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Am I the only one who thinks of nothing else but joining him?

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I am sitting here with a wave of sorrow so unexpected I can't breathe. Tears are streaming down my face and that awful noise is escaping from my chest. This is the reason:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPh7bVkNkPg&feature=player_embedded

I miss him so much, and I want to be with him so badly. I am sitting here with countless prescription meds that I know could take my life. I am sitting and stare at them and wonder why I can't just do it. I want this over with. I want to die, but I can't. I just want to be with him. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. Forever I will miss him, forever I will love him. :weeping:
 
I think that if I committ suicide, I won't see him in Heaven ... But I have to say this- I was a different person prior to June 25 09. I think Michael's death has traumatized me so much that I'm no longer the Tiffany that I once was. I've really changed mentally / emotionally.
 
BillieJean84 said:
I think that if I committ suicide, I won't see him in Heaven ... But I have to say this- I was a different person prior to June 25 09. I think Michael's death has traumatized me so much that I'm no longer the Tiffany that I once was. I've really changed mentally / emotionally.
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I can only co-sign. Feel the same way. And still hoping with every day I am closer to see him again.
*Billie Jean*, and all you guys in here... :hugs: :(
 
L.T.D said:
I really hope this doesnt come across as insensitive, but make more of your life then.

He really really shouldnt be the only thing in your life, perhaps this is just temporary for you and things will get much better.

To me, Michael is my idol. I practice his teachings and live my life by his teachings and am in love with everything he has ever done and love him because of that.

But I also have love in my life, I want to go on and get a good job and have a big house. I still have many things in my life that I enjoy doing. You can find things like this too.

I dont know what your life is like, but I do know that you can find other things in your life aside from Michael. ALL OF YOU CAN.

Please dont take all this the wrong way, im just trying to help and motivate you to carry on.
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I would never aspire to have a "good job" or a big house. I am not a materialistic, empty person in that way. Those are things which society has taught you to desire. You don't desire them for yourself. There is a reason why, nowadays, the only way to have both of the things you said is to go to college. Is college free? NO. Those b@$t@*d$$$$$$$ charge whatever they frickin please because they KNOW they've got you cornered. They have already won. Even if you get scholarships, federal aid, etc., they're still scamming you for money and absorbing all they can because they know you have no other option, especially in this $#*t economy.

Well, for us, the fun never ends. Once you get thoroughly scammed and thrown out of the college you attended with diploma in hand, you are expected to sell yourself to society and be used until the day you die. It's all a business, your "good job" and your "big house". Look at all the people who had "good jobs" and "big houses", who got foreclosed in recent years. Au Revoir to your American Dream, hello reality. The banks had no qualms about putting people in the street just to repossess those houses in hopes of selling them for profit.

To answer your question clearly, what I have is existential depression. In other words, I am thoroughly disillusioned with how the world is today. I in no way want to be a part of all of that, as you have suggested. If that's what you consider having a good life, I want no part of it, thank you.

I have no doubt that there are many worthwhile people on the planet, like Michael. What dominates our illusory world of madness, however, is something green and evil. Something that controls all of us, even if we are against it. There is no escaping it.

So yes, Michael is my whole world. I won't bother speaking about private family things on any forum. All I will tell you is that there is a good reason why they are all out of my life, especially my mother. If he's not your whole world and you have someone else, great for you.

To me, he is my everything, and the only reason I am here. It is Michael, good literature, writing and art that keep my sanity intact.
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I am sitting here with a wave of sorrow so unexpected I can't breathe. Tears are streaming down my face and that awful noise is escaping from my chest. This is the reason:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPh7bVkNkPg&feature=player_embedded

I miss him so much, and I want to be with him so badly. I am sitting here with countless prescription meds that I know could take my life. I am sitting and stare at them and wonder why I can't just do it. I want this over with. I want to die, but I can't. I just want to be with him. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. Forever I will miss him, forever I will love him. :weeping:
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this is why i DO NOT watch videos like this of Michael...it is WAY too hard, and I won't put myself through that.....
 
