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Missing Michael so badly again...

I miss him "less" now that I've plastered my half of the dorm and my assignment book and binder with his pictures. All that makes it seem like he's here.
 
Thats COOL Severus :clapping:
Yep, I STILL live in my Michael room too... I do have a "living room" for visitors :smilerolleyes: and the watch DVD's but I hardly spent time there...
I FEEL at HOME in my Michael room :wub:
 
I also have a Michael room which is my bedroom. That is more like a shrine to Michael. Because I have 12 MJ posters up on my bedroom walls and doors. My bedroom has been practically a shrine to Michael for the past 7 years. And I have another room in the house. Where I am at now is really called the computer room. But I also like to call it my other MJ room. Cause I keep most of my MJ related items in this room. Especially all of the video related stuff of him that I had either downloaded, bought, and tape for the past 18 years. Especially tape I can't even begin to tell you just how much of the video related stuff that I on blank video tapes. Some going back to 1993. Back in the 90s I was practically obsessed about taping anything that had to do with Michael. I had like an MJ radar back then. Cause I had always seem to know when he will be on tv in some way. Especially during the HIStory where I was really obsessed with him then. Still am in a way now. But the sad thing is now I can't handle watching him anymore. And I miss watching him so extremely much anymore.:boohoo: The last time I saw an MJ related video of mine was May of last year. Thankfully I can still listen to him. I am listening to him now. But now I only listen to him if I really need to hear his voice. Which is really not that very often now.:sad: :boohoo:
 
Daryll, I've been reading your posts, and just want to say that you are NOT alone. I feel that same pain. I don't even hope for justice for Michael, anymore. . I think the charges were too light, and the costs of this trial are too great for Michael. I DO believe in an "ultimate justice," and I do think that. . . Michael will be ok. And somehow, we will, too?

I admire you, Daryll, because you LOVE so much. That is rare, and I applaud it. I do feel the same love -- for a person I've never met. Just know that there IS a purpose to all of this? We may not know it yet, but I have to believe that there IS purpose. Be strong, ok, and know that you are not alone?

(edit) This post is not only for Daryll, but for EVERYONE who loves that much?
 
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Yeah, I like to live in my own little world with Michael. It's okay. They know me here.

The real world is overrated anyway. Nothing but horror over there. Chemicals help too.
 
Autumn II said:
Thank you, Thunder. We WILL get through this. Somehow, we will?
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I hope so because I have been having an awful hard time lately. I thought I was past the point of the anger and the tears....but I was so wrong, I mean I almost had a melt down over my siggy picture being deleted from photobucket, I am a pretty stable person and for me to be driven almost to tears over a picture...that is bad. I really need to get ahold of myself. HOW I dont know..but I better figure it out soon.
 
xthunderx2 said:
I hope so because I have been having an awful hard time lately. I thought I was past the point of the anger and the tears....but I was so wrong, I mean I almost had a melt down over my siggy picture being deleted from photobucket, I am a pretty stable person and for me to be driven almost to tears over a picture...that is bad. I really need to get ahold of myself. HOW I dont know..but I better figure it out soon.
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This is a VERY bad time. Just believe, that justice on THIS earth is only part of the story? There WILL be justice. Michael was just TOO good, and meant so much, to so many, for this to be the end? LOVE works in mysterious ways, and I do have to believe that we will be ok? LOVE is so much stronger than EVIL, and somehow, it will be ok. .
 
Severus Snape said:
I didn't mean antidepressants. Your mother is right in not letting you take them. That s--t doesn't work. In some cases, they can even cause suicidal thoughts/actions--I would not recommend them. No, I rely on stuff to put me to sleep, because I cannot fall into a natural sleep. I suffer from chronic insomnia. I tried "natural" sleep yesterday and didn't fall asleep until 5 am. So, as you can see, this is highly impractical for someone whose classes start at 10 am. So, I have to induce sleep somehow.

