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How often do you get 'those moments' about MJ's death?

I simply cant enjoy his music, his performances anymore knowing that hes not physically with us. I've been trying to listen to him though certain songs I just wont go there, Stranger in Moscow I adore but cant bring myself to listen to, same with Someone Put your Hand Out. Smile came on my ipod, had to change it. Im slightly afraid that I wont be able to fully appreciate him again.
 
I have it every day sometimes once a day and sometimes more then once.
Every day I wake up with a song of him in my head, and I think I'm not going to break down again today.
But usually in the evening when I'm tired and stuff and hear or see a certain thing I cry again and feel terrible.
 
...now :(

I was fine straight after 25th.. then the memorial, i cried a lot after, probably everyday... then it eased off a little but had some 'moments' yday and today

im fine until i see or hear things like, tributes... they just make it more real i suppose... *sigh*
 
It happens to me a lot too :no: I think part of it is the fact that we didn't know him personally and you don't feel that immediate loss like you do when someone you are close to passes. That makes it more real.

I can listen to his music and watch him on TV, but every time someone says "The late Michael Jackson" or mentions something about him not being with us anymore, my stomach flip flops, almost like I'm hearing it for the first time.

I miss him so much :cry:
 
A lot.

I'm just back from holidays and there was an MJ impersonator there, he was the SPIT of Michael and he knew all the dances to perfection. I went to see him twice, he was amazing. All through the show I was trying to stop myself from welling up, it was almost as if he was Michael but I kept having to remind myself that he's gone :(
 
it happened to me the other day while watching the performance with n sync in 2001.

the way the etch a sketch rose and he came out. he looked so godlike, so angelic. he was surrounded by light and fog and you could only see his outline. it was holy. i broke down crying hard. to think he'll never do anything again. never dance, never smile, never move his arms, legs, its horrible. but i suppose he is in a better place.

i was fantasising to myself watching the clip that it was a new clip that had just surfaced, and that n sync were performing at some 2009 awards and then michael just came out as a surprise to show the world he wasn't dead and just started dancing.

i know its silly, but i like to dream.
 
Oh god, I miss him so much......

I have been coping with his death all on my own, sseying as I only have haters around me. Im so glad you ppl feel the same about Michael and I can share this with all of you. But reading all this has brought tears to my eyes once again. These moments get less and less thank heavens, but when they come, thet hit as hard as the first time. Like someone hits me in the stomach with a giant hammer.
 
something weird has hapenned to me eversince he died - I can't to listen to ANY type of music anymore, I get so bored I just don't enjoy it anymore I tried to but I can't
I only listen to a few songs once in a while...like a couple of lullabies that I like, so only sad songs, they're the only ones that make me feel something inside, it's like I'm dead inside I don't know how to explain

as for MJ, I can't listen to his songs or watch too many videos, I can look at pictures but I can't do more than that, when I do emotions come flooding back and I get so upset and I cry every time...so I'd rather feel numb
 
elusive moonwalker said:
i .the pain of losing him and the circumstances ontop of knowing he should be doing these shows its killed a part of me.
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ditto :cry:

I have to grieve in private...my family would not understand how I feel ( nor would I expect them to) They know that I am devastated...just they don't know the extent of it :(
 
elusive moonwalker said:
cant watch listen to him.everyday is a nightmare i could quite happily go to sleep myself and never wake up


ive had a really shit day today. i worked at a party in the park concert with standard crappy talentless acts and 12 year olds screaming over JLS. im stood there with my heart in bits knowing mj is gone and seeing these kids who are never gonna expericence mj and then i hear some act (dont know who it was) giving a shout out to mj. and i could have burst into tears on the spot. felt like that most of the day. seeing a big stage and ppl going into a concert hurt like hell its so painful and frankly i dont know how the hell ill ever get over it. everything is so pointless right now .the pain of losing him and the circumstances ontop of knowing he should be doing these shows its killed a part of me.
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This is how I feel. :no: My friend was telling me how she wished our future kids would be able to experience him alive. :cry: I get "those moments" whenever I think too hard about the situation. When I think about how I'll never meet him, the circumstances of his passing, how I wish I could've seen his concert this year... those are the times where it becomes a reality for me. Otherwise it still feels like a surreal dream.
 
jilliebean said:
It happens to me a lot too :no: I think part of it is the fact that we didn't know him personally and you don't feel that immediate loss like you do when someone you are close to passes. That makes it more real.

