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I missed EVERYTHING

amygrace

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I have to vent about this...it is just eating me up. I feel like in a way I'm experiencing a different kind of grief than most of you here...that have really been involved with Michael, his mission, and his talent for most of his career. You all have lost someone that has been an active part of your life for so long. A painful loss, but a true blessing...to have "known" him while he was living...to have taken part of the "Michael Jackson Era".

Whereas with me...the hardest thing I am dealing with about Michael's death, is the deep REGRET I feel for never fully experiencing him when he lived. Oh my God, it's unbearable...I just can't stand it.

I was born in '84. I had every chance to experience Michael...but I never did. Not because I didn't think he was cool, or because of tabloid trash... honestly, I was just CLUELESS. Growing up I never paid much attention to the news, to music, bands, trends...anything. I just played with my friends. I definitely knew of Michael though. My parents had the HIStory DVD that I loved to watch. I thought his videos were interesting and I absolutely LOVED the song "Black or White". But I was still young at this time and thus uninvolved in the world - that Michael was just another singer among many.

Over the years I remember hearing tabloid rumors here and there about Michael...but didn't really pay much attention or care to make any judgements. It was just "whatever". Through all the years though, I never once heard anyone talk about how amazing he was...how talented...how loving. Michael was like a well kept secret from me. I just, didn't know...so I never looked into him more.

And then...he died. It took his frikkin' DEATH to turn my attention back to him. Being 24 now, I actually got curious and started to research him as I reminisced with the long forgotten songs of his I had always loved. My research left me in tears. Obviously, as I am here on this board now, I was incredibly moved, touched, inspired and awe-struck by that man. And, even though it took me 24 years to fully discover who he was, it feels like I am bonded to him, connected at the core...like he is a part of me. But this feeling quickly broke my heart to pieces. It's like finding the love of your life...all too late. I had him under my nose the whole time - and only realized it after he left. I just wanted to hug him...to see him...but I couldn't. And to think of all the experiences, love, excitement, concerts, growing, changes, ups and downs that I just MISSED completely...oh my God.

WHY...WHY did I have to be so clueless?! WHY couldn't someone have told me about the beauty of this man earlier? WHY DID I HAVE TO MISS IT ALL?!!! I have never been so regretful over anything in my life. I know that Michael lives on...and he's ok now. I feel that in my soul and it makes me smile...but, NEVER AGAIN will the experiences that took place on this Earth, in this lifetime with Michael...ever take place again. I wish I could turn back time. :cry::cry:
 
amygrace said:
I have to vent about this...it is just eating me up. I feel like in a way I'm experiencing a different kind of grief than most of you here...that have really been involved with Michael, his mission, and his talent for most of his career. You all have lost someone that has been an active part of your life for so long. A painful loss, but a true blessing...to have "known" him while he was living...to have taken part of the "Michael Jackson Era".

Whereas with me...the hardest thing I am dealing with about Michael's death, is the deep REGRET I feel for never fully experiencing him when he lived. Oh my God, it's unbearable...I just can't stand it.

I was born in '84. I had every chance to experience Michael...but I never did. Not because I didn't think he was cool, or because of tabloid trash... honestly, I was just CLUELESS. Growing up I never paid much attention to the news, to music, bands, trends...anything. I just played with my friends. I definitely knew of Michael though. My parents had the HIStory DVD that I loved to watch. I thought his videos were interesting and I absolutely LOVED the song "Black or White". But I was still young at this time and thus uninvolved in the world - that Michael was just another singer among many.

Over the years I remember hearing tabloid rumors here and there about Michael...but didn't really pay much attention or care to make any judgements. It was just "whatever". Through all the years though, I never once heard anyone talk about how amazing he was...how talented...how loving. Michael was like a well kept secret from me. I just, didn't know...so I never looked into him more.

And then...he died. It took his frikkin' DEATH to turn my attention back to him. Being 24 now, I actually got curious and started to research him as I reminisced with the long forgotten songs of his I had always loved. My research left me in tears. Obviously, as I am here on this board now, I was incredibly moved, touched, inspired and awe-struck by that man. And, even though it took me 24 years to fully discover who he was, it feels like I am bonded to him, connected at the core...like he is a part of me. But this feeling quickly broke my heart to pieces. It's like finding the love of your life...all too late. I had him under my nose the whole time - and only realized it after he left. I just wanted to hug him...to see him...but I couldn't. And to think of all the experiences, love, excitement, concerts, growing, changes, ups and downs that I just MISSED completely...oh my God.