My mother tried to stuff antidepressants down my throat too--and the idiot doctors let her do that, but I set it up as a ruse, to see if "taking" them would influence her outlook towards my behaviour. Indeed, it did. Despite the fact that I have not taken them (of course, she does not know this), she claims to see a big "improvement" in my behaviour after the medications were put in place. The idiot medics claim the same. I haven't changed anything I do, so this is all a giant placebo effect I've managed to cloak over them to prove a point, that one being their complete bias and stupidity.

Your nightmares sound horrible, and it makes sense why you can't seem to sleep. I would not recommend you do what I do to get some sleep--I am a professional driver on a closed course, so to speak. Your doctor (medical physician, not idiot psychiatrist) should approve whatever medications you're set up to take, even if they are over-the-counter sleep aids. Although these are not physically addictive, they can certainly become psychologically addictive (the same way food and other non-drug addictions become addictive), and you build a tolerance in a very short time. That is to say, you could start with a standard dose of 25mg and by week one already double that to 50mg due to the tolerance you build within just a few days. This is part of the reason why they are not recommended as a long-term solution to insomnia (the same goes for prescription ones, though). In three weeks, you could be taking as much as 300mg per night to sleep, and this does your liver no favours, of course.

Yes, I am a huge Harry Potter fan. You should read the books if you have not already--the films provide a very pigeonholed perspective of the events which actually take place in the story, including those concerning Severus Snape. By reading the books, you will discover there was a rhyme and reason to almost everything Severus did, including his demeanour towards Harry Potter. The only thing which really was a bit petty of him was his treatment of Neville Longbottom, but seeing how he was treated during his schoolyears, it is actually rather tame. Still, it is not exactly justified. But, I think Snape's good points far outnumber his flaws: he was in many ways a flawed master--were he a total and complete saint, there would be no way to relate to him at all. However, he is what he is, and his beauty lies in both his virtues and his flaws.

He was an abandoned child, like I was. He loathed his father, like I do. He was ostracized by his "peers", like I have been. These are just a few of the things Sev and I have in common, so I sort of see myself in his character, if that makes any sense. He and Sirius Black are my favourite characters from the series, and that series (along with Michael, WWII History, and high literature like Notre-Dame de Paris), has saved my life.

I still don't talk about Michael in the past tense. He and I exist in some other world, where he is my fairy tale prince--this, of course, goes against every logical and scientific bone in my body, it is thoroughly irrational, it is pure phantasy, it is bliss, and it is among the only ways I stay alive.
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I am not a meical doctor and am much older as well. I would recommend a sleep diary , if you truly feel depressed after at least a month, it's worth looking into.
I believe MJ had so much pressure going on with getting everything ready for his lifes continues sucess one would have anxiety. I just wish he could have selcted Dr. Nader Kamangar, the sleep doctorfrom UCLA Hospital.

I woul have support MJ with any decision he wante, just NOT having Murray as his doctor.

You have come to a wonder MJ sitefor support.
 
Autumn II said:
Daryll, I've been reading your posts, and just want to say that you are NOT alone. I feel that same pain. I don't even hope for justice for Michael, anymore. . I think the charges were too light, and the costs of this trial are too great for Michael. I DO believe in an "ultimate justice," and I do think that. . . Michael will be ok. And somehow, we will, too?

I admire you, Daryll, because you LOVE so much. That is rare, and I applaud it. I do feel the same love -- for a person I've never met. Just know that there IS a purpose to all of this? We may not know it yet, but I have to believe that there IS purpose. Be strong, ok, and know that you are not alone?

(edit) This post is not only for Daryll, but for EVERYONE who loves that much?
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Thank you Autumn :better:
Michael 'taught' me to LOVE and CARE for peeps...
I'm NOT the same person without Michael's GOOD influence... I have a real DARK SIDE where even I'm afraid of :blink: I NEVER discovered it until 2009 when suddenly Michael was 'ripped' from me :boohoo and 'social care' PUSHED me into Generation 0 but I REBELLED and STOOD UP for My BELIEFS...
WHY should things have to change after 27 years???? Just cause some prick MURDERED our Michael....
I'm PROUD to say I grew up with Michael... Michael is the bro' I never had as I'm an ONLY child...
Indeed, my :heart: for Michael is deeper than ocean deep... I OWE my LIFE, my SANITY, my TALENT all to Michael :wub:
Just like Severus :ciao:I live in my OWN REALITY together with Michael as the world out there is way too SCARY...