Billie Jean I miss him just as much as you do. I even spent half of the morning this morning just crying over him. Because of the littlest reminders I kept hearing on tv was enough to trigger the tears for me. Thankfully I am not crying over him now. Though I might be later. But I am trying very hard not to cry over him as much as I was. I had spent over an year just crying over him and I am really a little sick of it. Even though I am still suffering from clinical depression over him and I always will. Especially since my happiness really is just forever gone from me. Because not only did that monster forever took away our beloved Michael. He also forever taken my happiness away from me. I literally felt all the happiness I ever had just forever being torn out of me that horrible night. I haven't felt happy in over an year now. And I know I won't feel happy again until the day that I join our beloved Michael in Heaven. But I have to really realized suicide is something that I can not commit. Even though my depression is making me want to think about death and dying all of the time. I am a Brethren and in my religion we are against the taking of a human life including your own. And because of it suicide is something I can not commit. Even though I was almost ready to a couple of times. Then I suddenly remember Michael and how this would hurt him if his fans are killing themselves over him. And I L.O.V.E. Michael way too much to want to hurt him like this. And I also have to ask myself these 2 questions Do I either want to spend an eternity in Hell? or Do I want to spend an eternity in Heaven with Michael and God? Well you know what my answer is always going to be. I have to keep on living for Michael. Even though I really don't want to live anymore. Because it is just so horrible to live in a world without him in it. But I do also realize that Michael is in a far more much better place. A place that we will eventually get to see one day and we will be with him for eternity.
 
xsmooth_criminalx said:
I would never aspire to have a "good job" or a big house. I am not a materialistic, empty person in that way. Those are things which society has taught you to desire. You don't desire them for yourself. There is a reason why, nowadays, the only way to have both of the things you said is to go to college. Is college free? NO. Those b@$t@*d$$$$$$$ charge whatever they frickin please because they KNOW they've got you cornered. They have already won. Even if you get scholarships, federal aid, etc., they're still scamming you for money and absorbing all they can because they know you have no other option, especially in this $#*t economy.

Well, for us, the fun never ends. Once you get thoroughly scammed and thrown out of the college you attended with diploma in hand, you are expected to sell yourself to society and be used until the day you die. It's all a business, your "good job" and your "big house". Look at all the people who had "good jobs" and "big houses", who got foreclosed in recent years. Au Revoir to your American Dream, hello reality. The banks had no qualms about putting people in the street just to repossess those houses in hopes of selling them for profit.

To answer your question clearly, what I have is existential depression. In other words, I am thoroughly disillusioned with how the world is today. I in no way want to be a part of all of that, as you have suggested. If that's what you consider having a good life, I want no part of it, thank you.

I have no doubt that there are many worthwhile people on the planet, like Michael. What dominates our illusory world of madness, however, is something green and evil. Something that controls all of us, even if we are against it. There is no escaping it.

So yes, Michael is my whole world. I won't bother speaking about private family things on any forum. All I will tell you is that there is a good reason why they are all out of my life, especially my mother. If he's not your whole world and you have someone else, great for you.

To me, he is my everything, and the only reason I am here. It is Michael, good literature, writing and art that keep my sanity intact.
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Thats just the way life is and we cant change it, you'll never be happy if you keep thinking the way you are now.Sure i'd love things to be different. But I want a good job and a big house.

Oh and please dont call me materialstic and empty, I just live in the real world. I am only trying to help you.

Society hasnt taught me to desire these things, I just realise that thats the way life is. I desire these things so I can support a family someday and want to give them the best, im not selfishly thinking about myself.

What I really want to do is entertain. I want to be a singer. But thats unrealistic, if I focus on that and fail I will have nothing to fall back on. Youve just go to be realistic and realise that this is the way life is.
 
L.T.D said:
Thats just the way life is and we cant change it, you'll never be happy if you keep thinking the way you are now.Sure i'd love things to be different. But I want a good job and a big house.

Society hasnt taught me to desire these things, I just realise that thats the way life is. I desire these things so I can support a family someday and want to give them the best, im not selfishly thinking about myself.