WHY...WHY did I have to be so clueless?! WHY couldn't someone have told me about the beauty of this man earlier? WHY DID I HAVE TO MISS IT ALL?!!! I have never been so regretful over anything in my life. I know that Michael lives on...and he's ok now. I feel that in my soul and it makes me smile...but, NEVER AGAIN will the experiences that took place on this Earth, in this lifetime with Michael...ever take place again. I wish I could turn back time. :cry::cry:
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I know this is easier said than done, but please try not to feel bad or guilty. There are some of us on here too who only learned of him or more about him since he passed away. I'm kind of one of them, so I feel guilty too. I knew he was a great person. I loved his song "Heal the World" and I knew he cared for disadvanted children when that song was out and when I saw his interview with Bashir. I never knew how sensitive or mistreated he was. So although I always liked him(for his music and mainly for who he was), I didn't know who he was like I wish I did while he was alive, and also I didn't keep up with what was happening with him.
You are not the only one who came to know him better after his death. So hugs to you, and try to get past feeling guilty. You have enough to deal with since he's not here.
 
Aw, Amy...I totally understand what you are saying! I even had Michael introduced to me once upon a time and I still didn't see his brilliance and all of his amazing generosity either. I was too caught up in the boy band stupidity to take notice of something truly wonderful, and now I kick myself in the butt. I remember mimicking things that I thought my friends made up, that were actually 'Michaelisms' Like the "Aow" and the beat box noises he makes, and the leg kick. :weeping:

In a way, I feel like I 'turned' Michael 'away' from me when I had the chance to get to know him and love him. I guess (here is my lame excuse :( ) I was in 7th or 8th grade...and Michael wasn't exactly 'cool'. *sigh* Now it breaks my heart that I could have been a fan for almost 6 years...and it is just recently that I have decided to let him become a blessing in my life.

So, you are not alone Amy! All we can do now is bond together and love him enough to make up for all the years we didn't .... :hug:
 
i dont think youre clueless. try not to feel guilty. theres a lot of people who im sure relate to your story. theres a saying better late than never, and what counts is what you feel now. try not beating yourself up and just enjoy his music and legacy.
 
Aw hey Amy! Thanks for sharing this, I know it's hard to share something like this when you feel guilty like that. I saw you posted on my thread that is sort of similar to yours. I totally understand what you're going through. I mean, I grew up hearing Michael's music and before his death I listened to a few songs on my own but I never really "bothered" too much with him (I hate putting it that way). I mean I had great respect for him, I never cared too much for his personal life. I knew him as a muisc artist. I always knew his greatness and I've watched a few performances of Billie Jean months and months ago. I was so amazed by him, I don't know why I stopped watching the videos. I really wish I would have been a fan like I am now while he was alive. I always went into these "Michael modes" where I felt like typing his name in and reading a little bit of stuff on him but it wasn't anything serious. Then I think back on that and slap myself in the head and say, "Why! Why didn't you listen more to his music? You would have loved these songs just as much then as you do now! WHY?"

But then I started thinking, what about all the other people who will discover him in the next years to come? There will certainly be so many new fans coming from the next generations who never got to experience Michael at all, kind of like Elvis fans. So I've learned to be extremely grateful to live in "Michael's era" and to atleast appreciate him a little bit while he was living. He was apart of my childhood in a small way and I'm glad I'm able to say so. That's why his death hit me so hard (I can't even listen to We Are the World without getting emotional. I loved that song when I was little). Many new fans that come along won't be able to say, "I remember this...I remember that." Even though we weren't big fans, we still have memory of when he was alive.

