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Sorry...I have to open up

Janey...thank you so much for yourprayers that mean a lot more than words can say.HUGS

My mother's appoitment was very exausting for her as she made several tests in hereyes and all that to confirm what doctors already thought it could happen,She needs another surgery.But this time,to the other eye that in the meanwhile,got 2 muscles paralised.
The surgery will be on the 30th of january,but because this is a very dangerous surgey,my mom will start preparations on the 29th.
She will have to sign saying that she agress to do the surgery as doctors don't want any responsability in case something goes wrong.

As all of you can imagine,she is very scared and anxious,and she keeps saying that she wants to make this Chrismtas a special one because she feels it be her last.
Noone knows if that is true or not,i'm not a doctor,but sometimes i do feel that my mother dosen't have much time either.
It scares me to death to think that from one moment to the other my mother can die.
So i avoid thinking,and i am doing all she loves for christmas,to make sure she has it just like she always had.

smooth.criminal1987...thank you so so much for your prayers.HUGS

I truly believe and feel that if it wasn't all the support,love and prayers i am getting from all of you,that i would have gone crazy a long time ago.

All of you will be in my prayers in the Christmas mass.I will thank God having all of you as friends,and i will ask HIM for love,peace,health to all of you,as well as a wonderful 2009.

God Bless you all and thank you so so much for everything.

Merry Christmas!
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Marilyn Monroe...I'm glad to know i can help you somehow.But let me tell you that my health is not perfect either.I'm under lots of suplements and multivitamines because like you,i have anxiety and i already ended up in the hospital 2 times this year with lack of air.
I think that when you are in a situation like this,you gain strenghs in places you have no idea that existed in you before.
I am always saying how tired and frustrated i am.How i want to end with everything,but when i see my mother with problems,i have no idea what happens to me,cause untill she gets better,i feel like i can do anything.I'm sure that if love your mother as i love mine,you will be able to do whatever.Unconditional love,gives us skills to deal with things we never imagined we could deal.
Thank you so much for your prayers and please take care of you.
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oh wow........

you have anxiety too. what type? or is it because of your mom this anxiety has all started? (hope shes doing well). if thats the case hope you can deal with it..because sometimes it can linger for a long time. i have a pretty severe generalized anxiety disorder myself my whole life. i get it over anything and every thing..even happy things sometimes. my mind cant seem to control my responces to situations. and it gets worked up and i start to shake. sleepless nights sometimes. i have to remove myself from situations since i cant deal with negitivity like others can. i dont have anyone in my life in person who has this disorder. so im always looking for advice on how to deal online. xanax is my only option and it helps and clearing my mind. therapists helped in the beginning but then kept asking the same questions over and over like they could not remember me and it annoyed me. i had to deal with social anxiety as well. im trying hard but its one of those conditions people dont understand so they laugh at or ignore.

yea..i get the feeling you cant breathe sometimes too. sometimes i get anxiety without that feeling though. thats mostly panic attack. i have went to the hospital for that..i always wondered what medicine they gave me there. well anyway its nice that to meet someone else who sufferes too

hope you have a happy christmas maria..
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Janey...thank you so much for yourprayers that mean a lot more than words can say.HUGS

My mother's appoitment was very exausting for her as she made several tests in hereyes and all that to confirm what doctors already thought it could happen,She needs another surgery.But this time,to the other eye that in the meanwhile,got 2 muscles paralised.
The surgery will be on the 30th of january,but because this is a very dangerous surgey,my mom will start preparations on the 29th.
She will have to sign saying that she agress to do the surgery as doctors don't want any responsability in case something goes wrong.

As all of you can imagine,she is very scared and anxious,and she keeps saying that she wants to make this Chrismtas a special one because she feels it be her last.
Noone knows if that is true or not,i'm not a doctor,but sometimes i do feel that my mother dosen't have much time either.
It scares me to death to think that from one moment to the other my mother can die.
So i avoid thinking,and i am doing all she loves for christmas,to make sure she has it just like she always had.

smooth.criminal1987...thank you so so much for your prayers.HUGS

I truly believe and feel that if it wasn't all the support,love and prayers i am getting from all of you,that i would have gone crazy a long time ago.

