Finding meaning in tragedy. Please read. Hope it helps

Autumn II

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The memorial was exquisite, and soul-wrenching. In addition to my own terrible grief about the passing of Michael, I’ve been trying to help so many who have contacted me, wanting to die, not knowing how they will live without him. I have tried to help them, but I feel the grief, too, and have not really had the answers. I’ve done the best I could, and I will keep trying.

But for my own sake, too, I have needed to find meaning in his death. My grief is NOT less than yours. “God wanted him back” is not enough for me. That is too cruel for the living, and for our pain at his loss. “His music will live on,” is too abstract, in his absence. “We will carry forward his legacy?” Of course we will, but that is not enough. I have worked through many possibilities for finding meaning in this terrible tragedy. I think I may have found it, and would like to share it with you. I hope this helps you.

Most of us never met Michael, never had contact with him. Yet in so many ways, he felt like a close family member. Others might not understand, but he was everything to us. A father, brother, lover, and friend. A protector. For some, he walked with them to school in the mornings. For many, he was the last person they thought of at night, and the first they said “good morning" to, upon awakening, even though he was not physically there. He was like a bright light, that allowed us to see through any darkness. He saved some from taking their lives. He was THAT important.

He was someone who understood us – and we knew that -- even though most had never spoken to him in person. His voice had an intimacy where we all felt that he was speaking, or singing, just to us – to you and me, alone. He offered himself up to us. He held nothing back. He gave all he could of his physicality in performances and short films, and in his lyrics and music, and especially of his emotions. He was sacrificial, for us, in that way, but he knew and accepted that. Michael LOVED his fans, more?

So where is the meaning in his death? It is, of course, love, but in a very special way. Not only his love for us, but the love that we felt, and still feel. The FANS knew him best. Not the media commentators, not the so-called biographers, but the FANS. We learned something amazing from him. We learned, from him, how to love deeply, and unconditionally. The meaning is in the love we learned how to feel, for someone most had never met. That love was huge, global, and yet personal. WE are the people who have learned how to love, and we have learned what that kind of unselfish love feels like. We are the lucky ones, to have loved that much? Even in our pain, I think that is his gift to us? To discover our emotional depth?

Our grief is overwhelming, but that is because of the extent of our love. We are lucky, to have had that in our lives. Most people live safe and careful lives, but WE are the ones who gave our hearts away. And now, we bear the pain of the loss. That was always the risk? But, that is better than not to have loved at all? We were not careful. We dared to live and love deeply. How can we bear this loss? I think we can bear it by being proud of ourselves, by applauding ourselves, as complete, and emotional, human-beings who have learned how to love. . . . We have learned something important from Michael. We have learned how to risk to love, that much, and THAT is incredible. It fuels our pain, but can also fuel our survival. Such a love is universal.

So here is what we must do. We must recognize and honor that capacity in ourselves, and then, when we are ready, we must share our gift of knowing how to love that much. We must love our families that much; we must love our friends that much; we must love people across the globe from us whom we have never met, that much; we must LOVE people as we loved Michael, and as much as he loved us. Because, we have already learned how to do it, and we already accepted the risk of giving our hearts away.

We are the ones who love the most. Michael taught us that. And now, it is our responsibility, when we are ready, to share it. Love is profoundly healing, for the world. Your responsibility now, and mine, is to preserve ourselves, to take care of ourselves, and to understand that our great capacity for love is unusual in this modern, media-driven world. When you are ready, your responsibility, and the meaning to be found in this loss, is to share your gift of the capacity to love, that you learned from Michael. I challenge you to do that. I can, and I think you can, too.

peace, and Keep the Faith,

Victoria
 

Nuu

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that was very beautiful, thankyou for sharing :) I agree completely, Michael loved people selflessly and genuinely and we should learn from his example and love other people unconditionally too, everywhere you look people are unhappy and cynical and depressed and all it would take is a bit of love and hope to heal the world. I feel Michael would have wanted us to reach out to others the way he always did ((((HUGS)))))
 

alex_MJ

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"Our grief is overwhelming, but that is because of the extent of our love."
wow Victoria. beautifully written, thank you.
 

