...

Maria - her eye may have gone red because she was using her eye muscles a little too much. I bet she was excited though to be able to get out and about.

My prayers continue for your mother and you.....hugs!
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Ape...please don't worry for not having said anything for sometime.believe me i understand very well what you feel .
I'm doing all i can for my mother's confort and happiness.
I fear this can be our last christmas together,so i want to make sure i give her and do to her,all i can.
Yes i am very tired.But i don't know if i am more tired of seeing my mother in pain and getting worst with time,or if i am tired because i am all alone doing everything for her.
Like i said already,my mother is the person i love the most in this world.anything i can do for her,i do without thinking,because she made me who i am,and i couldn't be more happy for being her daughter.


Bl00dyphynix...You made me smile when you suggested that i should hear Michael.
Anytime i am deep despair,Michael is the one i listen and believe me,it helps a bit.
Also i do trust and believe in God very much.In fact,i think that if it wasn't the faith i have,i think i would gone crazy a long time ago.I want to thank you,from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.HUGS


Tomorrow my mother will make an ANGIO MRI...doctor thinks that my mom's aneurism has gott bigger so they will measure it.
My mom is so tired and scared.She says it hurts a lot,because all her veins are very damadged.I just hope she dosen't have to suffer.She has been through so much already.
Thank you all so much for your words of support and prayers.They mean much more than i can say,and i truly believe that if it wasn't the support i am having here,i would be lost a long time ago.
God bless all of you.
Click to expand...

oh yes..same with me. if i didnt trust or believe in GOD, and i didnt kill myself sometime in High School, i would have either turned to guys, sex, alchohol or drugs for relief, and just cause myself more pain in the end. GOD is always the one who can sustain you when nothing else..or no one else can. ive surely learned that...especially this year. ive gone through more hell this year then...id say my entire life put togeter. its good to know you have that faith...i hope you can surround yourself with family as much as possibly also, be it in person or phone calls.

my :heart: goes out to you. :hug: keep the faith!

 
LindaC781...I just hope so much you are right,my friend.Thank you for your support.HUGS

Bl00dyphynix...My familly and friends are very busy living their own lives,so if it wasn't the help and support i am having from people here,from my boyfriend,(that unffortunately lives away from me),and my family doctor,i would be going through this alone,as only when my mother has an emergency and ends up in the ICU,they talk.
I have no idea what you went through this all year,but if you want to talk to about it,feel free to pm me anytime.If i can do anything to help,i will for sure.

As for my mother's news...we went today to the hospital so she could make her ANGIO MRI.
She returned exausted home.The results we will know next tuesday,25th.
As all of you can imagine,my mother and me are very anxious and nervous,because we will know how her brain is.

Again i want to thank all of you in my name and my mother's name (Elisa),for all the support and prayers.They are making true miracles at least in one thing...I don't feel as alone,as i was feeling before i started this thread.
God Bless all of you.
 
God bless YOU mariaJo....you are never alone going through this stuff.. We're here for you. All the way. You have something that bothers you? Just come on here....we'll support you no matter what.
 
.....................No ThXxX hun! We are here for you and eachother:biggrin:
Take care of your'e self also,ok?

*bighug*

God bless you!
 
And the updates go on...*sigh*

Tomorrow,monday,it's going to be one of those days to forget.

In the early morning,my mother is going to make lots of tests to her kidneys and,blood and urine.
We will also schedule an ecography to her thyroide
In the evening,God knows at what time,i will go to my psychiatrist to show him my exams and tests,and hopefuly find out what is going on with me.

Then on tuesday the 25th,me and my mother will go to the hospital to know the result of her Angio Mri,and see what the neurologist and neurocirgion,have to say.
I hope i am wrong,but something tells me i will not have good news.My mom is always very tired,and only leaves the house to go to the hospital or appoitments with my family doctor and even if we go by car,when she returns home,she is exausted and her pulse is beating way much to fast.

Again i want to thank you all for your love,support and prayers.
God bless you all.HUGS


 
Hope everything goes well for your Mom at the hospital. I'm sure you are in for a long tiring day tomorrow. Hope your dr's appointment goes well tomorrow soon. I'm very happy that you are
getting help to deal with your situation right now, I just wish your other family members would
help out more and help take some of the stress and pressure of you. Take care Maria. I'll be
waiting for an update. Love you *hug*
 
I really hope everything goes well tomorrow. Im very glad you have a psychiatrist to go to..I hope that helps!

I want to share a song with you that has helped me through a lot of hard times..I find the lyrics very inspiring(reminds me of Michael actually...youll see why ;) )

Winterborn By The Cruxshadows

Dry your eyes and quietly bear this pain with pride
For heaven shall remember the silent and the brave
And promise me, they will never see, the fear within our eyes

We will give strength to those who still remain

So bury fear for fate draws near and hide the signs of pain
With noble acts, the bravest souls endure the heart's remains
Discard regret, that in this debt a better world is made
That children of a newer day might remember, and avoid our fate(I waited all day in the pourin rain...but nobody came no nobody came) (prepare for battle!)