What I really want to do is entertain. I want to be a singer. But thats unrealistic, if I focus on that and fail I will have nothing to fall back on. Youve just go to be realistic and realise that this is the way life is.
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Only a cold-hearted person would want to build their lives upon the sacrifices of others.

Don't misunderstand what I said--I am happy in my own sphere of existence. What I am unhappy with is the way of the world. I won't ever accept it--it's so very wrong. I would rather die than contribute to the trainwreck the world we have created is.

Like Michael said, this could really be a beautiful world. I have seen it and I believe it will rise again, perhaps after we all kill each other in order to fuel our society in hopes of "having good jobs and big houses to support our families." Look at where we all are now-- we can't even realistically support our horrible lifestyles--not for much longer, anyway.

It's that way of thinking that sickens me. Our world is running out of resources to support our cars, houses and "good jobs". Society sells you the idea of having all of those things, like a drug. You're a fool if you think you want that out of free will. Such a coincidence, then, that the majority of the western world (America especially) all want the same thing. Ever since childhood, people are sold these ideas, though the media and otherwise, with the exception of wanting to reproduce. That's just biology.

In any case, I am the one who is being realistic here. It is a horrible thing that is happening, but most people are too blind to see what is going on, since they're all obsessed with "good jobs" and "big houses". I am not criticizing you, it just so happens that most people want both of those things, as they have been taught to desire these. It is through the exploitation of other countries and of its own lower classes that America is able to grant such excesses to its middle and (especially) upper classes. Nothing is ever achieved without someone else having to make a sacrifice, whether willingly or unwillingly.

I don't know about you, but I am uneasy at the idea of my success coming at such a tremendous and bloody price. I would not be able to sleep at night knowing that, while I excess in food and material possessions in my big, resource-guzzling house with my family, some kid in China is slaving his life away for pennies a day in a sweatshop, sacrificing his childhood so that MY privileged American kids can play with the latest aqua guy toy.

But, as you said, we should all just accept life for what it is and carry on screwing over the world we live in. As long as we have our high-paying jobs and big houses, who gives a $#*t about what our fellow human beings are going through to support our excesses.
 
xsmooth_criminalx said:
Only a cold-hearted person would want to build their lives upon the sacrifices of others.

Don't misunderstand what I said--I am happy in my own sphere of existence. What I am unhappy with is the way of the world. I won't ever accept it--it's so very wrong. I would rather die than contribute to the trainwreck the world we have created is.

Like Michael said, this could really be a beautiful world. I have seen it and I believe it will rise again, perhaps after we all kill each other in order to fuel our society in hopes of "having good jobs and big houses to support our families." Look at where we all are now-- we can't even realistically support our horrible lifestyles--not for much longer, anyway.

It's that way of thinking that sickens me. Our world is running out of resources to support our cars, houses and "good jobs". Society sells you the idea of having all of those things, like a drug. You're a fool if you think you want that out of free will. Such a coincidence, then, that the majority of the western world (America especially) all want the same thing. Ever since childhood, people are sold these ideas, though the media and otherwise, with the exception of wanting to reproduce. That's just biology.

In any case, I am the one who is being realistic here. It is a horrible thing that is happening, but most people are too blind to see what is going on, since they're all obsessed with "good jobs" and "big houses". I am not criticizing you, it just so happens that most people want both of those things, as they have been taught to desire these. It is through the exploitation of other countries and of its own lower classes that America is able to grant such excesses to its middle and (especially) upper classes. Nothing is ever achieved without someone else having to make a sacrifice, whether willingly or unwillingly.

I don't know about you, but I am uneasy at the idea of my success coming at such a tremendous and bloody price. I would not be able to sleep at night knowing that, while I excess in food and material possessions in my big, resource-guzzling house with my family, some kid in China is slaving his life away for pennies a day in a sweatshop, sacrificing his childhood so that MY privileged American kids can play with the latest aqua guy toy.

But, as you said, we should all just accept life for what it is and carry on screwing over the world we live in. As long as we have our high-paying jobs and big houses, who gives a $#*t about what our fellow human beings are going through to support our excesses.
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Im not going to reply to your properly until you stopping putting things I have said in inverted commas. It makes you come across as pompous. Think whatever you want, but dont belittle my point of view like that.
 
