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I Really Need Help.

dam2040

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Hi, I believe you have all seen the trial. And with the pictures shown, with the propofol orders, It has completely thrown me, I really am so down. I was not expecting to see these and I just don't know what to do. I really need to know you are all here for me. It's such a hard time for us all and I am here for anyone else as much as I can be. Now, I can't watch anymore of it. It would be too painful.

I am very upset by what I have learned today and I need to get away from the trial for a while.

The orders of Propofol, It's just sick. and the recording. The recording in my eyes is proof that Michael was either being hunted or blackmailed. I say hunted because it may have been done to show 'progress' of how they were destroying him. Or blackmailed because of the tour, Because he may have been saying to AEG that if you don't pay me, I'll sell this tape. There's no need for the recording. Pr*ck.
 
:hug: I know how you feel right now, I do. This is extremely upsetting and I feel my body starting to go into a shock mode again :( If you want to talk just know I am here for you
 
Thankyou. This means so much to me. I'd love to chat :cheers:
 
We are all here for you, here is where we can come together to help each other get through this trial with people who feel what you feel and really understand what you are going through. Please know that you are never alone x
 
Indeed Dam2040 :better: Its indeed really upsetting...
I HONESTLY haven't followed the news today :blush: for that simple reason that I know ENOUGH since 2009... PREMONITIONS hey
:blink: Though, I 'promised' to HELP here :yes:

Then again, Dam2040... YOU are NOT alone in this... PLEASE remember this Hun... We are here for YOU :better:
*squeezing Dam2040 really tight*
 
hugs..... we need to be strong... but it's so hard on days like today...
 
hugs to you and to all of you...
This picture and this audio of MJ knocked me down. It really did :cry: So I can imagine what you're goin through.
:hug:
 
dam2040 said:
Hi, I believe you have all seen the trial. And with the pictures shown, with the propofol orders, It has completely thrown me, I really am so down. I was not expecting to see these and I just don't know what to do. I really need to know you are all here for me. It's such a hard time for us all and I am here for anyone else as much as I can be. Now, I can't watch anymore of it. It would be too painful.

I am very upset by what I have learned today and I need to get away from the trial for a while.

The orders of Propofol, It's just sick. and the recording. The recording in my eyes is proof that Michael was either being hunted or blackmailed. I say hunted because it may have been done to show 'progress' of how they were destroying him. Or blackmailed because of the tour, Because he may have been saying to AEG that if you don't pay me, I'll sell this tape. There's no need for the recording. Pr*ck.
Click to expand...

Do NOT hesitate to message me if you need to talk...:better:
 
dam2040 said:
Hi, I believe you have all seen the trial. And with the pictures shown, with the propofol orders, It has completely thrown me, I really am so down. I was not expecting to see these and I just don't know what to do. I really need to know you are all here for me. It's such a hard time for us all and I am here for anyone else as much as I can be. Now, I can't watch anymore of it. It would be too painful.

I am very upset by what I have learned today and I need to get away from the trial for a while.

The orders of Propofol, It's just sick. and the recording. The recording in my eyes is proof that Michael was either being hunted or blackmailed. I say hunted because it may have been done to show 'progress' of how they were destroying him. Or blackmailed because of the tour, Because he may have been saying to AEG that if you don't pay me, I'll sell this tape. There's no need for the recording. Pr*ck.
Click to expand...

Look back at times when Michael was alive. He was strong despite all the attacks he had by the press. So, let's face this trial and let's be strong just like Michael was. Let's show them that Michael Jackson is not dead, because we are all Michael Jackson now.

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AMAZING-MICHAEL-michael-jackson-19147651-500-368.gif


[youtube]a7_52WbU-xA[/youtube]

[youtube]-xJbnDKGQPk[/youtube]
 
I'm here for you guys too. I honestly have the biggest headache right now. The information I've just seen/read/heard will stay with me for the rest of my life. I'm in shock. It's like my imagined chain of events has been blown out of the water and what really happened is even worse which I didn't think was possible. :(

Beautiful Michael. :crying:
 
StaceyMJ said:
I'm here for you guys too. I honestly have the biggest headache right now. The information I've just seen/read/heard will stay with me for the rest of my life. I'm in shock. It's like my imagined chain of events has been blown out of the water and what really happened is even worse which I didn't think was possible. :(

Beautiful Michael. :crying:
Click to expand...