I'm going to post 2 quotes from a post on my thread that really help me loosen up and shed away some of the guilt. Just think about it. :)

thesmellofcoffee said:
I only became a fan on last year but that doesn't mean my love for Michael will be lesser than any other fans. There isn't a need to feel guilty or thinks that why I didnt get to know Michael earlier. There is no right or wrong in love. As long as you, yourself know what's your own feelin towards Michael and that's enough. I believe Michael can feel you :)

Yes, I know it's a pity for not kowin Michael earlier. When did you become a fan is only a matter of time but i believe our love for Michael is eternity and that's what's most important.
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Experience the magic said:
Don't feel guilty Courtney, there's no need. Many didn't really discover Michael untill after his passing, that doesn't mean you dont have the right to be a fan now! Like Krism said, sometimes it takes loosing someone before you realize how much you actually cared about this person. And you don't have to know every song, his background, his family and what else not to be a 'fan'. So really, dont worry about that. For you and many others, the magical journey that is Michael has only just begon, you're on the verge of discovering the beauty this man brought to so many of us. And we welcome you to it!
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So just think about those and please try not to beat yourself up over it! I did for a bit and I came to realize that I did appreciate him by enjoying his music, if it was one song or 10, it doesn't matter. You still appreciated him, his music and his talent. I was very young also. I was born in '93. haha. The memories are faint but they're there. I have a cousin who was born in the same year as you and he barely even remembers the Michaelmania of the 80's. Also, be glad that you weren't one of the people to talk trash on Michael. There are too many people out there like that who now claim to be "fans." Those are the people who hurt Michael, we aren't one of them. :)

I'm so glad there are people who feel this way. I thought I would be one of the only ones. If you ever need to talk, you can always PM me. :)

*hugs*
 
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Michelle MC said:
You are not the only one who came to know him better after his death. So hugs to you, and try to get past feeling guilty. You have enough to deal with since he's not here.
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strawberrypie999 said:
So, you are not alone Amy! All we can do now is bond together and love him enough to make up for all the years we didn't ....
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*sniff* thank you girls


krism said:
i dont think youre clueless. try not to feel guilty. theres a lot of people who im sure relate to your story. theres a saying better late than never, and what counts is what you feel now. try not beating yourself up and just enjoy his music and legacy.
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Thank you...I'm definitely glad that I've at least come to this point...even though it's after his passing. To still able to enjoy and be inspired by his music, videos and messages to the world is a real blessing.
 
the way i see it many people always thought michael would be there so thats why they didnt get into his music earlier. the way he died was shocking to many and in some ways i feel like it woke people up to the fact that all of us can die at any point. if people feel guilty, try not to be, because theres such a wealth of material out there to enjoy and real fans wont judge you - if anyone says anything bad its usually a reflection of the way they are feeling rather than a personal statment against you
 
one thing you could do is buy the dangerous tour dvd and find a really big tv and turn up the music really loud and imagine being there at the concert. that could cheer you up. ive been listening to alot of music (without it i think id be dead) to try and cheer myself up and sometimes it works (i also dance around my room like a dag which is always good for a laugh too)

in many ways everyone can relate to what you wrote in your first post. you missed everything. many fans who held tickets for the this is it tour feel exactly the same. so everyone misses something. sometimes life sucks and turns things upside down and makes up angry and upset sometimes but thats life for you. sometimes i think we are living in a parallel universe and that none of this was supposed to happen and really it wasnt supposed to go down like this - michael was gonna tour with a brand new show, the fans were gonna be happy and excited and then one day it all changed. but together we will get through this because really the other alternative isnt very appealing
 
:hug: amygrace, don't feel bad, you don't have to feel guilty...like krism said, we are all missing something :hug:
 
Awee Amy you were there just in a different way. The aweful thing about this world is that we spend so much time moving so fast that sometimes things get away from us. I was a huge fan during the "thiller" and "bad" years as I was in junior and senior high school. Then I went on to college and got busy with an "adult" life (I did what Michael always spoke of not doing I forgot my inner child). I was so busy trying to make it in the world that I left behind so many of the thing that gave me joy when I was younger. I always knew what was going on in his life. During the trail I was aware of everything that happened. I watched the verdit come in on T.V. and cheered out loud in my livingroom, but I didn't give him the attention that I did when I was younger. I spent so many of the month before his death and after the annoucment of "This is it" hoping that he would bring the concerts home to America because now as an adult I could spend my money on things that were important to me and he was important to me. I heard his message before when I was young, I knew the message as I grew up, and as an adult I try to live the message and care for others. I think that you heard what he was saying but weren't in a position to act on what you were thinking because you were busy growing up and that is nothing to be guilty of, you were doing what you were supposed to do for your age. Michael would be the first to tell you that your childhood is one of the most important times in your life. Don't feel bad you were there and you heard. Now just go out and use the message to make the kind of world that Michael was talking about. That really is the best thing that we can do for his legacy. Keep the message live and show the world what it would look like if we all cared about each other the way he was showing us.