I can listen to his music and watch him on TV, but every time someone says "The late Michael Jackson" or mentions something about him not being with us anymore, my stomach flip flops, almost like I'm hearing it for the first time.

I miss him so much :cry:
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yes me too! I was wondering about this. I listen to all his music, watch youtube, watch the news, read articles but once in awhile something will catch my eye (or my ear) and make me stop in my tracks like....oh...right he is gone....ugh it is terrible :( I mean I know he is gone of course, but it is like I forget....or something.
 
Everyday. I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do on this planet anymore, if he earth comes to an end tomorrow that's fine with me.
 
Everyday...specially at night...i feel so lost...so empty....
 
I had one of those moments in HMV the other day.They had all the TII tshirts in there but they were on a rack right low down on the floor and were all just chucked in the rack.
I thought if Michael was here doing the shows these probably wouldn't even be available to buy in a store yet.It just cut me up seeing them there and especially not being presented nicely :cry:

I also had a moment in Asda the other day when I just happened to glance at the headlines on one of the newspapers about all the drugs he supposedly took.
I just had to get out of that shop and fast!

I have just had another moment where I saw a pic of Michael when he was annoucing his TII shows (in someones siggy).I felt so proud of him that day and so excited for him.Now when I see those pics the pain is unbearable.
I should of been going to the o2 to see him today (28th) so it will be one big moment today.I just want today to be over and done with :cry:

My 2 boys love Michaels music and always want it on in the car and they were pestering me to make sure I took Michaels cds with us when we went out the other day.
I have had problems listening to his music since his passing,I really want to listen to it but it just cuts me up hearing that beautiful innocent voice.
Anyway we were driving along and the cd started and all was ok until we got to Heal The World and then I just burst out crying.I had to get my husband to turn it off :(
My poor boys want his music on but I just can't at the moment.I feel so guilty for not being able to listen to what he gave us.I don't know if I will ever be able to listen to some songs again.
Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me? :cry:
 
This is the first post l have written. l,ve been a fan of Michael for a long time now, l,m also 50, I have a wonderful family and a nice life, but am finding it very difficult to focus on anything other than Michael. l find myself crying alot of the time and I am constantly looking for information about him and watching his videos and listening to his music. I go to sleep thinking of him and dream about him nearly every night, sometimes these deams are so real that l have to re- remember that he,s gome, it,s so, so sad. I,ve been readng all the posts and have gotton so much comfort from you all, l know you all feel the same as l do and that helps me so much. l thank you for that. Love to you all.
 
It usually hits me when i see the pharse "Michael Jackson Dead" "In Loving Memory" Goodybye Michael" but i try not to see it as goodbye more like goodnight because i know he'll be watching over us making sure were ok and i just wanted him to know that im doing my best to hang in there and be strong and make him proud I Love you Michael :(
 
I hate these phases.
I actually don't have those a lot but i get them frequently on the bus on the way to uni.
It's damning, i feel so weighty and heavy with grief even though admittedly i've accepted his death and now just want to avenge him in all kinds of ways.
It always happens when i get really into a song. I feel so disapointed that he isn't with us. Not with him but with the resentment i feel that he's no longer active.
I hate these pangs of grief. They come out of nowhere and they seriously stop you in your tracks.
 
It happens to me all the time, everyday... somehow I keep on getting those moments more and more often instead of the other way around... I feel insane.
 