:hug:
 
It's really hitting me hard now. I don't know what to do, or where to go. The worst part is that I'm stuck on campus, and since I share a room, I don't exactly have the necessary privacy to cry. Should I go out and pace? I feel as though it's all coming back, everything from 2009 that has taken years to tame. It's all spiraled out of control now, with this, seeing Murray alive and that picture...and the recording.

To hear him slur his words the way he did, one thing is to live it firsthand, and another is to see someone you care about go through it a million times worse. I don't know what to say. And, to see that even while he was under the influence, he still thought of others...he didn't sputter nonsense like most people, or talk about himself...he still thought of others.

I battle with the same issues he did, insomnia, it's a real bitch. He needed a real doctor to help him through it, not that filthy cockroach Murray. The more we uncover this, the worse he sinks, because he did it all for the money. It is beyond me how people could say otherwise. His church and his patients are entirely delusional if they think he's a good man...his mark is everywhere, the proof of his crime, in the death of my Michael. How could they say that?

So, I will watch, and wait, but I will drown whilst doing so. It's an ocean of emotions I'm not prepared to handle...I don't know what this is at all.
 
*hugs to all* That photo and recording keep popping up in my mind today.
And the letter from Kenny....It's all just too much. It kills me inside:(
 
^Same. I can't get them out of my head. I don't know how I plan on sleeping tonight. To tell the truth, I just want to run away and be with Michael, not having to think about any of this trial stuff. I hope he's thinking of us, if there is a hereafter. I didn't expect to see all this today, I don't know what to do with all this.
 
I would suggest (since this was just Day 1) to those that were extremely upset (or super sensitive to court proceedings) not to watch. Just keep informed and up to date via the transcripts that will be posted in the "not for discussion" threads. It isn't going to get easier and more photos, tapes, recordings, etc. will be presented by the prosecutors in their quest to present the State's case against Dr. Murray. Homicide trials are never easy, nor are they softened up for the easily upset. Taking a life unlawfully is UGLY; the path to justice is too, sometimes.

Blessings and hugs to EVERYONE.
 
I think it's safe to say that today ensured horrific searing pain in many hearts. In some even more so than 6/25 itself since I remember the incredible SHOCK softening the blow.

Severus, are you 'safe' in bathrooms and showers to let it out if you have to (and as you should?)

I started freaking out preemptively last night got a lot out of my system- but this is going to be a rough ride, I can only offer my PM inbox, if anybody wants to unload.

It's hard, I think many of us are feeling stabbed in the heart all over again.

When the pain gets bad- hold onto minutes. Or seconds. Just tell yourself to get through the minute, or the next 20 seconds, take what works for you. Get through the next 5 minutes and another 5 minutes, you can do it.
And hang with us who understand.
 
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Severus Snape said:
It's really hitting me hard now. I don't know what to do, or where to go. The worst part is that I'm stuck on campus, and since I share a room, I don't exactly have the necessary privacy to cry. Should I go out and pace? I feel as though it's all coming back, everything from 2009 that has taken years to tame. It's all spiraled out of control now, with this, seeing Murray alive and that picture...and the recording.

To hear him slur his words the way he did, one thing is to live it firsthand, and another is to see someone you care about go through it a million times worse. I don't know what to say. And, to see that even while he was under the influence, he still thought of others...he didn't sputter nonsense like most people, or talk about himself...he still thought of others.

I battle with the same issues he did, insomnia, it's a real bitch. He needed a real doctor to help him through it, not that filthy cockroach Murray. The more we uncover this, the worse he sinks, because he did it all for the money. It is beyond me how people could say otherwise. His church and his patients are entirely delusional if they think he's a good man...his mark is everywhere, the proof of his crime, in the death of my Michael. How could they say that?