Don't keep beating yourself up. Enjoy what he gave us. Share it with the world

Hugs and love

Take care
 
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krism said:
one thing you could do is buy the dangerous tour dvd and find a really big tv and turn up the music really loud and imagine being there at the concert.
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Haha...that's a good idea! Since his death I've literally watched over 4,000 (no joke) videos/interviews on YouTube concerning him, I've bought and listened to ALL his music, and I've bought and watched many of his DVD's. I have a super small TV...but everytime I get something of his in the mail I jump up and down and make a big event out of it. lol. Me and my daughter make a special dinner, crank up the volume, and dance away. I've yet to buy a whole tour DVD though... I'm afraid it would make me more sad and depressed than anything... so I'm giving it time. Maybe by the time I'm ready for it I will have a huge TV. :)

Miss_star - :hug:


cytotech said:
you were busy growing up and that is nothing to be quilty of, you were doing what you were supposed to do for your age. Michael would be the first to tell you that your childhood is one of the most important times in your life. Don't feel bad you were there and you heard. Now just go out and use the message to make the kind of world that Michael was talking about. That really is the best thing that we can do for his legacy. Keep the message live and show the world what it would look like if we all cared about each other the way he was showing us.
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This is true. (sigh) I was just "busy growing up" and I can't beat myself up over that fact...I just know that Michael would have only added nothing but love, excitement, and joy in my life had I paid attention. But I guess you could say he entered my life at just the right moment...and I'm so grateful for that. Like you, I had lost my inner child. For the past 4 years - life has been so serious and draining for me. I had grown angry and all over annoyed with the world...including children. Michael has turned that all around for me...he has truly inspired and awakened the best in me...now, when I needed it the most. Man, I need to just repeat this in my head everytime I catch myself feeling sad for what I missed. Because it's NOW that I'm living in, and he has truly bettered the present for me.
Thank you.
 
Amy I know how you feel.
I can't relate to you completely because I was a fan when I was younger.
I'm from '84 too and when I was 4 years old my grandparents gave me a MJ flag from the Bad era because I loved his music so much.
Until, I guess I was 16, I was amazed by him but then I kinda cooled down.
When I was 22 I started listening to his music again but I don't consider myself I HUGE fan at that time I just enjoyed his music.
Then June 25th came this year and I'd have never thought it would have hit me so damn hard.
I'm completely hard broken ever since, I feel like part of my childhood is gone.
I regret it that I took him for granted the past 8 years of my life in some weird way I never thought of it that someday he wouldn't be here anymore :(
I'm all back to being a fan now and this time it's until I die.
 
They say you don't know what you had until you lost it. I feel the same way. I wish I was more involved with his life too. I always loved him, but never paid as much attention as I could have. The songs from HIStory onward were all pretty much new to me, and I don't know if I would have ever known about his comeback if he didn't die. No need to feel bad about it though. You cared, and that's all that matters. Now you can take the time to experience him anew again.
 
i get ur point. but i was always so proud of being a fan, i kind of even provoked an argument about it with people who didnt like him (in school).
i was always baking a cake on his birthdays, on 13th june and the day i became a fan =) and i always loved wearing mj shirts
 
amygrace said:
But I guess you could say he entered my life at just the right moment...and I'm so grateful for that. Like you, I had lost my inner child. For the past 4 years - life has been so serious and draining for me. I had grown angry and all over annoyed with the world...including children. Michael has turned that all around for me...he has truly inspired and awakened the best in me...now, when I needed it the most. Man, I need to just repeat this in my head everytime I catch myself feeling sad for what I missed. Because it's NOW that I'm living in, and he has truly bettered the present for me.
Thank you.
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It is never to late to be inspired, Amy. In a sence you havent missed a thing, because the most powerful messages can be found in Michaels music, his video's, his concerts and what not else. He left the kind of legacy that can turn your life upside down, and by the sound of it he did just that with you! Don't feel guilty for stepping in just now, because there's a beautiful and inspiring road ahead of you. And we welcome you the experience the magic with us. :better:
 