So HUGS to all and this place is GOLDEN.... is HOME... Is HEALING...
 
mjistheonlyone said:
I am not a meical doctor and am much older as well. I would recommend a sleep diary , if you truly feel depressed after at least a month, it's worth looking into.
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I don't think that's necessary. The drugs seem to be doing their job alright. I can sleep now thanks to them. Besides, mentioning something would get me unwanted attention, which would get me antidepressants, which I do not want. They're useless and toxic.

mjistheonlyone said:
I believe MJ had so much pressure going on with getting everything ready for his lifes continues sucess one would have anxiety. I just wish he could have selcted Dr. Nader Kamangar, the sleep doctorfrom UCLA Hospital.

I woul have support MJ with any decision he wante, just NOT having Murray as his doctor.

You have come to a wonder MJ sitefor support.
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Yes, that guy would have done a much better job than airhead Murray.
 
Wow, so many new posts since my last 'visit' here. I would like to point out that really everyone can post their feelings here...I didn't create this tread just lonely for me :yes:


Yazman said:
I feel absolutely horrible lately and I feel like it's getting worse. I miss him so much. Michael was amazing, I wish I could be there looking for new pics, I want to wake up and find out it's all a dream. I want to go back and relive that, to know he's still around, to wonder where he is right now, to wish I could encounter him. But it's gone, and I'm having trouble handling it.

I can't cope right now :(
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This is EXACTLY how I feel. I miss his presence so much, it feels so bad knowing he's not out there somewhere anymore :(

Severus Snape said:
I miss him "less" now that I've plastered my half of the dorm and my assignment book and binder with his pictures. All that makes it seem like he's here.
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I did the same back in fall 2009...But I also started to talk myself into believing that he's still there, hanged recent pictures on the wall and told myself that those would be brand new and when the TII movie came out I said to me "Michael shows us some rehearsals, that's a preview for his upcoming tour"...Of course this didn't go good for a long time. After some weeks, the fact that he's still dead managed to take over my mind again, and then it hit me just like in June again...
I don't know about your way to handle the lost of Michael, Severus, but I just advice you that you shouldn't build his presence up too much again, because then the reality may hit you even harder than before.

MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
But the sad thing is now I can't handle watching him anymore. And I miss watching him so extremely much anymore. The last time I saw an MJ related video of mine was May of last year. Thankfully I can still listen to him. I am listening to him now. But now I only listen to him if I really need to hear his voice. Which is really not that very often now.
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Wow, that must be really horrible :(

Sadly, something similar is starting to happen with me now too. Since about 3 weeks I just can't listen to Michael's music or watch his music videos anymore...Everytime I'm trying to do it, I just don't feel anything, it goes in at one ear and out at the other...No emotions from me, nothing. It feels like doing something 'damned' :(
I can only look at pictures from Michael now. But also not music or concert related pics, just pics showing Michael as a person. Especially with his beautiful smile. And mostly recent pictures....That's when the feeling that he's still alive comes up a bit again. Then the excitement when these pictures were first posted also starts again and I feel like I'm back in the old good days around 2,5 years ago...I forget the reality. I loose myself in these pictures. I really do. For example, these are some of the pics I'm currently craving:

michael_jackson_1.jpg

michael-jackson-shop-10238-11.jpg

wenn2136840.jpg

:wub:


But of course, this feeling only holds for some minutes. Then the reality speaks through my mind again: These pictures are PAST, they're bygone...

Maybe it sounds weird, but the thing which is also killing me inside is that the time goes by and nothing is changing. Michael's still not being here. It is now almost 2,5 years since Michael's death. Soon it will be 3 years. Then 4 years. Hell, sometime it will be 10 years.

And all these pictures of him, the 'reliefs' showing him as a person are getting older and older.