CHORUS: And in the fury of this darkest hour we will be your light
You've asked me for my sacrifice and I am Winter born
Without denying, a faith is come(2nd time in GOD, 3rd in man)that I have never known
I hear the angels call my name and I am Winter born

Hold your head up high-for there is no greater love
Think of the faces of the people you defend

And promise me, they will never see the tears within our eyes
Although we are men with mortal sins, angels never cry

And in the fury of this darkest hour

I will be your light
A lifetime for this destiny
For I am Winter born
And in this moment...
I will not run, it is my place to stand
We few shall carry hope

Within our bloodied hands

And in our Dying
We're more alive-than we have ever been
I've lived for these few seconds
For I am Winter born

Within this moment now
I am for you, though better men have failed
I will give my life for love
For I am Winter born


And in my dying I'm more alive, than I have ever been
I will make this sacrifice for I am Winter born

be "Winterborn" ^_^ I hope all the prayers have been helping :hug:

 
Cass...i love you so much sweet one.Hope you are doing well.HUGS

Bl00dyphynix...the lyric you sent me is very touching and in some parts i can relate to myself.Thank you for sharing it with me.

Oh well what can say...i wish i had good news but again i don't.
Yesterday late in the evening my doctor told me that i need to be seen foranother specialist and to take more vitamines cause the ones i am on,are not enough for what is happening.
I will call my family doctor next wednesday(tomorrow)to see what can be done.

About my mother...I am so scared.We wentto the hospital today and the news i got left me almost in panic.Her brain aneurism is growing.She is loosing blood from one vein so she will need another surgery (embolism)to see if they can fix it.But this surgery is very very dangerous as they need to go to the aneurism,and cover it with some kind of glue,and a simple touch can make the aneurism brust and my mother dies.
She will start preparation for it,and i just hope it's not too late when they rechedule the surgery.
If everything goes as planed,my motherwill go on the 22nd of december to her ofltamologist,and make the eye suregey on the 30th of january.
Also she will make a lot of tests to see if by april 7th they can schedule the embolization.My only fear is...what if it is too late?If my mother is loosing blood,that can became a very serious problem.So because i was so scared,i now have the contact of her doctor and if my mother feels any kind of painin her head,she must return to the hospital imediatly.
Now when my mother says that this can be her last christmas,i do beleive it and get so scared.I never imagined she would be this sick.
I can't imagine my life without my mother.I have no idea how i will sleep tonight as since i returned from the hospital today,i have this weird feeling that if i leave her alone,she will leave me.
I don't have words,prayers or thoughts that can express how much i wish this was only a nightmare.But unfortunately,the worst is still to come and i am so tired...
I hope i am not upseting anyone by opening up like this almost everyday.But for 2 and half years,i suffered here alone.(a part from my family doctor and boyfriend that are just amazing).It'sjust that when i think it can't get worst than it is,something always happens.
Thank you all so much for your support and prayers.
 
Good chatting to you on tues. evening. We will have to do that again soon! Sorry the news wasn't better. Look like your Mom has a tough journey ahead of her still and a dangerous one. I know you are exhausted and mentally drained. *hug* Please God, things will work out and the surgeries will be successful. Hang in there and know I'm here for you.
 
...............Awwwww:better::no:My heart,prayers and thoughts are with you and your'e mother!
Thats so terrible to hear!:better::no:
Sadly I cant be with you both,although I eally wish to!:better::yes::D
(((((((((((((((((((((((:)better:Bighug:better:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm sure you both will get trough it,and Michaels music will help greatly aswell to soothe!:D:yes:
 
cass...sweetie i loved very much to chat with you too.I hope you are doing the best way possible.HUGS
Yes i am very exausted...but i have this very strong feeling telling me that maybe my mom's journey is not that long...that yes this is her last christmas with me...But i try to keep my faith and i say to myself everyday that what i feel or think,is a big mistake,that miracles can happen.

Carol..you might not be here in person as you would wish,byut believe me,you are much more with me than you can imagine.I have family living 5 minutes away from me, and they don't care at all with what is going on.If it wasn't my friends,If it wasn't Michael...for sure i would have gone crazy a long time ago.
So...thank you so much for your prayers,love and support.They mean much more than words can describe.

God Bless you.HUGS
 
You're in my thoughts, Maria. I can only imagine how it must feel for you know. But the way you are opening up here in this very thread, shows to me that you are so strong and no matter what will happen, you will make it through. Your mother is blessed to have a daughter like you.

I wish you and your mother and family the best of times. Stay strong and along the way it is also important that you take good care of your own health as well.

Sending a lot of love and support your way
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
cass...sweetie i loved very much to chat with you too.I hope you are doing the best way possible.HUGS
Yes i am very exausted...but i have this very strong feeling telling me that maybe my mom's journey is not that long...that yes this is her last christmas with me...But i try to keep my faith and i say to myself everyday that what i feel or think,is a big mistake,that miracles can happen.

Carol..you might not be here in person as you would wish,byut believe me,you are much more with me than you can imagine.I have family living 5 minutes away from me, and they don't care at all with what is going on.If it wasn't my friends,If it wasn't Michael...for sure i would have gone crazy a long time ago.
So...thank you so much for your prayers,love and support.They mean much more than words can describe.

God Bless you.HUGS
Click to expand...

...................Wow,so sorry to hear that about your'e family:(:no::better:
How can they dont care?????:no:

No ThXxX at all needed!:D:better:
 
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