WeAreTheWorld said:
It happens to me all the time, everyday... somehow I keep on getting those moments more and more often instead of the other way around... I feel insane.
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Awww, I sooo know how you feel!
I thought it's supposed to get better and easier as time goes by?
I kind of blocked it out for about two weeks, like I wouldn't let myself think too deeply about it, I thought it would help me cope but then the "one-month-bloody-anniversary" happened, and I just broke right down again... I'm trying to hold it together, what with having to work and being surrounded by people who have no clue, but I feel so very sad constantly, it's just so hard... *sigh*
 
Just now listening to Janet's "Together Again" :cry:
It's just so hard to believe...:(
 
Fluffy_Oz said:
Awww, I sooo know how you feel!
I thought it's supposed to get better and easier as time goes by?
I kind of blocked it out for about two weeks, like I wouldn't let myself think too deeply about it, I thought it would help me cope but then the "one-month-bloody-anniversary" happened, and I just broke right down again... I'm trying to hold it together, what with having to work and being surrounded by people who have no clue, but I feel so very sad constantly, it's just so hard... *sigh*
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Oh I did the same thing for a while! But in the end, all came crashing down on me again... and hard. It's all so difficult, and the fact that it's all actually somehow getting worse is just killing me.
You'd think that at some point either the pain would begin to fade away, or at least stay the way it is and not get worse or else I just go ahead and end the madness once and for all.
I'm not saying that I'm even close to that yet, but if this keeps on getting worse I have no idea how I can possibly be able to handle it...
 
WeAreTheWorld said:
Oh I did the same thing for a while! But in the end, all came crashing down on me again... and hard. It's all so difficult, and the fact that it's all actually somehow getting worse is just killing me.
You'd think that at some point either the pain would begin to fade away, or at least stay the way it is and not get worse or else I just go ahead and end the madness once and for all.
I'm not saying that I'm even close to that yet, but if this keeps on getting worse I have no idea how I can possibly be able to handle it...
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Yeah, that whole "time heals" thing...
Perhaps because it was just such a shock, it all happened so fast and took us all by surprise that we're actually only just now beginning to grasp the meaning and the truth of it...? Perhaps it just took all this time to sort of...sink in?
I don't know what to think.
Because I still can't come to terms with it, I never said goodbye, I just can't, just... NO!
And this whole being professional at work and around people when all I wanna do is just kick a wall or ten... I'm really not one to lose my mind, but I think I might be.
Damn I need a hug, lol
 
it's the first thing that happens as i wake up
and the last thing before i go to sleep
don't know how much more i can take :(
 
Fluffy_Oz said:
Yeah, that whole "time heals" thing...
Perhaps because it was just such a shock, it all happened so fast and took us all by surprise that we're actually only just now beginning to grasp the meaning and the truth of it...? Perhaps it just took all this time to sort of...sink in?
I don't know what to think.
Because I still can't come to terms with it, I never said goodbye, I just can't, just... NO!
And this whole being professional at work and around people when all I wanna do is just kick a wall or ten... I'm really not one to lose my mind, but I think I might be.
Damn I need a hug, lol
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If I could give you a hug, I really would :( :hugs:
Yeah, I think you're right. But the thing is, I never though I could feel this much pain. And I felt the same right after it happened too.
So if the pain is so excruciating even though I'm in shock, what will it be like when it all actually begins to sink in?
I don't believe it yet, but still I'm hurting so much I feel like dying sometimes. And it just scares the crap out of me, because I know that the worse seems to be yet to come....
 
I feel so sick.. I'm trying to be strong but the last 2 hours I broke down again
and have been crying, praying alot. I just want a sign that Michael is ok.
I dont know how much more I can take really.
 
yesterday I heard an MJ song but for the first time ever since he died I didn't turn it off...I started to listen to it, and as I was listening I was thinking what a beautiful voice!...and I had to turn it off! I couldn't listen to it anymore, his voice was so beautiful and all I was thinking about was "what a waste what a waste!"
 
I was alright over the last week, but then in maths class I was just attacked by some haters who just said all the usual sick gargabe. I just said "**** off" and left pretty pissed off at the losers saying this who I've always been friendly with so this was totally unprovoked and random. As I was walking back to my locker, I thought about how, in days past I would have been really upset and offended by what they said, but this time I just thought how stupid those losers were.

As I was going home in the train, I was listening to Michael's music, and I suddenly realized I've defended Michael against haters so many times before he died, it made me realize that I wanted THAT back, rather than these sick jokes about him after his death... I felt I was starting to cry, because I realized that this gaping hole of grief is eating away at me.

I managed not to cry, but when I got home, I just collapsed on my bed and wept until I got a headache. I felt so numb and pointless. I don't care about anything anymore.
 
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