And THIS feels really horrible. Because it always makes you look at the past. It prevents you from living in the here and now.

...:boohoo:

I hope you guys understand me...I'm probably looking pretty 'strange' with these kind of issues....
 
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I miss him so much... :cry: I just can't hold the tears in any longer.
 
To everyone here, I have read these posts with tears, compassion and an overwhelming sense of connection. We feel eachother's pain, only we know what it means to feel like this, to wonder what on earth the future holds now without him in it. (Thankyou Nonoka for those beautiful recent photos too... Michael looked beyond perfect that day, just sweet and lovely and himself. I appreciate those very much.)

Something has been worrying me quite seriously since this all began. In the first week I was devastated, crying at the drop of a hat just about everywhere I went (including openly in public twice). I was a complete wreck. Due to time zones I was waking up well before dawn to report the testimony, and I think the combination of the lack of sleep combined with the nature of what was being revealed in court was never going to end in anything but devastation. Since then though, I have been coping with everything I have seen and heard. I haven't fallen apart. Infact, I am deeply concerned that I am not processing this properly at all because I seem to be travelling along relatively emotionless. Friends say that it is likely to hit me when it is over, but that doesn't give me any comfort. Everyone is suffering, and I am using this period to be a source of support for those who need it, but in my heart I am very worried. I feel like I am doing Michael wrong somehow by reacting the way I am, or rather not being able to feel anything. Most days I watch the trial and the whole thing feels like a film, like it is all abstract and has nothing to do with Michael at all... that is how much I have detached Michael from this entire process. Because Michael is in my heart and mind 24 hours a day (photographs, music, videos etc.) in many ways it is as though my mind has convinced itself that Michael is still here in some ways. I know that it is only a matter of time before there is a total emotional breakdown, but it feels as though I am meant to be having that now. It concerns me more than I am capable of expressing, so if anyone here is 'strange' (which all of you most certainly are not) it is most definitely me.

I hope it is okay for me to remind everyone that Michael is only physically gone. He lives forever, not only on this planet but also in each of us. He is eternal. Although time may pass, Michael is always with us.
 
Nonoka said:
Wow, so many new posts since my last 'visit' here. I would like to point out that really everyone can post their feelings here...I didn't create this tread just lonely for me :yes:




This is EXACTLY how I feel. I miss his presence so much, it feels so bad knowing he's not out there somewhere anymore :(



I did the same back in fall 2009...But I also started to talk myself into believing that he's still there, hanged recent pictures on the wall and told myself that those would be brand new and when the TII movie came out I said to me "Michael shows us some rehearsals, that's a preview for his upcoming tour"...Of course this didn't go good for a long time. After some weeks, the fact that he's still dead managed to take over my mind again, and then it hit me just like in June again...
I don't know about your way to handle the lost of Michael, Severus, but I just advice you that you shouldn't build his presence up too much again, because then the reality may hit you even harder than before.



Wow, that must be really horrible :(

Sadly, something similar is starting to happen with me now too. Since about 3 weeks I just can't listen to Michael's music or watch his music videos anymore...Everytime I'm trying to do it, I just don't feel anything, it goes in at one ear and out at the other...No emotions from me, nothing. It feels like doing something 'damned' :(
I can only look at pictures from Michael now. But also not music or concert related pics, just pics showing Michael as a person. Especially with his beautiful smile. And mostly recent pictures....That's when the feeling that he's still alive comes up a bit again. Then the excitement when these pictures were first posted also starts again and I feel like I'm back in the old good days around 2,5 years ago...I forget the reality. I loose myself in these pictures. I really do. For example, these are some of the pics I'm currently craving:

But of course, this feeling only holds for some minutes. Then the reality speaks through my mind again: These pictures are PAST, they're bygone...

Maybe it sounds weird, but the thing which is also killing me inside is that the time goes by and nothing is changing. Michael's still not being here. It is now almost 2,5 years since Michael's death. Soon it will be 3 years. Then 4 years. Hell, sometime it will be 10 years.