All of you will be in my prayers in the Christmas mass.I will thank God having all of you as friends,and i will ask HIM for love,peace,health to all of you,as well as a wonderful 2009.

God Bless you all and thank you so so much for everything.

Merry Christmas!
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....................Awwwwwwwwww!:no:
Really terrible to hear!:no:
You both have all of our'e love and support!:yes::D

((((((((((((((((((((((:)wub:Bigwarmhug:wub:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Have a''wonderful x-mas together!:D:yes::wub:
 
Janey...I hope you had a nice Christmas too.

My christmas was very exausting,cause i wanted to make sure i would do everything that my mother loves it.
besides all that,my youngger brother is sick with a big flue and high temperatures,so he was most of the time in bed.
The positive part of Christmas,was the fact that i was able to go to the midnight mass,and also to go to my father's villadge for Christmas lunch.I had a great time that lasted till almost midnight.
The only boring and sad part was when i had to return home and saw my mother exausted,depressed,sad,and also the fact that i had a lots of cleaning to do,because noone did a thing at my home.

Today,26th of December,my mother is still very tired,but dosen't look as exausted as she was last night and on Christmas eve.

Marilyn Monroe...I have anxiety for a long time.It got worst with all this problems of my mother of course,and because of it,i ended up in hospital.I am on multivitamines and also on some anti depressors like Efexor XR 75,and Zoloft.For the anxiety,i am on Victan.
To be very honest with you,i think that those medicins only help when they want and not when i would need.Sometimes i need to take more than one victan(doctors order when i am feeling worst),and i don't feel the way i was supposed to feel.
I do understand the way you feel because i've been there.Most of the times i can tell when something is going to happen,so i take measures to prevent.With age,if you have the same kind of problem as i do,you will be able to tell and feel when sometimes is wrong,and control it somehow.(Not all the time of course,but i would say,lots of them).
If you want to talk,please pm me and i will help yopu the best way i can.
Hope you had a nice Christmas as well and that you are taking very good care of you.God Bless.

Carol...Thank you so so much for your kind words and thoughts.I know my mother liked what i did,even if she was not able to enjoy this season properly.My conscience is clear and my heart in Peace.
Now i only Pray that what isd best for her happens.I love my mother to death,but i hate to see her in pain and getting worst almost everyday.If only there was something i could do to take away her pain...
*BIG WARM HUGS*
 
MariaJoSilva... I am praying for your mother to make it through the upcoming surgery. Please keep us posted here okay?
 
Thank you so so much FinalEyes,mijacfan and LindaC781.
yes i will keep you updated on what is going on.
For now all i can say is that i can't wait for my mother's family doctor's appoitment that itwill be,hopefully,in january after this season ends.
God Bless you all
 
aww, hon, I'm sorry. :( I can only say hanger in there. Please try to get some rest, I worry over you. :(
 
sweet princess...thank you so much for your words.You don't have to be worried with me.really.I try to take as many rest as possible and the multivitamines i'm on,help me not loosing strengh.

Tomorrow my mother will finally go to her family doctors appoitment.I truly hope i can know what is going on,understand it,and do something about it.
My mother has been feeling very down and sad,and i just wish i could do whatever to change it.

Anyways,for now i will only pray for the best.

Thank you all for the constant love,support and prayers.
 
Good luck with your Mom's doctor appointment tomorrow, Maria. I'm sure your Mom has to be depressed being this ill for so long. :( Hopefully, 2009 will be her year and yours!
 
Cass sweetie...unffortunately i have to disagree with you about 2009.

My mom probably has kidney cancer.

The exams and tests she made,showed that there's a hudge infecion that never heals no matter what she takes or does.

