I am devestated, heartbroken and empty. I have followed Michael's career for 24 years, and I have loved him more as the years have passed.
My mum died a day before I was due to see him on the Dangerous tour, and I never went (even though my mum had wanted me to - I just couldn't deal with the grief).
That's why my ticket to see him at the O2 in February meant the absolute world to me.
I cannot believe this is happening, and I can see why some people would be moved to end their own lives..... but not me.
I have a wonderful husband and 2 children who ALL adore Michael too, and they are feeling just as bad as me. My son is autistic, and Michael's music has been a wonderful element of his life... my son can express himself so much better when he has spent an hour listening to his 'Mikey' as he likes to call him. He spends a lot of time asking me questions about Michael's younger years, and watching old concert footage on youtube.
It has been so tough helping him through the last 12 days.
I think Michael would want me to be strong for my children, and to carry on living life to the full and enjoying the love of our friends & family.
So yes, some days I know I am going to feel hopeless (today is one of them), but to honour my Michael.... I will go on, and keep him alive in my heart.
See you on the 13th at the O2
I hope you all get through today's service ok. Thinking of you all x x