And all these pictures of him, the 'reliefs' showing him as a person are getting older and older.

And THIS feels really horrible. Because it always makes you look at the past. It prevents you from living in the here and now.

...:boohoo:

I hope you guys understand me...I'm probably looking pretty 'strange' with these kind of issues....
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I also miss his presense constantly. When we still had him I used to be a morning person. I will get up and I will automatically start to think about Michael. And wonder how he is probably going to spend his day especially with his children. And I will just spend the entire day happily thinking about that. Now it is not like that for me anymore.:boohoo: I absolutely hate getting up now which I am always force to now. All thanks to a certain Dr. Death who gave me such horrible insomnia now.:mat: And I will just spend my days very sadly and miserably thinking about just how much I miss him. And just wish so much anymore I could be with him now. Since I absolutely hate living in a world without him now.:sad: :boohoo:

And I can't even begin to tell you just how horrible it is not being able to watch him. And as for listening to him I can only handle listening to certain songs of his. Like:

Who Is It
Do You Know Where Your Children Are
Someone Put Your Hand Out
and Give In To Me

I can't really handle hearing songs like Thriller anymore. And that was one of my favorite songs. Here in America for the past 2 years around this time of year. This party store that we have called Party City would advertise on tv for Halloween parties. Michael's song Thriller would be sung in that commercial. And every single time that commercial is played I just start to cry all over again. Making me either mute the tv or change the channel. Of all the Halloween songs they could of use. They had to go with the one that makes me cry anymore.:sad:

And I know what mean about pictures. Certain pictures of Michael I can handle looking at. My fire fox persona is one that I had made out of some of my favorite MJ pictures. Mostly taken from the Bad, Dangerous, and HIStory eras which are my favorite MJ eras. And I am fine looking at them. But pictures from the This Is It era is pictures I really do not want to see. Even though I have some This Is It items in my MJ collection. It is really an era I really don't want to have anything to do with it. Especially knowing full well the horror that was coming for us.:sad: :boohoo:

StaceyMJ said:
I miss him so much... :cry: I just can't hold the tears in any longer.
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I so know what you mean. It is like that nearly most of the time for me. Especially if one of my MJ memories suddenly comes to my mind. Or if I listen to one of my favorite Bollywood L.O.V.E. songs that reminds me of the L.O.V.E. that I have for him. :sad: :boohoo:
 
Severus Snape said:
The real world is overrated anyway. Nothing but horror over there.
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I agree. That's why I was always a dreamer and like Michael a fan of escapism through creating nicer worlds of fantasy. I was always like that, probably also because I am an only child and often I was playing by myself and then I had to make up playmates and fantasy characters in my mind to play with. It actually helps me as a grown-up as well, because by this I can imagine so much better worlds - for example worlds where people like Michael are treated well and are happy.

This doesn't mean I'm some kind of lunatic, not living in the real world. I live in this world and I can separate reality and fantasy. I'm not crazy. It's just that this world is pretty bad and it's good to escape it sometimes. And you always have your mind and fantasy to do so.

BTW, this is also why I'm a big fan of the multiverse theory in physics. I so hope it's the truth! That would mean we have an infinite number of worlds - many a lot better than ours! Everything you can ever imagine IS reality somewhere in the multiverse! And in many of those worlds we are a lot happier and in many of those worlds Michael is a lot happier too. (Again, I'm not crazy - this is a theory in physics that is taken pretty seriously as a possibility to explain some phenomenons, for example on the quantum level. Actually it's one of the best interpretations of quantum physical phenomenons up to now.)
 
I got hit by a car a few years ago; I supposedly talked to the cops, the EMT, the ER people, even a few friends, and I have absolutely no memory of it. Not consciously, b/c funnily I recognized one of the paramedics on TV one day without having any idea where I had seen the guy. That's one hell of a weird feeling, to have a hole in your life.
My brain has decided to close the iron curtain on what happened on june 25 too. I know it happened, but my brain totally refused to acknowledge it after the summer of 09. It didnt happen because I'm not allowing it to. Every particle of my being refuses it. It's just too much for me to handle. I feel like I'm made of glass, that I could explode at any thought that has anything to do with reality. It's like after a terrible accident, like have a gigantic wound you dont dare to brush against. Sometimes people talk to me, and I wonder how they cant see it.
My students save me. I see Michael in their eyes, in their smiles. He's in my head each time I talk to them. He holds my hand every time I hold theirs.