So, I will watch, and wait, but I will drown whilst doing so. It's an ocean of emotions I'm not prepared to handle...I don't know what this is at all.
Click to expand...

Hun, I know its hard, but you are never alone. When you feel that way, like you don't know what to do, or where to go - you always heave a place here to come and talk.
We will get through this if we hold on tight together, and lean on one another for support- we wont let you drown.
I personaly know that feeling all too well and Its the worst - knowing that you are going to go under. But we are all here for you and you will get through this, we all will as long as we stick togerther xxx
 
I really do have to thank ALL of you. It means so much... Bumper, that was so special! Wow! You've gone from joker to this! I like the change :) And Arky, Daryll all of you. Thankyou so much.
 
SheilaMJFan4Ever said:
I would suggest (since this was just Day 1) to those that were extremely upset (or super sensitive to court proceedings) not to watch. Just keep informed and up to date via the transcripts that will be posted in the "not for discussion" threads. It isn't going to get easier and more photos, tapes, recordings, etc. will be presented by the prosecutors in their quest to present the State's case against Dr. Murray. Homicide trials are never easy, nor are they softened up for the easily upset. Taking a life unlawfully is UGLY; the path to justice is too, sometimes.

Blessings and hugs to EVERYONE.
Click to expand...


I haven't watch any video yet (due to time difference) and got all the information from my twitter timeline...But IT'S STILL HARD. I was writing #Justice4MJ's a lot on my notebooks during classes at my school and couldn't concentrate on anything :( Also sighed a lot.

I think I'm a little better now...I've written all down how I feel about this trial and my love&admiration for Michael. This helped me calm my nervousness, anger, sorrow etc. I'd recommend this for those who are really upset.

One of the hardest thing at least for me is maybe not being able to get comfort from MJ's music. I even can't picture his image from any era in my mind as for now. His beautiful smile just make me even more sad...
 
Fortunately for me I didn't see any of that. I just couldn't handle it. I had felt so really sick and so upset because of this whole trial. I try several times of wanting to watch it. But I just told myself no and change the channel to a non news channel. I wasn't going to make myself feel more worst than I already was feeling. And I really broke down I think more than once yesterday because of it. I am still feeling quite sick and upset now. So thankfully I have my video and computer games to help me get through today. As well as my Christian and non news shows, sleeping, and reading more of the Left Behind series. Just to help me get through today. I am starting to cry now just even thinking about that trial. and the thought of seeing those pictures and hearing those recordings is just something I don't ever want to hear or see.:sad: :boohoo: I truly know what it was like for Michael. Cause I had such horrible insomnia ever since I heard the horrible news about him. Those horrific nightmares about Michael that I was constantly plague with through out that first horrible Summer and in to the Fall without him.:sad: Just made my insomnia even more worst. I am still haunted by some of those horrific vivid nightmares I had. Especially the one where I was in the same room with Michael as he was spending his last minutes on Earth. And it was about a week ago I had another horrific nightmare about Michael. And I think that nightmare may have been a warning to me. I don't know what but it might have been a warning not to watch those trials and just try to avoid hearing or anything about this case. I am trying to do just that. But just like any other MJ fan I do want to know what is going on. Which is why I am so thankful to have my MJ sites to keep me inform.
 
Pace said:
I think it's safe to say that today ensured horrific searing pain in many hearts. In some even more so than 6/25 itself since I remember the incredible SHOCK softening the blow.

Severus, are you 'safe' in bathrooms and showers to let it out if you have to (and as you should?)
Click to expand...

I did eventually have to escort myself to the restroom and cry, but those are public too, so of course someone came in only moments later, but by that point, it was over. Sunglasses are our friends, even in the middle of the night.

I hope you're holding up well after last night, and thank you Beccabubbles for your kind words.
 