I’ve been avoiding posting again for such a long time, but I feel I can do a small exception in this section, as I empathize with so many people in it. This will quite long, but I just need to say this.

I’ve been suffering from depression since 2001, and since August, 2009, I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and used to have an incredibly restless and painful time, crying every single day for 2 years on end, because my mind and heart would never stop thinking and feeling, respectively, mincing everything, and would never stop worrying and hurting, worrying and hurting about everything, especially Michael. But the horrifying pain from my chest that deepened and sharpened since June 25 had become unbearable and physical, that I had to seek help, be hospitalized for 2 weeks, be prescribed anti-depressants and speaking to psychologists and psychiatrists. I haven’t gone to speak to any counselor since last January, as he didn’t help, bar the psychiatrist that is responsible with seeing me once a month and altering or not the prescribtions.

I can look at photos of him, can listen to some music of his, read news and even become numb when bad news or imbecile rumors appear. I have started to feel numb for months now, I haven’t cried in months, I have toned down my whirling thoughts, my feelings of despair and I have managed to do that thanks to God and I wish I didn’t say this, but medication also. I sincerely have tried to cut down on them, I did on one, then another. I have managed to feel better for a couple of weeks without it, then the indescribable physical pain in my chest started again, even though I’ve been training my mind and heart to ‘work’ less, that I wouldn’t need a bad reason for the pain to start. So, I had to be prescribed another anti-depressant for that pain and for some uncontrollable bad thoughts associated with it…. but I honestly can’t do without it and I pray to God that won’t be forever… Never praise medication, never say ‘I love X medicine or Y medicine’, never feel comforted that you have to take them, the best you can do is pray to God, don’t act like He doesn’t exist, go to church every Sunday and, when a thought like ‘I don’t have any reason to live’ shots your brain, suppress it, because you have a reason to live, the most important of it all, and that is God, and of course, the loved ones.

If there is any human being that has taught me to turn to God more, that one is one of His sons, Michael, who, in spite of it all, all horrible trials and tribulations, he loved life, he loved preserving life, he created life (his children) that gave him reason to live; when he looked into their eyes, he saw how God looked like. Every time he felt like dying, he thought of them and all of the children of the world and he felt he had to live for them. So, he found more than one reason to struggle to make it. So, those of you that have children, parents, brothers, animals or birds who love you/who you love, think that you have to make it through the day for them, in order to see them. I, for one, who am so overly critical of myself and others, including my family, have been thinking that, through their imperfections, I see my flesh and blood nonetheless and behave just like a child so many times when I’m with them, trying to make them smile, and I’m the same with animals, who compel me to behave a certain way and make me feel like I want to live for them. On June 26, 2010, I went to a zoo and many animals there were so friendly and sweet, a llama and a few deer in particular, who had such trusting, piercing eyes that were so endearing. Or thinking about how I feel when I inhale fresh country air and see nature…in times like those, I, personally, feel Michael the most. When my heart is open.

I used to hate everything even months after he died…and I wanted to die all the time…even before June 25. I still feel grief and pain, and feel irritated sometimes, and trapped most of the times, and I fear death less now…and I also fear less in general…Probably because the world is in her last years now and the prophesies of the Bible make this a clear thing…just having a look at the world, with all the increasing man-made destructions and independence from God, as though He didn’t exist. It’s clear to me. As it is clear to me that the forces of evil conspire against the good ones to ruin them and/or kill them, as they did to Michael, in which they saw an imminent peril threatening their ‘order’. I’ll never forget how a fitness trainer said how she heard him say he wanted to cancel a few shows, adding that ‘They were so mean…Just so mean”, meaning there was no way out, then a charicature of a person, horribly incompetent, ends up killing him for money. Then, there were/still are so many mindblowing things going on that don’t make sense when it comes to so many in his life that have betrayed and sold him out…It all seems like a sick joke. And that sick joke is the enemy. Michael would have come back to preach or warn us against this enemy, and that really, these are our last years, when we need to focus more on loving and healing the way we can. Love is the everexisting enemy of evil…It is so hard, at times, finding love in our hearts for some people and things that are pure evil, that we feel just fighting fire with fire…