I had a dream. I was in a poor neighborhood, the kind I work in, surrounded by buildings. Each was covered with MJ black and white paintings, silhouettes. I had tears in my eyes and I was trying to take pictures of them all. Then a little kid looked up at me and said "you will tell him, wont you?". His eyes were so full of hope, and he was smiling. A guy next to me said "yeah, tell Mike the guys of the neighborhood say hi".

I dont even know why I'm writing all this.
 
respect77 said:
I agree. That's why I was always a dreamer and like Michael a fan of escapism through creating nicer worlds of fantasy. I was always like that, probably also because I am an only child and often I was playing by myself and then I had to make up playmates and fantasy characters in my mind to play with. It actually helps me as a grown-up as well, because by this I can imagine so much better worlds - for example worlds where people like Michael are treated well and are happy.

This doesn't mean I'm some kind of lunatic, not living in the real world. I live in this world and I can separate reality and fantasy. I'm not crazy. It's just that this world is pretty bad and it's good to escape it sometimes. And you always have your mind and fantasy to do so.

BTW, this is also why I'm a big fan of the multiverse theory in physics. I so hope it's the truth! That would mean we have an infinite number of worlds - many a lot better than ours! Everything you can ever imagine IS reality somewhere in the multiverse! And in many of those worlds we are a lot happier and in many of those worlds Michael is a lot happier too. (Again, I'm not crazy - this is a theory in physics that is taken pretty seriously as a possibility to explain some phenomenons, for example on the quantum level. Actually it's one of the best interpretations of quantum physical phenomenons up to now.)
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I'm glad you said this. I was an only child too, and so at home I used to spend hours in the back garden climbing trees and creating fantasy worlds of my own when I didn't have anyone else to play with. I used to immerse myself in drawing and writing from a young age where I had many friends from other magical places. I think being in that position means that naturally we're dreamers and appreciate the beauty of imagination and its limitless possibilities. And yes, it does help in adulthood too. I absolutely love the way Michael indulged the magical and the fantastical through art - I love seeing him portrayed as a King or warrior or a historical figure in paintings and other pieces done of him. Even putting that aside, like you said - it helps to picture Michael happy and content in a world where he was universally appreciated and accepted rather than think about what is currently happening at the present time.
 
Ben said:
I got hit by a car a few years ago; I supposedly talked to the cops, the EMT, the ER people, even a few friends, and I have absolutely no memory of it. Not consciously, b/c funnily I recognized one of the paramedics on TV one day without having any idea where I had seen the guy. That's one hell of a weird feeling, to have a hole in your life.
My brain has decided to close the iron curtain on what happened on june 25 too. I know it happened, but my brain totally refused to acknowledge it after the summer of 09. It didnt happen because I'm not allowing it to. Every particle of my being refuses it. It's just too much for me to handle. I feel like I'm made of glass, that I could explode at any thought that has anything to do with reality. It's like after a terrible accident, like have a gigantic wound you dont dare to brush against. Sometimes people talk to me, and I wonder how they cant see it.
My students save me. I see Michael in their eyes, in their smiles. He's in my head each time I talk to them. He holds my hand every time I hold theirs.


I had a dream. I was in a poor neighborhood, the kind I work in, surrounded by buildings. Each was covered with MJ black and white paintings, silhouettes. I had tears in my eyes and I was trying to take pictures of them all. Then a little kid looked up at me and said "you will tell him, wont you?". His eyes were so full of hope, and he was smiling. A guy next to me said "yeah, tell Mike the guys of the neighborhood say hi".