I'm here for all of you too :group:
I didn't watch the live stream.I spent the night up & reading everything,when the house was quiet and I could be by myself and cry if I needed to.I'm so unbelievably upset it's over 7pm and I still haven't had a sleep.
Earlier I listened to the Pros opening statements(watched some parts).I didn't want to see the pic,but as I posted in another thread,I don't know if I should do it now that I know what to expect instead of being assaulted by it at some random moment when it catches me completely off-guard.I don't know if it's something I can avoid,since it seems to be everywhere and at some point I may encounter it.I just don't feel I can handle it.
I still can't get his voice in that recording out of my mind..and that e-mail,the whole thing :cry:

The trial is on again and on one hand I want to stay,on the other,I think I should try to get some rest in order to be strong enough to face all this.I'm also afraid to watch it live after what yesterday brought.

I wish I had some comforting words to offer,positive thinking.It's just that I'm a mess right now,I'm in so much pain.
I know we'll get through this and I'm so very grateful to have you all,thanks everyone for your kind words and your warmth.Lots of love and hugs to all.
 
HUGS to all of you...

Indeed, I 'follow' the case in D minor...:doh: ONLY read the 'twitter' messages through my FB account so I hope I can sleep tonite now...
I too can ONLY offer you my :heart: my understanding, my time to listen :better:

Oh, and my story "Saved" on MJJC Blog where I can "escape" and 'dream' over how I would have 'cared' for Michael...
 
hello everyone I give all my love to you all- what happened to Michael is truly, truly horrific. I knew it was bad but I didn't realise it was as bad as it is. The pic of and audio will haunt me forever.
 
Keep your head up guys even though you think you're drowning :boohoo
Thats it... I love horror stories but this is just way too creepy... :puke:
Hugs to all :better:
 
I remember when I was around 12-13, through his magic Michael taught me how to push the limits of the realm in which I lived.

My small room all of sudden got transformed into an open space area full of people and I was dancing on the stage with Michael while my BAD album was playing on the old radio-cassette player.

When I got outside, in the street, nobody could understand me that my small room was bigger than the biggest street in the city where I lived. Nothing compared to this limitless space in which every magical moment was happening thanks to Michael's music and videos. Still today, even though Michael is not in our world, my no matter how small or big room, is still bigger than the biggest street in the world, cuz I know that MJ and his magic are present in that room.
 
^Yes, I completely understand. There is a whole other world inside our minds, and whether it is real or not is of no relevance whatsoever to me at this point.

However...returning to the events of today, hearing the paramedic describe Michael as feeling "cold to the touch" once he arrived on the scene really traumatized me. I didn't realize it at the moment he said this, although it did shock me, but later tonight I was discussing an unrelated death (a neighbour of mine died a few weeks ago, and we were discussing what we had read on it from the local paper because another accident occurred on the same street) and how swiftly he seemed to go. All that talk about how he died instantly due to the shock got me thinking about the trial again...and how Michael must have been long dead by the time paramedics arrived on the scene, if he felt cold to the touch.

That is my hypothesis on the matter: I think Michael was dead for at least half an hour before 911 was even called, only because his body was so cold according to the paramedic, and I think Murray knew he was dead immediately upon seeing him. Therefore, he knew giving him (inappropriately administered) CPR was a ruse...he should have been calling the police, not wasting his time getting Chase and screwing around, because he knew nothing could be done.

Knowing this, he still has the audacity to plead innocent, when the proof of his negligence is stained upon every word of testimony anybody gives, and Michael's blood drips from his callous hands. It breaks my heart, to think of him being dead, cold, and alone. I couldn't take it...I had to break down and cry. Why does this happen in the middle of the night, always?

Last night, I spent an hour crying over the fact that he was so tortured in life, that no one understood the pain he was so clearly in, and that others sought to amplify it. It's a helpless observation, but it brings tears because I've known some of the things he has gone through, I can understand his pain in some regard, and it is heart-wrenching to think of all he had to endure simply because he was different.

It is always in the middle of the night. In the daytime, I seem to be strong, but when night claims me in that melancholy solitude, I can almost hear him whispering from somewhere, and I wish I could go.

As you can see, I am slowly but surely losing it.
 
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