Autumn II

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I am struggling too, and I hope you know that? What I wrote was from the heart. We are VERY special people, and we should honor that capacity in ourselves.

love you,

Victoria
 

Autumn II

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Thank you Trish, and I love you, my dear friend. You KNOW that. We will get through this. . . . I've been trying to find meaning in all of this, and I believe in what I wrote. We are ALL very, very special. . ..
 

eternitys_child

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Vic,

What you wrote is true and it works. I know because it is how I got through my greatest loss which was the death of my father. He, just like Michael gave unconditional love. His smile was beautiful and he loved life, never was unkind, and was always generous. In life his greatest joy was seeing others happy. He died at a time I was in a terrible situation and I had no support system. It was the darkest time of my life but the love that my father had given me got me through, that gave me strength. I understood how fortunate I was to have known that kind of love and I was NOT going to let it die.

It was my recognition of the same qualities in Michael, of his giving of unconditional love, that drew me to him and made me a fan in the first place. Even as people were bashing him I knew what they said was not true. I could believe that and trust it because I had known unconditional love before in my life and made it a part of me.

Some days back when we were asked to pledge not to take our own life I wrote this in the thread. It was my attempt to say what Vic is saying now:

Michael cared about the world. We need to as well.

As Mother Jones said "Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living."

I will cherish the good times of the past and the love that has been given me. It is the love that has been given to me in the past that gives me the strength to go on and keep caring. I owe too much to the people before me to ever give up. It is up to me to share what they gave me, so taking my own life would never be an option no matter how bad times get.

Even though I never knew Michael personally except through his music I felt the far reaching light he gave to the world and now feel the world dim at his passing. I am very sad but I think as fans we all need to reach into our good memories of Michael and the love he gave and create our own lights for those around us. That is the best tribute we can pay.
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I am very very sad about Michael's death and yes I have cried and even couldn't read the board or news to begin with, but because I am older and have gone through this process before I think it is not as bad for me as for those of you who received your greatest or first lessons of unconditional love from Michael. I know how hard it will be but I can tell you you can get throught it. What Vic is saying is exactly right.
 
M

Mariajoaosilva

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Oh Victoria how beautiful...thank you so much.
I agree with you...we are specials...we know better...we know the truth.
God Bless you my friend.HUGS
 

xthunderx2

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victoria, thank you so much, I believe you have possibly found the meaning in Michael's death. I do believe that you are hurting along with the rest of us. Thank you for putting your feelings out for all to see...also these are possibly our feelings to ( even though some of us dont realize it yet)..I am still to grief stricken to be able to find any comfort on this day. I am sure tomorrow this will make alot more sense to me.
 

TillitsGone

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Reading this was very helpful, but also a reminder of how real this situation is. I still would have never believed, I'd have to witness this tragedy at such an early age. But hopefully one day, I'll truly understand Michael capacity of love and be able to give the same. Thanks Victoria!
 

Seeress

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Thank you so much for writing this Victoria. Thank you so, so, SO much! I can't even begin to tell you how powerful and moving your words are. MJ was a lot of things for a lot of people, but for a lot a fans he absolutely did become a part of our lives. And when that's abruptly taken away... Since his death, I've been grappling with the ideas of where Mike is and how he's affected me and just the meaning of it all. I'm agnostic you see, so I really appreciate you saying "God wanted him back" is not enough. And I doubly appreciate going on to say what else isn't enough - I mean, I've felt the same way. Not only is it good to hear that someone else is in the same boat, but it's even better to hear a meaning in all this.

I learned a lot from MJ before he died, and I've been wondering what I would take away from his death. A friend that I lost some time back had every kind of person at his memorial service. He was a sweet young man who unfortunately took his own life. But what I and many others took away then was that there was something very special in my friend in that he managed to reach so many people and was very kind & non-discriminate. MJ was the same. I'm glad to take away this idea of unconditional love from him too, among many other things.

It'll be a struggle, but I really hope that this wonderful concept will get me through the sorrow and just help me through the healing process. So thank you Victoria for vocalizing your thoughts on it all. I appreciate it!
 
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