I dont even know why I'm writing all this.
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you are very brave :hug:
 
I don't really think there will ever be "closure," for those of us who love SO much? But, I do have a suggestion that might help in the short-term? I suggest a GIGANTIC and inclusive "prayer circle," on the day that the jury goes into deliberations. I DO think the charges are too light, but that is what we have, and we have to go with it?

So, what I suggest is that on that day, we pray, HARD. Not from any, one, religion, because this board is very diverse. But that we join hands, and pray that the jury will have clarity, and compassion, and will do what is RIGHT, within their power? There should be a separate thread for this massive flood of positivity?

YES?
 
WOW :clapping: I love reading this thread... You guys are really BRAVE :better:
Yes Ben... Its feels wierd to live with 'memory lapse'... I blame the 'sedation' of my HUGE OP last year... I mean If I meet people I knew before the OP, I don't remember them. I Know I 'met' them before but HOW and WHERE and WHAT we talked about... ZIP memory... Thats really embarressing :blush:

COOL... Respect777 :ciao: I'm so GLAD you DARED to say this... I feel the same way... I'm an ONLY child... I grew up in my Michael room with Michael as my BEST friend and what gets me going in this CRUEL world is that Michael is still with me in SPIRIT... I've written a STORY "MY Bright Star" about it... Well, YOU gave me the courage to "publish" it...
I know people say we're WIERD, STRANGE, MENTAL CASES... We've got a PROBLEM, right???? I don't care... I'm HAPPY and thats what should count, right???

Just wanna add an "anekdote" I had on Friday... I went grocery shopping and at the check out where you pay for your groceries... You have those 'metal bars' because the food is 'protected' against stealing ;) and that 'alarm' was going off constantly in another row of the check out... I saw the other man looking 'scared' like I'm not the one causing this racket... and I only smiled and 'whispered' : "Stop running through it." and miraclousy the alarm seized...
The check out lady only smiled at me... :tease:
 
@ roomdownstairs & Daryll748

I'm glad you understand this.

I really hope there are worlds in the multiverse better than ours.
 
The way we lost him...... that's the most horrible thing to me. I had never imagined i would have to say goodbye to Michael this soon. I had imagined we would have him for 30 or so years more. I had imagined we'd see him raise his kids, help them with their future careers, and ultimately see him become a grandpa. Oh, what a grandpa he would've been :wub: Loosing someone you love is obviously always difficult, but loosing Michael at age 80-something would've been natural, expected and OK, despite the hurt.
And then i see his kids on various outings, and he's not there. He's missing. Those 3 kids have to grow up orphans, without Michael's care, directions, love and help because one person couldn't do what he was paid to do. Michael died alone, hooked up to a deadly drip and slowly suffocating from his own tongue. And again, why? It litterally tore my heart into pieces when i heard dr.-something say that all Murray would've had to to was lift Michael's chin up, maybe bag him, and then call 911 :no: That mental image is gonna haunt me forever. And as for Murray... no amount of jail time will ever bring Michael back to us. I hope Murray gets what he deserves, but IMO a max of 4 years is not justice. To me the public knowing that he was responsible for killing MJ, the fact that he won't be allowed to practice medicine again, and hopefully that his conscience one day will kick in and let him remorse his actions (although i doubt that) will be a bigger punishment to Murray that a few years in jail (may i add i hope he drops the soap multiple times :beee:).
 
I miss him so much!

This trial has been so hard and it only showed what I knew that Michael should be here. He didn't have to die. Murray just sitting there like he did nothing wrong makes me so sick.

I am watching This is It and I start crying during I'll Be There. That's not where I usually get emotional but this time I just started crying.I couldn't help it. I skipped Earth Song because we now know that was the last song he sang and I couldn't watch it. I wish he was still here. We see other artists and their fans and they have a lot to look forward to. We don't have that anymore. I know we the cirque show and all that but it's the not same. It is still sad.
 