I don’t want to extend it further to scare everybody…maybe I’m calmer, because I see how the earth is degrading by the second and everyone will eventually die and we’ll get to see Michael, hopefully. I know I’m praying every night for that Michael is with God in Heavens…I can’t believe how much this consumes me, as I don’t know for sure, even though I know deep down that he is There, and I want to be There one day, too. And I want him to watch over his children continually, who are not in a safe environment, and to pray for this fading earth and her inhabitants. Before he passed, a couple of months before, I desperately prayed to God so that He turns him into a white bird flying fancy free for a change, as he was so shackled…I would pray for that almost obsessively, and would think that only in death would he find peace, but never did I once envisioned him flying from this earth for good, I prayed that he should have flied above the earth with a peaceful, happy heart, but not as a bodiless, lifeless soul…But I guess I rest assured that evil won’t win in the end and that, when it’s time, we will be able to see Michael again hopefully, especially that his dear children will be with him again.

I’m trying to understand how this life goes nowadays, trying to figure it out, as it seems often meaningless…And many of you here from this thread I’m sure you try to do the same…But just always know that by thinking about taking your life and doing it will prevent you from ever reaching Heavens, from ever possibly seeing Michael and from experiencing, or at least, trying to experience this life…the so-called small things that do mean so much. If you want meaning in your life again, and have the courage to seek it, try to make a difference in a person’s and/or an animal’s life. When I was in the hospital, I felt so sorry about all the ailing people and would identify with them and give them sweets and prayer beads to bring them hope…Now that I’m outside the hospital, I haven’t done it in a long time…So, everything happens for a reason, and when faced with a problem/a tragedy, there often can come a smaller or bigger blessing…When you’re hurting, you often want to alleviate others’ pain, which gives meaning to life. Look at the night sky, talk to God, ask for a sign (a shooting star, a bird or whatever), pray, try to drink more fruit juice and honey, practice a sport or work out and sweat off the tension in you, go with a friend in the park, if possible, find someone to love and someone to love you and understand you…a shrink or other therapist won’t really help, if at all…Find a hobby, do something in honor of Michael and think ‘I’m not only doing this for him, but for God and my own soul too’. Write your thoughts and feelings down, draw or watch good cartoons and comedy sitcoms from time to time. When being crushed by the need and want to see Michael, think about his children, even look at their pictures (which are now sadly everywhere…) and see Michael still living in them and them drawing strength from him…Draw from their strength. Think that all those horrible people in his life now can’t touch him. Think about the good, happy things in his life and even watch some Jackson 5 comedy skits that can make one laugh.

Learn to see God in so-called small things like that, learn to be sensitive to minor sweet details and they can keep you alive and better, learn to rely on God, because He is the only one that will save us thoroughly. I can’t think of something else now, and I’ve already written too much, even though not all I had to say...But I don’t know what else to say or how to say it differently than I did and I feel embarrassed as it is and maybe will regret it later. I just wanted to somehow write down what keeps me, personally - just another human being, alive these days, and do it publicly, perhaps it will help a bit, perhaps not at all, yet I wanted to do this…
 
L.T.D said:
Im not going to reply to your properly until you stopping putting things I have said in inverted commas. It makes you come across as pompous. Think whatever you want, but dont belittle my point of view like that.
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It is not my intention to belittle your POV by having those words in airquotes, and I apologize for the misunderstanding. My reason for placing them that way is to indicate that they are somewhat relative. I think it is fair to say that, for one person, a "good job" may be a high-paying one, while someone else may disagree and say it's one which brings you joy. Same with a "big house". Someone may think of a mansion, while a really impoverished person may think of, say, a one floor house or even a townhouse as a "big house." I reckon you get the point. I did not mean to come across as condescending in any way.
 
