As for Michael.......god, I wish we would have known some of the things he says on this tape. We knew a lot of it, but I don't think ANYONE here realized how bad it was. Michael was struggling every single moment of his life. I feel incredibly bad for him and I feel guilty. I wish we all could have let him know much, much more that he was loved, appreciated, and that there was n-o-t-h-i-n-g wrong with him. I just sit here crying my eyes out wishing he was still here so we could help him.
the saddest thing is that even though we knew for example some details that he talked about on this tape we wouldnt be able to do anything.
you needed to be his personal close friend to be able to help. he was in such isolation and couldnt trust anyone. and he was absolutely right. people that he trusted - most of them let him down.
and what help are we talking about? why he needed a friend? like everyone else - to be understood and to be loved unconditionally. i read somewhere that friendship is sometimes higher than love. cause it includes love in itself. but unconditional pure love.
what is happiness? it's also when they understand you. that was the only "help" Michael needed. to be understood. therefore loved...
but people around him never understood him.
like this rabbi - i mean open your eyes, open your ears and your heart most importangly - listen to him. you are there with him and he trusts you and still you dont understand him. no wonder Michael understood at some point that he was talking to the wall. to the person that never tried to listen or to love him. "im writing books. that's what i do" yeah right. that's what he does. simple. Michael got it at some point.
Michael's inner energy and power is not to be compared to the rabbi's ones. Michael was able to deal with all that himself for years and now here comes shmuley that claims he can help Michael out of the trap where only God or Michael himself could help.
all that only makes me realise once again how highly Michael thought of people. how innocent and trusting he was. and how humble. incredibly humble. knowing how strong he is, he still believed there were some stronger people. though he was so right about saying that somebody else on his place would die after all he went through.
amazing amazing Michael never lost hope. he kept talking to people. even to shmuley. "someone put your hand out"
what drugs are they talking about? it's so disgraceful. Michael never took real drugs. he was doing his best till the end. saying he was ok after the trial is not right. homeless, without any reason to continue his work because they deprived him from everything - the company of children - his connection to the world, his charity work... after trial how would he go to the hospital and hug sick children. he knew what they would say about it. his home Neverland is destroyed. in ruines. like a ruined dream. no more charity buses and smiles on children's faces. a life in a mansion that looks like a hotel with a little Wendy's house by its side, like a piece of a destroyed Neverland.
and among all that - still hope. still working for fans, for people he knew understood him. so much strength. so much amazing strength. makes me cry only thinking about it. makes me a better person because i think of how strong he was. how much dignity he had. after all he was through - still hope, new future, power and energy. burning like a fire. and shmuley stupid donkey calls it "lost will for life"? what a stupid man.
when the trial ended i thought to myself - "OMG what is he going to sign about now? he is just completely covered with dirt." but i also thought "it's him. he's so much stronger than that. he'll do something what i am not able to conceive" and that was true.
i believe that people like Michael are thirsty for love. for real love i mean. the fire that burns in them is so great, that they need to give away this love (and we fans can feel his amazing light) but to feel love they might need light greater than theirs. because something equal or less than them wont be enough. nice and lovely but not enough. I hope God's love and light of Heaven are now enough for our dearest Michael.
i dont think he thought that there was something wrong with him. i dont know how about others but i never felt it. yeah he might not like his face (which is so sad because his face is the most beautiful face i've ever seen) but i feel he was in peace with his personality.
i just love him so much. he's so precious