Experience the magic said:
It is never to late to be inspired, Amy. In a sence you havent missed a thing, because the most powerful messages can be found in Michaels music, his video's, his concerts and what not else. He left the kind of legacy that can turn your life upside down, and by the sound of it he did just that with you! Don't feel guilty for stepping in just now, because there's a beautiful and inspiring road ahead of you. And we welcome you the experience the magic with us. :better:
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Aw, thank you!

Thank you all you guys. I am so glad that with discovering Michael, I have discovered his wonderful fanbase...full of loving people.
 
Amygrace I'm in a slightly similar position to you when it comes to the guilt. I feel guilty for sometimes slipping and being judgmental on occasions, and not learning more about Michael until he passed. I was a fan before his death - I could recite just about every lyric on many of his songs - I had Invincible, The Essential: MJ, Number Ones and Bad. I never believed him to be guilty by the by or believed the media's lies. After his death I've come to love him more than I ever thought possible. He was inspiring to me then, but now... I can't put into words how much he's changed me. I feel guilt because I didn't feel about him to this extent before his death. It makes me think I'm not a true fan. Which isn't true at all.

It's wonderful that you have found Michael. He is so so beautiful, talented, humble, kind and loving - he's an example to all of us. Don't feel guilty. Life isn't worth analysing constantly because it just digs you into a hole. Be thankful that you've seen the light, and that you're continuing Michael's legacy. What greater way than to be here amongst such loving, kind human beings. You won't find a more wonderful place online!

God bless, and if you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to PM me!

xx
 
Experience the magic said:
It is never to late to be inspired, Amy. In a sence you havent missed a thing, because the most powerful messages can be found in Michaels music, his video's, his concerts and what not else. He left the kind of legacy that can turn your life upside down, and by the sound of it he did just that with you! Don't feel guilty for stepping in just now, because there's a beautiful and inspiring road ahead of you. And we welcome you the experience the magic with us. :better:[/QUO

Hi Amy

Experiencethemagic has totally hit the nail on the head - you are starting off on a wonderful and inspiring journey of getting to know Michael. There is so much to find out that will help you through what you are feeling at the moment and carry you forward.
I think it also gives you a deeper understanding of what is important in life.

I have been a huge fan of Michael's since the early 80's and throughout his career and have put up with an awful lot of abuse from haters/small minded people who believe everything they read in the papers.

Just reading some of the posts by fans like yourself who came to fully appreciate him later, gives me faith that his wonderful legacy will be carried on for generations to come - you are already instrumental in this by teaching your little girl about him.

I hope you both enjoy yourselves on this voyage of discovery, and I meant to say it to you before, but your signature is just beautiful.

Take care.
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^ Aw, thank you so much SusieQ! Your post made my heart feel good.
Although I do regret not getting to know Michael earlier so I could have fully experienced him in the flesh, I am so happy that even with him gone - I had the chance to really get to know him, through all that he left behind. Nobody with an open mind can watch him and learn about him... and NOT be inspired, in some way. And I feel like this sets off a chain reaction; a kind of "pay it forward" movement that will as you said, be carried on throughout generations. This is how his legacy will live. I am so happy to be a part of that.

I have to say, nobodies fanbase could be any better than Michael Jackson's. It's almost like were all mini-Michael's...as we support eachother, and go out into the world - spreading his message of peace, and living his example through love. Thanks for your nice response...and your compliment to my signature.
 
Aw Amy, don't feel bad! You're only 24 and have plenty more years to experience Michael. Just because he is no longer here, doesn't mean you can't connect with him.