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*Billie Jean* said:
I realize that now. But I still can't believe how much I still miss him. :weeping:
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we all miss him but taking out own lives will not help matters. Im delighted to hear that you will not do this. Although I am sure you are suffering badly just think about your family and friends. They wouldn't want you to do this either. The pain you have now will get easier over time. As long as you remember Michael he will always be with you :)
 
sharon007 said:
we all miss him but taking out own lives will not help matters. Im delighted to hear that you will not do this. Although I am sure you are suffering badly just think about your family and friends. They wouldn't want you to do this either. The pain you have now will get easier over time. As long as you remember Michael he will always be with you :)
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Thank you, Sharon. But I don't think it will get easier, only that I will get used to my sorrow. :(
 
Just stopping by again today to give you all a virtual hug. I'm sad knowing that so many of you, in your own little corners of the world, are feeling such sorrow.

Right now there is some back and forth in this thread about lifestyle choices, etc. We all lead very different lives and have different goals, but one thing we all have in common is our love for MJ. We may feel differently about him though -- to some he's an idol, a hero, an angel, a teacher, a friend, a family member. For some he is one of many passions and for others he is the major thing keeping them going. We are all different and I don't think there is one right way to have him in our lives, just as there is no one way to grieve. I do think everyone in this thread has the best of intentions though, so maybe we can focus on our commonalities and how we can best support each other? I feel more than ever that it's super important for us to stick together. I know I really need you all. :heart:
 
jemini515 said:
Just stopping by again today to give you all a virtual hug. I'm sad knowing that so many of you, in your own little corners of the world, are feeling such sorrow.

Right now there is some back and forth in this thread about lifestyle choices, etc. We all lead very different lives and have different goals, but one thing we all have in common is our love for MJ. We may feel differently about him though -- to some he's an idol, a hero, an angel, a teacher, a friend, a family member. For some he is one of many passions and for others he is the major thing keeping them going. We are all different and I don't think there is one right way to have him in our lives, just as there is no one way to grieve. I do think everyone in this thread has the best of intentions though, so maybe we can focus on our commonalities and how we can best support each other? I feel more than ever that it's super important for us to stick together. I know I really need you all. :heart:
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Jemini, what you wrote was so beautiful. :heart: I have lost the only love I have ever wanted so my future seems so pointless. Michael was like a husband to me because I love him so unconditionally. I have never loved anyone the way I love him and probably never will. I feel like a widow, and I just hate the pain and sadness of being a widow. :weeping: Sometimes I find myself calling his name aloud from the basement stairs hoping he will answer back. Love isn't love at all if it bends under circumstances or alters as the world does. True love is not dependent on transitory things like youth or beauty. It weathers all tempests and remains unmoved, even death. I don't know why I am going off on this. I guess I just need to.

~hugs~
 
*Billie Jean* said:
One year ago today the love of my life was taken from me. But I feel like it just happened yesterday. Each day to me is a blur as if I am just walking through a thick white cloud. Honestly I just can't handle the fact that Michael is gone, I just can't. I am constantly thinking about ending my life. (Don't worry I don't have the guts to do it.) I just want to be with Michael so badly, and if I can't be with him then I don't have any desire to be here. I have no fear of death anymore. Sometimes I go horse back riding and lately I find myself leaving my helmet behind (which I would never do before) but I really wouldn't mind if I fell off and died of a head injury. It is horrible but I can't stop thinking about those things. Is this normal? How will I ever go on? He was my first love, and will be my last. I just want to scream. Please somebody tell me how you got through this because I don't think I can take much more. It hurts so much. Sometimes the pain is too much, too much, that I am not always sure what to do. I dread life every time I wake up, I dread seeing people around me being happy, I can't handle going on with each day, knowing that the world around me is moving so fast, going on with every day life, that I can't seem to do. I just feel my whole life has been crushed, torn from underneath me and how unfair it is to have your love of your life, your best friend, and your soulmate all take from you in a heartbeat. It is just all too much and I am just not sure how to go about each day without screaming out loud, screaming at the top of my lungs, WHY MICHAEL!! I am screaming, but only within. There are so many things I want to write, so many things I want to say, but I guess I can save them for another time. Sorry for going on so much, it hurts writing it all, but felt nice to get it out to those who are going through the same thing.

