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MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
Ever since I had gotten the worst news ever on June 25th at 6:30 pm last year. My old life that I once had just forever died with Michael. The second I had saw the years 1958-2009 on my tv screen. I was once a very happy person who used to really L.O.V.E. life. But it is not like that for me anymore. I can never ever feel happy ever again. That is the one feeling that I really miss and crave the most. But happiness as well as other feelings like that are feelings now I can no longer feel or process. All happiness type feelings has been forever ripped out of me the second I had gotten the news. Now all I feel now is sadness, misery, and deep depression. Because of that depression I am still very much in. I still tend to have suicidal thoughts even now. I have been suffering from clinical depression ever I had gotten the one news I thought I will never have to hear until maybe 30 years or so later. Never did I thought at the age of 29 (I am 30 now) that I will lose the only person that I had ever truly L.♥.V.E. the most in the entire world. I have been a Michael Jackson fan ever since the early 80s. And the one thing I have been finding myself doing something that I thought I will never do. Is questioning myself of why I had to become a fan of his in the first place. I so wish I could go back 25 years ago. And if someone back then would have show me through a crystal ball. Just how painful the lost of Michael Jackson was going to be. I would have never ever stay a fan of his this long. I knew the lost of him was going to be painful but I didn't think excruciatingly painful. I can usually handle pain quite well but this is one pain I can not handle. So tomorrow I am definitely going to spending most of the whole day in my MJ shrine bedroom. In my bed asleep it is really the only way it is going to keep me from thinking what day it really is. Even though I am going to be a real mess when 6:30 pm comes tomorrow. :sad: :boohoo:
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Just remember that we are all here for you when you need to talk. We all understand how you feel because we loved Michael too (and still do). When you say that you wish you hadn't been a fan, just think of all you would have missed out on. I know you are hurting right now, so much, but at least you had all those years of loving Michael and being his adoring fan while he was still here and alive. He knew you loved him, and maybe you helped him because we all did. He knew we loved him, and it gave him strength to get through rough times in his life. You can still see him in your dreams, still love him, still listen to his beautiful music and watch him like you did before. He's still with you! As long as you love him, he will be with you. :better:
 
It's June 25th here & i wished i never woke up this morning.......the pain is just unbearable....I MISS MICHAEL SOOOOOO MUCH!!!
 
Miss you so much Michael :( Its a very sad day :( I can't stop crying... why why why? :( Hugs and L.O.V.E for you all guys. We are not alone remmember this :*
 
I just want to send L.O.V.E to all you guys on this forum right now. You are all such lovely ppl and I am proud to call you my friends.
On another note I am very upset that this day has come 1 yr one from losing Michael. He was the light of my life and I can't believe he has gone. Just remember folks, he is looking down as us all and smiling, although it rips my heart out to think he has left us.
God bless you all! xxx
 
Hey all,
I just wanted to send you my L.O.V.E and hugs :hug:

This morning, when I woke up, I just lay there in bed, staring ahead of me
literally, for like 45 minutes.
Today, I feel so weird. I have experienced days like this before, anniversary's of someones passing... but this is just so different.

I wish we could all be together RIGHT NOW, like...for real.
But I know that through here, this place, this forum ... we are ALSO together.

:flowers: Love to you all!
 
After a very hard seclusion phase I got through and started coming back to life slowly and painfully.
I tried to become active--I needed something meaningful , a purpose to keep me going.
I think I found it.
Today all the memories keep rushing in relentlessly--I don't want to remember what it was like, to feel suddenly life going down the drain no air to breathe nothing at all left to do
Having to start all over
Wondering where I stand
Feeling violently dragged outside of this world
Wanting to let go of the ties

Well it's over but it's horrible to remember. I still don't know why it had to be that way.
 
it's 7am here...i woke up about 20 minutes ago (VERY early for me on a friday morning). i'm listening to a local radio broadcast and they're reflecting back on Michael and the day he died. it took me back to that day and i just started to cry. i was trying not to be sad. it's not fair. :(
 
I went to bed crying and I woke up crying. I really didn't sleep well at all. :weeping:

If we as fans are feeling this pain imagine his children and mother?