My doctor suspects of cancer because of the pain she has in the kidneys and also the number of white cells.

I give up trying...i had enough and i can't handle this much more.When my mother dosen't needs me anymore,i will join her too.
Had enough of everything.

Sorry for the post.I just can't take it anymore.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
Cass sweetie...unffortunately i have to disagree with you about 2009.

My mom probably has kidney cancer.

The exams and tests she made,showed that there's a hudge infecion that never heals no matter what she takes or does.

My doctor suspects of cancer because of the pain she has in the kidneys and also the number of white cells.

I give up trying...i had enough and i can't handle this much more.When my mother dosen't needs me anymore,i will join her too.
Had enough of everything.

Sorry for the post.I just can't take it anymore.
Click to expand...

Oh Maria....the key point is "probably".. Please don't give up hope and trying. Do you have enough money to send your mom to America? We have some very good health institutions here - one of them is "Cancer Centers of America". There is another in Boston called Dana Farber. I hope and pray that 2009 is better for you and your family....please don't give up hope. Please.
 
LindaC781...i wish so much i had enough money to send my mother to USA...I also wish she could travel by plane.dotors say that the aneurism would brust for sure bnecause of the pression and the highs the plane gets.
I have no idea how it will be 2009,but i fear thatif it's not going to be like 2008,it0s going to be worst because here it's already 2009,and our new year's eve was awfull.
It is right now 2.35am,and i am finally having time for me,and because i can't leave my alone,i decided to come in here while i wait for my brother that went to a party to celebrate new year's eve.
I know i shouldn't give up hope,and everyday i try to foccus on something to help me mooving on.But it will make 3 years in Junethat i am living in this situation and despite all the medicins and vitamines i'm on,i am exausted.If only the work i do would heal my mother...would make her feel better...but the reality is that she is getting sick and sick almost everyday,and i'm told lots of times to be prepared for the unesxpected.I think that my biggest problem is that i have no idea how to do that?

Sorry for the long post my friend.
I truly hope that you and everybody of this forum,will have a wonderful 2009!
 
Hi Maria:

i remember you from MJJF, or pal talk sessions and I remember at that time you were going through this. I will keep you and your mom/family in my prayers as well. Try to be though and hang in there for the long haul.
keep us posted, i will be back to check in with you later on in the week.
 
mjalwaysonmymind...thank you so much foryour prayers.

Yes i am going through this situation for almost 3 years now.

But lately it's been getting worst almost everyday,that's why i felt the need to open up.
Thanks to the wonderful people of this forum i don't feel so alone.
 
I know i din't say much for sometime now,but the main reason is that there was nothing going on,because i was waiting for my mother's appoitment to make the exams,to see if she has kidney cancer,and also start preparation for her surgery that will be on the 30th of this month.

I have no idea if it is because of the weather we are having,or if it is because of her ilness,since last week,my mom has been having very very low temeperatures,as the family doctor told me to make sure that she would only go outside when needed.
We are having negative degrees,which is something that the last time it happened it was more than 25 years ago.
Last friday,it snowed in my town.The last time that happened,was also 25 years ago.
My home,as most of the homes in my country,dosen't have conditions for these kind of temeperatures,and this is why portugal is under a sever flue condition,and we are in orange alert(the most dangerous one is the red alert that comes before the orange) till the end of the week.

So...all this to say that tomorrow is the begining of another nightmare,andi have no idea how my mother or even me,will react if when the results come(have no idea yet),it says that she has kidney cancer.
At this point,all i pray for,is that God dosen't forget my mother,and dosen't cause her more pain.She has been through so much already.Andshe dosen't deserve this at all.
 
big DB...thank you so so much for your love and prayers...it means much more than words can say.Love you very much.HUGS


LindaC781...Thank you so so much for everything.(HUGS)

i will hopefully know the results on the 19th of this month(next monday).

I will let you know when i have the results.

