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is anyone feeling the same

MissyJackson

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is anyone feeling the same ?? lately ive been missing michael so much and when he comes on tv say a special airs on him i find it to painful to watch but i watch it but then it hurts after like the shock of june 25th 2009 comes right back especially if the special mentions his traigic death
 
Aww :hug:

I enjoy watching the specials about him on television because it reminds me of all the great things he did and the wonderful person he was. In a way they make me happy, because you know...we had him and we got all that love that he had to give. We have to take it and grow from it.

But what you are feeling is completely normal, it is still so new and fresh and it will probably be awhile before most of us can feel 'happy' again...
 
i know i'm never gonna heal this pain.
but i don't care....

everytime i think about him and remember the moment i was announced his death, hurts like hell, no difference from the june 25th....
this is so unbearable,
and i come here to hug you all, this is the only thing that helps me..

so you are not alone, we are all together in it, i don't know how to deal with it...
but i know we have to ....
for michael...

i love you so much.
 
MissyJackson said:
is anyone feeling the same ?? lately ive been missing michael so much and when he comes on tv say a special airs on him i find it to painful to watch but i watch it but then it hurts after like the shock of june 25th 2009 comes right back especially if the special mentions his traigic death
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I feel the same way. I feel like when the special goes off, he's leaving us all over again.
 
I'm only reading you guys, I'm too shy to write, but yes, there is so much pain, it just goes away for a little bit, then it hits back with a vengeance.
This forum is very soothing, there are here so many fans Michael would be proud of, and I randomly chose this topic to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to each and every one of you!
 
Popescu said:
I'm only reading you guys, I'm too shy to write, but yes, there is so much pain, it just goes away for a little bit, then it hits back with a vengeance.
This forum is very soothing, there are here so many fans Michael would be proud of, and I randomly chose this topic to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to each and every one of you!
Click to expand...

Heeeey, don't be shy! Speak up, we're here for each other.:better:

MissyJackson, get this - I haven't listened to one Michael song since 25th June. I have tried to get over it repeatedly, as I really miss his music, but I just end up welling up and hurting and switching it off.
The only special that I watched was Rage, and I ended up crying throughout the night, so uncool...
I hate how I can't celebrate his life and enjoy the beautiful art he's left us the way he would have liked me to, but I'm still grieving his death.
So you're not alone.
You hang in there, eh?
(((HUGS)))
 
I feel the same. I want to be able to start watching Michael again. but its so hard. On June 24th I watched the Bucharest DVD. I have not watched it since.. And I still have not listened to my favorite song Stranger In Moscow because I would have a breakdown.
 
It may be easing up slightly, but since Michael's death was announced I have not listened to nor watched any of Michael's songs or videos purposely.

Even though I'm much older than most members, doesn't make it any easier. But I do know whenever I experienced a death, like my parents, aunts, uncles, friends, there is usually a lengthy period of avoiding things that bring the loss too close. It takes alot of time, but for me, time really does seem to help. Because of personal experience with deaths of loved ones, I have to assume that the same will hold true in regards to listening to Michael and his music again at some point for me.

Everyone is different in how they handle/cope with a significant loss, so in this instance, I'd have to say take it day by day, week by week, month by month. And reach out for help, especially if coping mechanisms are not working out or depression/anxiety worsen instead of lessening with time. Better to reach out for help than to let things continue to decline and worsen with time.

jmo
 
I also feel pretty much the same. When BET was showing those MJ specials this past weekend I could hardly bring myself to watching them. Which is why I only taped them. The only way I can watch Michael again is through his performances and videos only. For some strange reason I am back to feeling the way I used to be when I watch them. Well most of the time I am. I remember a couple of Saturdays ago. I finally brought myself to go through these MJ video files I had downloaded and saved on blank dvds over an year ago. But as I was watching some of the videos OMG did I ever cry. I was crying so much that I had to turn it off. I really thought I could handle it but I just couldn't. So interviews and other stuff like that it is totally out of the question for me. Now just seeing a picture of Michael smiling is enough to make me cry again. But the one thing I have been doing ever since I had heard the horrible news. Was that I have been listening to him. I am listening to him now. Every single day at least several hours or so a day I listen to him. It is like I have to hear his voice more than ever before. But there some songs of Michael's that I still can't bring myself to listen to again. I don't know if I will ever be ready to hear them again.
 
I don't watch any TV news to do with Michael. Whenever I see anything on I immediately switch channels or walk out of the room. It's just too painful and I'm sick of seeing the media kick him and start rumours even though he has passed. I hardly know what's happening to do with Murray except what I've read in here.. And I haven't read a lot of details... It's too difficult. Also when people I know bring Michael up I immediately become anxious and paranoid. Like really edgy unless I know they love him. I always am paranoid to hear something bad said about him. It kills me to explain to them and to hear them not believe me :(
 
This saturday at his birthday I went to a tribute to celebrate his life.
I had some teary moments but I didn't cry.
The day after that I was completely devastated and monday was the same.
I don't know why but I cry alot since his birthday while before that I was doing ok, still sad but I didn't cry that much anymore.
Today I watched the private home movies I love to watch that there are so many happy parts in it and it makes me happy.
 
Yes. I watched PHM yesterday, and you know how it finishes with footage of him and his children.. and paris says 'when I grow up I want to be like my daddy' and the sweet things Michael says about them.. that brought me to tears.

Today I'm very sad :( And coming on here to see that someone has writen a thread saying 'Michael let us down' doesn't help the situation!