God bless them

:hug:
 
I woke up today with a strange feeling. There was just something so weird about waking up on this day. Something so surreal.

There's so many specials, tributes, and programs on today to honor Michael. It makes me wonder if they will do this every June 25th? I truly hope so but for some reason I have a feeling this is a one time thing because it's one year. I think it is just amazing that Michael is being remembered after one year because I remember many people saying, "In a few months, nobody will care anymore."

Watching his videos and seeing him being remembered makes me so happy. I hope we get to see this every year. I don't want to mourn him today, I want to celebrate him. That's what he would want us to do.

Be in peace Michael. I know you're in a much better place. :heart:

How are you all today? I hope well, love you all. :hug:
 
well, i ended up crying a few times this morning. i wasn't sure if i would cry today or not. i was watching his videos on VH1 Soul and i just had to see that darn "Will You Be There" video. i closed by eyes and listened to the lyrics, and the tears just started flowing. by the time it was over, i felt drained. but forced myself to get up, exercise, and get ready for my day. i remember last year i was so depressed i didn't feel like moving that entire weekend. i keep telling myself that i am not going to spend the day depressed, but it's going to be hard.
 
Court.ney.x said:
There's so many specials, tributes, and programs on today to honor Michael. It makes me wonder if they will do this every June 25th? I truly hope so but for some reason I have a feeling this is a one time thing because it's one year.
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I hope so, I really hope so. I'm sure they will, especially if tributes on large scales take place every year on June 25th around the world. That kind of love can't be ignored.
 
Well, today is my bday and i was feeling okay then when i turned on the t.v. a mj tribute with early show all these reporters makes me mad they come across as fake and don't watch tv anymore but what really made my day was seeing all the children at this school expressing their love and admiration for michael :) then i remember his music, fans, kindess is what matters and last forever

p.s. i can't wait for karma to catch up to those who hurted mj in any way
 
billyworld99 said:
Well, today is my bday and i was feeling okay then when i turned on the t.v. a mj tribute with early show all these reporters makes me mad they come across as fake and don't watch tv anymore but what really made my day was seeing all the children at this school expressing their love and admiration for michael :) then i remember his music, fans, kindess is what matters and last forever

p.s. i can't wait for karma to catch up to those who hurted mj in any way
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Aw, happy birthday dear. I hope you have a very good day. Remember today is a day to celebrate. :)

:hug:
 
I feel like this mourning that's going on and our sadness really never ended, that the world has stopped and been stopped. Hard to describe, but I'm sure you all know what I mean.
 
billyworld99 said:
Well, today is my bday and i was feeling okay then when i turned on the t.v. a mj tribute with early show all these reporters makes me mad they come across as fake and don't watch tv anymore but what really made my day was seeing all the children at this school expressing their love and admiration for michael :) then i remember his music, fans, kindess is what matters and last forever

p.s. i can't wait for karma to catch up to those who hurted mj in any way
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This is a day to celebrate your life. So I know it's hard but please try to have a good day for yourself. Happy Birthday.
 
First of all: Happy Birthday Billyworld99
I hope you will still be able to enjoy it.

On 25 June, my world broke apart ( I'd say for us all).
I haven't recovered from the loss, I wonder if I ever will.
I can't describe what Michael meant for me. Really, truthfully. Unimaginable much.
Sadly I encountered mostly incomprehension.
My parents told me that I'm exaggerating the whole thing, to stop making such a fuss.
"He was just an artist. A genius, yes, but still only an entertainer."
They couldn't understand my grief. Don't understand what Michael means for me.
Since I don't have any MJ friends, I was always alone, with my grief, my love.
None of my friends listen to MJ.
But you guys here, made me feel accepted. I dare to speak about my feelings,
knowing you won't ridicule me when I tell you about them.
That I still grief, can't really overcome the loss. I still cry, watching his videos.
For me he isn't only an entertainer.He means so much to me.
He wasn't just a man.
He is the man I have always loved with all my heart.
Since I was a child, I loved him, I adored him.
And he left a big gaping hole in my heart.
This forum, gave me the feeling of understanding. And I'm really happy to be here, knowing you guys feel the same.
You won't laugh when I tell you just how much,I love this man.
Even a year after his death, I can't accept, can't understand that he left this world. The world seems a darker place to me. Everything is grey tinted, the world lost its colours.
Thanks for listening to me.
I love you guys.
I love you Michael.
:cry:
 