Thank you so much for your care and God Bless You
 
It's tomorrow that i will know the results of the exams my mom made last week.
Hopefully i will be able to go to my family doctor to show the exams and find out what my mother has and how to heal it.
I just pray that it isn't cancer.She wouldn't handle it.
She is so scared with her surgery in the end of this month...
 
^^awww, remember to hold your up high. :D We're all here for you if you need us. :flowers:
 
And what i feared happened...

The results of my mother's exams show a quiste in her kidney! she will have to do a biopsy as soon as possible to find out if it's benin or not.
As if this was not enough,it was also found a spot in her genitals,which is driving the doctors crazy,because my mom had a complete hysteretomy more than 20 years ago.
I will go with her to my family doctor during this week hopefuly,and i guess she will need more exams.
The problem is that my mother will be operated in 11 days,she is very nervous,and having lots of troubles to sleep,despite the 3 sleeping pills she is having.
I have no idea how to handle all this.I'm at my limit and i'm so scared...I just wish i could understand why all this is happening to my mother...besides being so young,she is such a wonderful person.And i am not saying this because she is my mother,i am saying this,because everybody that has the chance to be with her,that had the chance to meet her and work with her,love her very much and miss her lot.
So...can anyone tell me what can i do to end this nightmare?
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
big DB...thank you so so much for your love and prayers...it means much more than words can say.Love you very much.HUGS
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My friend Maria, lately I have been feeling a fraction of the pain you are feeling. My Granpa is seriously ill in hospital, he is in intensive care dangerously ill. He has a diseased section in his pancreous SP? and its causing an infection to spread through his body which is causing him a lot of pain, he is under constant sedation with morphine and is being fed through a tube, however he has been making progress over the last few days.

Its been touch and go but he seems to be on the mend, once he is healthy he can have surgery to remove that part which is causing him to feel this pain and awfulness, so in these recent times I can really relate to just a little of the pain you are going through, i love you my friend and you are constantly in my prayers.


Dom x
 
Oh my goodness. Maria, please know that I too will have you and
your family in my thoughts.

Dom, I'm so sorry about your grandpa. I'm wishing him well also.

Be strong you guys and take care.
:(
 
Silouette...thank you so so much for your prayers and support.

I just need to find a way to be strong and deal with what is about to come.Only problem is,i have no idea how.

big DB...HUGS.Please know that i am here for you my friend.Please let me know how your Grandpa and you are doing,ok?Be sure you and your family are from now on,in my prayers.
 
You're welcome dear.
You will find your strength and your anwers in our Creator.
I dont know what else to say. I feel so bad for you and for Dom.
 
Mariajoaosilva said:
And what i feared happened...

The results of my mother's exams show a quiste in her kidney! she will have to do a biopsy as soon as possible to find out if it's benin or not.
As if this was not enough,it was also found a spot in her genitals,which is driving the doctors crazy,because my mom had a complete hysteretomy more than 20 years ago.
I will go with her to my family doctor during this week hopefuly,and i guess she will need more exams.
The problem is that my mother will be operated in 11 days,she is very nervous,and having lots of troubles to sleep,despite the 3 sleeping pills she is having.
I have no idea how to handle all this.I'm at my limit and i'm so scared...I just wish i could understand why all this is happening to my mother...besides being so young,she is such a wonderful person.And i am not saying this because she is my mother,i am saying this,because everybody that has the chance to be with her,that had the chance to meet her and work with her,love her very much and miss her lot.
So...can anyone tell me what can i do to end this nightmare?
Click to expand...

MariaJo....I am here for you. They found a cyst on her kidneys? I am keeping your mother in my prayers. Every day. Please keep us posted okay? And if you can, do you have access to a library that has relaxation tapes in it? Maybe you could get one for not only her but you too. You can go through the relaxation exercises together. If not, here is a website you can go to - http://wso.williams.edu/orgs/peerh/stress/relax.html

Do you have any Reiki Masters in your country? Reiki is an ancient art of healing by touch....http://www.reiki.org/faq/WhatIsReiki.html
 
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