:weeping:
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I "know" for a FACT Mr.Jackson would be extremely disappoint if YOU decided to take "YOUR" precious life for granted...! I, WE cannot "ever" stress "enough" how "LIFE" is a"very precious" gift from God..!

NO human being is perfect...and despite what many may think and or want to believe Mr.Michael Jackson was not/and shall ever be perfect...Like "HE" explained sooo very autobiographically explained...

WHAT and WHO "Mr.Michael Jackson" has "ALWAYS" been about..!~~~



P.L.E.A.S.E "allow" HIS L.E.G.A.C.Y/H.I.S.t.o.r.y to "L.I.V.E O.N"~~~

L.o.v.e Always

:angel:
 
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First of all I would say that i like this thread and i read you all's comments. Truly I can’t end my life for MJ because he would of wanted all his fans to rejoice with his love and spread it across the world. I have so many things to live for day to day yes I am still not over his death its going to take me a few years to adjust listening to his music without breaking down the way he was treated by the media and by so many people was very unfair but the heavenly father has a way to shine the light on all that failed him and those who loved him.


He was a spiritualist of our times he predicted so much and it happen he did what he came to do on this earth and that’s defend all enemies and show, strength, power, and encouragement to all ages. June 25, 2009 was the most painfulness time of my life I never grieved hard for any body that passed in my family like I did Michael I couldn’t believe I cried for four months I felt like I lost a family member the feeling was something I can’t even explain I wanted to run to LA and just hug all the fans who just morn him so hard. I don’t know how the other side feels like but I bet he living everyday just watching the hole world waiting to see what he said in “this is it” in the next four years we have to get it right and with that he meant to spread love not hate love one another he thought me the real deal about the industry by me just doing a little research of my own and when he said the message is in the music he really meant that cause it is especially in his music I appreciate the knowledge in his music that he left behind the only thing I can do is live my life and live up to what his mission was about this world is so corrupted so many times when I was in a deep depression suffering for anxiety I wanted to off my self and when MJ died I felt life is not worth living I just can’t handle another legend dying so tragically like this and people just dragged them but I know a change gon come because of you all’s love each day that I come on here I’m good even thro I never met you all y‘all feel me up with pure love…
 
jemini515 said:
Just stopping by again today to give you all a virtual hug. I'm sad knowing that so many of you, in your own little corners of the world, are feeling such sorrow.

Right now there is some back and forth in this thread about lifestyle choices, etc. We all lead very different lives and have different goals, but one thing we all have in common is our love for MJ. We may feel differently about him though -- to some he's an idol, a hero, an angel, a teacher, a friend, a family member. For some he is one of many passions and for others he is the major thing keeping them going. We are all different and I don't think there is one right way to have him in our lives, just as there is no one way to grieve. I do think everyone in this thread has the best of intentions though, so maybe we can focus on our commonalities and how we can best support each other? I feel more than ever that it's super important for us to stick together. I know I really need you all. :heart:
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Wow, beautiful words! :heart: And so true! :clapping:
Hugs for you too Janine, and also everyone else here!! :group: :heart:
 
well, this world is getting mighty nasty, so.....do i think of joining him? well...like i said..the world is mighty nasty..
 
*Billie Jean* said:
One year ago today the love of my life was taken from me. But I feel like it just happened yesterday. Each day to me is a blur as if I am just walking through a thick white cloud. Honestly I just can't handle the fact that Michael is gone, I just can't. I am constantly thinking about ending my life. (Don't worry I don't have the guts to do it.) I just want to be with Michael so badly, and if I can't be with him then I don't have any desire to be here. I have no fear of death anymore. Sometimes I go horse back riding and lately I find myself leaving my helmet behind (which I would never do before) but I really wouldn't mind if I fell off and died of a head injury. It is horrible but I can't stop thinking about those things. Is this normal? How will I ever go on? He was my first love, and will be my last. I just want to scream. Please somebody tell me how you got through this because I don't think I can take much more. It hurts so much. Sometimes the pain is too much, too much, that I am not always sure what to do. I dread life every time I wake up, I dread seeing people around me being happy, I can't handle going on with each day, knowing that the world around me is moving so fast, going on with every day life, that I can't seem to do. I just feel my whole life has been crushed, torn from underneath me and how unfair it is to have your love of your life, your best friend, and your soulmate all take from you in a heartbeat. It is just all too much and I am just not sure how to go about each day without screaming out loud, screaming at the top of my lungs, WHY MICHAEL!! I am screaming, but only within. There are so many things I want to write, so many things I want to say, but I guess I can save them for another time. Sorry for going on so much, it hurts writing it all, but felt nice to get it out to those who are going through the same thing.