I am new and i support all that need it here. If you need anything

I hope i can help you all or a few out
 
I really can't focus on much today. I had to do some errands and was afraid to drive because I can't be focused. I made it through though but I rushed to get what I needed so I could come home.
 
I am so tearful tonight. God I miss him so much.
I am sending everyone huge hugs tonight. Michael is proud of us, and I am trying to celebrate his life. But it's hard.....
 
All I want is Michael here. :cry: The tears have started....I am crying so much that I can hardly see to type :weeping: it's like the first day again...I can't bear the pain...all the tears have come at once... :cry: it's so unbearable....I just listened to 'Hurt' and it's like the floodgates opened. Especially these lines:

'There's nothing I wouldn't do
Do have just one more chance
to look into your eyes
and see you looking back'

and:

'I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
thankyou for all you've done'

:cry: I feel so so desolate right now...and I can't stop sobbing ...cos also it's getting near the time when I had sky news on and the horror of seeing that on that night really killed me inside.It's all come back to me....oh god...

And now it's killing me again...it hurts so much I can hardly breathe :cry: :( :cry: :cry:
 
Annie K. said:
First of all: Happy Birthday Billyworld99
I hope you will still be able to enjoy it.

On 25 June, my world broke apart ( I'd say for us all).
I haven't recovered from the loss, I wonder if I ever will.
I can't describe what Michael meant for me. Really, truthfully. Unimaginable much.
Sadly I encountered mostly incomprehension.
My parents told me that I'm exaggerating the whole thing, to stop making such a fuss.
"He was just an artist. A genius, yes, but still only an entertainer."
They couldn't understand my grief. Don't understand what Michael means for me.
Since I don't have any MJ friends, I was always alone, with my grief, my love.
None of my friends listen to MJ.
But you guys here, made me feel accepted. I dare to speak about my feelings,
knowing you won't ridicule me when I tell you about them.
That I still grief, can't really overcome the loss. I still cry, watching his videos.
For me he isn't only an entertainer.He means so much to me.
He wasn't just a man.
He is the man I have always loved with all my heart.
Since I was a child, I loved him, I adored him.
And he left a big gaping hole in my heart.
This forum, gave me the feeling of understanding. And I'm really happy to be here, knowing you guys feel the same.
You won't laugh when I tell you just how much,I love this man.
Even a year after his death, I can't accept, can't understand that he left this world. The world seems a darker place to me. Everything is grey tinted, the world lost its colours.
Thanks for listening to me.
I love you guys.
I love you Michael.
:cry:
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That was heartbreaking. It's like you're inside my head. Annie I'm sending you a BIG hug, and much LOVE to everyone. It's comforting to know that others care as much about him as I still do. He will ALWAYS be with me and I will never be able to fill the hole that was left in my heart after he died. Love you guys
 
Im as sad as i was one year ago. nothing changed. im just not crying every day.. but thinking about it, is just horrible. jeez i love this man so much. i dont know him and he doesnt know me, but what can i do?? its just the way it is! i LOVE him and i dont know how to deal with his death. i really dont know. :(
 
Thank you GreenBean and I'm sending you a bearhug back.
It really is so nice to know, that there are people that understand you.
You me make feel that I'm not alone.
 
Annie K. said:
Thank you GreenBean and I'm sending you a bearhug back.
It really is so nice to know, that there are people that understand you.
You me make feel that I'm not alone.
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Yeah....it is comforting to know that people feel the same. There are not a lot of MJ fans in my area and the ones that are aren't has hardcore as me.
 
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