I too was born in 84, and I followed Michael from the age of about 4 years old. Having said that, there's no part of me that thinks you appreciate him any less because you got into his music etc later than what I did. If you love him, you love him - it doens't matter how long you've loved for, as long as you love :)

It doesn't matter if you listened from 20 years ago or two years ago, you can bond with something in the matter of minutes. And I feel you do have a special bond with who Michael was. He wouldn't think any differently of someone who had admired him 20 years ago to someone who had admired him 2 months ago.

think about all the young kids today who admire Elvis or the beatles, who weren't even around when they were around! Music is like that.

Michael was an extraordinary person, and an extraordinary entertainer - and you know that. you love that, so don't feel bad for only feeling the way you do about him now - because people decades from now will probably be feeling that same way about him too.

I hope that all made sense...I'm very tired. hehe. Long story short, cheer up darlin' - Michael loves you no matter what :)
 
Naytobes said:
Long story short, cheer up darlin' - Michael loves you no matter what :)
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:wub: ...thank you Naytobes!!

Again thank you everyone for your responses...hope you all are doing well today, celebrating with joy for Michael's life, rather than tears for his death. Happy Birthday Michael!!! Though I've never met you I miss you so much. Thank you for everything you've done, brother. You were always an angel, and I know now you are home. :angel: See you there someday.
 
I agree with everyone else, Amy. And I can relate somewhat. I am much older than you are (I'm 42...and I have a 24 year old daughter!). My first memory of Michael's music was stealing my big sister's Off the Wall album so I could listen to it over and over. LOL Then I got Thriller and pretty much wore it out. I was married and had my daughter by the time Bad came out, but I bought that and loved it too. But then married life, parenthood, and just life in general took over and I got away from buying MJ's albums and such. I did always watch when new videos came out, and I loved hearing his music on the radio. Let's face it, there's no one like Michael Jackson!

I was just not as devoted to MJ and his music as I could have been for many years. When he died, I was so shocked. I could not and still can't imagine a world without Michael Jackson in it. It seems so completely wrong! His death brought Michael back to me in a lot of ways, and I have felt very guilty too for not having paid more attention to him much, much sooner. I told my husband when MJ died, I never saw MJ in concert...and now I never can! I feel a bit cheated, but it's my own fault.

But I decided to not focus on what I could have done or should have done, and just focus on remembering Michael and his music and legacy from this point forward. I think that's what Michael would have wanted anyway. No regrets, no guilt. Just remembering him in a positive and loving way.

I have bought every DVD with his videos that I can find. I've been listening to his music almost every day and discovering wonderful music that I'd missed out on over the years. I put some pictures up on my office wall. Just trying to capture all the magic that is Michael Jackson that I can. And finding this community has helped too. There are some wonderful people here. It's nice to know we can share our thoughts and feelings with others who understand.
 
TinaG said:
But I decided to not focus on what I could have done or should have done, and just focus on remembering Michael and his music and legacy from this point forward. I think that's what Michael would have wanted anyway. No regrets, no guilt. Just remembering him in a positive and loving way.
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:clapping:Definitely. Even though I already knew it, I feel better reading that...thank you!


TinaG said:
I have bought every DVD with his videos that I can find. I've been listening to his music almost every day and discovering wonderful music that I'd missed out on over the years. I put some pictures up on my office wall. Just trying to capture all the magic that is Michael Jackson that I can. And finding this community has helped too. There are some wonderful people here. It's nice to know we can share our thoughts and feelings with others who understand.
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I have done this too! Well, minus buying his DVD's exclusive to his live tours...I've yet to bring myself to those cause every time I see a live concert I cry thinking about how I missed it and wish I was there. His concerts were SO magical and...just like a spiritual experience. I think I need some time...before I'll be able to fully enjoy them the way they are supposed to be enjoyed...with sheer joy, and no sadness.

Surrounding myself with Michael through his videos, music, pictures, quotes... all of his magic, really does make my life feel magical. And being surrounded by people here who understand and feel the deep connection to this man as I do - is wonderful. It's like another family...formed from the greatest inspiration, coming together out of the greatest love.

Thank you guys for being here.
 