:weeping:
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:better: Sweetie, I know how you feel :( ...heck we all do...however I have not thought of joining him, because I have my wonderful children :) Michael I am pretty sure of this would want us to enjoy our life and do fun things like he liked to do, plus he couldn't really have a 'normal' anonymous life like all of us..I HONESTLY think he would want us to be happy...and then it almost seems impossible to be happy, because he is not here. :cry: I wake up everyday and it hits me like the first day...because he was taken to soon. No one ever saw this coming...it's such a shock...that shock will never leave me :cry: and you too...but somehow...

we are trying to live with it. That is the hardest thing of all. We don't know how to live with it because it is the unimaginable...Michael not being here...I thought Michael would always be here ya know :cry:

We will join Michael when it is our time...whenever that may be...and I like to think that somehow he will be waiting for us :) :heart: But only when it's our time ;)

Fran you know I love you and please know that I am here for you :huggy: I know I can't make you feel better, but I just wanted to say that :hug:
 
BillieJean84 said:
I think that if I committ suicide, I won't see him in Heaven ... But I have to say this- I was a different person prior to June 25 09. I think Michael's death has traumatized me so much that I'm no longer the Tiffany that I once was. I've really changed mentally / emotionally.
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So stay with us. I know it must feel like life is not worth living anymore or there is nothing to live for but that is wrong. We need to live on for this world, live on for Michael. I used to feel the same but I tell myself not to be selfish. Why do I want to be with him so much? Because it's true, I love him and my only desire is to be with him. But Michael is happy in heaven now. He don't need me to be with him but he need me to help him make this world a better place! Please understand. Michael loves you and want all his fans to continue fighting for him!
 
Just listen to Michaels music or watch his videos he is with you in those moments :)
 
I have spent a lot of time crying today. I miss him so much. It hurts. And what is worse is that a medical problem I have is becoming worse and worse. And I just... I don't know what to do anymore. I just see no purpose to live anymore if nothing is going right. From the way people talk, I am just going to die anyway. I feel dead already, sick and broken-hearted. The hole has gotten so huge in my heart I don't understand how it can still beat. :weeping: I can close my eyes and swear I can feel his touch on my face. I just wish I could curl up in the grave with him.

Miss_star said:
:better: Sweetie, I know how you feel :( ...heck we all do...however I have not thought of joining him, because I have my wonderful children :) Michael I am pretty sure of this would want us to enjoy our life and do fun things like he liked to do, plus he couldn't really have a 'normal' anonymous life like all of us..I HONESTLY think he would want us to be happy...and then it almost seems impossible to be happy, because he is not here. :cry: I wake up everyday and it hits me like the first day...because he was taken to soon. No one ever saw this coming...it's such a shock...that shock will never leave me :cry: and you too...but somehow...

we are trying to live with it. That is the hardest thing of all. We don't know how to live with it because it is the unimaginable...Michael not being here...I thought Michael would always be here ya know :cry:

We will join Michael when it is our time...whenever that may be...and I like to think that somehow he will be waiting for us :) :heart: But only when it's our time ;)

Fran you know I love you and please know that I am here for you :huggy: I know I can't make you feel better, but I just wanted to say that :hug:
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Aw... I love you too. :huggy: Thank you so much, Kerrie. Your support means a lot.
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I just wish I could curl up in the grave with him.
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Hun i know that it hurts that hes not around anymore, but michael would not want u to wish such a thing. He would want u to be alive and live life with his legacy deep inside u. :hug:
 
I am really sorry for you all grief and pain. As time goes by, you will heal. I don't think Michael would want his fans to hurt themselves, he loved us too much. Just keep him in your heart.
 
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