I've been watching some videos today, it started with the message from Karen Faye (because it was on my facebook newsfeed), then I went to her page and found some videos there posted by fans - the Andre Rieu tribute of Ben http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krKnQ50OGVo and then a fan-made video of Michael with fans .. i posted it in Michaelmania. They all brought tears to my eyes. So today I'm sad!

Before his birthday I was 'OK'.. since his birthday, it hit me again.
 
i don't know what's up to me...
but i don't want to feel better... i don't want to forget this pain...

does anyone feel this way?
 
I feel sort of similar. When I'm happy listening to Michael or I can't cry when I'm watching a sad song or video (like tonight) I feel guilty that I'm not feeling worse. But I keep having my ups and downs.. I still haven't cried or ever will cry as hard as I did for his funeral.
 
MissyJackson said:
is anyone feeling the same ?? lately ive been missing michael so much and when he comes on tv say a special airs on him i find it to painful to watch but i watch it but then it hurts after like the shock of june 25th 2009 comes right back especially if the special mentions his traigic death
Click to expand...

Yes is the same with me! I'll being trying to avoid all bad news.. but is almost imposible :(
:better:

cleopatra09 said:
i don't know what's up to me...
but i don't want to feel better... i don't want to forget this pain...

does anyone feel this way?
Click to expand...

Cleopatra!! I know exactly what you mean, is like if you stop hurting it will mean you dont love him enough and also you are afraid of losing him, you feel this pain is what is left of him inside you and if you lose that you will lose him. Is very scary! I know cause I felt that exacly. I was also comftable feeling pain cause it was scary to think feel something worst and I was used to it allready.
Is very hard to explain with words but I know what you mean. Now I being beeter, but is hard, everyday is a little war inside me, Iknow I have to start moving on cause I can not be depressed forever and the other part dont want to let Michael go!! :hug: :better:
We are here for each other :)
 
when it first happened i couldn,t watch or listen to anything without welling up,i still get upset when watching or listening to certain things,but others make me smile,the first dvd i put on was private home movies,because i felt like he was still with us watching that,because he does all the narration,and some parts made me smile,like when mj and chris tucker ran out the restaurant without paying,and michael was laugthing so much,

i have good days and bad days,mostly bad,i don,t think i,ve really excepted the fact he has gone,i don,t want to except it,
 
Hay hunny
Just wanted to send big hugs i feel the same way,since wat happen i cant watch or listen to any michaels music,its just to much i want to be able to smile and sing along and be happy but i truely think those day have gone and i hate it,to me he is my everything and wat use to make me smiles just makes me cry flood of tears,just so messed up :cry: big hugs everyone xx--xx
 
this thing is still killing me.... it does get easier with time but every now and then I just break down. Whenever I see him or listen to him I start to cry and I can't stop.
I'm scared too, scared that places like MJJcommunity and like will be taken offline because people will stop coming here. That MJ fans all over the world wont stick together like we have now when he's gone... somehow that this whole thing will be the end of more than "just" the life of the greatest ever...
I know these thoughts might seem weird to many but I am scared of that.
I don't want that I want everyone to be here and everywhere else, to stay in touch to keep working for Mj and do everything we can to keep his memory alive, so that he will always be remembered as the greatest ever....
 
MissyJackson said:
is anyone feeling the same ?? lately ive been missing michael so much and when he comes on tv say a special airs on him i find it to painful to watch but i watch it but then it hurts after like the shock of june 25th 2009 comes right back especially if the special mentions his traigic death
Click to expand...


totally feel the same.........................very difficult to watch any of the tributes etc:(:(:(:(:(:(
 
Indra said:
this thing is still killing me.... it does get easier with time but every now and then I just break down. Whenever I see him or listen to him I start to cry and I can't stop.
I'm scared too, scared that places like MJJcommunity and like will be taken offline because people will stop coming here. That MJ fans all over the world wont stick together like we have now when he's gone... somehow that this whole thing will be the end of more than "just" the life of the greatest ever...
I know these thoughts might seem weird to many but I am scared of that.
I don't want that I want everyone to be here and everywhere else, to stay in touch to keep working for Mj and do everything we can to keep his memory alive, so that he will always be remembered as the greatest ever....
Click to expand...

I agree with you Indra, I wouldn't want that to happen, it scares me too, however I doubt it will. MJ has too many loyal supporters.
 
pg13
exactly!
i just feel he stays with me through this pain..
and it's very comfortable for me.
i love him so much, i love even the pain he causes...
 
cleopatra09 said:
pg13
exactly!
i just feel he stays with me through this pain..
and it's very comfortable for me.
i love him so much, i love even the pain he causes...
Click to expand...

I know, I am like this too, is like I am affraid of stop feeling pain, cause what is going to happend then??
I dont want to forget Michael, NEVER!!! The just idea of it sacares so much!!!

I love him so much too!!! And some times I feel this pain I feel is my only last conection with him :(

I wish I could tell you what to do, but I cant cause Idk! I just hope it will all make sense at the end hun!

this is for you :hug::better:
 
i jus get ma eyes fill with tears every time i thnk bout him.....its paining inside....:-( he was my evrythn but nw dat he's gone its not d same....
he had a gr8 heart...cared 4 evrybody....thnkin bout al d thngs he did, its jus unbearable filing!!!
 
Yes i feel the pain, and sometimes still cry over him but i know not all these tears are of sadness there as also happy ones happy, that michael can finally rest in peace without the tabloid bugging him but yes i miss him truly and mostly every day theres not a day that goes back that i dont think about him, all my friend and family are saying im stupid for having feeling for him but i dont care he changed my life in so many wayz that i couldnt possible live without him, i know each and every day hes watching over us and will always b in our hearts.
 
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