I got the Bucharest tour DVD, Amy, and then a couple of others that were fan made. I love the Bucharest show though...I had never seen MJ in concert and I really wanted to experience it in some way. I've watched it 5 times already and I just love it. I really get lost in it, and for those couple of hours watching it, it's as if Michael is alive and well, and working his magic on stage. I really love it! After the first time I watched it though, all I could think was, this truly was the most incredible entertainer the world has ever known. He was beyond amazing on stage and it's so great to watch. Every time I think about it, it just makes me want to watch it again!!!
 
Aww Amygrace :(
I know exactly how you feel.

When I was about 8 I became OBSESSED with Michael, I dressed like him and had my hair like him EVERYDAY and spent most of my time watching the number ones dvd trying to perfect his moves :'D I don't know why, but when I turned 11 I became less obsessed and just stopped listening to him. 4 years from that I feel so guilty. I've always loved him, I've always admired him and I've always supported him, but I really regret missing out on his last four years. When I heard about his death it was like I just reverted back to being 8 and it was one of the saddiest days of my life. I wish I could go back and pay more attention to him in the years I missed :cry:
 
amygrace said:
:wub: ...thank you Naytobes!!

No probs darl :)

Hope you are feeling better. While I have bad days where I think about him constantly, I also have good days when I smile for him. It gets easier, and I hope it does for everyone else on this forum :)
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Thank you guys! Your support and understanding really makes me feel better! :hug: Today (or I guess it's yesterday now...) I wrote a song for Michael in honor of his birthday, and how much he has inspired me.
 
Well I was born in 88, so I'm 21 now. I have heard Michael music since I was little because my mum used to exercise to it (lol) mostly Billie Jean I think..! So I've always enjoyed his music. I have to admit though.. my mum told me that when I was little I used to think he was like a lady! I don't think I'd seen a man with long hair and such a beautiful face before!

I can't pinpoint a time when I became more interested in him, I really can't remember the first time something clicked in my brain or when I bought my first MJ product, but I do remember seeing the video for You Rock My World at my gran and grandads and being mesmerised by him...that was 2001.

I do remember that after watching that Bashir doc in feb 2003 when I was 14 I became aware of the man behind the music. After watching that, the name 'Michael Jackson' wasn't two abstract words, neither was it just the name of the guy that sang Billie Jean or did the moonwalk, or had his trademark 'hehe' 'aow' or 'shamone'. 'Michael Jackson' now represented the real guy, the person. However negative people may have thought that documentry was, it was that that really made me passionate about him, the same way the tabloid LIES push me to care for him even more. I got a glimpse of the Michael, I saw through the lame attempts by Bashir to twist things, and I listed to Michael and felt I understood him.

Later on the kids at school were commenting on the doc. and making fun of Michael, and calling him all sorts of s**t. We had a common room, and one lunchtime it all kicked off. I couldn't stand listening anymore, so I started arguing back. It got a hell of a lot worse during the trial. I do think Bashir doc and the trial, honestly is what made me more interested in Michael the person and turned me into a 'fan'. Led me to find out more about the man and get to the truth instead of listening to tabloid propaganda.

MJ fans aren't just a fan of his music, they are a fan of the man & I think that is what makes us so passionate about him, and makes us miss him so much. We have some kind of special connection. Watching him at the World Music Awards (when according to the tabloids he was apparently booed BUT he actually WASN'T) actually brings tears to my eyes, all the love from the crowd. This is the first time he appeared publicly to perform since the trial wasn't it?Can you imagine how he was feeling..

Anyway.. I also feel like I've missed out on A LOT... basically all his music was released before I was born or when I was little. I've only really been around to see the 'bad times' of his life, by that i mean the bad things he had to go through and the horrible media caractature.

When we got the internet at home youtube was heaven for me, listening to interviews, speeches [you should listen to the Oxford speech if you haven't already], watching performances etc. I never saw him live... I was born a bit too late! I was so excited to have tickets to see This Is It - twice! I could hardly believe I was going to see him, I felt so lucky to have the chance.

Really the only time I wish I was in my 40s is so that I would have been able to follow MJ from the start.

Don't worry though - becoming a 'fan' however 'late' you might think, is GOOD, its how his legacy will survive.

There are Michael Jackson fans who are 90, there are Michael Jackson fans who are 4, there are Michael Jackson fans who aren't even born yet! All are equally important.
 
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