Pimboli said:
The way we lost him...... that's the most horrible thing to me. I had never imagined i would have to say goodbye to Michael this soon. I had imagined we would have him for 30 or so years more. I had imagined we'd see him raise his kids, help them with their future careers, and ultimately see him become a grandpa. Oh, what a grandpa he would've been :wub: Loosing someone you love is obviously always difficult, but loosing Michael at age 80-something would've been natural, expected and OK, despite the hurt.
And then i see his kids on various outings, and he's not there. He's missing. Those 3 kids have to grow up orphans, without Michael's care, directions, love and help because one person couldn't do what he was paid to do. Michael died alone, hooked up to a deadly drip and slowly suffocating from his own tongue. And again, why? It litterally tore my heart into pieces when i heard dr.-something say that all Murray would've had to to was lift Michael's chin up, maybe bag him, and then call 911 :no: That mental image is gonna haunt me forever. And as for Murray... no amount of jail time will ever bring Michael back to us. I hope Murray gets what he deserves, but IMO a max of 4 years is not justice. To me the public knowing that he was responsible for killing MJ, the fact that he won't be allowed to practice medicine again, and hopefully that his conscience one day will kick in and let him remorse his actions (although i doubt that) will be a bigger punishment to Murray that a few years in jail (may i add i hope he drops the soap multiple times :beee:).
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I so totally agree with you. Especially about Dr. Death. I so badly wish he would get the death penalty. I am a big time believer in capital punishment. And that evil monster should be getting it. 4 years in prison is definitely not justice at all.:mat:

I was 29 on that horrible June day. I never thought I will lose Michael that soon. I had always thought I will be his age or older when that horrible day does come. I am crying now just thinking about it. So I thought the same thing that you had thought about Michael seeing his kids grow up. Now whenever I read what his children are doing now. I just start crying all over again. Because it always automatically makes me think that Michael should be doing that with them.:boohoo: When I think of what had happen to him. It just causes me think about that horrific vivid nightmare that I had about him a month after it had happen. I woke up crying and shaking uncontrollably it was that bad. And I had never in my life had nightmare that was that bad before. And ever since what had happen to Michael. I had been suffering from such horrible insomnia.:sad:

marebear said:
I miss him so much!

This trial has been so hard and it only showed what I knew that Michael should be here. He didn't have to die. Murray just sitting there like he did nothing wrong makes me so sick.

I am watching This is It and I start crying during I'll Be There. That's not where I usually get emotional but this time I just started crying.I couldn't help it. I skipped Earth Song because we now know that was the last song he sang and I couldn't watch it. I wish he was still here. We see other artists and their fans and they have a lot to look forward to. We don't have that anymore. I know we the cirque show and all that but it's the not same. It is still sad.
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That what makes me so f-ing angry about that monster. Acting like he did nothing wrong. Just makes me wish even more I was out in California getting my revenge on that monster. I absolutely hate being in the same country as that evil monster. But luckily for him I happen to live on the eastern side of the country.

At least you can watch This Is It. I have never been able to watch it. I have the dvd along with some other This Is It items. But I really don't want to have anything to do with that era. It is just a horrible reminder of what was about to come.:boohoo: I also wish more than ever that we still had him. And I hear about these new MJ albums and stuff that is coming out. And I forever lost the total joy and the excitement that I used to have. When I hear about a new MJ album coming out. Cause without him it really is not the same anymore.:sad: :boohoo:
 
respect77 said:
BTW, this is also why I'm a big fan of the multiverse
theory in physics. I so hope it's the truth! That would mean we have an infinite
number of worlds - many a lot better than ours! Everything you can ever imagine
IS reality somewhere in the multiverse! And in many of those worlds we are a lot
happier and in many of those worlds Michael is a lot happier too. (Again, I'm not
crazy - this is a theory in physics that is taken pretty seriously as a possibility to
explain some phenomenons, for example on the quantum level. Actually it's one of
the best interpretations of quantum physical phenomenons up to now.)
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Yes there are many other worlds in this universe because i have experienced many other
worlds. So wherever Michael is, i feel he is happy.
 
Defintely we should have a prayer thread for the verdict Autumn-great idea. Maybe we could set one up now to start the positivity now?xx
 
:clapping: -Autumn I will set one up in this support forum if that's okay with you? xxx
 
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